LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 43: Desire
It took everything in her not to grab the nearest chopsticks and shove it into the eye of the Emperor. Damn this man and his habit of concealing his presence.
She exhaled softly and turned, bowing her head. “Greetings, Your Majesty.”
“Arise.” She straightened and out of the corner of her eyes saw everyone else doing the same. They must have been bowing from the moment they saw him. Did he not allow them to arise until now? Considering how unbothered they looked, this must be a normal occurrence. It annoyed her modern sensibilities though.
“We were coming to see you and Prince Xu. Imagine Our surprise when We find that Our concubine is in the kitchen doing menial work to prepare a feast.”
“Hardly a feast, Your Majesty,” she replied. “Manu wanted to have his favourite food after all that happened today. So I cooked it for him. The Princesses came to see Manu and decided to join him.”
He looked at her for a long moment and then reached forward to take her hand. She tensed and resisted the urge to tear her hand away from his grasp. The man turned her hand and gently swiped his fingers across her calluses.
“If it was any other of our concubines, We would have said that such delicate hands should not be doing such harsh labour. But these hands of yours are hardly delicate, Ya’er.”
That fucking nickname again. She could hear the whispering around her. No doubt that the news that the Emperor favoured the commoner concubine enough to give her a nickname and even call it so affectionately. But this close, she could see those unreadable, indifferent golden eyes. She had no idea where the man wanted to go with this but as long as it didn’t put Manu in harm’s way, she didn’t care.
“The fight for survival rarely allows chances for delicacy, Your Majesty.”
He paused. “It does not, does it?”
He finally let go. “Well, then, may We have a seat at the table?”
Well, it wasn’t like she could deny him. She hid her annoyance behind a shallow smile and said, “As long as this humble arrangement satisfies Your Majesty, we would be honoured.”
“Wonderful.” He turned towards Fu Caiyi, who had been standing a few steps away, trying very much not to stare in their direction. He extended a hand towards her. “Come, beloved concubine, sit with Us. We have been far too negligent as of late. Let Us rectify Our mistake.”
It seemed the man did actually notice the fact that he’d been ignoring Fu Caiyi not only this time but also all the other times that he found Samaya and Fu Caiyi together. She had been a bit concerned. Fu Caiyi did not show it, but she was anxious about losing the Emperor’s favour. In her vulnerable moments, she expressed her fear for her daughters. It was a tumultuous world for women, no matter which world it was.
Fu Caiyi, to her credit, responded swiftly and bowed. “I am grateful, Your Majesty.”
She took the man’s hand and then was led to the seat to his right. The Emperor then pulled out the seat for her before turning to his left and pulling out the seat right next to him, the seat Samaya had been standing beside while setting the table. He gestured at the seat as he looked at Samaya.
Samaya bowed the same as Fu Caiyi and took her seat before watching quietly as the man went to the children huddled together a few feet away. He then gently led them to the table and had them sit on the other side. “This way, We can see all Our children.”
Manu seemed to be the only one responding. He hesitantly smiled at the man. The twins ducked their heads shyly while Princess Fang bowed her head, murmuring, “I am honoured” softly.
There came that annoyance again.
“Alright, let us get to eating.” She said as she turned to the Head Chef. “One more bowl, please, Auntie.”
The woman nodded and hastily prepared the nicest bowl they had. It was put in front of the Emperor, after which the man dismissed everyone with a wave of his hand, saying that he wished to spend time alone with his concubines and children.
Fortunately, after the food was served and they began eating, the man spoke mostly with Fu Caiyi and the children, especially the girls, asking how they had been, how their studies were going, etcetera, etcetera. The girls gave soft, cautious answers, nervously glancing at each other, The distant, almost frigid relationship they had with the Emperor was almost as clear as day. It … tugged at her heart. It reminded her of her own childhood, running from town to town with her absentee mother, who would drop her off at the nearest motel with a bundle of money and expected the little Samaya to be quiet, obedient and efficient whenever she was present. Now that she had a child of her own - a child she was determined to ensure the happiness of - it gave her the hindsight to realize how fucked up it all was.
“Oh and Lady Qing-” the Emperor’s voice pulled her out of her spiralling thoughts. She looked up at the man, her chopsticks paused halfway up to her mouth. The man was now staring at her and she tilted her head in confusion. Putting down her chopsticks, she spoke, “Is something the matter, Your Majesty?”
He reached out again and this time she forced herself not to tense up. She already gave him far too much of a read into her emotions. The man’s forefinger landed just under her chin while his thumb reached up to wipe the corner of her lips. It lingered there longer than was appropriate as those golden eyes seemed fixated on her lips. She felt her own lips tingle out of nowhere, keenly feeling the heat of the man’s thumb against her skin. There it was, again. Her lips itched and her breath hitched ever so slightly. She had enough experience to know the beginnings of desire.
The man was too close. Samaya could almost see herself reflected in his eyes. There was a soft flutter in her chest. No. Oh no. She had to stamp that shit down, NOW.
She gently pulled away from the man’s hand, leaving those fingers caressing only air. “Is something the matter, Your Majesty?” She asked again.
“Ah,” he seemed to pull himself out of his trance and dropped his hand. “Apologies. You seemed to have some food stuck there.” He turned away, his expression stoic as if nothing had happened. “You must have been deep in your thoughts. I have never known you to be a clumsy eater.”
“Oh.” She honestly was quite lost for words. She coughed and thanked her ability to hide her emotions as she spoke. “Was there something you wanted to say to me?”
“Ah, yes.” He glanced at Manu before looking back at her. “We have decided to let Our son rest for a while. He is excused from his lessons for a week. And so are you, my concubine. Oh, and you do not have to attend morning tea with the Empress for the next three days. Take the opportunity to rest and spend some time with Prince Xu.”
It was a weight she hadn't realised she had. She'd been busy the entire day, she hadn't even had the time to consider what would happen the next few days. She probably would have eventually had Manu rest for a few days and emotionally blackmail anyone who tried to say otherwise, including the Emperor. It was a good thing that the Emperor brought this up himself.
For once, she let a genuine smile bloom on her face, the kind that reached her eyes. “Thank you, Your Majesty. I believe my son needs the break.”
“Well, We are concerned about Our children as well,” He leaned in, “No matter what you would like to believe.”
She cleared her throat and turned back to her food. “Yes, I can see that.” She paused. “Thank you.”
The man moved away and the rest of their impromptu lunch, fortunately, was uneventful. Once they were done, Samaya called back the servants and allowed them to clear everything up. The Emperor left hastily after patting the children on the head and dropping a kiss on Fu Caiyi’s temple and only granting Samaya a little nod. The man sure knew how to balance. Calculating, even in his personal relationships.
They thanked the servants and Samaya apologised to them because she couldn’t share the food with them. There was only enough for a few people in the first place but without the Emperor coming in, there could have been some leftovers for everyone else to get a spoonful. The man ate two fucking bowls by the time she was finished with one.
She promised to make some for them sometime, and they seemed horrified at the very thought.
“An Imperial concubine cooking for us slaves? Heaven forbid!”
When she tried to protest, the Head Chef waved her away and practically pushed all of them out. “Go on! Whatever you need to eat, I will cook, so do not come back here again!”
Samaya smiled at the matronly woman before waving goodbye to them, following Fu Caiyi to the Yongyagong. There was a strange sort of quiet between herself and Fu Caiyi as they walked, Oh they spoke, but it was mostly inconsequential chatter with short questions and shorter answers. The children were lively, however. Playing around and chasing each other, even Princess Fang - the ever reserved little girl - let out a few giggles. Manu even managed to pull Ah-Liu in their games. The boy chased the children around and pretended to be tired or trip every now and then, making the children giggle unstoppably. It was a heartwarming sight.
They were almost to the Yongyagong when Fu Caiyi finally spoke her mind. “His Majesty seems to harbour great affection for you, Lady Qing.”
Ah. So that was what was on her mind. Honestly, considering the precarious position concubines had in this thrice-damned palace, it was a legitimate concern when the Emperor began to favour a particular concubine a little too much. This was a thought that would certainly occur to her after the display the man put not half an hour ago.
Samaya sighed and resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of her nose. This man - always causing her headaches. She swore, if she lost her only friend in this stupid Palace, she was going to make his life hell.
“Hardly,” she replied. “He does not feel any affection for me. Carnal desire, perhaps. But not any sort of affection, that is for sure.”
“And you?”
Samaya blinked. “What about me?”
“Do you have… carnal desire … for the Emperor?”
She paused at that. She knew the answer. But should she tell Fu Caiyi? She looked at the woman, who was staring back at her with unsure, almost cautious eyes. Samaya, for once, decided to do something very much unlike herself - something that went against everything that had been taught to her - and give the woman the truth..
“I won’t deny it.” She smiled. “I have not desired anyone like this for quite a while. It makes me feel uneasy, to be honest.” She decided not to mention the flutter she had felt in her chest when the man had touched her. It wasn’t important anyway. Just her horny body sending mixed signals.
“Why?” The woman frowned. “If you please His Majesty, you could have status and luxury beyond anything one could ever imagine.”
“I suppose,” she shrugged. “But it is neither his crown nor the status he can give me. I am attracted to … well, him. The man himself. Or… at the very least, his body.” She leaned in and whispered. “I think he has a very nice body underneath all that fabric.”
That startled a laugh out of the woman. Samaya smiled and felt her heart lighten as she watched the woman try to compose herself. It took a moment before her fellow concubine looked at her. “Even so, why do you not act on those desires?”
Samaya pondered on how to answer that for a moment before she spoke softly. “I have always been proud of my ability to control myself. Besides, I am here for my son. I wish to ensure my son is happy before going on to live my own life. Sleeping with the Emperor - that comes with complications. Bindings that would try to restrict me. While I am confident that I can deal with them. I do not wish to have that hassle on my hand for a moment of fleeting desire.”
Fu Caiyi stared at her for a moment before she said, “You are strange, Lady Qing.”
Samaya threw her head back and laughed. “So I have been told, Lady Fu, so I have been told.”
By the time they reached the Yongyagong, they were all more or less tired. Even Samaya felt heavy. Fuck, the stress since the previous day must have kept her pretty tense. Now that she was relaxed, she could feel her strength draining.
She bade the others goodbye and Fu Caiyi went off to escort Princess Fang back to Consort Song Yuhan, her mother.
Samaya, on the other hand, gathered Manu in her arms and went inside. She took just enough time to take off all the pins in her hair and get the outer layers of the robes off her while the servants did the same for Manu. Then the both of them were in bud, Manu curled up in her arms, shaking ever so slightly now that they were alone and he did not have to pretend to be strong. She wrapped her arms around him protectively and kissed his head.
“It’s okay, baby. Sleep.”
They had an entire week’s worth of free time ahead of them. They could decide what to do with it later. For now, both of them needed rest.
Manu passed out pretty quickly, face nuzzled just below her neck, Samaya following soon after and falling into a deep sleep.
