Natasha the Halve

“Heya, Your Excellency,” she greeted me with a big smile and stopped in front of us. “Six Fists of the North.” She gave Yolin a nod, then to Pokora. “Hi.”

I rested my hands on my hips and arched an eyebrow, then appraised her.

[Celez Human, Lvl 203 Preserver]

Silence stretched for a few seconds.

She cleared her throat. “Uh.. My name is Caron Binnion , Your Excellency.”

I tilted my head. “Who?” I asked.

The Human's eyebrows joined, and her face betrayed how awkward she felt. “We, uhm... met yesterday?” she clarified, wringing her hands. “In the shared bath?”

“No,” I scoffed, shaking my head. “Who the fuck asked?”

“Pfft!” Pokora covered her mouth and looked away.

Yolin straight up laughed. Full belly, head to the back, hugging her sides laugh.

“Oh,” she uttered, and the moment her expectations broke was visible on her face. “No, well... certainly, nobody asked,” she sadly pointed out.

“You made a very shitty first impression,” I told her, then sighed while running a hand through my hair. “And that was a bit mean of me. But do you honestly think you're fucking funny? Going into the bath with a whole ass group of people? And to what? Interrupt my shower with all that fucking noise?” I chastised her.

Pokora nodded. “Yeah,” she agreed.

The Human looked uncomfortable.

I sighed. “Anyway, I hope you get my point.”

“I do,” Caron confirmed with an awkward nod. “Sorry about that.”

I nodded, looking her up and down. “Now, if you'll excuse us,” I finished and walked past her.

A couple of Elves reached her and rubbed her back while saying something.

Yolin put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a nod. “You're pretty strict,” she commented. “I like that.”

“I mean,” I huffed and rolled my eyes. “A bath is no place to do what she did,” I insisted.

“Eh,” Pokora let out an unsure sound. “You're overreacting.”

“Anyway,” Yolin interjected. “We came to work out, didn't we?”

Pokora and I nodded, then went into the plaza.

The Archer produced the bow I gave her earlier and walked off to the dummies.

Yolin pulled my hand and guided me to a basked with chains, then got two out. “These are better than mine,” she commented with a smile. “I'll finally get to see how much you can lift.”

I nodded, interested in the limits of my strength. “Is that why you haven't let me use yours?” I inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“Mine are old,” she explained. “And are set to weight two hundred tonnes,” she lamented.

I did a double take. “Pardon?” I blurted out.

The Oni put a thick chain across her shoulders and showed me the other. “You are a Warrior and a Halve,” she pointed out the obvious. “So, you should be able to lift around... six or seven hundred tonnes, maybe more if I'm wrong.”

I whistled and looked around.

Pokora was standing next to a few Archers and aiming at a dummy a good distance away. She released the ethereal-looking projectile and, to my absolute surprise, the thing split into ten smaller arrows in mid-air and hit the target.

“Now,” Yolin said, nudging my shoulder. “I'll teach you how to use these.”

“Okay,” I agreed and gave her my undivided attention. “But I'm not so sure about the six hundred tonnes. Let's start low.”

She shrugged. “Okay. You see, Natasha, these chains have quite the number of fun enchantments. The first one you should know about influences the gravitational pull the planet has on them. I'm being incredibly simplistic here since the full workings of it aren't really important,” she explained.

I raised my eyebrows. “That sounds really interesting, I won't lie,” I chuckled. “Go on.”

“The second one,” she said and her eyes shone with white light.

The chain slowly straightened until it was a solid line.

“Is this,” Yolin continued. “Lifting moving parts can be dangerous so you have to make it rigid. You might injure your back if you're not careful. It hurts a lot... like, a fucking lot,” she specified with a very serious face. “You can get it healed by a cleric but I doubt we'll find one that can heal Halves, so be very careful not to pull anything.”

“Right.” I nodded.

“There are more enchantments, but these are the only ones that really matter to us right now,” she educated me and walked to a free spot. “Come here and lets begin.”

I followed her to a perfectly horizontal spot in the plaza.

Quite the number of people were doing their thing, lifting chains in various ways while grunting and huffing.

Among them, the Minotaur I saw yesterday was exercising with a thick chain.

I moved my head to the side to get a better view of his pants and see if I could get a glimpse of his meat, for research purposes.

Yolin blocked my eyes with a hand and pulled me by the neck. “Hey,” she hissed in a low voice. “You're doing the same thing the Human did!” she accused me.

I turned to her and felt my cheeks burn. “You're right,” I muttered in realization and bit my lips. “I was at least quiet about it, though,” I joked with a shrug.

The Oni arched an eyebrow, not amused in the slightest.

“Sorry,” I apologized, looking away with a fair share of shame. “I don't have any excuse.”

“Damn right, you don't,” she sighed, then shook her head. “Follow me, and don't try to peek at others.”

I nodded and did as told.

When we reached our destination, Yolin handed me a chain. “Push E'er while thinking of the amount of strength you want to train with. Let's try with your full strength first,” she instructed me.

I took the chain, gave it an unsure look, then looked at Yolin. “Are you sure? Wouldn't that much create a pull of its own? What if it's too much and a black hole opens up?”

Yolin's lips trembled for a few seconds, fighting laughter.

I sighed. “I guess it doesn't work like that,” I chuckled. “Okay, I'll go full strength, then.”

The Oni stood behind me and grabbed my hips. “Spread your legs, and push your butt my way,” she told me while giggling.

My eyes widened and I turned my head. “Right here?” I blurted out in surprise and disbelief, then continued in a whisper, “There's a lot of people, Yolin. I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't mean to kink shame you or anything. It's just not my thing.”

Yolin laughed for a while, still holding my hips. “Noo!” she managed to say. “It's the posture to lift!” she corrected my misunderstanding.

It clicked in my head and I sighed. “Ahh.... I see. My bad. I don't know what's going on with me today.”

“Aayyy...” she let out a long sigh and chuckled. “Okay, get rid of your shoes.”

For free? I wondered and looked around. I bet there's people who would pay good money to see my feet. I chuckled to myself and stored my shoes, then changed my clothes to an ensemble more fitting to exercise in.

“We're going to do a deadlift, okay?” Yolin informed me. “If the chain is too heavy make sure to store it right away, or let go. You can drink an elixir if you get injured, too.”

I nodded.

“Now, spread your legs and push your butt my way,” she chuckled, probably still laughing at my mistake. “So dumb,” she whispered to herself.

I did as told, and my girlfriend guided me to the correct pose.

She walked around me and got into position herself, then grabbed the chain as if it was one of those bars people did heavy lifting with back on Earth. “Grab the chain like this.”

I nodded and did as told, then injected E'er into the thing to make it rigid.

“Now, think of your full strength,” she instructed me with eyes full of curiosity.

I nodded. 5400 strength, I thought while injecting E'er into the chain. “Done,” I told her.

“Now, lift like this,” she instructed with a big smile and straightened her back and legs. “Full hip and knee extension.”

I nodded and copied her. “HNNGG!” I huffed and lifted the chain in one go.

Then came the answer as to how we would know how much I could lift.

“Nine. Hundred. Seventy. Two. Tonnes.” An obviously chopped up recorded voice came from the chains.

I let go of the chain and fell on my ass. “WHAT?!” I shouted in disbelief.