How To Ruin A Love Comedy

***

Since I’m living alone, it’s a little humid.

It also annoys me when the cicadas cry.

Without Miyuki, it was boring.

My friends did contact me, but I don’t want to waste precious time that I could be using to earn Miyuki’s affection…

Lying in an empty room, I thought about this and that as I got up.

Let’s head to the academy right now.

If Miyuki sees me cleaning the bathroom, she may come visit.

She sometimes stops by the academy to take care of items that were left behind.

Frankly, it’s a gamble, but it’s one worth taking.

In terms of dating sims, I’m at the early stages where I must work very hard to gain some internal stability.

So in order to meet the heroine, shouldn’t I be using every possible method?

After I was done thinking, I changed my clothes and headed to the academy.

I was able to arrive quickly since I took public transportation in the morning, when it was not very populated.

Unlike the chaotic weekdays, everything was quiet today even at the main gate.

“What’s the matt… Hmm? Isn’t it Matsuda-kun? Wait a moment.”

“The security guard who looked to be in his 40s, stopped me as I tried to pass through the main gate.”

Is it because I caused a lot of problems? He recognized me instantly.

I walked closer to the guard, who was looking at me with suspicion in his eyes through the open window.

“I’m here to clean the bathroom.”

“Clean… The bathroom…?”

“It’s a punishment.”

“Punishment? Oh… That…? The molester incident?

“Yes.”

“You were told to come in on weekends as well?”

“I was told that I had to clean every day, and if I missed even a single day, I would be expelled. So, it is correct to say that the punishment includes cleaning on weekends.”

“Is that the case…? First, write your name on the guest list.”

I went to the security guard office, grabbed a pen, and quickly skimmed the guest list.

Perhaps because it was the weekend, there were not many guests today.

Miyuki is…

‘Here.’

Right above where my name would be, Hanazawa Miyuki was written in a pretty handwriting.

Today is a very lucky day.

Maybe I’m getting a beginner buff since it’s the early parts of the story?

After writing my name crookedly, I immediately tried to get out of the security office, then stopped and turned my head.

Then I spoke to the security guard in a passing tone.

“Have a nice day.”

“Sure. You have a nice… Huh?”

Is it the first time you’ve seen me do a greeting? I suppose so.

I went to the 1st years’ hall in the academy, leaving the shocked guard behind.

Mikuki is probably in the classroom right? I want to go look for her but doing that would be insane.

I could get caught on camera, leading to all sorts of misunderstandings.

Luckily for me, the class 1A classroom was right by the stairs.

It is just natural human psychology to start cleaning from the end.

If I start cleaning loudly here, Miyuki will certainly come check it out.

I grabbed the hose from the janitorial closet and started cleaning.

I expertly cleaned the urinals, then, as sprayed water on the toilets I cleaned yesterday,

“Matsuda-kun?”

I heard Miyuki’s voice, filled with doubt.

As expected of Miyuki. You didn’t disappoint my expectations.

After silently cheering deep inside, I turned around.

Miyuki was only wearing plain jeans and a white T-shirt.

Simple fit. Even still, she shines brightly. (TL NOTE: I tried my best to find an equivalent, but it was like a slang for “the way someone dressed” basically” if the word “fit” doesn’t work in this case please let me know!)

After trying hard to hide my innermost thoughts, I slightly raised my voice.

“Oh it’s you Hanazawa? What are you doing here today? Actually, let me guess.”

When she opened her index finger and lifted it, Miyuki crossed her arms with an interested look on her face.

I suppose she was waiting to see what kind of bullshit I would sprout.

That’s quite the improvement in a short time. She didn’t even want to talk to me before.

I spoke after a couple seconds of waiting.

“To get a peek at the midterms, right?”

Miyuki put on a disappointed expression as she sighed.

“Haaah… Since Matsuda-kun could only come up with these sorts of answers I understand. To answer your question, I’m not like you Matsuda-kun. Actually no, Matsuda-kun wouldn’t even have thought of stealing a peek at the midterms would he? I suppose it was the wrong comparison to make.”

I took a big counter hit. It hurts even more cause it’s true.

I smacked my lips and asked again.

“What were you doing then?”

I came looking for some items that were left behind, then decided to stay and study since it was quiet.

“And then came here to check it out after you heard me cleaning?”

“You got it this time. Just why are you cleaning the bathroom right now?”

“What do you mean why? The prof said…”

“You mean professior-nim” (TL NOTE: ‘Nim’ is something you add when you are talking about/to someone you respect. Why are they using Korean naming scheme in Japan? I have no clue. I suppose the equivilent might be ‘sama’ in Japan. Should I just use that in the future? I mean the author DOES use ‘Nim’, but it feels kinda out of place within the story as the other characters use ‘kun’ and ‘chan’.”

“… Sure. Professor-nim said that if I miss even one day, that I am out.”

After hearing my explanation, the corners of Miyuki’s mouth moved up a little.

“I don’t think he meant for you to come in even on weekends… But that’s why you came today?”

“Yeah. But there is one other reason as well.”

“Another reason? Were you perhaps worried that the people who visited the school on the weekends might get the bathroom dirty?”

How innocent… You’d be surprised to learn about what’s going on in here.

I decided to tell Miyuki a little about the secrets of this academy.

“Hanazawa.”

“Yes?”

“Even if you’re innocent, aren’t you a bit too innocent?”

“What are you saying?”

I clicked my tongue while looking at Miyuki’s innocent eyes and started to explain.

“Our academy has dorms, correct?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“In the dorms, there are bound to be a few couples right?”

“Yeah.”

“And among them, there would be couples without much money right?”

“That… Is probably correct?”

The next day is the weekend, so it feels like a waste to spend time alone in the dormitory, and spending time together in the dormitory is hard since the male and female floors are separated and they have surveillance… But it costs them money to meet outside. Then what will they do in the midst of their burning passions for each other?”

Miyuki tilted her head about fifteen degrees.

She stood like that for a moment before asking.

“What do they do?”

“They meet in the bathrooms to have sexual relations.”

“Ah… It’s like that… Sexual… Wait… What did you say??”

Miyuki, who was about to agree, stopped upon hearing the words that came out of her own mouth, and left her it wide open.

Within moments, her face turned beet red.

Giggling, I made a confirmed the kill.

“Sexual relations.”

I wanted to start humping the air, but then I’d lose a lot of the affection points I’ve been gaining.

It was enough just making Miyuki feel such embarrassment.

“Ma-Matsuda-kun! This is too far even for a prank!”

“No, I was merely answering your question. Why are you getting all mad for? Would you like to see some proof? Class 1F has a clogged toliet. If we unclog it, we will certainly find some condoms…”

“S-Stop it…! I don’t want to know anymore…! And you didn’t have to speak so explicitly…!”

“About what?”

“That… The… Relations…”

“Sexual relations is explicit? I guess you’d have fainted if I called it sex then?”

“Matsuda-kun! You really…!”

Now it’s time to stop.

“Since my lips were originally loose, she’ll forgive this much.”

I shrugged and began washing the toilets again.

“Your curiosity is satisfied now right? Now just go ahead and leave.”

“What do you mean solved… I’m going to tell the professor about this…!”

“What? Are the academy students in elementary school? Middle school? You want to ban sexual relations between adults?”

“Bu-But it’s the academy… There are school rules… It says that if you commit serious deviant behaviour within the academy, you will be penalized. The penalty points mean that it’s against the will of the Academy… So you can’t do it…”

You’re going to be breaking that rule excitedly with me later on.

“Think of it like this. If it’s really such a ‘serious’ behaviour, why is it that they are only giving penalty points and not giving out expulsions? Shouldn’t it mean that the school understands the burning passions of young adults to an extent?”

At those words, Miyuki’s eyes opened wide.

“I thought you would hate the punishment system since you seem to break the school rules as easily as breathing air… You talk as if you’re advocating for the Academy.”

“Is it unexpected?”

“Yes. Extremely.”

“Technically I was advocating for the students and not the academy but whatever… Lets just move on. You also don’t have to act so stuck up all the time. It’s not like someone will accuse you of not being the class president…”

“I don’t like the penalty system either. It’s just… I said it out of anger… I was surprised…”

“It was too detailed for you to say you were surprised. You even mentioned the school rules…”

“Stop making sarcastic remarks… Seriously…”

I’m already aware.

I’m know you’re not that conservative.

“If you understand, leave already. You’re in the way of my cleaning. If you want to study go to the library or something.”

“Since it’s midterm season it’ll be full…”

“Then you should have woke up early. Early bird gets… Ah… What was it…”

“Gets the worm?”

“Yeah, that.”

“I don’t want to hear this from Matsuda-kun, who doesn’t even know sayings.”

“Y”It was like that on the subway last time, and now it’s like this again? So I should just live with my mouth shut?”

“It was just a joke. Sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

A joke? You to me?

It was good to come here today.

I spoke as I forced myself to calm the sense of accomplishment spreading throughout my body.

“It didn’t hurt my feelings, so just leave. Or come help me.”

“Alright. What do you want me to do?”

Hearing a reply I never would have even imagined, my body froze in place.

“Huh…?”

“What do you want me to do to help.”

“… You’re going to help me for real?”

“Yes. I’ll help you.”

“For real?”

“I already said so? What do you need me to do?”

I regained focus, and pointed to the cleaning tools.

“Use the mop and clean the floor.”

“I’m doing you a favour. It should be a request not a command. Is it that hard to add one word?”

Even though it’s a situation that could have easily been ignored, putting emphasis on it means she must be having fun messing with me.

Miyuki’s change of heart is going the way I wanted, and it makes me want to shout hooray.

I put on a frown as I spoke.

“You’re the one who said you’d help me first.”

“Matsuda-kun. Should I just leave?”

“… Is it fun?”

“I’m leaving?”

Miyuki turned away from me to leave the bathroom.

I called to her hurriedly.

“Yo… Yo…! I’m going to say it! I’ll say it!”

Miyuki looked at me again and spoke.

“I guess you still don’t like cleaning after all?”

I want to clean! I wanna see your face as we clean together!

Those words almost flew out of my mouth.

“Who in their right mind enjoys cleaning… Anyways… There’s a mop in the pile of cleaning tools.”

“Yes.”

“That… Go wash it in the sink… And wipe… the floor… pl…ea…se…?”

I acted like I truly hated saying those words, even going as far as to make my body tremble as I spoke. And as I spoke, Miyuki smiled brightly at me.

A beautiful smile that brightened the disgusting bathroom.

I feel like I’m going to lose consciousness.

“See. You can do it if you try. From now on, try to speak like this if you can. It feels good for the listener, and soon it’ll make you feel good too Matsuda-kun. You’re feeling good even now right?”

“Not at all. Come help me already.”

“Alright. Lemme take out the mop first.”

The refreshing smell of grapefruit came from Miyuki’s hair as she passed by me.

As I was sniffing like a pervert behind her back, I thought that today’s harvest was a massive success.

She was joking around, helping me out, and even some wordplay… The atmosphere is too good.

I think I’m going to give a money offering to a nearby shrine.

I need to give a thankful prayer for him bringing me in to Dokiaca.

***

I’ll look at the results of the polls once I begin work on the next chapter. But for now, no guarantees on when that would happen. Sorry once again.