LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 48: Concerns, Tears and Apologies
It almost seemed like a dream.
If not for the lingering scent of the man’s perfume, she really would have thought it was some sort of fever dream. She sighed as she relaxed against the pillow stacked against the headboard. Her back was mostly numb now but there was a lingering ache, which was to be expected after what she had gone through.
“Min, can you go and bring Manu here?” She asked as she absently scratched the side of her neck. It felt itchy.
Min bowed and quietly went out, while Su arranged the blankets on her. It wasn’t long before Lian brought in food for her, arranged a small table on the bed, allowing her to put her legs beneath it, and they quietly arranged the food. All of them had sombre looks on their faces, their brows furrowed and their lips curled downwards.
“What is it? Why do you all look so sullen?” She asked.
They glanced up in uncanny unison and then exchanged looks with each other. All of them seemed hesitant to speak.
Samaya tilted her head. “Well?”
Lian opened her mouth to speak, “It’s no-”
“How can you be so uncaring, Lady Qing?”
“Su!” Lian called out, her tone scolding. “Do not speak to the Lady that way!”
Samaya quickly shook her head. “No, Lian, it’s fine.” She turned to the young girl. “Su, what are you talking about?”
Something seemed to bubble up in the girl. “My lady, why are you so uncaring about yourself? You never say anything when the other concubines bully you! I know Attendant Li was hurting you too! But you never said a word! Not until you found out that the Prince too… and even now! You almost died! But you do not seem to care! His Majesty himself came but you… but you never demanded that the Imperial Consort be pun-”
“Su,” she interrupted, her voice calm but firm. It was enough to make her clam up. “I understand that you are frustrated. But you need to watch what you are saying. We have no idea who was behind this. We can throw around accusations. Be careful, even walls have ears.”
Su ducked her head and Samaya could see a single tear run down her face and drop to the ground.
Yu moved forward and bowed, speaking softly with a cracking voice. “Please forgive her. Su was… we all were afraid that … that you would be… fatally injured or… or worse. Su overstepped in her concern. Please be understanding.”
Samaya blinked at that, looking at the faces peering at her, trying to conceal their worry, some succeeding more than others. It hit her like a ton of brick. They were worried for her. These maids, whom she had not given much thought beyond ‘servants I should be nice to as long as they do not get in my way’, were worried. For her. Su was crying. And Yu, the girl she barely ever acknowledged except when she served her, was trying to hold back her tears.
She felt something clog up her throat and she had to exhale softly so she wouldn’t lose her composure. God, what was she going to do with these silly little girls? How could they care so deeply for someone they had met barely a month ago?
“Why?” She asked softly. “Why are you worried about me?”
Su looked up, seeming confused. “You… you are our lady…”
Samaya tilted her head, also confused. It was Lian who spoke next. “My lady,” she started. “When we are assigned to someone, we must serve them faithfully, care for their happiness, sorrow and pain. We must care for our lady.”
Samaya raised an eyebrow. That couldn’t be the end of it and they both knew that.
“You are … kind,” Lian continued after a moment. “You do not punish us for honest mistakes. You share your food with us, you speak with us, you laugh with us. You see us as … humans. This slave has been working in the Imperial Palace for the past 20 years and she has never been treated with such consideration. Commoner slaves like us are rarely more than dirt under the boot of concubines. But you, my lady, had us beside you instead of at your feet. We shall never be able to forget your kindness.”
And that was enough to have them treat her with such care and kindness. She understood. When her mentor had rescued her and brought her to his home, showing her the slightest bit of kindness, she had been absolutely ready to do anything for him. She was lucky that it was his mentor who saved her, not some creep who would take advantage of the crushing loneliness and the lack of self-worth she’d had at the time.
Fuck, why did everyone remind her of her past?
She sighed and gestured at the girls to come closer. They did, but it wasn’t enough. She gestured again. And once more before they were close enough. She gently reached out and ruffled their hair one by one, both of them letting out similarly indignant squeaks.
“Thank you for worrying,” she said softly. “You have to understand, I am not a noble. I am not someone who is entitled to throw tantrums for herself. As a commoner who got into the harem solely for her child, I cannot make a scene, unless it is for my son. If I do, well, that would only give all my enemies all the more reason to come at me. After all, why should His Majesty keep a concubine who does not know her place and reaches for the Heavens?”
All true. If she acted out and demanded the Emperor’s attention, no matter the reason, then everyone who had been looking for a chance to pounce at her… would. But the more important reason was, she did not particularly care for anyone’s involvement in this. Usually, in a situation like this, she would have reached out to the Fallen Phoenix Sect to do some investigation for her. But here, the circumstances were such that the Emperor had to be involved. Honestly, she would have preferred if he was not. That guy being involved meant meeting him more often, which was not good for the rush of all the confusing feelings she got every time she saw the man.
She shook those thoughts off and then turned to the girls, smiling. “Thank you,” she reached out and took Lian’s hand, squeezing it. “You as well. But you must be careful when speaking. Especially outside of this courtyard. Understood?”
Lian knew already, of course. The woman was nearing thirty. But the two younger girls, in lesser control of their emotions, must be reminded.
“Mama!” The familiar call came from the doorway. The girls parted, allowing her the sight of her son standing in the doorway, with Min and Ah-Liu behind him, all of them looking distraught.
Manu ran up to her, arms open to jump on her like they always were.
“Your Highness, you cannot! Lady Qing is injured!” It was Lian, bless her soul.
Manu stumbled, a bit comically, Samaya would admit. And then he walked slowly to the bed, looking up at her with wide eyes, as if she would disappear any moment. He clearly wanted to come to her but was too afraid to.
Samaya opened her arms. “It’s okay.”
“But mama, you are injured!”
“I will be okay. Just be slow and gentle when get on, okay?”
Manu hesitated for a moment but his need for his mother’s embrace and warmth quickly overshadowed his hesitance. He gingerly climbed onto the bed, but did not get on her lap as he usually would. Instead, he slid closer and gently put his arms around her neck, burying his face under her chin.
“I was so scared,” he whispered.
Samaya reached up, stroking his hair in a soothing manner. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
“I thought you were going to die.”
Oh, her poor baby.
“I did not. I am here, alive and well. Don’t think about it anymore, okay?”
“You are not well. You are injured.”
Samaya chuckled softly. “I will be fine. I have come back injured many times. Didn’t I always heal? It’s alright, baby.” She dropped a kiss on his head. “Mama is fine. You don’ have to worry.”
Manu’s arms around her neck tightened and Samaya just knew he was not believing any of what she said. She sighed. It couldn’t be helped. The boy got quite a scare last night. He had never actually seen her in a life or death situation. It was only natural that he would be impacted.
She looked up at the girls and Ah-Liu, before gesturing Min and Ah-Liu to come closer. They did. One hand still around Manu, she gently reached out to Min with her other hand and ruffled her hair too. She looked surprised and confused, but the look of concern in her eyes told Samaya everything she needed to know.
“Thank you,” she repeated, before looking at all of them. “I am sorry for worrying you, everyone. I am alright now. The Physician said I would be healed in a month. So don’t worry anymore, alright?”
She exhaled softly. “Now, I would like some time alone with my son, if you don’t mind.” She tilted her head, pretending to be thoughtful for a moment, before speaking. “Ah-Liu, you stay back. I need to speak with you for a moment.”
The maids bowed and made their way out. The moment Ah-Liu was sure that the girls were out of earshot, he dropped to his knees on the ground, a look of utter despair coming over his face as she reached out and clutched the sheets by her feet.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, jiejie,” he croaked out, his voice cracking as if he was holding back tears. “I shouldn’t have gone. I should never have left you alone. This is my fault. You got hurt because of-”
“Ah-Liu!” Her voice was probably harsher than she intended. But it did its job. Ah-Liu clamped his mouth shut and looked up at her with wide, red rimmed eyes. She reached out and then pinched his cheek tightly, making sure it stung. “Who told you that you could blame yourself? This is not your fault. I was the one who told you to go. Don’t you dare take all the blame upon yourself.”
“But if I hadn’t-”
“No buts!” She interrupted. “Do you think that this was the first time I was ever in a situation like this? Do you think this was the first time I had to fight off random fuckers who came after me? Or do you think this was the first time I had to fight for my life? This has nothing on some of the missions I went on. I can handle myself. If anything, these injuries are my own fault. I was too preoccupied with dealing with them quickly and let my guard down. I didn’t think they would have someone wielding ranged attacks. I got hurt because I made a mistake. Nothing more, nothing less. Understood?”
Ah-Liu sniffled but did not answer.
Samaya raised an eyebrow and gently cupped the boy’s cheek. “Ah-Liu, this has been my life since… well, forever. Someone sent some hired thugs after me. They are the ones to blame, not you. If the same had happened to you and I had blamed myself, then would you have agreed?”
An instant shake of the head.
She smiled at him. “So, don’t blame yourself, alright?”
After a moment of hesitation, he nodded.
Samaya smiled and patted his head, her other hand repeating the same motion on Manu’s back, feeling the same warmth she had felt when she had taken Manu as her own.
It felt good to have people who cared about you.
