Orochimama

Kakashi sat slumped in his chair still picking out the occasional grain of sand from an uncomfortable location. His gaze slid over the meeting room and found most everyone else was in the same boat. Jiraiya's eyes were half-lidded and the only reason the man hadn't already fallen asleep was because his summon, Shima, kept giving him a smack when he'd fall asleep. Shikaku also looked tired, but that was typical. Instead the man was poring over paperwork at the table despite the fact it was almost midnight at this point. The only person looking fresh was Danzo, who seemed to alternate between them with a judging look.

Then, the Sandaime Hokage walked into the meeting, more hunched and tired than Kakashi had seen him in years as he took his place and the meeting truly began.

"Deaths?" The Hokage asked.

"None found." Shikaku answered.

"Injuries?"

"Izumo Kamizuki tripped during the sandstorm and hit his chin. There are also a bunch of complaints about chaffing from the sand." Shikaku answered.

"Really? That's all?" The Hokage asked, sitting up straighter and life visibly flowing back into him.

"Hey! I got pretty beat up." Jiraiya groused.

"Hush up Jiraiya-boy. That didn't count." Shima stated with a smack against the Sannin's arm.

"Does too." Jiraiya muttered under his breath as he crossed his arms.

"Anything stolen?" Sarutobi asked.

"Nothing. In fact, you could say that we just gained access to a bunch of carnival equipment and a circus tent. Technically, we are financially better off if we can find a use for the damn things."

Kakashi wasn't surprised. He saw the end of the fight with Jiraiya. He'd met Orochitama before. He knew that after everything they'd still be scratching their heads about what happened and why.

"Prisoners?" Sarutobi asked.

"Of sorts. The gennin teams from Sound and their Jounin-sensei are still here. We've taken them in for questioning and they've cooperated with everything we've asked." Shikaku practically spat.

"They've been polite? How terrible." Kakashi droned.

"Of course they have, because, technically, Sound still hasn't violated any part of the Chunin exams guidelines agreed upon by the various villages." Shikaku complained. "Hell, the closest party to breaking it was Suna when their Jinchuriki pulled that trick, but he has deniability in being able to say he was trying to help us."

"How went the questioning? Did we find anything actionable?" Danzo asked. Which was hilarious because the man almost certainly already had a report on the event before he was into the room.

"Oh, they're doing a lot of talking. They even admit to being paid by Orochitama, but none of them have so much as confirmed that she has an official relationship with the village outside of paying for this job." Shikaku groused.

"Then interrogate them more severely." Danzo stated firmly, showing why he had asked the previous question.

"We've already got representatives from the other villages asking about what was going on. The Sound Ninja were also grabbed while being surrounded by a bunch of ninja from other villages. We can go farther, but if we do every other village with know it. They'll demand we pay recompense for breaking treaty." Shikaku stated tiredly. "Not to mention the obvious."

"Orochitama implied she'd make us regret it if we don't let her team compete in the exam. If we do anything to bang them up too much, I don't doubt she'd manage to make us regret it." Kakashi stated seriously. That was the problem with S-Class ninja; even alone they could deal major blows to a hidden village and couldn't be ignored, especially if said ninja likely knew quite a few of Konoha's deep dark secrets.

"I do not think we have to fear this new imposter." Danzo stated. The room grew very still at his words.

"You imply much, Danzo." Hiruzen stated.

"I'm not implying, I'm stating with certainty. You all know the character of Orochimaru as well as I. This whole farce would not be anything he would ever dream of. This frivolity would be held with disdain and he certainly wouldn't have gone on stage in the described outfit. That was an imposter." Danzo stated firmly.

"Imposter!? That was Orochimaru! I know Orochimaru; those blocks, the way he used his wind jutsu, how he fought me back. He knew what he was doing. That was him." Jiraiya insisted.

"Oh? Then why has your summon insisted on being in the meeting?" Danzo asked causing Jiraiya to wince.

"Yes, Shima-san. I would be interested in knowing why you insisted on coming." Hiruzen spoke up drawing attention away from Danzo. The best time to watch the man. Not that the old warhawk ever let his face carry a human expression, but there were very subtle tells one could pick up on if you watched him. Muscles tensing under his clothes or relaxing were an indicator of something existing there, though Kakashi had only ever caught it once.

He still wasn't sure if Danzo had specifically let him notice it.

"During the fight, that woman grabbed Pa. The grab was pointless, she could have stabbed him. Not just that, but when she had him at her mercy and he unsummoned himself her weapon stopped before it would have impacted him. If she actually was going for the kill, it would have gone through the space he occupied." Shima's croaked.

"That doesn't prove anything. He could have been trying to take a hostage for us to stand down." Jiraiya said dismissively.

"Take a summon hostage? Jiraiya." Hiruzen's disappointment was palpable.

"With what we know from Anko about Orochimaru having to resign the contract, I think we can safely say that our assumptions about this person aren't going to be valid anymore." Shikaku stated firmly. "They could be some sort of permanent clone experiment, a technique gone wrong, or even just Orochimaru hiring someone to do a massive misinformation campaign against us. We don't know, but just because this Orochitama exists doesn't mean Orochimaru does not."

A thought that made a lot of sense occurred to Kakashi. "Orochitama had mentioned to me in Wave that they had gotten on the bad side of a group of S-Class ninjas. The ones that turned up here most likely. This could be all about sending them chasing after a distraction while he focuses on something else."

The room lapsed into silence. It wasn't a theory brought up yet.

"Why the hell would Orochimaru make a MILF version of himself as a distraction?" Jiraiya asked.

"An accident because brains are complicated?" Shikaku ventured.

"To be more distracting?" Kakashi ventured.

"Or," Hiruzen began, "Orochimaru badly needed this distraction and the only thing Orochimaru feels is truly competent is himself."

"Okay, then why is it a woman and acting nothing like him?" Jiraiya challenged.

"Because if it was the same, it would try to kill the original and take his place." Danzo stated firmly. "A clone of Orochimaru would not stand to be second place to anyone, even himself. He would eventually attempt to claim the top spot for himself."

The room shared looks. This theory was beginning to sound frightfully plausible. If it was true, there were two people with the power and knowledge of Orochimaru running around.

"Yeah. Okay, maybe that's all true, but again I ask, WHY A MILF!?" Jiraya pounded the table.

"To mess with you." Shima spoke up and Kakashi could feel a headache coming on. He was tired of hearing this theory. He highly doubted all this effort was being put in to-

"She admitted as much while fighting you." Shima continued.

Hold up. What now?

"Shima-san. Are you saying that during the fight, this...Orochitama admitted to being a woman to mess with Jiraiya specifically?" Hiruzen asked incredulously.

"Yes!" Jiraiya stood up and sat his foot on the table and pushed his chest out with pride.

"No." Shima cut in, popping the Sannin's bubble. "She seemed surprised herself to realize it, but she admitted at the least that much of the festival had been catered to distract Jiraiya. However, if that was the case that fight would have gone differently."

"How so?"

"The boob-snake wasn't going for kill shots all through the fight. Many times she'd have an attack go slower to give Jiraiya-boy time to block. If she was made specifically for Jiraiya-boy, she would have tried to kill him or at least use her feminine weapons against him. She did not try to flirt or bare herself to him in any way during the fight."

"Hey! Her boobs were hanging out in the open at the end there!" Jiraiya insisted.

Kakashi's breath hitched. That was big.

"Yes. Because you cut her there." Shima responded.

That was huge.

"Yeah, but she still tried to use it to-"

"Jiraiya-sama. Shima-sama. Are you saying that Orochitama DIDN'T try to flirt during the fight?" Kakashi asked as he came to stand.

The two sages exchanged looks before shrugging. "No. Not really."

"You're sure?"

"Uh, yeah? Why?"

"She flirts with everyone. She flirted with me. She flirted with Zabuza. She flirted with that woman that was probably Terumi Mei. Hell, she flirted with Kisame. If she very specifically didn't flirt with you, there has to be a reason."

"Wait. What do you mean I'm the only person she didn't flirt with? Like I'm not good enough?" Jiraiya demanded.

"Perhaps this person, whoever they are, still has Orochimaru's memories. Whatever caused them to exist they remember Jiraiya and because of that memory they didn't want to flirt with him. Combined with the very different personality, this is someone that doesn't share Orochimaru's opinions, but retains his memories."

"So...aside from having poor tastes, what does that make her?" Jiraiya asked.

"Dangerous." Danzo stated immediately, but before he could build steam Kakashi found himself speaking up.

"An opportunity."

Danzo's eye narrowed but he motioned for Kakashi to continue.

"If she has a different attitude and opinion from Orochimaru, that could be something we can use. During my time in Wave, I got the sense that she was trying to reach out and ask for help. We could use that."

"She is unpredictable. She already threatened to attack Konoha. She's a threat that should be neutralized." Danzo glared in challenge.

"She implied she'd attack the village, but I don't buy it. She's gone through too much effort into not hurting Konoha at every turn to change now." The more he talked, the more sure he was. "She's unpredictable because we don't know anything about her and are assuming she's Orochimaru. We've been basing all of our predictions on things that Orochimaru would do, or we would do, but I have a student that has managed to successfully predict her behavior. Every. Single. Time."

The room collectively blinked as they realized that most of the things that had caught them by surprise, Naruto had called earlier and Kakashi had told them as such.

"So you're saying we should just accept her as an ally and trust she has no knife poised at our back just because she gives your student tingly feelings?" Danzo asked as the frown wrinkles on his face deepened.

"No. I'm saying that we consider the possibility that she's not out to kill us all. Which is a challenge because, well, Orochimaru. However, for all the reasons we fear Orochimaru, they are also good reasons to make her an ally. If she can be turned against the enemies of Konoha? It's worth considering." Kakashi finished before returning to his seat.

The room grew quiet. That thought hadn't been one brought up previously. The idea that this woman could genuinely be an ally and a help to them hadn't been considered. It would take a while to sink in.

"It's late. We are tired. We can reconvene tomorrow and discuss this-" Hiruzen began when the door to the room swung open violently.

"Some girl with big knockers is pretending to be Orochimaru and hired me to cure one of her subordinates." The intruder announced.

"Tsunade!?" Jiraiya explained in surprise.

"Oh. You're here." The blonde woman said in disappointment.

Danzo seemed to take that moment to disappear from the room.

"I'm sorry, 'Oh. You're here.' That's all I get?" Jiraiya asked.

"Yeah. That's all you get. Anyways, I made my report. Duty fulfilled, I'm out of here." Tsunade stated before turning to walk back out the door.

"Oh no. This is the first time you've entered Konoha in a decade! You don't get to just walk away!" Jiraiya called as he went to go after his former teammate.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shikaku exclaimed and stood up and, after a very pained expression, began to run after the woman, leaving just Kakashi and the Third Hokage in the room together. A tired yet wistful expression was on the old man's face.

"So, being their teacher never really gets better, does it?" Kakashi asked.

A chuckle shook the Sandaime's form and he stood from the desk and situated the hat on his head. "You have plenty of interesting years ahead of you, Kakashi-kun."

Yeah, that's what he figured.

xxxxxx

"And he didn't even injure anyone?" Rasa asked as he flipped through the report on the recent incident in Konoha.

"No, Kazakage-sama." The messenger stated, despite knowing the question to be rhetorical.

"Impressive." He muttered to himself as he pored over the report. This Orochitama had consistently shown herself to be both impressive and a massive annoyance. Using Gaara to put up a screen to allow her people to retreat was genius beyond the act itself. It implied Sand had a deeper alliance with Sound. Connecting that with some rumors being spread about him gaining a mysterious new mistress and it began to paint a picture very beneficial to Sound. To the point that if he denied a serious connection to the other village people would just believe it stronger.

At the same time, Sand did receive some benefit from this as well. Sound just sat on a major power's doorstep, got cheeky, then walked off without repercussion. Sand being tied to it could be leveraged to increase their esteem. In fact, many clients would assume that it was Sand that had a new puppet state that did it all. Especially since Sand had rich history of stage plays. Were that all not true, the very fact that Gaara had been behaving as well as he had was reason enough for this to have all been worth it. It would all be cause for celebration if not for the fact that Rasa at least knew he'd been played. So much could have gone wrong that he never would have approved of the actions taken, so she just manipulated him into doing them anyways.

A confounding woman, to be sure.

"Anything else to report?" Rasa said as he again looked over the action report.

"Some Daimyos having their regular spats and trysts. Some minor villages have shown some movement. The four other major villages have grown worryingly quiet." The man reported.

"They want someone else to do something so they can see what will happen." Rasa noted. It wasn't unusual, especially considering that no one seemed to know where the hell Hidden Sound village even was aside from, supposedly, someplace in the Land of Rice. Rasa had actually spoken to the woman personally and he still had no idea what her game was aside from the fact she probably wasn't going to attack Konoha.

Probably. She had asked that he make it look like he was moving to attack the Hidden Leaf, but to not commit to it; she was attempting a distraction was the most obvious answer. He couldn't ignore the fact that there might be more in play though. For all he knew, she was going to infiltrate Suna, kill him, and then make his village go to war for real.

War was the last thing Suna needed. They had no true S-Class ninja aside from himself, and possibly Gaara, though the boy was too green to truly lay claim to the position. Should a war happen their only real saving grace at the moment was the fact that their village lies in the middle of an expansive desert on the only source of water for miles. An assault on their village was a logistical nightmare, but despite that, he didn't care for their chances of coming out on top. Perhaps in a few more years when Gaara had a chance to be sharpened more, but for now, war was the last thing they needed.

"Have a message sent out to all our people in the field. Make sure everyone knows to not get involved if any violence starts. They are to retreat rather than fight." Rasa ordered.

"Yes sir!" The ninja responded before exiting.

Once again alone in his office, Rasa's face dipped into a deeper frown.

"What is your plan?" He muttered.

Only silence greeted him.

xxxxxx

Onoki frowned at his paperwork from atop his raised chair. (Raised chair! Not booster seat!) This was not a rare event, but his frown today was severe enough to throw his back out, he just could FEEL it happening soon. Age was catching up with the old Tsuchikage and he knew it, his hair was thinning, his nose had grown bulbus and his squat form liked to give him back pain from a stiff breeze. Still, he had enough fight to keep doing the job.

"So Konoha just let them all get away after saying all that?" He scoffed.

"Well, they've been growing soft for a while, Grandfather." Kurotsuchi stated brashly, drawing a smile to the old man's face, though he hid it quickly.

"It's Tsuchikage while on the job." Came his gruff correction.

"Sorry!"

"Don't count them out on growing soft. Konoha pops out geniuses every few years. Don't underestimate them." Onoki had made that mistake himself too many times. The village had never risen back to its heights from when Madara and Hashirama were both in the village, but no one else had risen that high either. Though Kumo was trying their damndest to lay claim to the position.

"Then those geniuses become everyone else's problem." His granddaughter stated.

Onoki gave out a short laugh. Konoha's S-Class ninja going missing-nin was also a long standing tradition of the village as well he supposed. He knew for a fact that Akatsuki had at least two of its members hail from Konoha. Though considering recent events, that was probably only one now.

"Any other breaking news?" Oonoki asked. His granddaughter had been his runner for the last month and it worked well, having her give him status updates. It meant she could see the way the world was actually working and maybe even one day be Tsuchikage herself.

"Hidden Grass and Hidden Waterfall have been scurrying for a while. They're up to something but no signs on what that is yet." Kurotsuchi responded. "The Pink Canoe, that new shipping business, has suddenly started to build some sort of manufacturing location. Whatever it is, they sunk a bunch of money into it, though we still don't know who their ninja backers are yet."

"Hm. What else? What in the information given seems most important?" Onoki quizzed.

"Sand's assistance with Sound likely means the two are connected. It's possible this Orochimaru, Orochitama, whoever it is, was hired by them to make a spectacle. Or they were working with Sand and using them to some end. Whatever it is, no village seems intent on acting on the information."

"Do you think that might change?" Onoki asked as he picked up his tea cup, gazing at his granddaughter meaningfully.

"Maybe? I mean, Mist could do something random. Konoha might act too, considering it happened to them."

He took a moment to enjoy his tea while he waited to see if she would add anything to that. When she didn't, he suppressed a sigh.

"No. The major player to watch is Kumo." Onoki finally stated.

"Eh? Them? Why?"

"They are the strongest power right now. They are the country everyone has to make sure they don't offend. If a war started between just two villages, Kumo is the one that would win right now. The only reason that Kumo hasn't done anything yet is because it couldn't take us AND Konoha right now, and if they overstep, we'd team up just long enough to make Kumo no longer the biggest threat." Onoki stated. He knew personally. He'd seen it before, though last time it was Konoha that had been the major power and it was Kumo and Iwa that had teamed up.

"Oh. So not only do we not know what's going on with Sound, but we also have to wait until we know what Kumo is going to do about it." Kurosuchi stated with a ponderous expression. "So...what can we do?"

"Us? Nothing." Onoki stated simply, though a devious grin crossed his face. "But that's what proxys are for."

The revealed information about said proxy was disturbing, but with that new revelation their prices might be lower now too. He'd have to be more careful with them, but Akatsuki was too useful a tool to just ignore.

So he began to draft a letter.

xxxxxx

The Fourth Raikage of Kumogakure smiled as he looked at the report in front of him. He was a mountain of a man with dark skin spread over his rippling muscles. He held the name "A" the same as all the Raikages before him, and he could feel the thunderous sound of opportunity echoing in the distance.

"Did Konoha capture anyone?" He asked. It would be vital to act quickly if they did; they would need to demand concessions from Konoha for violating the treaty if they overstepped their bounds.

"Not as far as we can tell." Mabui, his prim and proper assistant stated, leafing through her own stack of reports.

"Hm. Keep watch. That might change." He ordered as his mind raced with possibilities. If Konoha attacked Orochimaru and lost some of their higher ranked ninja then Kumo could potentially take Iwa and Konoha at the same time. Konoha was years away from having a powerful jinchuriki and the only powerful ninjas that seemed to stay in the damn village weren't the sort that could stand up to A or his brother, hell, not even Darui. He just needed an angle.

"So? Any other news? This was a big show, was it hiding something else?"

"Nothing obvious. Mist seems unsteady, but that has been their norm for a while. The Pink Canoe, that new trade company, has been snatching up engineers and artists. We're working on figuring out why still. The Daimyo of Valley Country is meant to marry the daughter of the Daimyo of Hill Country. The wedding is being rushed, so that might mean the woman is pregnant and they want things done quickly. Suna has begun to move on Konoha but their movements are odd." Mabui reported.

The actions of the trade company were odd, but nothing very alarming. Still, he had to wonder what would require both engineers and artists in great numbers. The Daimyo having their regular drama was also barely worthy of note. He'd be surprised if Waterfall and Grass noticed any changes with their Daimyos at all.

"Have people watch Sand. See if we can encourage them to start things, though nothing that couldn't be denied later. Mist is what is most volatile right now though. If this woman claimed to make a shift in power, it is most likely to be Mist or Sand." The Raikage ordered.

"Yes, Raikage-Sama. Also, it appears your brother found out about the event. He has put in a request to, and I quote, 'make damn sure he's able to go see the show if it comes back around.'" Mabui stated, stumbling slightly over the second word of the quote.

"Well he can stuff it! Such a thing would be a prime place for a trap and he doesn't need to be sticking his nose in it."

"Yes. He said that if you responded that way to inform you that, ah, 'I'll just go myself when I hear about it.'" Mabui finished sheepishly.

The desk splintered in front of him as he slammed a fist down onto it. "Who the hell did he think he was sending a message to!?"

"Raikage-sama, please, it isn't even happ-" Mabui began but was cut off by her boss crashing through the windows of the office, apparently going off to discipline his brother.

Mabui just sighed and made a note to have the Raikage brought a new desk and to repair the windows in his office.

Again.

For the fifth time this month.

Well, it was a living.

xxxxx

Terumi Mei swallowed thickly as she kept her head bowed. The Mizukage had been watching her closely ever since she came back from the mission in Wave. Her absence had been noted as suspicious and the Mizukage had been keeping her close. Now, the report about her coconspirator was being examined and the silence was beginning to stretch for a worrying amount of time after she had brought it to him.

She chanced a glance up, but the child like face of the Mizukage just stared at her with cold purple eyes. Purple like vibrant bruise or an aging corpse. Mei hurriedly looked away, and suppressed a shudder. She didn't even see the report on his desk anymore, he was just staring at her.

Did he know? Did the report give something away? She would need to prepare for the attack, his Coral Release had to travel the distance between them and-

"Mei." He croaked, causing Mei to tense in her bowed position. "Tell our people to support Konoha in the conflict if Sound attacks."

Mei's head shot up in surprise. "Would it not be better for Konoha to be weakened?"

Fighting Konoha would be a risky move, but supporting them? It would make more sense to just step back and let them fight. There was only one reason he would give the order to support them. The Mizukage wanted Sound to be wiped out.

"Yes, Mizukage-sama." She stated firmly.

"Go." He ordered.

Mei complied quickly. Shuffling out of the room as fast as she could.

His order only made sense if Yagura wanted one thing. He wanted to take out Sound, but why? Did he know they had teamed up?

She would have to keep her distance from the other members of the Rebellion for now, but soon...soon they'd have their day. A day when the Mists would not be soaked in blood.

Soon.

xxxxx

I walked back into Hidden Sound tired and sore but not worse for wear. This particular facility wasn't one that most of the ninjas would be retreating to. It was far too precious to risk enemies finding it, especially with Guren gone. I had a lot I needed to do, but I could afford to take a little while before moving again. I had time to check in on my greatest investment.

"Orochitama!" Dozens of voices yelled as I stepped into the nursery and in moments I was almost blown off my feet by a typhoon of tykes.

"Is Guren back?"

"Did you get us something?"

"Can you sing for us?"

"I got to the potty!"

"Why do girls have boobies?"

I suppressed a laugh at the tide of question and glanced quickly around the room. Nono stood nearby, watching the door and myself like a hawk before occasionally glancing over to Kimimaro. The bone user stood easy with no hint of difficulty breathing nor an unsteady shake of his limbs; he stood whole and healthy. The sight filled my heart with joy.

I flopped onto the floor and crossed my legs under me and gazed at all the children whose life I had saved as Orochitama.

And who I had damned as Orochimaru.

I pushed the thought from my head with a shake before grabbing the nearest child and situating them in my lap and speaking, "Ara ara! Sounds like so much happened! Tell me one at a time, what happened while I was away?"

The children gave their report. Daiki had apparently mastered coloring in the lines, Sota had learned that girls didn't have jewels and demanded that it be fixed, Raiha was upset that she was hungry but also refused to eat, and all of them had learned a new song and wanted to sing it for her.

Very serious business, don't you know?