Of All Things, I Became a Crow

*Rainelle’s POV

I shivered under that gaze and opened my mouth hurriedly,

"Well, well then, I'll go to my room and rest."

"...You can stay a little longer."

It felt like the low-pitched voice ran along my spine. Not because it was scary, but because it was seductive.

Karmeut reached out and grabbed my arm as if he had something more to say. His grip was gentle, but it was strong enough so that I couldn't break free.

“You have always used your crow form and it is quite rare for you to be human. It’s okay to leave after a while, you know.”

"...Um, no, I don't want to disturb you, Karmeut."

"As I said before, you can interrupt me a little."

While saying “So, don't worry”, he kissed the back of my hand. We were so close.

It seemed like he would say and do something that made me not want to go.

It was not that I’m not shy. It was something that he wanted, and I don't hate it either, but…

"...I'm really sorry, I have a few things to think about..."

"...Really? Okay, I got it."

He seemed regretful, but Karmeut let go of my arm.

I thanked him and smiled.

"Then... I'll go back to my room."

After saying “Work hard”, I returned to my crow form. I sat on his shoulder and rubbed his cheek with my beak. Then I can feel a hand gently stroking my wing.

After accepting the gentle touch, I flew off his shoulder. Then I flew through the open window.

Being alone, many thoughts came to my mind.

---The biggest problem, after all, is my incompetence.

...If I had known that my mind will be a mess as soon as I’m alone, I would have stayed with Karmeut… No, no, then Karmeut might have noticed. I didn't want to bother him when he was still so busy. ---Especially because I am the cause of that.

I just want to see Myrdin-nim and the crow as soon as possible. If he’s a crow over 60 years old, he would have known something more, right? Just like the male crow who knew about the black bird.

***

I thought that time would not pass quickly because of the frustration and anxiousness, but it was not so. Or was it because Karmeut had come back from work unexpectedly early? ---I do not know.

"I'm back, Rainelle."

"Welcome, Karmeut. ...did you finish work early today too?"

He smiled instead of answering. Only after approaching me did he open his mouth,

"I've contacted Myrdin-nim. ---it will take about a week."

"...uh? Why?"

“For research, Myrdin-nim is now not in the Capital. Actually, if space jump is used, it would be no problem even if it’s far… but there is something that can only be done at this time of year. That's why he said it’s a week later at the earliest."

"...I see."

A week... definitely not a long time. But it wasn't a short time either. Maybe it’s because I have realized my situation clearly.

Without realizing it, my hands formed fists. Not long after I bit the inside of my mouth to hide my anxiousness, I felt warmth on my cheek.

"...what happened?"

As I lifted his head, Karmeut’s eyes which were filled with concern entered my field of vision.

---Seeing that, I smiled.

"Oh, no! There’s nothing."

See, I’m smiling brightly, just like usual. Don't worry.

At those words, he furrowed his brows. His hand, which had been caressing my cheek, moved slowly.

I said again,

"...it's nothing."

His fingers brushed my lips. The serious, gentle eyes seemed to be examining my complexion.

"...what's wrong? Tell me."

I thought for a moment as he looked like he had no intention of backing down if I didn't speak.

Should I say it or not? But things happened because of me… Is it right to say it? I don't know if I'm going to make more trouble regarding the nobles if I say it…

"I'm fine---!"

"Rainelle."

The golden eyes darkened. I inadvertently held my breath at the gaze that seemed to glisten and burn like gold melted by heat.

"Tell me. Who is it?"

It sounded like he was convinced I was acting like this because of someone else.

...and the problem was that it was true.

---Karmeut, why do have such a good intuition? Oh, is it because you’re a wolf? But your real self is human.

I was lost in thought for a while, but then I came back to reality. It was because the increasingly heavy air seemed to show how worried and caring he was.

"The reason why you wanted to meet Myrdin-nim is also strange. ...But I didn't want to ask you because you didn’t seem to want to tell me... But now, I need to know. So tell me, who is it?"

The way he looked when he said the last part was terrifying. It was a gaze that seemed to say that he won’t hesitate to tear his foe to pieces.

It was enough to make me tremble even though the gaze wasn’t directed at me.

Realizing my fear, Karmeut’s gaze eased slightly.

"Please."

Karmeut sounded so desperate, so I opened my mouth without realizing it,

"...I, I mean... I said it before, that I don’t want to stay as a baby who always needs protection…”

"Yeah, you said that."

"---Karmeut sees me as a partner, right? That's why you said I’m the next Empress, right?"

"Yes. You are the only one who can be by my side."

Karmeut spoke with confidence without even a moment's hesitation, and a smile appeared on my lips involuntarily.

"And,"

"...yes?"

"A baby is something to be protected unconditionally, while a partner is not something to be protected. Partners help each other and work together. ---But Karmeut thinks of me as a being that you have to always protect."

"...that’s…"

"I know. It was because I was kidnapped by Luwellin. ---But, if I had power, I wouldn't have been kidnapped."

At those words, Karmeut went quiet. Seeing that, I ended up having to spill the beans,

"Since you became Emperor, there are many works because of me too, right?"

Karmeut shook his head.

"No. The person who leads a country has many responsibilities and duties. A lot of work is the way it is."

"...can you swear that your work didn’t increase because of me?"

Karmeut didn't answer. He shut his mouth and avoid my gaze slightly. ...Which made me laugh.

"As expected, I’m always being protected."

"Rainelle, this is how humans are. So it's not unreasonable that you don't understand---"

"The crows have no empress…"

Karmeut’s eyes trembled.

“So when I become the Empress, it’s when I am a human, not a crow, right?”

He didn't answer. No, he couldn't. He reached out and tried to grab my shoulder, but his hand slowly went down.

"...what happened? Rainelle."

"Yeah. I can't say there’s nothing."

“Did you think you wanted to be strong because of that?”

"It's true that at least I thought that if I stayed like this, I would become a stumbling block to Karmeut."

As I said “I can't be protected forever. I don’t want that”, I looked straight into his eyes.

Karmeut was silent. Then a faint smile appeared on his lips.

"...you’re strong, Rainelle."

"Do I look like that?"

"Yeah. Well, even when Luwellin was in the form of a wolf, you bravely jumped at him."

After saying that, Karmeut burst into laughter and took me to the sofa. When we sat comfortably, he asked a question,

"How do you want to be strong?"

"...I honestly don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Yeah. I’ve no such thing as lineage, social power, money, or anything like that. There's no way crows have anything like that. I like shiny things even when it’s just a piece of glass, not jewels."

It’s true. Of course, it's best to have those things, but I can't get them, so I have to give up. --No, maybe there’s a little chance of getting money? I think it will make some money if I find and sell Crobanlock… But since it was said that it was pieces of the black bird’s eggshell, selling it seems like blasphemy. Let’s pretend that’s impossible.

"But wouldn't it be okay if I’m strong? If I have the power that no one can say anything about."

"---Rainelle, of course, what you say may be the meaning of being a 'partner' for animals. Whether one has one mate for the rest of their life, or they look for a different mate every breeding season, I know that animals work together to raise their young."

...Um, strictly speaking, there are a lot of animals that only lay eggs and do nothing more for their children.

"But people are different. Both sides are not necessarily equal, and just because they have no power doesn't mean they aren’t partners. There are times when one side protects and vice versa, so Rainelle, you don’t have to think that you must have power."

"...but it's better for Karmeut if I’m powerful."

“If something even a little bit happens to you in the process, you don’t need that power.”

Strength entered his fists.

"I don't know what you heard or who said what. But, I can say this with confidence: there is no one higher or stronger than me in this Empire. I can protect at least one person of mine."

His eyes shone even more intensely. No, it wasn't just that. It was shimmering strangely for some reason.

"I don't know what someone said, but there will be no one who will not recognize you as the next Empress. I will make sure of that at all costs."

...No one…?

"...what method are you going to use?"

Karmeut laughed. I was sure as he smiled and avoided my eyes.

Ahh! Why!! You were a wise Emperor in the original game!! But why are you trying to fall into the path of a tyrant?! Of course, things can change because I am here, but they shouldn't change suddenly! What do I want power for?!

I felt more crisis now than when I had overheard the nobleman’s conversation or when a stone almost hit my head. It felt like an alarm was ringing in my head, so I had to rush,

"Nothing will happen."

"We don't know about that. It would be better to clean up the source altogether."

Do you want to have the nobles sit down and do a sword dance?! That's the only image that comes to mind, but anyway?! If you cut off all of the nobles, there will be a huge backlash, man!!

I felt dizzy when I imagined the future

Ugh, of course, beating the person who opposes is the cleanest and most convenient way... but it's the early days of the ascension! It hasn't even been a year yet!! But as soon as you climb up, you try to point a sword at the nobles?! You will ruin your image! Think of that, you Emperor!!

"That's not allowed."

"I can't leave a single being that threatens you."

"No one threatens you."

"Even though I said that you’re the next Empress… I can’t believe there is someone who still dares to defy. We don't need such people..."

"Karmeut!"

When I raised my voice reflexively, he finally stopped speaking. His nonchalant behavior gave me goosebumps.

Of course, it was not like I haven’t seen Karmeut killing something. Because I was there when he killed the leopard, and also Luwellin. ---But that was the situation when it was kill or be killed.

It was unfamiliar to me when it was still not certain that there was no other way. Of course, him thinking of me as very important was a good thing, but...

"I wished I had the strength because I didn't want Karmeut to do that..."

If I had known you would react like this, I wouldn't have said it.

A sense of regret flooded in.

I got up from my seat and looked at Karmeut. Watching his shaking eyes, I sighed briefly,

"If I had known this would happen, I wouldn't have told you..."

"No, Rainelle, I'm just..."

"I know you said that for me ...but I hate that."

As if he tried to say something, he opened his mouth, but then he closed it again. He finally sighed and nodded his head,

"...Yeah, okay. I won't do that."

"...Good. It's not because those people are precious or anything like that. I'm just doing this because I'm afraid that Karmeut will have a hard time because of them."

This is sincere. I'm not going to say something like, "Don't kill people," and "Where are human rights?". I know this is a world where killing can be done if necessary.

However, the timing is very bad now. And the way to becoming a tyrant is the worst! I have to prevent him from becoming one no matter what!

I had turned the gears in my head as much as I could to convince Karmeut.

...Ughh, I've never been more resentful of my intellect than this!

I don’t wish for anything else! Just bring it back to the original level of intelligence!!

***