Life of Change

After an hour or more, Nita finally stopped crying and fell asleep. If my mind was already in chaos because of Ameli's situation and the memories that overwhelmed me, the problem with my little girl had left me completely blank.

Children don't behave like that. Children don't show those emotions that are so... so... adult.

I held my little girl against my chest the entire time she cried, and I hadn't let go of her at any point despite my misgivings about her actions. I stroked her hair gently as I listened to her soft breathing. Her face, though streaked with tears, looked much more relaxed than before. I looked over to Ameli who was sleeping peacefully, and then to Nita and decided it was best to lay her down next to the girl. For some reason, I felt it was the right thing to do.

More time passed as the two slept side by side. Looking out the window, I could tell that dusk was approaching.

I spent all that time trying to untie every single knot that had formed in my head due to the inexplicable day I was having, but it was like trying to cut steel with a wooden sword.

Soon, I began to feel frustrated and exhausted, finally deciding that I should just wait for things to calm down so I could work on it.

"Hmmm."

Just when I thought calm had set in again, Ameli began to stir, finally waking up.

"Where...?" she asked into the emptiness. As she regained consciousness and got her bearings, I tried to say something, but... What should I say? I remained silent, deeply considering what I should do.

Should I scold her for her stupidity? Console her?

"I... I see. I failed even to decide my own end." She said with her voice cracking. I could see tears forming and beginning to fall.

"Maybe, it was because this wasn't supposed to be your end," I told her, causing her to startle and find me beside her. Her eyes opened and I could see the fear reflected in them.

I held her gaze but tried to give her a reassuring smile, though I could tell I had failed, as her expression did not change, but became darker.

I sat on the edge of the bed careful not to frighten her and began to speak to her.

"You don't have to be so scared; I'm not going to scold you. Right now, all I want is for you to rest and if you want to talk, about anything, I'll be here, by your side." I assured her. Fortunately, my words managed to calm her down a bit. But I had to add. "Just be careful, Nita is sleeping next to you."

Ameli was surprised by my words and looked across the bed, finding the baby lying down, sleeping so peacefully that her previous stubbornness seemed like an illusion. Although the tear stains on her face were still visible, and I'm sure she noticed it.

She didn't know how to respond and just stared at the girl silently. I could hear her swallow audibly.

"Madam Fiana, I..."

"It's okay." I interrupted her, placing my hand on her cheek. "You don't have to say anything for now. You need to rest. Albeit, I'd like to ask you a favor."

Ameli nodded.

"Please, don't ever do something like that again. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom. I promise I will always be someone you can trust. So come talk to me whenever you need to."

My words caused a river to break out. With big tears running down her face, she returned her gaze to my daughter as she nodded again and again.

"Then that's it," I said, getting up and heading for the door. "Are you thirsty, hungry?" I asked, hoping having something in her stomach would help her relax a little.

"Th-thirsty." She replied between sobs.

"Okay. I'll have them bring you some fresh water, and a bowl of porridge, is that okay with you?"

Ameli nodded and I used that as a cue to leave.

Outside the door, there was now one of the maids standing guard, possibly she was sent by Tina, or maybe Lana. I instructed her to keep an eye out for anything that might happen and went into the kitchen. I needed to keep strict, but pleasant, control of the diet this girl should have from now on. One of the biggest problems she may face from now on is lack of appetite, or outright refusal to eat. And I must prevent that from happening by any means possible.

Over the next few days, and at every opportunity I was at Ameli's side, the girl gradually released fragments of her mind. Things that she had buried very deeply and that, thanks to the Pillars, she felt confident enough in me to share. Something I decided to keep to myself despite the constant questions from both Tina and Lana. Yes, it could perhaps be a mistake on my part to do that, especially when they were both great supporters, along with Hal, during my fall into that abyss.

But it is precisely because I know, that I want her to be aware that she can trust me by not revealing things that she was not comfortable having known about. It had already been too much of an effort for her to tell me, even if it had been in that fragmented way.

The morning after hearing that last piece of information, I found myself reflecting on her thinking and the decisions that brought her to this point.

Ameli is a Valven. They, being an all-female tribe, have a very different social structure than most races.

They build a small family community usually composed of 6 to 12 members with a "Matriarch" who leads them. These groups are known as "Maternates" in which they are all part of the Matriarch's "harem", where they all take care of each other, including the daughters of their Sororias, or sister wives.

The Matriarch is the oldest Valven, and her harem is composed of "Nymphs" or young Valven between the ages of 20 and 50.

Since their tribe is composed entirely of females, they depend on males from other tribes to procreate; which makes them quite sought after, both for pleasure and reproduction, where it is the Valven who offers the deal when she finds a male that meets her requirements.

It is the duty of both the Daughterless Nymphs and the Matriarch herself to care for these little ones, and, surprisingly (or not), they are incredibly good mothers, and quite attentive. Even the older daughters, who are still in their infant stages or close to their nymphing age, are incredibly good at caring for the younger ones.

This is where Ameli comes in. Not because she was as I have described, on the contrary, she was quite bad in that field. Clumsy and clueless, always causing accidents in which she had to apologize in tears because she felt she had done unforgivable things even though her Maternate considered it something small or unimportant.

Fortunately for Ameli, despite her clumsiness, she was very good at avoiding serious things, limiting herself to only breaking things without much value or losing easily replaceable items.

However, that ended up reflecting her low self-esteem.

She felt very inferior, and it didn't help that she was by far the smallest of her generation, making her daily tasks even more difficult.

Her Maternate was very patient with her, supporting her in every way, but her mind was the one that played against her the most.

When her darkest feelings would get too crowded in her head, Ameli had a secret hiding place. One where she would hide and cry her eyes out knowing that no one would find her, and where she could unburden herself so she could survive the next day.

About 3 years ago, on one of those days when those feelings had built up too much, she made her way to her special place. Along the way, she ran into a... problem.

There was a violent confrontation between 2 groups. Some rather calm males had been accosted by some unfriendly females, who thought that with their numbers they could overwhelm the males who were weaker than them. There was a story behind it, but Ameli, scared and worried, didn't care too much about that, giving priority to wanting to get as far away from there as she could and being even sadder to be denied her only moment of relief.

It was then that a person appeared. With a stature a little smaller than her own, pale violet skin, dressed in clothes a little skimpy but that called attention, more for the striking and not for the revealing. Abundant red hair that flowed like lava down her back, tied in a perfectly done braid, and golden eyes that seemed to stare fiercely at those present.

The predatory smile of that woman burned into her eyes, making Ameli sigh, not knowing if it was from a crush or a feeling similar to a child's upon meeting their hero.

Anven Baelian had appeared by chance in that place and had stopped, too easily and too quickly, that fight that was blocking her way.

Ameli admired that incredible female and a feeling arose within her. She wanted to be like that. But the feeling quickly died. She knew she could never do it. She felt that people like that woman were so strong-willed and looked at the world with such a smile that she was sure they had never gone through any kind of obstacle like the one she was going through.

There was no way that she, who in her eyes was an almost perfect being, had ever shed a tear or gone through a situation that she could not easily overcome.

So, when everyone dispersed, including Anven, Ameli wandered lost in thought until she finally reached her hiding place, never imagining the scene before her eyes.

There was a sobbing, a clear sign that there was an invader in her little personal space. Someone else was there, doing the same thing she had come to do.

How great was her surprise to see that, who had usurped her place was none other than Anven.

Ameli hid at the sight of her, stopped her breathing, and remained as quiet as a windless night. Only the sound of Anven's soft sobs filled the place.

It was in that instant that Ameli saw, for the first time, that even those who looked perfect, powerful, and unbreakable were, in fact, fragile and... normal.

That made Ameli feel a connection with Anven. If she, looking so strong and unbeatable, so proud and confident, could cry like that, didn't that mean that, even as fragile as she was, she could overcome everything and become this amazing?

Ameli felt she could try.

From my point of view, it was hard to imagine that it was Anven she found that day. I can't imagine her being that vulnerable in a random alley, let alone crying in solitude. Perhaps that could explain the change I noticed when she visited us recently, though.

My only question is, what must have happened for her if she really was Anven, to end up in that state? She was off our radar for about 4 years, and it was not until she visited us that we knew about her.

It was worrisome before we knew this, and now it is much more so.

As soon as Ameli was old enough, she started looking for work as a maid. She learned of Anven's name and family, so she did her best to work in our house, hoping one day to see her, to share her feelings and thoughts of what she saw that day, and perhaps that Anven herself would recognize her and maybe be able to serve her. A simple wish, but a very strong feeling behind it.

And that's what brings us to what happened.

Ameli was... very fragile, indeed.

She improved in many ways, yes, but her clumsiness played tricks on her all the time, and, although she was reprimanded by her superiors, it was always in a gentle way, since there were never any real accidents due to her actions. It almost felt endearing at times. A replay of her days in her Maternate. And that frustrated and confused her.

It was weighing on her more and more, something she could bear up to a point, but it was slowly reaching a breaking point.

In the Baelian mansion, she had no secret place to go and unburden all those feelings that pressed on her chest and demanded to be released. She cried, yes, but silently and in her bed, but not with the intensity she needed.

And then Anven came home.

Excited, Ameli, who had been ordered to bring the youngest girl in the family to meet her aunt, rushed over knowing she could meet the one she admired so much and finally talk to her and tell her about her life. Perhaps she could empathize and they would become close.

But unfortunately, she was ignored.

She did not exist in Anven's eyes, she only saw Nita. That fact had been devastating for Ameli.

And things got worse. Anven had unleashed enormous pressure on us in a moment of carelessness, and Ameli was not able to withstand that level.

Helped by one of her partners, she was carried back to her room where she had to change her wet clothes and calm the chaos in her mind and heart.

Ameli had finally seen reality. The illusion she had forged in her head of what she thought it could be. It shattered as easily as the plates she clumsily dropped almost every day. Her typical cheerfulness and positivity that she always let show, that mask she wore to get through her days, had finally shattered and her true personality came to light.

Curiously her accidents decreased, ironically being praised for that. But there was no joy or relief in her. Everything she had thought and worked for so far had been a sand castle that had been washed away by a sudden wave in a calm sea. Emotions she had kept bottled up until now were surging up, driving her deeper and deeper into the abyss of self-loathing for thinking she could compare herself to someone of the elite, to the perfect being who could overcome everything effortlessly.

Finally, Ameli made the one decision she thought would finally pull her out of that abyss.

For better or worse, Tina and I arrived on time. Even more fortunate was that the knot she had tied around her neck was so badly done that it was a miracle it had been able to support her weight for so long. Besides the fact that the pressure exerted by the rope was barely enough to suffocate her, and only because it was taut. By the time she lost consciousness and her body relaxed, she managed to breathe again, albeit barely enough to miss her ultimate goal.

Remembering that moment made me shudder, as did my own memories. The feeling in my own neck threatened to return, so I decided to drown it, almost literally.

In one of my desk drawers, I kept a special bottle. I highly doubted anyone else knew about it since no one usually comes here, much less goes through my things.

It was a bottle of guardian's brew, a rather strong type of whiskey that I used to take a swig of when I wanted to clear my thoughts. Next to the bottle, I pulled out a low, wide glass tumbler. I poured the contents to a little more than half the capacity of the glass before putting the bottle back in the drawer.

I picked up the glass, appreciating the amber color of the liquid, then brought it to my nose and, closing my eyes, inhaled deeply. I could feel a deep smell of wood and spices flooding my senses. That action alone helped me relax a little. My senses were better than most Asherians, though normal among Teriants, that was enough to appreciate the wonderful aroma of good whiskey.

I didn't usually do it, but a drink now and then couldn't hurt...although Lana would be upset with me if she found me drinking.

I smiled at the thought and took it as the ideal time to take a big gulp. The taste was sweet at first, before turning into a burn that I could only describe as "wild". It left a slight aftertaste of charred wood combined with a trace of cassia and dried fruit. I swallowed the liquid fire and felt it go down my throat, burning all the way to my stomach.

Cassia is a spice prized throughout the empire, known for its warm, sweet flavor and enveloping aroma. Unlike the cinnamon of our world, Cassia comes from the golden filaments of the roots of a magical shrub known as the Oxpa Bush. This shrub flourishes in the deepest recesses of enchanted forests and is jealously guarded by the creatures of the forest because of its unique properties. In addition to its use in cooking for aroma and flavor in various dishes and beverages, Cassia is known for its magical properties. It is said that a tea made with Cassia can strengthen the spirit and provide a sense of calm and well-being. In alchemy, it is an essential ingredient for protection and healing potions. It is also used in magical rituals because of its ability to channel and enhance the flow of ambient mana.

Happiness and calm began to take over, clearing my mind and releasing the tension in my body.

"So... drinking?"

I was startled to hear a voice so close to me. I opened my eyes immediately, realizing that I had kept them closed throughout.

Lana was right in front of my face, watching me with a smile that wasn't a smile at all. I searched for the words to respond, to explain myself for... I didn't even know what for.

"L-Lana...I..." I stammered as I felt her gaze reducing me to nothing more than a girl who was caught with her hands in the cookie jar.

"Pff" Suddenly Lana started laughing out loud, leaving me stunned and lost. "What, you thought something like this was going to make me mad?" she said as she snatched the glass from me and brought it to her lips, taking a drink and returning it to the desk.

"You were so lost in thought that you didn't hear me when I came in." She said as she walked over and sat on my lap. "Tell me, what had you so caught up?"

I pondered for a moment before giving her an answer. When all was said and done, I hadn't concluded what happened with Ameli. But there was something on my mind since I started learning about her.

"About a lot of things actually. You know about the Burmont girl, don't you?" I asked her, remembering that our conversation about that topic was still pending.

She nodded, urging me to continue.

"Well, that's part of it, but did you know that Lara showed her valah?"

"Did she?" replied Lana, her eyes widening in genuine surprise.

We both knew how nervous Lara got about that subject. Hardly anyone knew about it, except for us her parents, Zenya, her maid, and... well, now her lovely little girlfriend. Surely, she would show it to Nita when she got older.

"It was a complete surprise for me too. A joyful one, of course. But it got me thinking about a few things." I left my words there to pick up my glass again and send another gulp of sweet burn down my throat, breathing contentedly.

Lana smiled at me again, this time real, with no teasing behind it. She came up to me and kissed me on the lips, slow and tender. I could taste the lingering drink, complementing the taste of her sweet lips. The kiss was somewhat demure, different from how she usually acts in our alone time.

Slowly she pulls away from me and, to my surprise, picks up the glass and takes another big gulp.

She glances sideways at me with a bit of a smirk and a snort.

"What, I can drink too."

"I didn't say anything."

"Hm."

Her childish attitude made me laugh softly, feeling that, perhaps, she was acting that way to lighten the mood and help me relax more.

I decided to reciprocate that by telling her a little more of what was on my mind.

"The last few weeks I've started to notice that... well, maybe it's just me feeling paranoid, but, things around us have reminded me a lot of my past," I said, pulling her closer to me in a gentle embrace. I buried my face in her chest and inhaled her scent. An everlasting scent of spring, like flowers beginning to bloom and welcoming the season of rebirth. That scent that brings me peace and security floods my nostrils and brings me joy.

"First with Genieve, making me remember that chapter of my life. Then, looking at Lara and the Burmont girl. Those two reminded me of how we were at the beginning, you and me. But also how I've been, hiding from the looks of others." I said, pointing to my body, covering it up with a magical seal, made so that the others wouldn't know I was a Vulpan, a Teriante race that hid among Asherians.

Lana gave me a disapproving look. It bothered her that I despised myself. I shook my head and with a quick kiss sealed her lips before she could scold me for my words. "Patience let me finish," I told her with a genuine smile. She responded by pouting slightly but finally nodded.

"With Ameli's current situation, reminding me of what was perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made in my life...I'm thinking that, perhaps, it's time for me to change too. I think I should finally accept who I am and who I was, and, like Lara, let others see me and trust" I told her, letting out a sigh at the end.

Ameli made the mistake of hiding, keeping quiet, and waiting for others to notice her without taking the first step. Lara, even with all her fears and insecurities, decided to trust that girl who openly approached her and showed her who she was. Me? I have been hiding in this appearance for so many years because I was afraid of being seen as what I was, a slave. Something I am no longer and that I stubbornly had to remind myself every day to feel "normal" fooling myself into believing I was over it.

Lana was silent for a long time, analyzing my face seriously, looking for something in my expression.

"If you stay quiet, I'll feel more anxious," I said, giving in to the pressure, and almost begging her to tell me something.

I was always the more patient of the two of us, but also the more emotional, and sometimes that ended up guiding my actions.

Lana gave me a reassuring smile, wrapping her arms around my head and planting a kiss on my forehead. "You've always been like that. You try to find meaning in things and end up overthinking it." She answered at last. She spoke in a tone that was both motherly and amused as if she were teaching one of our daughters a lesson. "Sometimes you should just do it without thinking so much my love."

I looked at her, both surprised and nervous. "If I could afford to do that, then I..."

"Shh," I was silenced by a finger resting on my lips. "You're overthinking it. In this house, it's no secret to anyone what and who you are. Only you keep thinking that's a problem. Do you want me to remove the seal? If you ask me to do it, then I'll remove it right now. But!" she said, quieting down for a second to give some suspense. My heart began to pound with anticipation and anxiety. "You must promise me that you will use this to bring final closure to everything. Fiana, no more nonsense, no more putting yourself down for the life you lived. No more looking for excuses not to face yourself. If you can promise me that then I will do it."

I ducked my head to think. I needed to seriously consider her words. I knew Lana would not forgive me if I gave her an immediate yes, despite her insistence that I should do it without thinking. This decision had to be made with my heart rather than my head.

The consequences of it being revealed that the Makila of the Duchess Irlana Baelian is a Teriante? If I thought about it, they are actually low.

Of course, there are very strong frictions with the Obreund kingdom, composed entirely of Teriante races, but there are citizens in the empire who are Teriants or descendants of Teriants, holding important positions in both high and low nobility. By the Pillars, the Nazzik family are Kibis and are not despised for it, they are even hugely respected.

So why should I be scared or nervous about what the aristocracy or the people themselves might think? The emperor is aware of what I am. Part of the obligations we had when Irlana betrothed Halfred. And the rest of the court should not be able to say anything just for that reason.

Why was I hiding? Why, despite all my knowledge about the laws of the empire and its political structure, did I still think it was safer to keep my race and appearance hidden?

Fear, or contempt? No, it was neither. It was... a deep rejection of myself.

I sighed as that thought popped into my mind and a weight fell from my shoulders. It was a pure rejection of who I was. What I was always afraid of others doing to me, I was doing to myself. An act that made me finally open my eyes.

I smiled to myself, feeling a relief that... well I had never felt before. It was... liberating.

"Do it, please," I said to Lana, keeping my smile.

Wasting no time, Lana gave me a quick kiss and placed her hand on the seal. She chanted a single short incantation, as I felt the mana churning in my body. A slight burning sensation was the sign that the seal was gone for good.

My ears twitched and I felt my tail wagging to the side. Still, with my eyes closed I inhaled and relaxed, enjoying the smells in the place.

"You look so much better," Lana commented bringing one of her hands to my head and stroking one of my ears. I leaned into her, allowing her better access and letting myself be pampered by her gentle touch.

What will the others think when they see that I have left my disguise behind?

I found the thought amusing.

"I'm better," I assured her. I hugged her tightly, pulled her even closer to me, and began to give her a few playful bites on her neck, eliciting giggles from her. "Maybe, we should celebrate?"

Lana purred happily and began kissing me. Unlike before, her kisses quickly went from soft to deep. Our tongues battled each other for control, but this time I decided to give up the fight and let her take me completely.

I could afford to act submissive just this once. After all, I had plenty of time to enjoy myself today.

Atenosia:

Human in appearance, but have an above average amount of mana for Asherians. They usually have dark hair and eye colors between red and dark purple.

They have a tail (Valah), which starts to grow from the time they are 6 months old, and stops growing until around the age of 7, which is when it adapts to the growth of the rest of the body.

Their Valah has 2 specific functions. It is a magical organ, which fulfills the function of regulating and helping the body of the Atenosia to manipulate the mana of both their body and the surrounding environment. An Atenosia will not be greatly affected by its ability, even if it loses its Valah, but it will take a lot of its energy to make it grow again.

The second function is to serve as a "sexual organ" which gives the females the ability to conceive among themselves.

After several years of having arrived in this world, the Atenosia, whose male population had been greatly depleted, began to experiment with the magic of their valah. It took them 40 years of complicated and, to a certain extent, reprehensible experiments, but they managed to find a way to save their tribe. Through a ritual when they reached the age when their valah adapted to the body, they managed to modify their purpose.

Ma'kil halnas, now known as "Makilas" have been the "mothers" and "fathers" saviors of the race. A title that, during its first centuries, was, in a way, revered. Nowadays, Makilas have become nannies, teachers, guides, females or males who, in the family, take the most administrative role, carrying their partners and children on their shoulders to give stability to their homes.

Traditionally, the Makilas were exclusively Atenosia, given their original function of procreating and recovering their population. But over the centuries, this tradition was changing due to the establishment of alliances with other tribes or the tastes of youth, who saw females and males of other races and yielded to their attractions.

Unfortunately, these unions ended up being exclusively contractual or only sentimental, given that, although among Atenosias they had relatively high fertility when uniting with other races and tribes, reproduction was basically impossible.

With some exceptions.

There have been only 2 records of this event, but both have been discarded and attributed either to the male partner of the Atenosian couple (Her makila or main husband), or to an infidelity, of which there was no way to prove that it had occurred, but neither that it had not occurred, leading to cracks growing in these families.

Some scholars theorize that, as generations pass and the Atenosia mix with the other races, sooner or later reproduction will be possible, but they see this far in the future, in times that they will not be able to see.

They usually live an average of 180 to 200 years.