Natasha the Halve

Pokora stored the bow and let out a sigh. “I had a weird dream last night,” she muttered.

I arched an eyebrow. “About?” I inquired with a fair amount of interest.

“Well, it was more like a nightmare,” she chuckled to herself. “It was 2032, and I was back at the Olympic Games where I got my gold medal,” she started.

I nodded, a bit relieved.

“The whole thing happened the same as I remember, but when my turn came up...” she sighed. “Chris Hansen interrupted the entire thing and asked me to take a seat in front of everyone.”

My eyebrows joined in confusion. Who? I wondered.

Pokora continued, “He asked me why I was meeting up with a minor and questioned my intentions. I was confused since didn't know what he was talking about, but everyone was looking at me like I was a criminal. The dude then summoned my parents out of thin air to question me and shit, but I couldn't speak so things escalated. A recording of last night played for everyone to see, then my parents started crying. He told me you were two months old and then everyone started calling me a child predator.”

“What?” I blurted out in surprise.

“Suddenly,” Pokora kept going. “King Charles showed up in a limo and told me to get inside,” she sighed and shook her head. “I went in and we blasted through the venue into the Australian desert to escape. I somehow was able to speak and asked him what the fuck was going on. He told me the Royal Family would help me fight the charges since it wasn't their first time, and I was like family to them because I was born in the UK.”

I slowly covered my mouth, pulling the edges of my lips down to fight the smile.

“Then,” the Elf continued. “Koalas riding Kangaroos caught up to us, throwing snakes and spiders into the limo, making King Charles cry for help.”

“Gross,” I commented.

“I know!” she sighed loudly. “Then, the little dark window that separates the driver from the passenger rolled down and a young Pierce Brosnan looked at us, saying he'd take us somewhere safe.”

I closed my eyes and tightened my stomach to prevent laughter from escaping me.

“But then Chris Hansen blocked our way on top of a crocodile? And he was wielding a machete for some reason,” Pokora continued. “I grabbed my bow and shot him, using skills from Galeia. King Charles opened a door and jumped out, and Pierce followed him. I jumped into the driver seat and went into a long tunnel, then came out in Uuruhk. I got out of the car and noticed there was no tunnel anymore. That's when I woke up.”

I took a deep breath and let it out. “That was wild,” I commented, doing my best to remain calm.

“Yeah,” she agreed, then chuckled, “It was really weird.”

“Do you usually dream about Earth?” I probed.

She shook her head. “Not really, no,” she replied. “Not that I remember, actually. The few I do are me going through dungeons... and lately they were all erotic dreams,” she admitted while rolling her eyes. “This is the wildest by far.”

“Hmm...” I nodded and looked her in the eye for a few seconds. “Are you worried about the difference in age?”

She thought for a while. “No,” she replied. “We're both adults.”

I raised my eyebrows and smiled. “You paused,” I pointed out.

“You're a Halve,” she explained. “Magical world logic is weird. Galeia is weird.”

“It is,” I agreed with a nod. “But way better than Earth.”

“Definitely,” she laughed. “Half a century is not enough to get used to it all, I guess.”

“We'll get there,” I assured her and pulled her close. “Together.”

“Trying to be smooth?” Pokora chuckled and leaned her head on mine.

“Fuck off,” I laughed. “Wanna go try the bow out?”

She straightened and nodded. “Yes,” she blurted out.

Twenty minutes later, and after waking Yolin up, we went looking for a place to work out.

Ladania, the city we were at, had a wide river that split it in half. Bridges connected the two sides, making for a pretty scenery. Most buildings were built out of wood, giving it a cozy, natural feeling. I didn't see any taller than five stories, too.

The amount of flying animals carrying people made me question the city's collective mental health.

As for the people, they were mostly Chasers with Classes that implied combat like Duelist, Battlemaiden, Brawler, Pyromancer, Hunter, etc. They all wore leather garments that were noticeably old, and a few equipped their metallic armors when I passed by as a way to show respect to me, as explained by Yolin.

Races and species were varied, and there was no apparent majority. There were no Oni, though, which was unfortunate.

Their levels were pretty good compared to what I had seen so far. The lowest were in the two digits which was common on younger-looking individuals. The highest went up to 393, and it belonged to a male Luzo Wizard that bowed to me in the middle of the street. I mostly ignored him after quickly acknowledging him.

Whether by fortune or fate, nobody challenged me to a duel. Maybe Asilo's brutal defeat spread the previous day and people reconsidered after learning of the result. Whichever was the case, I was relieved.

Our destination came into view after turning around the corner of a small shop.

It was something that fit the description of a plaza, but was full of people working out. An outdoor gym if one was liberal with the definition. Unlike one of those sad failures of the pandecade, this one had every conceivable tool to practice the fine arts of killing living creatures.

Intricately carved dummies stood in front of walls. Large baskets full of thick chains dotted the space. Less intricate dummies moved around as if alive, some shaped like people, others like monsters I had never seen.

Fate and fortune, however, weren't completely on my side.

The unpleasant bitch that had barged in during my shower was among those exercising. She noticed us and made her way to us... because why wouldn't she?