Natasha the Halve

The paper contained the following information:

'Lady Natasha:

With the help of Clerics from the Church, we've successfully interrogated Sussanna and concluded she was under no mind-controlling spell or curse. I believe you can infer what this means.

She recounted the meeting with the Changeling, who introduced themselves as 'Yugulari Thavas Pneumix'. Naturally, you can draw your own conclusions.

Paarjo has been informed of your permission to terminate those who wish to claim your life. As a Warrior, and, more importantly, a Protector, I'm sure you'll make the right decisions.

I truly hope this information helps you in closing a few gaps you might have overlooked.'

I stored the thing and took a deep, calming breath. A slight anger was rising.

This bitch, I swear to... Danuva or whatever, I hissed in my mind, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead. I'm not Sherlock fucking Holmes, you litter-box using moron! SPELL IT OUT! This Yugulari motherfucker is obviously an alias!

I had expected more than a ridiculous name, but it still was more than nothing.

“As an Archer, I mainly use a bow,” Pokora continued after everyone did their class-introducing business. “I have tracking skills from my Hunter class, which helped me a lot on my travels. I can expertly handle projectile weapons of various types, and my aim is incredibly accurate.”

I chose to distract myself by listening on what they talked about.

“Were you part of the 'Gyk'el repelling efforts' back in 1971?” Lapia asked, a small smile on her face.

“Yeah,” Pokora replied with a nod. “That was my last gig for the army, actually. It was pretty disturbing.”

“I bet,” Lapia said back, a rarely-seen serious expression accompanied the words.

“Didn't Nilenna show up, though?” Alyssa asked, looking to the side. “Our order is here.”

The waitress placed our order on the table and left.

I grabbed my Oloya juice and took a sip and the natural sweetness of the fruit filled my mouth. It reminded me of Lapia's kisses, and I felt my face heat up. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

“Yes, she did,” the Archer answered with a frown, sipping on her beverage. “She showed up, killed everything, then left. It was pretty enlightening. We struggled for weeks, and fortunately didn't suffer any losses thanks to the Clerics. She just... deleted them from the mortal realm in a few hours.”

You go, big sis, I thought with a chuckle.

“Was she accompanied by anyone?” I asked.

I can't possibly be the only Halve since Perculis to have companions.

“She was,” Pokora gave me a nod. “Two Orks she met in Patuk, where she first showed up two thousand years ago.”

“Ho...” I breathed out in surprise and drank a bit of juice.

Big sis, indeed.

“If I'm not wrong, their names are Boris and Vadim,” Bonte commented.

I choked on my drink, then laughed while coughing.

“Are you serious?” I asked him between coughs.

“I may have butchered the pronunciation, but I think those are their names,” he confirmed, a confused smile on his face.

“No, you're right,” Yolin said with a nod. Then turned to me, “What's so funny?”

I noticed Pokora looking at me with a confused face as well.

“Nothing,” I said with a chuckle while cleaning my mouth with a napkin. “Silly things.”

That's just poetic, I thought with a smile.

“What are your goals?” Bromisnar asked the new member, his pink eyes analyzing her.

“I'm looking for something,” Pokora replied, looking down at her glass. “I haven't found much, but there's hope.”

Her eyes met mine for an instant, then looked back at Bromisnar.

Yeah, real subtle, I scoffed in my mind.

The Satyr nodded, grabbing his own glass and drinking.

“Well, we're heading to Paarjo after the Aphelion,” Lapia informed Pokora. “We have some business with the King.”

“With the King?” Pokora repeated in disbelief, then looked at me, “You're going to heal him? But you're a Warrior, right?”

“Ah, right,” I nodded, remembering I hadn't told her my classes. “My classes are Hoplite, Lancer, and Dragoon. All spear based. I may have something that can help with his... condition.”

“But he's just ill, isn't he?” she insisted, her brows knitting in confusion.

I produced the Royal letter and gave it to her.

“Give it a read,” I muttered, nodding at the thing. “Don't react too much, though.”

“Alright?” she replied, taking the letter. Her eyes widened a little as she went over the contents. “I see,” she muttered when she finished, returning the item. “This is really poorly written.”

I stored it and gave her a knowing look.

“See?” I wiggled my eyebrows. “Besides, where did you read that he's ill?”

“The newspaper, of course,” Pokora replied with a shrug.

I cringed.

Lapia laughed, Alyssa giggled, and the rest chuckled.

“You should've seen Natasha's reaction when she read the interview Lady Dabrak wrote!” Yolin rejoiced, laughing with a big smile.

“It was quite something,” Pokora chuckled. “I read it back home.”

I just focused on my juice to avoid the conversation about how everyone on the continent knew my name and me being a 'woman of action and decision'. Instead, I thought about Lapia's kisses as I drank.

I glanced at my girlfriend's mouth and followed the movement of her tongue as she licked her soft pink lips clean after a sip of her drink. The rest continued talking about themselves, continuing with the introductions and mentioning their likes and all the jazz that comes with adding a new member to the party, something we hadn't done in a while.

Lapia's lips had my full attention by then, the Elf's mouth looked positively inviting. Her plump, full lips made me lick my own, with a tiny bite at the end. My mind got flooded with the many things we'd done and said behind closed doors the last two months, and my face heated up. Just remembering how dirty the Elf talked in the sack forced a smile on my face.

I heard a crack coming from my mouth and noticed I was biting on the glass. I made a small crack due to my thirst-drown thoughts, and I my face burned with the strength of ten suns.

Carefully looking around, I sighed in relief as nobody noticed. I finished the drink and put the glass back on the table, then covered it with a napkin to hide the crack.

Well... this is embarrassing, I thought, feeling the heat from my face reach my ears. Luckily I just glow when I blush, and it's... eleven in the morning. Thank all above!

I covered my face with a hand and let out a quiet groan of exasperation. The horny was showing up. I really wanted to get to Paarjo as soon as possible. For... various reasons.

Be honest, Natasha, I told myself. You want to get fucked by them. Don't lie, girl.

I let out a defeated laugh. Controlling my anger was easier than controlling my lust.

“How does that sound?” Yolin asked, nudging my knee.

I turned to her, and noticed everyone looking at me.

“Ehem,” I cleared my throat. Then, I tried to play it cool, “What was that? I wasn't listening.”

“We'll be having lunch back at the cabin,” the Oni said in Orkish, making sure I understood every word she said. “Lapia is going to make some fried fish with the Punites we caught yesterday.”

“Fried fish?” I asked back in Orkish, a little unsure. “Isn't that full of bad oil?”

“Bad oil?” she repeated, her eyes widening. “It's the same oil Lapia uses for cooking, and the same you use when you make your... pancakes.”

Yeah, she didn't like my pancakes either. Lapia is my only ally. Even Bromisnar criticized them. Bonte didn't even give them a try.

“Oh, okay,” I replied. “Not sure why you need my input on that, though?”

“Just asking,” she said with a smile, and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Mind speaking in Common, so we all understand?” Lapia asked with a smirk.

I looked at her lips and felt my face burn hotter.

“Sounds great,” I replied.

“That's that, then,” Pokora declared.

Thus, we left the cafe. I made sure to place a gold coin next to the cracked glass as an apology, of course.

---

“Natasha,” Bonte calmly said. “You need to respect the fish.”

We were back at the cabin, and I was helping the Tigea clean the fish for Lapia to cook. We stood in front of a table on the backyard, with the dozen Punites we caught laid on it. Removing the scales was the harder thing to do since it required more than stabbing. A gentle rain fell on us, but we didn't mind since we could shower right before eating.

“Gently run the knife over the side, and the scales should come off with no problem,” he continued the lesson. “Like this, watch.”

I look at his hands and he did a single, fluid motion that cleanly removed the scales which fell on the table. I noticed he positioned the edge in a way that didn't make sense to me: he used the back of the knife to do it.

“Alright,” I nodded.

Learning things is fun, and butchering animals for consumption is an important skill to have since there's no restaurants everywhere we go, especially inside dungeons. And killing outside a dungeon means the corpse will decompose with nothing to eat it.

I thought back on the Me'ik and kept quiet as I gently ran the knife over the skin.

The Punite was a meter long green-ish fish with spiky whiskers and teeth for some forsaken reason. They reminded me of shark teeth, but smaller. They were around level twenty, fortunately.

“Good,” he praised with a nod. Then continued as he showed me, “Now, we cut it. Grab the side fin and make a diagonal cut until you feel the spine. Then, turn your knife and cut all the way until you reach the dorsal fin, that means we passed the rib cage. Use the first three centimeters of the knife. Punites have poisonous organs, so you need to be careful or the meat goes bad. Now cut through and continue to the tail.”

I watched in amazement. Bonte was incredibly accurate and quick. I may have missed a lot if I blinked.

“Now, we use the first ten centimeters of the knife and barely push. Let the knife do the work,” he explained, cutting the fish. “If you feel the ribs, relax your grip and the blade will take the path of least resistance. If you break the ribs and damage the organs, the fish goes bad. This way, we have this nice fillet.”

He turned to me, smiling and showing me a beautifully cut slab of fish.

“Wow,” I sighed with a nod. “You're pretty good.”

“What can I say,” he gloated with a shrug. “I need to save a lot of money so I don't usually buy food.”

“I see,” I replied, copying his movements. “Smart man.”

I carefully went about it, imitating his movement. The spine felt like paper after cutting air, but I managed to stop there. Then, I continued to the tail, avoiding the rib cage. As I let the knife 'do the work' I ended up with a really juicy whitish pink fillet.

Bonte clapped.

“Nice job, Natasha,” he praised with a smile. “You're a quick learner.”

“Thanks!” I replied with a big smile.

“Now, we remove the skin,” he announced, grabbing his fillet.

“What?” I blinked a few times. “Then why remove the scales?”

“Because they have a slimy coat that tastes like piss,” he explained with a chuckle. “If we open the fish and the slime gets inside, the fish will go bad.”

“Ahh!” I exclaimed in understanding. “Got it.”

“Show me your hands for a second, please,” he suggested, opening his hands wide for me to place.

I did and he inspected my fingernails.

“Hmm... two and a half centimeters,” he muttered. “Should work. Okay, next. Separate the skin from the meat with your fingernails, then use the knife to remove the rest.”

He stabbed the fillet with his index finger's claw and cleanly separated the skin. Then, he stabbed the skin with the same claw and used the knife to cut the rest. Just as he said.

I was a little too surprised, but did as told.

We ended up with two fillets each after repeating the process with the other side of the fish.

“Good progress,” he said with a nod, moving the fillets to the side of the table. “Now, we have ten more to go.”

“Alright, bring it on,” I cheered, excited to help in making lunch.