MADMAN APOCALYPSE

Annabella and the Birthday Boy’s mob hadn’t returned to the comfortable moss room yet, so I took the time to pull out my rewards from my inventory, while handing Bee one of the Victory Champagnes. However, as soon as the champagne manifested in my hand, it disappeared in a poof of smoke. I still had the tray and seven more glasses in my inventory, but it was clear I couldn’t pull them out here, as they seemingly had an area restriction tied to them, such as being in the Victory Lobby.

When both of the new trophies were in my lap, a pop-up appeared before I could inspect either of them:

Congratulations! You have leveled up! x

You have reached Level -13!

+3 new Attribute Point available to invest!

Dungeon Clears required for Level -14

0/1

“Huh, you need to clear Dungeons now to level up,” Panda said.

“That’ll slow things down a bit,” I replied. “Still, level 13 already is huge.”

Bee frowned. “I didn’t get any new levels.”

“How far are you from your next level?” I asked

“Level Progress,” she said, then showed me her screen.

You are currently Level 6

Unspent Attribute Points: 0

Points already invested: 6

Kills required for Level 7

19/20

“That’s not that far though,” I told her.

“I want to evolve my Class too!” she complained impatiently.

Panda patted her on the hand and said, “Patience, young Padawan.”

“Pretty sure we’re firmly on the Dark Side now,” I replied.

“Don’t ruin this for me, Gambit.”

I ignored him and brought up my Status, before trying to invest one of my three available points into Intelligence.

ERROR!

Unable to invest point in chosen attribute!

Please pick another.

When that didn’t work, I invested them in the following manner: Vitality, Athleticism, & Defense.

Level -13

‘Gambit’

Exit Code 3 x

---Do you know why this bar is red? It's because it's blushing. That's right! It loves you!---

STATS

Health: Non-Goodn’t

Stamina: いいね

Armor: Dinner Plate Armor

Carry Weight: 1050 Pandas

Top Speed: Snow Sled

Mana: !ɘM ʜɔɈɒяɔƧ

ATTRIBUTES

Strength: 2415 lbs.

Dexterity: Quokka

Intelligence: ☹

Vitality: Strip Loin

Athleticism: 子犬

Perception: ‘Yes?’

Wisdom: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Defense: Ceramic

ABILITIES

CORE

PASSIVES

‘Punch.harder( )’

‘I_CAN_FLY’

‘Dungeon-Break’

‘Giant-Slayer Lance’

‘.interrupt( )’

‘unCollide’

back_door.bat

Glitch Collision

‘Glitch’

‘Insanity’

‘Inanimate Voices’

‘Math.multiply(Punch)’

‘BIRTHDAY_SUIT’

‘Reflective Shell’

‘I-Frames’

‘Transition Lenses’

‘Outcast’

“Still confusing as hell,” Panda remarked, looking over my shoulder.

“It’s shaping up though.”

“Sure, if you say so.”

I ignored his pessimism and finally inspected my two Event Rewards. As I pulled up the first, I saw that Players were slowly coming into the room from the far end, meaning I didn’t have much time, before they spotted us. Fortunately surprise was on our side still.

‘Participation Trophy’ x

A commemorative reward for completing the Game Event:

WEAPONLUTION

What? You thought this item actually rewarded you something? Look, we already gave you a level, what more do you want??

At the bottom it reads:

‘Gambit the Moron’

This item cannot be discarded.

Weight: 1 Panda

I threw the Participation Trophy away but it just disappeared and returned to my inventory. Then I looked at the other one, but my hopes were already crushed by the tooltip of the first. That being said, this second one was fancier and was sculpted to look like me, Birthday Suit and all…

‘Top Ten Trophy’ x

Rewarded for placing in the Top 10 of the Game Event:

WEAPONLUTION

You know what they say: “the Winners keep winning, and the Losers keep losing.”

In this case, losing means death, so it holds true. Anyway, we would be remiss if we did not reward the top competitors of our Event with something proper.

Kissing this trophy will unlock the power trapped within.

At the bottom it reads:

‘#2 — Gambit the Moron’

This item cannot be discarded.

Weight: 1 Panda

I lifted the Top Ten Trophy to my lips and gave it a kiss. Next to me, Panda and Bee both made sounds, like ‘Yuck!’ and ‘Why is that a trophy of you and why are you kissing it?’

Choose your reward! x

Total narcissist behavior right there.

Pick one of the options:

‘Plugin Slot’ | ‘I’m the Best’ | ‘¡Dazzle!’

‘Plugin Slot’ x

Core Passive

Adds a second Plugin Slot to your body.

“Where will it be added?” you might ask.

We don’t know… but hopefully in your forehead. That’d be funny.

Current Plugin: null

Current Plugin Ability: null

Current Plugin Passive: null

‘I’m the Best’ x

Passive

You’re the best there is and you’ll be damned if everyone around you don’t know.

Your current Charisma is doubled, and other Players will probably start to think that you’re pretty cool. Unless your current Charisma is negative, then they’ll think you’re lame.

‘¡Dazzle!’ x

Ability

Someone like you can’t stand to not be the center of attention, but fret not, this will do the trick!

Manifest a handful of glitter that, when thrown into the air, distracts and blinds all who witness it.

Duration: 8 seconds

Cooldown: 10 minutes

Although the thought of throwing glitter at people was kind of amusing and might even have some decent uses, I picked the Plugin Slot purely because of the versatility offered by the Plugins I was steadily gathering.

With a puff of steam and a strange feeling travelling through my body, a new Plugin Slot opened somewhere.

“Does either of you see the new slot that just appeared?” I asked my friends.

“It’s on your back, on top of your right shoulder plate,” Bee said.

“Strange, I can’t even feel it.”

“I guess it doesn’t interfere with your body at all, that’s kind of strange.”

“Far from the strangest thing,” Panda commented dryly.

I brought out the unHero Plugin and shoved it into my shoulder-plate hole. Once again, it had a perfectly-tight fit, as the cylinder slowly slid down into my body, before releasing a puff of steam and popping out a small lever. As with the first one, I spun it clockwise with my right hand, though the motion was quite awkward due to how it was positioned on my back.

A surge of electricity shot through my body, before a familiar message appeared:

PLUGIN INSERTED.

Booting up ‘unHero’ protocol.

Installing…

The sound of a cassette tape being rewound emitted from the Plugin, before a loud click! announced its completion.

PLUGIN INSTALLED.

‘unHero’ protocol now in effect!

“Now, let me tell you my plan,” I said mischievously, while unable to stop myself from chuckling.