I can't move on

"What do you want to eat?" I asked Isabella.

It was just us today.

Dom, Leo, and Matteo went to go check all of Matteo's files that he had, and they would be back shortly.

Or so they said. 

"I want ramen."

"I can order some."

"You have money?" Isabella asked, looking up from her computer and turning around to face me.

"It's your dad's money," I said, sitting down on her bed and pulling up the app.

"Oh, I respect it then. Okay, let's see what stores are near us," she said, getting up and going to sit next to me. 

She clicked on the third sho that popped up.

"Have you had it before?" I asked her and she nodded. "Me and Leo went after school one time because dad doesn't like eating out."

"Speaking of dad." I swiped out of the app and clicked FaceTime. "He doesn't like FaceTiming either," Isabella said and the two of us started to laugh.

He answered on the second ring and his handsome face lit up the screen.

"Back up, Daddy," I said and he held the phone up in the most 38-year-old man way I have ever seen.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, we were just ordering ramen, and we wanted to know if you, Leo, or Matteo wanted some," I said, showing me and Isabella in her room.

Dominic nodded.

"You guys want ramen?" He asked to what I am assuming were Leo and Matteo.

"Hell yeah," I heard Leo's voice as he went into frame.

I swiped out of FaceTime. "What do you guys want?"

"Get me vegetarian miso ramen with tofu, bok choy, mushrooms, and a soft boiled egg, and tell them to put chili oil. I also want lychee soda, thank you," Leo said.

"Okay, whose next?" I asked, clicking all of the buttons on the app.

"Karē Ramen, the curry one, with spicy ground pork, picked ginger, scallions, and fucking load it with cilantro. Also, can I have, I don't know, like a beer?"

"Asahi beer?"

"Yeah, that works."

"Okay, Dom, what do you want?"

"Can I please have shoyu ramen, with extra noodles and more of those bamboo shoots, please? And if they have hot green tea, can I please have that? If not, just get me the cold one," he said.

"Okay, thank you," I said.

I went back to FaceTime. "I will see you when you get back," I said with a smile and he blew me a kiss through the screen.

"Bye-bye."

I smiled as the facetime call ended.

He was so cute.

"Give me that phone and stop ogling over my dad," Isabella said and she snatched it from me.

"I'm sorry," I said, laughing.

I looked at what she was choosing.

Spicy miso ramen, with extra corn and nori and a jasmine iced tea.

"It's the most expensive thing on there and dad hates spicy so he won't eat it all," she said with a smile. 

She handed me my phone back. 

I ordered tonkotsu ramen with extra soft-boiled egg and pork belly.

I don't even think my stomach can handle this after all of the hospital food, but it is worth a shot.

"Are you going to get a drink?"

I shook my head and went to order details and then the pay button. 

"Holy shit, 140 bucks is crazy," I said.

"Dad won't mind."

I do, holy shit.

I pulled the card from outside of my phone case and typed it into the app and then put it back. 

"Okay, it should be here soon," I said and she nodded.

Going back to her desk and where all of her homework is.

I got up and sat down on the extra chair that she had in her room.

"Do I have to have an opposition paragraph or whatever it is called as the first body paragraph?"

"I mean, wait, look at the rubric. Did we do that for the other one?"

She shook her head.

"Okay, let's do it for this one," I said and she pulled it out of her backpack and handed it to me.

"Thesis. Literally, the first thing your teacher said was to have an opposite opinion as your first body paragraph."

"Fuck," I started laughing.

"It's not that hard; just write an outline about it; actually, do that for all of the paragraphs and it will help it go by faster."

I said and she let out a sigh. 

"Okay, fine," she said.

"I will check your outline when you are done," I said and she nodded.

I heard loud knocking on the door.

"I'll go get it," I said.

It was the ramen.

I walked slowly down the stairs as the pounding got louder.

God damn.

I finally made it to the door.

Oh god.

I feel very wary.

Very scared now.

Scared of whose on the other side.

It's the ramen.

It's nothing.

It's just the doordasher.

I was okay.

I was safe.

I was protected.

I opened the door.

Oh.

Somehow I was really hoping it was the kidnapper over my dad.

"Hi dad," I mumbled.

He looked pissed and it was only him so I knew something was up.

I probably should have checked if the ramen was here on the app before I came downstairs and opened the door. 

He smelled like alcohol too.

I felt my shoulders drop. 

He pushed me into the house and slammed the door behind him.

"I want to talk to you," my dad said, pointing at me as he backed me into a wall.

"Where's that fucking fiance of yours? Hiding?" He looked around with an expression that I couldn't even recognize. "That's fucking convinent. Tell him to come out," my dad shouted in my face.

"He's not here, dad," I said flatly. I can't show him I am sacred.

He feeds on fucking fear.

"Whatever you want to say to me, just say it and get out," I said.

The alcohol was piercing my nose and it made me sick.

How did he even drive here?

I should call mom.

Or someone.

Someone to come get him.

To make sure he got home safe and didn't kill himself.

My dad sneered at me. "Of course he's not here. Just my fucking luck. You are also so fucking lucky, aren't you, Ryder?"

What the fuck is he even on about right now?

Smack.

I rubbed my cheek and looked back at him, letting out a shaky breath. "What…what are you talking about right now?"

"What am I talking about? What am I talking about?!" he screamed, his voice starting to echo. "Everything in my life has gone to shit because of you."

Smack. "You've been telling Dom all of these fucking lies about me, that I'm this abusive fucker; oh, I did all of these things to you; all of these fucking lies and now everyone at work treats me like shit."

Smack.

I felt my eyes start to prick with tears. "I didn't tell him anything."

Smack. "Bull fucking shit!" he screamed

"Your little fiance fuck spread all of these lies about me and everyone treats me like I am some kind of fucking joke. And you really want me to believe that you didn't tell him anything? It's because of you. Because of your whoring around with him!"

My chest tightened as the tears slowly started to come down.

"Here comes the fucking waterworks," my dad said, rolling his eyes.

"That has nothing to do with me."

Smack.

I rubbed my cheek some more. 

I tried to wipe the tears but they kept coming.

"You've been spreading your legs for him, haven't you? Just like you've done for god knows who else. You're fucking pathetic, Ryder. A pathetic little slut who has ruined everything," he said.

He was digging for stuff to be mad at as I cried. "And you want me to believe that you are actually sick." He pinned me up against the wall and got closer to my face. "Please. You are faking it for attention. You always do shit like this. You are pathetic," he spat.

I felt like a helpless child.

As the tears continued to come down.

My glasses were dirty and I couldn't control it.

I just kept crying. 

"If you are…are going to talk to me like that, get out," I stuttered and he started yelling again.

"I will talk to you how I fucking want. Do you even know what you have done to my family? My perfect fucking family. Your mother and I can't even have a conversation without your name coming up. Your siblings do not want anything to do with me because of you. I am their fucking father and they don't even want to eat dinner with me!"

He stopped glaring at me and his eyes went to something else.

His attention was now on something else.

Someone else.

 And he let me go.

I pushed him lightly.

"Your dads a fucking bitch, you know that? HE RUINED MY FUCKING FAMILY! That's…that's why. Why your mom fucking left you and why he replaced her with a WHORE!" My dad screamed.

"Don't talk to her like that," I mumbled, pushing him harder and making a slow walk to the kitchen.

"And why not?" my dad said, walking after me.

I pulled out one of the drawers and grabbed the biggest knife in the pile.

I held it with both hands and I pointed it at my dad.

"And now you want to kill me. I'm your dad; I haven't done shit to you."

"Don't fucking talk to her like that," I said louder in between tears.

My cheeks were hurting from the slaps and my face was red.

He started laughing again. "You deserve everything. Every single slap he gives you, you deserve it. I know he puts his hands on you; I saw the bruises; I still see them and you know what you deserved it. You deserve everything and deserve to be treated like a fucking bitch!"

Oh god.

Oh god.

My dad moved closer as I held the knife with shaky hands.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" I looked up as Dominic walked in with Leo and Matteo following behind him.

My dad turned around. "This doesn't concern you."

Dominic got closer to him.

"It does because you are in my house; you have my fiance backed up against a cabinet and my daughter upstairs calling me scared. So yes, it does concern me," Dominic said and he stopped.

I watched as my dad punched him in the stomach.

He blinked slowly at him.

My dad turned back to me and reached out to grab me.

I dropped the knife as he flung me towards Dominic, who instantly grabbed me.

I'm fucking crying so much right now.

Holy shit.

"And now there's 2 more. You are a real fucking whore, aren't you?"

Dominic helped me stand on my feet and I watched as Matteo came in with a gun.

"You heard him get out!" Matteo said, pointing the gun at my dad and getting closer to him.

"You aren't going to do shit."

"They might not, but I will; I don't feel remorse," Matteo said with a small smile.

Medicate and radiate.

"So I'll give you a choice: I'll shoot you dead right here or you leave and never come back," Matteo said with a smile.

Freaky ass.

He shot one of the cabinets next to my dad's leg. "Times ticking."

My dad rolled his eyes and I watched as he headed to the door.

As quick as he came, he left.

"Dude, my cabinet," Dominic said as he dropped to his knees to check me.

"Are you okay?" I nodded, slowly wiping my tears.

"Oh baby," he said, checking on my face.

"I'm okay; it's just a little slaps," I said.

Matteo started to put the knives back where they belong and I watched as Isabella came downstairs.

"I'm sorry I made your dad angrier."

"It's okay, sweetie, you did the right thing," I said and I hugged her.

She pulled back from my hug and I smiled at her.

"I'm sorry about your cabinet," I mumbled.

"Its okay, baby; it really means nothing; I just want to make sure you are okay," Dominic said, rubbing my eyes.

"I'm okay," I said and he started to hug me again.

I'm safe when he is here.

I am glad he came.

I'm so glad.

I'm glad that I am safe.

"Eat your food, honey," Dom mumbled, putting one of his hands on my thigh.

"I am, I am," I said, shoveling food in my mouth.

We were all eating as a family.

A weird blended family and I was watching Matteo scarf down his food like he hadn't been fed in weeks.

Dom's hand didn't leave my thigh as he ate.

He kept squeezing my thigh and rubbing it with his thumb.

I looked over at his lap and then back at my food.

I felt a smile grow on my face.

Somehow it's reassuring.

I should be grossed out that this man was getting hard from just rubbing my thighs.

"What are you smiling at?" I looked up at Leo, who was across from me.

"Nothing," I said.

"Nothing," he mocked. "Yeah, right, talking like that. What are you smiling at?" he asked again.

Everyone's attention was now on me.

My eyes were bloodshot red, and my face was also red.

"Just happy, that's it," I said.

Dom's hand felt so warm on my legs.

It made me feel all weird and tingly.

His nails were now slowly rubbing my inner thigh as he ate like nothing was wrong.

I felt a pit in my stomach as I shifted.

I was technically greenlighted by the nurse.

So we could.

Could have sex.

But.

I don't think Dom would like that.

He would want to make sure that I am 100 percent better and in my right mind.

Damn him for being a good guy.

We finished the ramen and the day went on as normal.

Now we were in bed again and talking about Dom's parents.

"We can just spend the night and it can be a vacation," he said and I nodded.

"I like the sound of that, but will they be okay with me?"

"Yeah, my dad will be impressed I got someone younger."

Oh.

"Uh, not that, but," I gestured to myself.

"Oh. I don't know how my dad feels about gay people but it will be okay."

Not quite, but okay.

"On the topic of that, I have a few warnings. My dad is a fucking bigot. So be prepared; if you kiss ass enough, then it will be fine. Don't say anything negative about my mom, like not at all. Her cooking is great but if she is trying to make new dishes, then it does get a little fuzzy but whatever she makes, say it is great or my dad will genuinely kill you. Uh, what else? Yeah, anything about my mom. English is her third language so if she messes anything up, lightly correct her, but make sure my dad isn't in ear shot. Whatever she is wearing, compliment it immediately, and no shoes in the house," Dom said.

"Okay, that's not that bad. Be prepared for your dad, and don't even look at your mom wrong."

"Exactly."

Lol.

"Glad you understand. There is one more thing but I can't remember it all. It's something about my dad. Eh, not important," he said, shrugging.

And I nodded. "If you say so," I said, cuddling up to him.

He kissed my head.

"It will be fun; don't worry, your pretty head."

"I'm not," I said, laughing.

"Sure, sure. Okay, sleep well," he said and he started to cuddle me from behind, getting all in my personal space.

For him.

It's okay.