Maybe a Fake Gintama

Just as Kagura finished speaking, Shinpachi suddenly heard Kondo's voice beside him. Curiously, he turned his head and looked through the gaps between the landscape trees.

"As you can see, firstly, what we're doing is by no means easy," Kondo, his face bruised and swollen from a recent beating by Otae, still buried in a pile of persimmons with only his head poking out, earnestly explained to the children standing in front of him, "Even so, we don't lose heart, we don't give up, believing in the arrival of tomorrow. That's what a stalker is!"

"That's not your job at all!" Shinpachi mentally scoffed.

"A question," a little boy holding a notebook and a ballpoint pen raised his hand.

"What's your question?" Kondo asked.

"Do you ever feel like dying?" the child asked earnestly.

"What kind of question is that?! Even more direct than asking about the time Otae-san beat you!" Shinpachi mentally exclaimed.

"What a great question," Kondo sighed.

"What the heck?!" Shinpachi thought in frustration.

"When it comes to work, no matter what, it involves suffering," Kondo closed his eyes with a gentle expression and answered slowly, "But if it has to involve suffering no matter what, then I'd rather choose to suffer for something I love."

"Why are you acting like an expert?!" Shinpachi thought.

"I think that idea is just too naive!"

Suddenly, Hasegawa's voice came from behind the children.

At the sound, Kondo and the children all turned to look, only to see Hasegawa, wearing shorts and with rolls of toilet paper on each arm and boxes of tissue in each hand, had appeared behind the children.

"In this world, there are many people doing work they don't like," Hasegawa frowned deeply, earnestly continuing, "These people and I support society..."

Saying this, Hasegawa's face showed some reluctance. "I didn't become a patriot because I wanted to!"

"Hey—!! Completely don't understand what being a patriot is about!" Shinpachi mentally shouted in confusion.

"But I have no choice!" Hasegawa continued, "If I don't do it, who else would be willing to do such things?! This world needs patriots!"

"Doesn't need them, right?!" Shinpachi thought.

"The person who blames everything on others, no matter how long ago, will ultimately gain nothing," Kondo closed his eyes and replied with a pretended depth.

"And how could you understand the feelings of a patriot?!" Hasegawa gritted his teeth in frustration.

"I understand!"

"Huh?" Hasegawa was taken aback.

"I also... I also..." Kondo's face showed reluctance, then suddenly jumped out of the pile of persimmons, "Carrying the dual mission of a patriot and a stalker!"

Seeing Kondo dressed similarly to Hasegawa, Shinpachi shouted in his mind once again: "Ultimately, both are useless!"

"You... you too..." Looking at Kondo standing before him, Hasegawa's expression was disbelief, muttering to himself.

"Oh, yeah, so from now on, don't bear it alone," Kondo said with a gentle expression, "Come to me for anything."

Moved for some unknown reason, tears welled up uncontrollably in Hasegawa's eyes as he and Kondo slowly walked toward each other in a nostalgic BGM. After saying "thank you," they embraced tightly.

However, in this oddly touching moment, a child raised their hand and asked, "Um... sorry, so what exactly is a patriot?"

Kondo and Hasegawa both let go of each other and turned to look at the group of children. They simultaneously said, "I don't know."

Watching the children walk away expressionlessly, Kondo and Hasegawa remained silent.

...

Dusk by the riverside.

Kawaki and Kagura watched as Shinpachi and the others sat with their knees hugged, all sinking into despair, speechless for quite some time.

"Do you have a cigarette? Give me one," Kawaki said with a face that had been worn down by life, hoarsely asking Shinpachi who was beside him.

Shinpachi handed him a cigarette from his pocket without a word.

"I want one too..."

"I want one too..."

"I want one too..."

Katsura and the others, just like Kawaki, took cigarettes from him with lifeless eyes, each lighting one and taking a drag simultaneously.

"What are you all doing?" Unable to bear this eerie atmosphere, Shinpachi spoke expressionlessly, "Adults, who are supposed to be dignified, are all being looked down upon by children..."

"This is my last one, Shinpachi," Kawaki looked up, revealing a face that had already come to terms with life, "Life... my last one."

"Yeah... the last one," Katsura replied softly with his head down, "My life is like this cigarette, about to... burn out..."

"Speaking of which... life is indeed short..." Kondo looked up at the dim sky, a face of resignation on him.

"The wind today... seems a bit different from before," Yamazaki looked up, somewhat sentimental, "It seems to blow deeper into the soul than before..."

"Although short, but... it's a life with no meaning, like trash," Hasegawa sighed, "Such a life... should have ended long ago..."

"Hey! Can't you be more upbeat, you guys?! Why do you all act like you're about to die after smoking that cigarette?!" Seeing all of them smoking with their heads down in front of him, Shinpachi burst out in frustration, "Teaching important things to children is also the responsibility of adults!"

Shinpachi's expression gradually softened again, "Is this okay? Letting society end like this..."

The group of people, including Kawaki and the others, stopped their actions, their heads lowered in thought.

...

One day...

As soon as Daigorou came home from school, he pushed open the sliding door of his house, only to be stopped by his mother, who was waiting at the entrance.

"Daigorou, there's a letter for you."

"A letter?" Daigorou uttered in confusion, then took the letter handed to him by his mother and looked at it. The cover of the letter was marked with the words "Patriot Factory Tour Ticket."

"What's this?"

...

The next day, Saturday.

Daigorou stood at the address written on the invitation—the doorstep of a dilapidated factory, looking at the rundown factory in front of him with no sign of activity.

"Daigorou," a boy's voice suddenly came from the side, "Did you also receive the invitation?"

Looking at the seven boys walking towards him, Daigorou looked at the invitation in his hand, "How about you?"

"I didn't want to bother, but it says we can get free Saint Demon War stickers here," one of the boys said.

"So... what exactly is the Patriot Factory?" Daigorou muttered to himself as he looked at the invitation in his hand.

Just then, Shinpachi's voice, accompanied by approaching footsteps came.

"I've been waiting for you, good children."

"Among all the children in the world, you've been selected to visit this dream factory, precocious little devils... no, good children," Shinpachi and Kagura, dressed in attire copied and adapted from the Chocolate Factory, one in red and the other in blue, strolled towards the group of children.

"I'm Ahachi," Shinpachi introduced himself, pinching the brim of his hat with his right hand and holding a black cane in his left hand.

"I'm Ahle!" Kagura pinched her hat with her left hand and used her umbrella as a cane with her other hand to introduce herself.

"We are the dream guides of this dream factory!" Shinpachi and Kagura both raised their hands and said.

"Completely copied from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, right?" one of the children commented somewhat speechlessly.

"Um..." Wearing glasses, the boy who had cornered Shinpachi a few days ago raised his hand and asked seriously, "What is the theme of this tour designed for?"

"What? A rare chance to treat you..." Shinpachi showed a deliberately helpless expression... evading the question.

"Want to go back? Sure, but I won't give you Saint Demon War stickers," Kagura took over, still avoiding the question, "And you'll also permanently miss the chance to find out what a patriot is."

"Anyway, I have absolutely no interest in patriots..." Daigorou sighed and said casually.

But before he could finish, a scream from behind interrupted him.

"Ah—!! Look, look!" Hijikata, who had somehow appeared behind the group of children, pointed to the front of the dilapidated factory and said to Tsukuyo beside him, "Patriot Factory! Can't believe it!"

"Didn't expect a Patriot Factory in a place like this," Tsukuyo said in disbelief, "I heard that only NASA, FBI, and NBA are involved in manufacturing..."

"Let's take a sneak peek..." Hijikata said, stealthily walking towards the factory's open door.

"Wait! Hijikata..." Tsukuyo hurriedly caught up with Hijikata and tried to stop him.

But a gunshot suddenly rang out just as Hijikata stepped through the door.

With a bullet in her forehead, Tsukuyo began to bleed uncontrollably and fell to the ground.

The children watched this scene, their faces all dark and silent.

"Sorry! Made you two attract the enemy!" Suddenly, a voice from the factory rooftop came from Hijikata, "But... it doesn't matter! As long as I have the recipe... of the patriot! I... will become the number one factory manager in all of Edo... no, the whole earth! Your funeral... will be filled with patriots!"

With that, a sinister smile appeared on Hijikata's face as he reached out and lifted a piece of the ceiling from the rooftop. However, as Hijikata was about to jump into the factory, another gunshot rang out.

Bang!

Hijikata, shot in the back of the head, staggered two steps before falling directly from the eaves of the factory and hitting the ground hard.

Seeing this scene... the children's faces... turned even darker.