I can't move on

Holy shit.

The computer screen is starting to make my eyes hurt. 

Daniel and I were calling and Thomas was there but Gianna had called him to do something and it had been like 30 minutes now so they are probably getting freaky.

"Hi honey, wheres dada?" Daniel asked, to I am assuming one of his kids.

Zayne was currently sick but still insisted on taking care of the kids while Daniel worked.

"Yes, you can sit on my lap, but you have to be quiet though."

"Is that Yu or Xavier?" I asked.

"Xavier," Daniel mumbled.

"Yeah but that lady who was in the hospital who kept following you—that was Elena Rivera. She had the front desk lady at gunpoint to air all of your personal information. She didn't think to get your credit card info and address, which was dumb, but she does know Ryder's information, not his address either, so I don't know what her dumbass was doing," Daniel said.

"Cuss words, Daddy."

"Sorry, baby, but yeah," Daniel said and I heard him typing. 

"That's really annoying."

The people you are actually supposed to trust are betraying you like that.

Nothing against the front desk lady but that is very annoying.

"She's got my email too; I sent you the stuff she sent me," I said.

This is the last thing I have to do.

And then i go with Ryder.

My boy.

I smiled.

"I'm not like Matteo," I read out loud. "Xaiver, cover your ears and excuse Uncle's bad words. I am not easily swayed by ugly bitches."

That fucking pissed me off.

Pissed me off so fucking much that she said that about Leo.

"You got Matteo in your house?"

"Sadly."

"Maybe let him see the part about Leo, and he can take care of Elena for us."

"I am not letting him on this."

"Fine up to you," Daniel said.

"I don't give a flying fuck about some ugly, weirdly built bitch. I am not going to give up all of this power to be half ass liked by that fuck in your manison, dominic. I am not him; I am better," I continued reading.

"I know everything about you and that fat fuck too. Yeah, I said it. I really thought you were faking it; it was all a ploy to do something with power, but you guys are really in love, now that's crazy. That makes things harder, but I will come when you least expect it and unlike Matteo's failed kidnapping, I will kill him once I get him. I will kill everyone—that gay bitch, his husband, his two kids, his twin brother, his wife, I'll get Leo, I'll get Matteo, I'll get Isabella, and I'll get Ryder. And I will kill every last one of them. I am not going to play cat and mouse like always; I am going to kill everyone around you, and there's nothing you can do to stop me," I said and finished reading the email.

"She does realize that you have a lot more power than she does? Especially now with Matteo on your side."

"He's not on my side."

"Whatever you say, he is in your house and I think it's time you show her whose boss."

"I already did. Sent her the address of where she is right now and her social security number; I sent her parent's addresses and also the address of her supposed "lover." I also signed her up for the military," I said with a smile.

"That's fucked."

"Daddy, no cuss words."

"Sorry baby, okay, I am going to go check up on..."

A voice, which I assumed was Zayne's, interrupted. "Xavier, leave Daddy alone; he is working."

He did sound a little bit nasally. 

"Honey, I got him; you go to sleep; I ordered you something."

"Thank you, Daddy, but Xavier, come get some school work done," Zayne said.

"Bye, daddy!" Xavier said with a smile.

"I'll call you later; family calls." I heard the phone call end and I stood up.

My baby calls.

I opened the door and I heard laughing on the stairs.

I started to walk towards the laughter and I saw Matteo with his head on Ryder's shoulders, and the two of them were a little to close for comfort.

"Hi daddy-o," Ryder said in between laughter.

"Hi, what are you guys doing?" I asked, standing in front of them on the lower part of the stairs.

"Talking about you," matteo said and then they started laughing again.

And smoking weed because why are yall laughing so much?

I feel jealous.

Oddly jealous of something I shouldn't even be jealous about. 

The way he is touching him.

Is just.

It's just pissing me off.

I.

"You wanna show me you walking up the stairs?" I forced myself to ask.

I am not jealous.

I can't be jealous. 

"Oh, now you want to see," Ryder said, using the rail to stand up.

I walked up the stairs toward him and reached my hand out. "Yes, I do, and I don't want attitude either."

He rolled his eyes and slowly walked down towards me and grabbed my hand.

I helped him down so we were now at the bottom step.

God, he looks great.

"You done with work," he asked me, letting go of my hand. 

"Yeah for now, there was a lot happening and keeping you and my daughter safe is my top priority."

"What about Leo?" Ryder asked me

I looked up at Matteo. "I hate to say this but I am not worried about him because his guard dog will move heaven and hell for him."

Matteo laughed.

I hate to rely on him, but Daniel was right.

He would be very helpful and could make sure nothing happened to Leo.

"I want you to get better and not live in fear," I said and he nodded. 

"Now, come on, show me," I said, lightly smacking his ass.

He nodded.

I watched him let go of the rail and then slowly start to walk up the stairs.

One by one.

Stair by stair.

With no help.

Nothing at all.

He slowly passed Matteo, who was still sitting on the stairs.

I rubbed my mouth as I watched him go.

I can't.

I can't think of him like this.

While he's showing me his accomplishments.

I slowly walked after him up the stairs and stopped when he finally reached the top.

He turned around and smiled at me.

His perfect perfect smile.

With his perfect full lips.

With his warm, glowy skin.

With his dark, curly hair down and curly.

His soft jawline and chubby face.

His narrow eyes.

His everything. 

"Good job!" I said with a smile.

He started laughing. "Why do you seem happier than me?" Ryder said.

I grabbed him slowly and put him into a hug.

"I am just happy that you are making so much progress," I said, squeezing him like my life depended on it.

That happiness high really got me through the rest of the day.

So much for the scary mafia boss because I can't stop smiling.

Throughout all of his other physical therapy sessions and walking around.

Everything.

He helped Leo cook dinner today.

And I caught myself staring more than I should.

Looking at him like a piece of meat.

In ways I shouldn't.

I should be respectful and nice. 

But I wasn't.

Him slowly moving around the kitchen in his shorts.

I had to keep shutting my mouth and licking my lips.

When he sat next to me.

All I could look at were his thighs.

I couldn't even look him in the eye.

I'm a fucking pevert.

He decided to skip on a bath today and we were now in my bed.

Much to my dismay.

Nice and comfy.

It felt way better than the guess room, way better than the hospital, way better than it has ever felt before.

Because he was there.

He was there and getting better.

That's why the bed felt so good.

He was sitting on his side of the bed holding his knitting stuff and leaning over, trying to figure it out.

I hate myself for looking at him like this.

Getting sneaks down his shirt.

Like a fucking pervert.

He could walk up the stairs now.

He could.

He could have sex now.

But I won't mention it unless he does.

I will wait for forever as long as he is happy. 

"You got this; I believe in you," I said.

I have no idea how to knit so I cannot help him.

"There you go," I said.

"Yeah, but it's not as fast as I normally do it," he said, knitting.

"Yeah, it's fine, as long as it doesn't hurt."

"I know but I want to go faster," he whined and he stopped knitting.

"Well, you can't unless you start slow first; you have to start somewhere."

"But what if I can never knit fast again?" he asked and turned his head to look at me.

My eyes shot up to his eyes.

"That's fine; you will just do it slowly then; it's okay," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you would say that."

He moved back so his back was leaned up against my head board.

"What's that supposed?-"

He cut me off. "This is your fault, you know. I wouldn't be like this now if you didn't. Didn't." He was looking for something to yell at me about but he couldn't find anything.

"I know and I am sorry," I said.

His face dropped and he leaned over so he was cuddling my side. "I'm sorry."

I nodded. 

Mood swings were getting the better of him but it's not his fault.

I dont want to codle him, but I feel really bad and I understand where he is coming from. 

I rubbed his back and kissed his head.

"It's fine, baby," I said and he nodded.

My hand rested on his hip.

I let out a sigh.

I was better than this.

I was better than this.

So much better.

So why?

Why am I acting like this?

I was looking down in his shirt again.

Like a creep.

Like a fucking creep.

He pulled back and yawed.

He took off his glasses.

"I'm going to go to sleep," he said with a small smile.

I blinked. "Of course, baby," I said, letting go of him.

"I'll go turn off the light," I said.

I stood up and sighed.

Why?

Why now?

"What's wrong?" He noticed my sigh. I turned around quickly so he couldn't see my problem. 

"I just have to go to the bathroom." Technically, it wasn't a lie.

"Okay, I'll wait for you," he said with a cheery smile.

"Oh, you don't have to; it'll be a while."

He raised his eyebrow. "What are you going to do, shit?"

I nodded.

I'm sorry for lying, my love.

I said I wouldn't.

But.

I don't.

Don't want you knowing how much of a pervert I am. 

"Okay, you could have just said, instead of being all ominous," he said, laughing.

"I was embarrassed." embarrassed of my hard on right now.

"Dude, it's fine; just hurry back," he said, smiling, and then he slipped under the cover and put his head on the pillow.

"You want to turn on the TV or anything?" I asked, going towards the light switch. 

"That would be nice; give me something to sleep too," he said and I nodded, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV. 

I turned off the light and then handed him the remote.

"Thank you," he said, shifting slightly and changing the channel.

I walked into the bathroom, turned on the light and shut the door.

I slumped down on the closed toilet and sighed.

I hate myself.

I opened the cabinet and the lotion bottle stared back at me. 

I feel guilty doing this.

So fucking guilty.

But I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.

Especially because he is recovering now. 

Fuck.

Thinking about him is just making me more hard.

Fuck.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

I heard knocking on the door.

I opened my eyes and watched as Ryder let himself in.

"I thought you were going to sleep," I asked.

I could hear the television blaring in the background.

"I was but, uh, someone's calling you," he said, slowly walking to hand me my phone.

Giovanni Caurso.

"Thank you, baby."

I answered it and immediately started getting berated.

"Why didn't you answer your mom's call, you ungrateful fuck?"

"Your dad," Ryder mouthed and I nodded. 

"I didn't see it, Mamma; I'm sorry," I said.

I knew she was there with my dad because they were always together when one of them called.

"It's okay, Dom-ie. Mamma just wants you to come visit," my mom said. 

I heard Ryder laughing and I rolled my eyes, muting the call.

"My mom will not let go of that nickname if her life depends on it," I said and he started laughing. "It's cute."

"Answer your mother," I heard my dad snap.

I unmuted. 

My dad is killing my boner right now.

"When? I'm very busy," I said.

"Put the mafia life on pause and come visit," my dad said.

"You know I can't do that."

"Find a fucking way or I will kill you," my dad said.

Oh.

Okay, Giovanni, calm down now. 

"Okay, fine, fine."

I was hoping that was the end of it.

But knowing my dad, of course not.

 "You better bring a nice Italian girl home too. You know Sandro and his fiance just got married?"

"Yes, dad, I was there."

"Well, you should have been first; you are the oldest. Did you and Lova ever?-"

I cut him off. "Don't bring her up and no. I." I looked up at Ryder, who gave me a weird look. "I have somebody. We got engaged pretty recently."

Ryder's face turned red as he flipped me off.

"You got engaged, Dom-ie, and you didn't tell us?" I heard my mom's voice screeching.

"Like I said, I have been busy with work; I will come visit, I promise," I said.

"You better, you ungrateful brat," my dad said and like always, he ended the call without saying goodbye.

"Your parents seem lovely."

"I guess," I said.

I stood up.

"I swear Sandro and his fiance broke up," I said.

Maybe I am remembering it wrong.

"Your brother?"

I nodded.

"I'll tell you about it whenever we go visit them."

"You weren't joking?"

"Hell no, I am not going there alone, so what better way than to bring my fiance?"

"Fake fiance."

"Only fake if you make it fake; now let's actually go to bed," I said, turning him around so he was facing the direction of the bed instead of the toilet.

"Wait."

"What now?" I asked.

"Don't what now me. Why were you shiting with the toliet seat closed?" He asked, turning around to give me this weird look. 

I pushed him over to the bed.

"I was trying to jerk off but my dad killed my fucking boner," I said.

I walked over to my side of the bed.

"Wait what."

"Get in bed," I said and he did as he was told.

"Yes sir."

"Too far," I said, getting under the covers.

"You jerking off was too far."

He was right.

But in my defense.

Actually.

I have nothing.

"I don't think she ever worked for me, maybe briefly," Matteo said.

It was the next day and Leo insisted on having his little fling in on our meeting.

"How do you not know who works for you?" Leo asked.

His face softened instantly, and he smiled.

Gross. 

He pulled out his phone and started to type stuff on it. "I can find out right now, actually."

Fucking weirdo. 

There was way too much happening, but Elena was scared for now over the little threat that I sent her.

"Okay, while he is doing that, I think we should go to the conference thing in a couple of weeks; I think it would be a much needed and important business trip," Leo said and I nodded.

"I don't really want to leave…"

Matteo interrupted me. "She worked for me for a couple of weeks and then quit."

Oh okay.

"Okay, cool, that adds stuff to it; do you have any more personal stuff on her?"

"I emailed it to you, but there might be some more files at my house," Matteo said. "Thank you."

"Okay, but yeah, I think we should.."

Interrupted again but this time by the door opening me.

I straightened myself up and I smiled at Ryder as he walked in with food.

"Oh, honey bear, you didn't have to do that," I said, standing up to grab the food from him. 

I heard gagging behind me.

I turned around; it was Matteo, and Leo was laughing his ass off.

"You guys are gross," he said and I rolled my eyes.

I turned back.

"I made you guys all rice bowls. Teriyaki chicken for both you and Leo and then some tasteless beef for you, Matteo, because you mentioned you have issues with sauce," he said.

I handed them out to all of us.

"Oh wow, very considerate," Matteo said and he started to eat.

I sat down on my chair.

"Thank you, baby."

"Just doing my housewife duties," he said with a smile as he started to steal some of my food. 

"You aren't my housewife," I said, pulling him to sit on my lap.

He started laughing.

He was trying to act all shy and cute so I didn't notice that he ate half my bowl of food.

"What were you guys talking about?"

Oh.

I don't want to lie to him.

"Hospital lady and then our next steps," I said and he nodded, feeding me.

Matteo was giving me this crazy look and Leo was shoving his face with food. 

"Oh cool," he said.

I kissed the side of his face and rubbed his legs.

"How are your legs feeling?" I asked.

"They lowkey hurt, but Isabella was helping me by getting all of the stuff I needed out of the fridge and I did the chopping and all of the cooking and tried to stay off my feet."

"Oh, that's good, while the food tastes good," I said, continuing to eat the delicious food that he made.

"You use the rice cooker or did you use the stove?"

"Rice cooker, Isabella taught me how to use it because we have very different ones," i said and he nodded.

"Blame Leo, he spent way to much money on it and it has a crazy amount of buttons," I said.

I looked over at both Matteo and Leo as they gave me nasty looks.

I looked back at Ryder, who kept feeding me.

I started typing on my computer, making sure I didn't squish him in the process.

"Elena will definitely be there," I said, typing what Matteo had in his email into another document.

"That's kind of the point."

"Are you sure it's not a trap?" I asked, asking Leo.

"Too many people and kingpins for it to be a trap," Matteo mumbled.

I took another bite as Ryder shifted on my lap.

I played with his shorts and slid my hand underneath them.

"You feel warm," I mumbled in his neck.

He started to laugh as Matteo looked at me with disgust.

I was definitely irritating them, but I didn't care; I just wanted to be with Ryder.

"But they could all be in on it," I suggested.

"You are probably the only mafia boss or powerful one that actually has a PhD and stuff like that, so I don't think they are smart enough to all be in on it, especially for someone who barely has made a name for themselves in the mafia world," Leo said, taking bites and typing.

"What…"

"And you barely finished college; I don't want to hear it," Leo said, not letting Matteo even say anything.

"Gagged," Ryder said and I started laughing.

I kissed his neck some more. 

And he scooched back more and more.

"You are already on my dick, baby; you can't move back anymore."

Leo stood up angrily.

"Okay, you guys are done. Ryder, I love you but get out," Leo said.

"Don't talk to him like that," I said.

"I'm talking to him very respectfully; we just have to get work done and I don't need you getting distracted by him because you tend to do that," Leo said. He had a hint of attitude in his voice.

I rolled my eyes.

Ryder turned back to face me and gave me this sad look. "Am I distracting you?"

"No, baby boy, you aren't; its my fault."

"Stop fucking babying him. Ryder out," Matteo said, he was also standing up.

"Don't talk to him like he's a dog. I will kick both of you out of here; don't fucking talk to him like that!" I felt my voice get louder.

Both of them sit down.

Now I was angry.

Fuck.

I don't like being angry.

"The plan is we leave in a couple of weeks for like 6 or 7 days; we get a hotel, just one because I don't want to risk anything. We scope out the area and whose going to be there; we look them up and then get some allies and then we scope out where Elena is going to be," I said.

"Now we are fucking talking."

Our conversation continued for what our plan was.

"What am I going to do when you guys are gone?" ryder asked.

"Stay here with Isabella; I upgraded security so you will be protected. I'll facetime you ever day," i said and he smiled.

"Okay," he said and I rested my chin on his shoulder. 

"Oh and I have a gift for you," I said and pulled open one of my drawers. 

"A your shape didlo?"

"A what?"

I heard Leo bust out laughing as he leaned over and started to cackle.

"What's that?" I asked.

Leo couldn't stop laughing and Matteo just shook his head.

I feel very out of the loop.

Ryder was also laughing. "Joking, joking."

"I'm so confused."

"What's my gift?" he asked with a smile.

Ignoring whatever just happened.

I grabbed the card out of my draw and handed it to him.

"It's a card to my bank account, because I don't want you to have to find me for stuff. Like, especially when we are gone for a week, just do you can order stuff as you please. It has a $5,000 limit per day and if you need more, I can change it for it," I said.

Ryder turned around and looked at me like I was crazy.

"You are giving me this?"

"Yes."

"Your bank card?"

"My spare one."

He looked at it and just held it. 

"You are my fiance and I guess money is also how I show my love," I said with a smile.

"Is this…"

"No questions, just put it in the back of your phone case with your ID card," i said and he did what he was told.

I never thought Id get to feel like this again. 

I didn't even give Lova access to my back account.

We had a joint account, which she promptly emptied out when she left, but never my bank account.

I never thought I would trust someone like this again.

I would give him everything if it would make him happy.

I would give up everything for him if it would make him happy. 

"On days you don't feel like cooking, you just order door dash or whatever and just get whatever you want," I said.

"I'll be mindful."

"You don't have to be. You can get that your shape dildo you were talking about."

Leo started laughing again and so did Ryder.

"Why would he buy one if he has the real thing?" Leo said cakcling.

"Just in case the real one can't get hard anymore," Matteo said.

"That's not a problem; I'll tell you that match," Ryder said and now all three of them were laughing.

I am so fucking confused right now.

"What is even happening?" I asked.

"I'll show you some good ones," Leo said and Ryder started laughing even more.

"What do you mean by that?" Matteo asked and Leo started laughing again.

What is fucking happening?

Hey, as long as Ryder is happy.

I am happy.

No matter what he wants.

I will give it to him.

To make him happy.

No matter what.