Homestar Saga

Mims spoke briefly with station security. He asked that Yasme be kept away from the docking bay that contained the Random Encounter. After leaving the security checkpoint, they were approached by a man with a camera drone hovering over his shoulder.

 

The man was a brilend. Pale skin with a slight grey tint. Black hair, kept short. Silver eyes, shifting constantly as he took in everything around him. He was a little below average height, with a strong jaw and lean physique that spoke of agility and stamina over raw strength. He wore a dark blue voidsuit, high end, more form fitting then the bulky model Yvian had used on the original Wandering Lady.

 

He gave an impression of capability, but not violence. This man was no killer. There was something... earnest about him. Trustworthy, perhaps. Yvian decided she liked him.

 

"Excuse me," his voice was smooth, polite. It sounded familiar somehow. "Are you the Kiver sisters?"

 

"We were," said Lissa.

 

The man's quirked an eyebrow. "Were?"

 

"I'm motherless, now," Yvian felt a twinge when she said it. "I'm no longer a Kiver."

 

Few outsiders knew enough about pixen culture to grasp the implications. This man did. His eyes widened. "You've been disowned?"

 

The hurt and loss welled up within her, but she ruthlessly pushed it back down. Yvian met his gaze calmly, as the Captain would. "Yes."

 

"Why?" The brilend's brow furrowed, confusion melting into his shock. "You're one of the heroes of Milvari. The saviors of Krog Prime. Why turn the most famous pixens in Confed history into outcasts?"

 

"It's a long story," Lissa told him. "And you are?"

 

"Oh! Apologies!" The man sketched a small bow, one hand atop his head in the traditional brilend greeting. "I seem to have forgotten my manners. My name's Danil. Danil Starlancer."

 

"Lissa Kiver," Lissa said, returning the gesture.

 

"Yvian," said Yvian, not returning the gesture. She did nod in his direction.

 

"And that would make you," Danil addressed the Captain. "The infamous Madlad Mims. Captain of the Random Encounter."

 

Mims said nothing. A subtle tension traced through his body. He tilted his head, examining the camera drone, then slowly turned his visor towards the reporter. The effect was... intimidating. The brilend nearly took a step backward in the face of the Captain's regard. He shouldn't have worried. If the Captain was considering violence, he'd keep his body relaxed. Tension didn't mean danger with Mims. Tension just meant he felt awkward.

 

As usual, Lissa broke the silence. "Wait, Danil Starlancer? Danil from Spacedock Weekly? You're that Danil?"

 

Danil tore his gaze away from the Captain. "Yes. That's me." He tried for a smile. "It's nice to meet you."

 

The Captain spoke. "How are you here?"

 

Danil blinked. "Come again?"

 

"The krog don't like foreign journalists," said Mims. "I was under the impression this station is closed to the media."

 

"And you, Captain?" He straightened a little, less intimidated now that the human was speaking.

 

"Do you not like foreign journalists?"

 

"I don't care," said Mims. "I just don't want to deal with a mob of newscasters while I go about my business."

 

"Ah." The reporter nodded. "I don't think you have to worry. As far as I can tell, I'm the only journalist here."

 

"That doesn't answer my question." Mims shifted slightly. His shoulders relaxed. He let his hands hang loose at his sides. "How are you here?"

 

"I was invited," Danil explained. "I think someone in the royal family is a fan of my work."

 

Mims considered, then let out an annoyed grunt. "Politics."

 

"Looks that way, doesn't it?" The brilend frowned. "I don't appreciate being used, but it's too big an opportunity to say no. The Krog Incursion's the biggest story this decade, and you're three of the most interesting characters involved."

 

Yvian grinned. "We're interesting characters."

 

Lissa smirked. "I'm not sure that's a compliment."

 

"I suppose you want an interview," said Mims.

 

"That's what I was hoping for," Danil confirmed.

 

The human nodded. "Lissa. You're in charge of public relations."

 

"Just Lissa?" Yvian asked. "I was kind of hoping..."

 

"I have a different job for you," Mims told her. "I need muscle. Someone intimidating."

 

"Muscle?" Yvian couldn't imagine the Captain needing someone else to be threatening for him, but the thought of being that someone pleased her. She cracked her knuckles in what she hoped was a threatening manner. "I can do that."

 

"Good." Mims turned back to the brilend. "We won't have time before we stand before the Board, but if you're still here when we get back Yvian can give an interview, as well."

 

"I'd like that," Danil smiled at Yvian. "You're a fascinating woman. I think people will be very interested in what you have to say."

 

Yvian felt her face heat up. She hoped the camera drone wasn't recording. She didn't want the verse to see her blush.

 

Danil turned back to Mims. "You know, people are curious about you, too."

 

"No."

 

"Why not?" Danil pressed. "A legendary pilot. A human with a soul. It would make a great story."

 

"No."

 

Danil looked like he was about to press his luck a little further, but Lissa interrupted. "What is that music?"

 

Yvian had heard it, too. Faint at first, but getting louder as the conversation had worn on. Heavy drums. Brass instruments formed the core of the song, with string instruments providing support. It was a heavy, martial tune, striving for majesty but coming off as a little sinister.

She looked down the corridor. A column of figures was approaching. The slaves and workers that crowded the hallway scattered out of the way as it neared, kneeling and raising their hands.

 

"It's the Anthem of the Krog," Mims removed his helmet. "Looks like King Tallest wants to chat."

They waited. The Anthem of the Krog swelled, crescendoed, then faded away. A few seconds later it restarted. Yvian was able to make out more details as the King and his retinue approached. Two columns of armored krog warriors lead the way, marching in step. Each held a plasma rifle at a forty degree angle in front of his or her chest. Behind the columns towered two figures. Two shorter columns of troops brought up the rear.

 

The lead column reached them as the Anthem crescendoed a second time. They came to a stop as the last notes faded away. The song did not restart. The troops turned precisely, each column facing the other, then backed away, revealing the King of the Krog and a few others.

King Tallest lived up to his name. He was the most massive living thing Yvian had ever seen. Over three meters tall, with arms nearly as big as Yvain's waist. Like all krog, he was hairy, with jutting teeth and beady eyes. The Tallest was pink skinned, with greasy black hair that oozed down to the small of his back. His gut stretched the limits of his purple vest. His leg muscles stretched the limits of his purple pants. His crown perched jauntily on top of his massive head, looking too small by half. She noticed with a start that the crown was also a turret. The barrel of a plasma weapon moved, tracking whatever target the King laid eyes on.

 

Mims dropped to one knee as the King approached. Yvian did as he did, holding her hands out, palms facing upwards. As the Lord of the Krog stopped before him, Mims gave the traditional greeting.

 

"Mighty Tallest, my hands is your hands."

 

Lissa, Yvian, and Danil remained silent. They were not krog. Speaking without invitation would be considered offensive and potentially fatal. King Tallest loathed disrespect.

 

Yvian expected the King of the Krog to sound like a rockslide, but his voice was melted chocolate. "I'll use 'em good. Stand."

 

Everyone rose to their feet. The King pointed at Danil. "Newsboy! Is camera on?"

 

"It's rolling, Mighty Tallest." Danil sketched a bow with hands outstretched.

 

"Good." The Tallest grinned down at the human. "Mimsey-cake!" He clapped the Captain on the shoulder, staggering him. "You done good. People said Tallest shouldn't let Bossypants name you. Said wicked pervert human shouldn't be krog. Called Tallest dumbass! But Tallest was right, and now their asses is dumb!"

 

That Captain gave him a serious nod. "I'm glad you approve, my Tallest."

 

"Approve?" The Tallest chuckled. "Mimsey-cake saved Krog Monarchy. Helped win great victory. Eight million Klaath! Sixty four Queenships! All dead. No other country would've survived. Now all see the krog are the strongest! Now all know why Mimsey-cake became krog."

 

"You done me proud, Mimsey-cake." The female behind the king spoke. Her voice did remind Yvian of a rockslide. She was almost as large as the Tallest, and almost as hairy. Her vest was pink, and struggled to contain the bulk of her cleavage. Her hair was woven into two thick braids, and a circlet of steel topped her head. By krog standards Yvian supposed she was a great beauty. "Real proud."

 

"Princess Bossypants." The Captain gave her a fond smile. He bowed at the waist, extending his hands with palms facing up. "You've gotten a little taller."

 

"It's been twenty three years, Mimsey-cake," the Princess reminded him. "I'm all grown up now." She stroked a hand down her braid and gave him a predatory smile. "Maybe I show you just how grown up I can be."

 

The Captain blinked. The he said, "I don't think I'd survive that."

 

The Princess burst into laughter. The Tallest and the other krog in the group guffawed as well. Tallest slapped Mims on the back, nearly knocking him down.

 

The honor guard laughed as well, startling Yvian. They'd been so still and silent she'd forgotten they were there.

 

Mims turned, retrieving the box from the drone that had been following him. He handed it to the Princess. "I have something for you."

 

Bossypants opened the box, revealing a double layered cake with white frosting and sprinkles. "You remembered!" She handed the box to the third krog in the group and swept the Captain up in a bone crushing hug, pressing his face into her ample cleavage. Mims awkwardly tried to hug back, but struggled to get his arms around her girth. Yvian wondered if his voidarmor would be enough to protect him from the embrace of the Princess.

 

"Poor Mimsey-cake," Tallest remarked as she set him down. "Too fragile for Bossypants. Only sweet thing he give her is cake!"

 

The krog laughed again. When it died down, the third krog spoke. "Mimsey-cake. You go to face Board of Masters. You know what it means?"

 

"I do." Mims paused. "I wasn't expecting to see you, Admiral. I figured you'd be busy rebuilding our defenses."

 

"Board of Masters convening." Admiral Fightsmart spoke with pride. At two meters, the Admiral was a little above average height. He wore similar armor to the krog honor guard, but his was adorned with medals and ribbons. "Fightsmart is Master. Got certificate after Incursion."

 

"Good for you." Mims gave a bow. "The Great Masters are the best of the krog."

 

"The best of the krog," Fightsmart intoned. "When you face board, no lie. No speak unless asked. No disrespect Masters. You do, you die. Understand?"

 

"Yes, Master Fightsmart."

 

"Good."

 

King Tallest grunted, drawing Yvian's attention. He gestured at Mims. "Mimsey-cake is of the krog. He can stand before Board of Masters." He pointed at the sister. "Stupid slutty pixens can't. Stupid slutty pixens not good enough."

 

Shocked at the sudden insult, Yvian barely restrained herself from speaking out. She realized with a flash of fear that she'd failed to control her expression.

 

"You angry?" The Tallest chuckled. "Good. Stupid slutty pixens can't save Krog Prime. Stupid slutty pixens can't kill Klaath Queens. So you not stupid slutty pixens. You krog, like Mimsey-cake." He walked over and clasped Lissa's shoulder. She winced a little at the impact. "I name you Prettypants, of House Tallest. You accept Name?"

 

Lissa stared for a second, confused. Then she broke into a smile. "Yes, My Tallest. I be Prettypants."

 

The King grunted and moved over to Yvian. His hand slammed down on her shoulder. She didn't buckle, but it was close. "I name you Blockhead, of House Tallest. You accept Name?"

 

Blockhead!? The Tallest had never met the sisters. Yvian doubted he'd come with their Names by himself. She shot a glare at Mims, but quickly remembered she was on camera with the King of the Krog waiting for an answer. She bowed her head, trying to look humbled while she schooled her expression. "Yes, My Tallest. I be..." She gritted her teeth. "Blockhead."

 

She finally managed a neutral expression and looked up. King Tallest gave a satisfied grunt, but his eyes danced. He'd picked up on her reaction to the Name. He was amused. Yvian forced the irritation down as best she could, but she'd never been good at controlling her body language. The Tallest chuckled as he turned back to Mims.

 

"You faced Klaath as team," he told the human. "Now face Board of Masters as team." He gestured at Danil. "Nosy reporter go with. Nosy reporter record. Tell story later." He fixed the brilend with a grave, menacing stare. "Nosy reporter no speak to Board. Be quiet. Do story good. Or face wrath of Tallest."

 

Danil bowed and said nothing.

 

The King of the Krog grunted. He turned back to Mims and the pixens. "You are of krog. You are of Tallest. Stand proud, do good." He turned and started to walk away, then stopped. His beady eyes narrowed as he half turned and growled, "Don't fuck up."

 

King Tallest gestured. Master Fightsmart and the Princess fell in behind him. The honor guard closed its ranks. The Anthem of the Krog boomed through the corridor as they marched away.

Yvian watched them go. When she was sure they were out of earshot, she glared at Mims.

 

"Blockhead?"

 

His lips quirked. "Not many people get Named by the King of the Krog. It's a great honor."

 

"Blockhead!!?" It wasn't a shout, but it was close.

 

"Mimsey-cake doesn't seem so funny, now, does it?"