I Became a Malicious Streamer

“Is Ryuah not dating?”

Since entering high school, I’ve already heard this question several times.

Why is everyone so interested in other people’s love lives? I thought this to myself, but Ryuah raised her head and replied instead of showing annoyance.

“Yeah, not really.”

“Why? There are plenty of people who like you. You’ve received a ton of confessions so far.”

“That’s right! Jung-hwan, the senior, confessed to Ryuah!”

“Jung-hwan too?”

“Ryuah really has high standards.”

Jung-hwan is a third-year student, the head of the band club, and was already well-known among the girls for his handsome looks and long limbs. During last year’s festival, he played the guitar and sang, skyrocketing his popularity among the girls. You could say he became the school heartthrob.

But for some reason, he approached Ryuah, and she refused him with a lukewarm attitude.

It wasn’t without any prelude. Ryuah’s friend was in the band club, and Ryuah had come to see her from time to time, talking to Jung-hwan. She had quietly observed a few band practices and enjoyed some snacks bought by Jung-hwan with her friend several times.

Every time, Jung-hwan showed interest in Ryuah, but she never expected it would lead to a confession.

“I’ve never thought about dating an oppa.”

Had she said this as her refusal? Yes, she really hadn’t thought about dating. Jung-hwan was fun, and he had been consistently nice to Ryuah, but she just didn’t feel any romantic feelings.

She didn’t dislike him, but he wasn’t good enough for dating. Jung-hwan, upon hearing this, suggested getting to know each other better, but that idea didn’t sit well with Ryuah at all.

Thus, they remained as oppa and dongsaeng. However, it’s true that their relationship became awkward afterward, and Ryuah didn’t go to the band club from then on.

“You’re going to end up never dating at this rate?”

“Right, what’s the rush? Just date once and if it doesn’t work out, then break up.”

“That’s true. You might end up liking them while dating.”

After I shared the circumstances of my rejection, this was the response I got. They were neighborhood friends who grew up and entered high school together without moving away.

They all knew Ryuah’s middle and high school life and recognized that she had been alone unlike others.

To them, it felt unbelievable. With her pretty face and decent personality, why hadn’t she ever dated, especially when boys were lining up?

It seemed there was something unexplainable about her high standards. Someone cautiously asked, wondering if perhaps…

“Ryuah, do you maybe dislike guys or something?”

“If I dislike guys… does that mean I like girls?”

“Eek!”

Ryuah’s alleged misandry or homosexual tendencies led to a shriek among the girls. In a pose like she was protecting herself, Ryuah shook her head.

“Even if I like girls, I wouldn’t date you guys.”

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Like seriously.”

As Ryuah raised her fist, those who had been teasing quieted down. They hadn’t truly asked, after all.

Actually, it was Ryuah who found people, or rather the world, difficult to understand.

How can people date and break up so easily? Is love that light?

That was Ryuah’s perspective.

Dating and romantic feelings should make your heart race just by watching, cause your face to flush, and leave you speechless in front of that special someone. It’s not even comparable to a light-hearted crush.

Usually, things start from love at first sight or being helped in a dire situation.

“I told you to stop reading shoujo manga.”

“Nowadays it’s romance novels. I read them in my locker.”

“Why are you rummaging through someone else’s locker?”

“It’s romantic…”

Ryuah’s heavy, fate-driven idea of love was met with such evaluations from her friends.

“Your head is in the clouds.”

“For real. If you date based on those standards, our country will go down the drain. Our birthrate will drop.”

“It does lack realism…”

No one agreed with Ryuah’s romantic view, and she clenched her fists.

“Just watch. I won’t give up.”

Ryuah declared that she wouldn’t date until she found a love that made her heart flutter.

And so, several years passed.

*

“I’m a complete virgin, you know? I’m seriously a virgin, why don’t you believe me?”

[LOL, why would I believe you?]
[Seriously, stop with the lies.]
[You must have dated at least once, stop talking nonsense…]
[Even appealing to unicorns, wow.]
[This house really makes thick broth, huh?]

“No, I’m telling the truth… there’s been no one.”

Ryuah had become a streamer using the fact that she hadn’t dated anyone as part of her show’s funny aspect.

Feeling lonely was just a brief phase when she turned twenty, and after that, she didn’t care anymore.

“Well then, that’s it for today’s stream. Everyone, Ryu-bye~.”

Waving her hand at the camera before cutting the stream, she collapsed onto the bed behind her, feeling drained.

“Ugh…”

It’s common for streamers to feel a sense of emptiness after ending a broadcast. After being surrounded by so many people and then suddenly being left alone in a quiet house.

It felt so disconnected from the world. Ryuah knew that feeling well.

In the early days of her streaming career, she experienced loneliness for the first time and seriously considered dating.

She didn’t care about that anymore now, as she had devised her own coping strategies.

While tossing around in bed, Ryuah picked up her phone and called someone.

*

“Hey, Ryuah.”

-What are you up to?

“I was just resting.”

I was still living a cozy life. Streaming, resting, streaming, resting; my job was just like any other worker’s life.

The only difference was that my workplace was my home, my work was flexible, and I could schedule everything according to my own liking.

There were only positives that came to mind when I thought about my satisfying life. I intended to keep living like this. Forget retirement; whenever I want a break, I just ask for consent and take a long hiatus.

Even just posting updates occasionally during my breaks is enough to keep the broken-headed viewers engaged. Where else could I find a job like this?

-Hehe, Ji-eun is so wicked.

“What’s so wicked? There’s no streamer like me.”

-True, it’s the liking side that’s at fault. What can you do if those people fall for you?

The one who likes always ends up losing. Indeed, there were similarities between relationships with viewers and dating.

Power dynamics, dominance, and relationships. Female internet streamers have to juggle such complex elements.

At first, I felt uncomfortable and shy about it, but once I declared “I like you,” it became much easier. If I regarded it as providing a kind of service for fan management, it was simply a matter of perspective. I genuinely viewed my viewers as precious fans.

Experience doesn’t lie; I’d gotten used to this in many ways. But still, it’s a bit uncomfortable when people ask me to insult them or berate them…

-Is Ji-eun not dating?

“Dating? I don’t know… if the viewers find out, it’ll be a big deal.”

-Come on, as long as no one finds out, it’d be fine. Everyone secretly dates.

There was something else I got used to too. Ryuah calling me started to become a part of my daily routine. Like how Ji-yeon would call to check in, Ryuah began to call me just to relieve her boredom.

After her streams, Ryuah would definitely call me to chat about random stuff. Initially, I found it bothersome, but now I felt empty when the call didn’t come.

-…Do you not have someone you like?

“I’ll pass on that topic.”

-What? Let me know if there’s someone.

Dating was a subject that always popped up during our conversations. Is it a girls’ talk thing? Ryuah regularly asked me if I liked anyone or what my ideal type was.

Among the topic was also a discussion regarding the past controversy in my stream about being lesbian, where she seriously asked one night if liked girls.

What did I say back then…? I think I answered that I do consider girls as potential dating partners. Ryuah smiled vaguely and thanked me for that response.

I must’ve completely forgotten due to drinking a lot, though. Anyway, my love life wasn’t making any progress.

And why would it? I still can’t imagine dating a guy, and the requirements for girls are very high.

How many of the girls I’m interested in are actually available to date?

It’s hard enough to find a girl I like, let alone think about dating.

“I don’t think I can date.”

-You know those who say that are often the first to get married.

“Marriage, huh… I genuinely think it’s hopeless.”

With a small chuckle, Ryuah spoke.

-So what if we live together later? If we both can’t find someone?

“When would that be?”

-Maybe mid-thirties? No, how about we just combine our lives now? I think I might never date too.

“Are you serious?”

-Yeah, seriously. Don’t you want to live with me, Ji-eun?

It seemed Ryuah often expressed a desire to live together, showing signs of loneliness.

Well, why not? It’s better than growing old and lonely by myself. It’s sad to be by myself when I suddenly fall ill.

-What if we just move in together now?

“What are you talking about? Don’t kid around.”

-No, I’m seriously saying I’m bored of being alone after finishing my streams. Don’t you find it boring being alone?

I had already lived alone for a long time, and occasionally Si-young or Ji-yeon dropped by my place. My family lived close, making it easy to hang out with others when I felt lonely.

-So, you have a lot of friends, huh?

“Uh, I didn’t mean it like that.”

On the other hand, Ryuah, who had moved to Seoul, probably felt quite lonely. She had started calling me after she moved out on her own.

“I wouldn’t mind living together.”

Ryuah had come over and stayed at my place several times, and there was no discomfort, meaning we were suitable as roommates.

-Are you serious?

After confirming my answer for her once again, I ended the call. I needed to start preparing for my stream.

Two girls living together, what could possibly go wrong? It’s just an extra person sharing the daily routine.

That’s how I genuinely felt.

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