Maybe a Fake Gintama

In a specific hundred-yen second-hand shop in Edo.

"Go ahead, pick anything! Whatever you want, I can buy it for you!" Kawaki boasted as he patted his chest, speaking to Tsukuyo, standing outside the shop door.

However, just after he finished speaking, Kawaki sensed something amiss, as Tsukuyo seemed slightly odd, looking down without expression and remaining silent.

"That..." Kawaki hurriedly explained, "Tsukki, you know my money all go to games, or Kagura takes it, so this kind of shop is already my limit! But gifts aren't about being cheap or expensive! I've always thought that way! Go ahead and pick anything. Everything here is only a hundred yen! Considering you bought me that 20,000-yen game, I can let you pick two items! That's my limit!"

After Kawaki finished, another silence lasted more than half a minute.

"Um, that," Kawaki quickly apologized with a smile, "It is my limit... Could you say something? Your silence is kind of scaring me."

"Mm..." Tsukuyo's voice was as faint as a mosquito's, and then she mechanically stepped into the shop.

"Have you recently become obsessed with that idol group that does robot dancing?" Kawaki commented emotionlessly.

"Customer, how about this?" the store manager, already over fifty and missing a front tooth, creating a whistling sound as he spoke, held up a milky-white chopstick, "This is the treasure of the hundred-yen shop—engagement chopstick...hairpin."

"Hey, you said chopstick, right? You said chopstick! It must be hard to change your wording on the spot!" Kawaki went on a crazy rant.

"This young lady has an eye for quality when choosing this engagement hairpin...chopstick. It has quite a history." The elderly manager with reading glasses forcefully placed the chopstick in Tsukuyo's hand.

"Hey, why did you change it back again!" Kawaki retorted fiercely, "What's an engagement chopstick? I've never even heard of such a thing! And aren't chopsticks usually in pairs? Why is there only one here!"

"There's a reason for that," the store manager sighed softly, shaking his head as he explained, "This chopstick was once used by Toyotomi Hideyoshi in the cold winter, wanting to warm Nobunaga's feet. Create a microwave to heat straw sandals while eating hotpot on a cold winter morning. And the other chopstick got lost in the hotpot and was thrown away."

"There's no connection! Why would you eat hot pot in the morning? Why a microwave?" Kawaki ranted, "If there's hotpot, there's no need to warm Nobunaga's feet anymore! It's better to invite him to eat hotpot; he'd warm up eating it!"

"Ah, actually, I remembered it wrong," the manager pushed his glasses up and continued, "This chopstick was used by Zhuge Liang and others by the shore while watching ships burn in the river during the Battle of Red Cliffs, listening to the cries of Cao Cao's soldiers while eating hotpot."

"Don't think making up such stories can increase its value! It's just a useless chopstick! And it's only one!"

"Anyway, the store currently has a discount, only a thousand yen for this engagement chopstick." The store manager continued, ignoring Kawaki's rant, "For an extra hundred yen, I'll personally fish the other chopstick out of the hotpot, wash it, and give it to you."

"You dropped the chopstick into the hotpot yourself?!" Kawaki exclaimed indignantly, "So these chopsticks were just for you to eat hotpot with? Isn't this supposed to be a hundred-yen shop? Why is it a thousand yen? Do you think I'm an idiot?! Give me a discount, fifty yen for both!"

"Customer, your bargaining is too harsh; I can give you a 50% discount at most." The store manager replied, "But I'll only be responsible for fishing them out, no washing service included."

"Ten yen; make sure to disinfect them properly!" Kawaki demanded sternly.

"Three hundred yen! And I'll throw in a pair of worn-out straw sandals worn by Nobunaga!" The store manager made no concessions.

"Five yen! Flush your straw sandals down the toilet! Right now!"

"One hundred yen! That's the limit! I can also throw in a thirty-year-old antique codpiece worn by Cao Cao!"

"I don't need the codpiece; fifty yen is my final offer!" Kawaki's expression became serious, "Otherwise, we'll go to the next shop. As far as I know, there are more than one hundred yen shops in Edo~."

"You little…" The shop manager frowned, looking aggrieved, "Fine, since you've put it that way, okay!"

...

Four o'clock in the afternoon, on the way back to Yoshiwara.

"Is that okay?" Kawaki asked the still-silent Tsukuyo, walking with her head down, "Can you use those dirty chopsticks even if they are disinfected? You might catch some virus. If you don't like them, we can throw them away."

"It's... it's... okay," Tsukuyo whispered.

"Hold on a moment," Kawaki suddenly stopped and headed in a different direction, "I'll be right back."

Three minutes later, Kawaki returned with a pack of takoyaki and handed it to Tsukuyo.

"Here, consider this a compensation for just now," Kawaki said nonchalantly.

"Oh… okay." Tsukuyo accepted the takoyaki and asked softly, "How… how is it?"

"What?" Kawaki looked puzzled at Tsukuyo.

"The chop... no, the hairpin."

Only then did Kawaki notice Tsukuyo had used the chopsticks as hairpins.

"It looks good," he replied casually.

[A date! This is a date!] Tsukuyo thought as she walked, head lowered. [This is what Hinowa meant by a date this morning! A man and a woman shopping together, giving each other gifts, eating together, watching a movie, and…]

At this thought, Tsukuyo looked up in disbelief at Kawaki, [What's with this man today? Could he really... be planning that sort of thing?! What should I do? How should I handle this?!]

"Oh! There is a re-screening of "Transformers" parts one and two today for just 150 yen and throwing in popcorn and a large soda!" Kawaki suddenly noticed a poster outside an old cinema and excitedly turned to Tsukuyo, "Tsukki! Can I stay out late today? Can I watch this?!"

[Stay out late! He is planning something today!] Tsukuyo's pupils dilated in shock.

"It's okay," she replied faintly, her heart screaming, [What am I saying?! I'm done for if I do anything with this man! Not just that, but my life would be over, too!]

...

Inside the dingy cinema, Kawaki sat down with his soda and popcorn, asking the still-silent Tsukuyo, "Why did you come too? Do you... like robots, too?"

"Yes... yes." Tsukuyo caught up in her thoughts and responded mechanically.

"Really? You like robots too?!" Kawaki exclaimed joyously, "You never showed it before! Then, let's quietly enjoy the movie. The first two parts are my favorites!"

"Uh-huh..." Tsukuyo nodded absently, not hearing him.

...

At ten o'clock that night, Kawaki walked out of the cinema, tears streaming down his face, followed by a silent Tsukuyo.

"So... so moving!" Kawaki cried, "Even in such a dirty, disgusting cinema, it was still so moving! Romance! Giant transforming robots are always a man's romance! You understand, right, Tsukki? Since you also like robots, you must get it, right?!"

"Uh... yeah," Tsukuyo responded yet again.

"Tsukki, you've been weird today," Kawaki noted with concern, "You hardly talked at all. Is everything okay? Are you feeling unwell? Do you need to rest a bit before we go back?"

[Rest! That's it! Hinowa said this morning that men often use this excuse on dates to take women to that place for the next step!] Tsukuyo thought, [Oh no! This situation…]

"Let's... rest a bit then..." Tsukuyo mumbled her face a mixture of hesitation and confusion.

[What am I saying?! It's over if I do anything with this man! Not only that, but my entire life would be over, too!] Tsukuyo internally berated herself.

"Do you... mean... that time of the month?" Kawaki leaned closer, misunderstanding her hesitation.

[Is he checking in that way?! I always thought he was a vegetarian, but he's a carnivore?! The situation is getting more passive, and if it continues like this, he might completely take control! No! I... must fight back! At least, I must take the final initiative!]

"Tsukki?"

"I'm fine. But you, don't suddenly fall asleep or anything," Tsukuyo said coolly, managing a faint smile.

"Huh? Why would I fall asleep? It's not the middle of the month." Kawaki looked confused.

[He's holding firm!!] Tsukuyo felt overwhelmed, [This man... I mustn't underestimate him! Or rather, he thinks he's been in control all day, so he can naturally be proactive until the end! Scary! This man is terrifying! I never realized he had such a side! Did he hide it? But I can't lose! Not! The best strategy at this time is...]

"Why aren't you talking again?" Kawaki asked, puzzled, "Ah, you're super weird today. Are you upset with me? Are you upset about the gift I got you in return? It's not my fault, right? If you didn't like it, you should have said something at the time. And didn't I compensate you already? Wasn't that Takoyaki's compensation? Why still..."

[Well, there's only one way left now…]

As she thought, Tsukuyo pulled out several kunai and, before Kawaki could react, fiercely stabbed them into his head.

"That's better. Your condition today isn't right." After saying this, Tsukuyo dragged the unconscious Kawaki, who was twitching on the ground, by the collar of his shirt toward the direction of Yoshiwara.

"Did I... do something wrong?" Kawaki mumbled incoherently, unconcerned, "Why... why treat me this way..."

...

The following day in Yoshiwara, Kawaki, with his head heavily bandaged, sat at the dining table staring sternly at Tsukuyo across from him.

"Hey, can you explain now? Why did you do that to me yesterday? I passed out from loss of blood, you know."

"It was just because I was annoyed with you," Tsukuyo replied indifferently while eating.

Kawaki's forehead vein throbbed violently, "Annoyed? What does that mean?! I'm annoyed, too! It's annoying to be stabbed in the head until it's full of holes! Want to fight?! Bastard! Ah!"

Before he could finish, more kunai struck his forehead.

"I'm full." Tsukuyo stood up, dragging the unconscious Kawaki again by the collar towards the door, "We're off to patrol."

"They... they're always like this every day," Seita muttered quietly.

"Yes, but perhaps this way of interacting is more familiar for that child. Of course, it must be the same for that man."

Hinowa smiled and replied, then turned to watch Tsukuyo's departing back. This time, Tsukuyo's hair was adorned with two clean, cream-colored chopsticks...