Chapter 43: Logic & Reason Vs Emotions
Blinking my eyes, I shook my head as I sat down my cup while looking at Alexander's serious expression.
"Haa, my old age must be getting to me; my ears are playing tricks on me. Could you repeat that, Alexander?" Asked Lavender lightly with a frown as she sighed, though the weird thing was, her hearing was excellent.
"You heard me, Master; I'm a virgin who's never once done anything more intimate than kissing a girl. Eventually, I intend to find a wife when I venture into the outside world; however, since I have no sexual experience, I would like you to teach me how to pleasure a woman." Said Alexander seriously while eyeing the astonished, shocked, and disbelieving Lavender, who was looking at Alexander as if she had just seen something incredulous.
I was so astonished at what Alexander had asked for, that I couldn't even think straight, let alone speak, so for the next minute, I just blankly stared at Alexander while trying to wrap my head around what he had just said. Eventually, I did manage to do so, though it's not like much had changed. I wanted to deny his crazy request, but as I looked at his serious expression that was concealing an untold amount of unease and slight fear, a part of me couldn't just bring myself to outright deny him; I didn't want my refusal to somehow make him lose self-confidence, which would in turn significantly impact his future relationships, for the worse.
'I've lived for over 2,000 years, yet I don't think I've ever been in such an abnormal and troublesome predicament; what am I even supposed to say? His request had put me in such a terrible position. Saying no will strain our Master & Disciple relationship, yet if I say yes, we will be doing something taboo, not that I care too much that it's taboo per se, but it's the principle of the matter.' Pondered Lavender deeply for several minutes with her eyes closed, and each second passed only served to increase the awkward atmosphere in the room, though the oblivious Talis helped suppress it.
"G-Give me some time to think about it, o-ok, Alexander? I-I can't just make a sudden decision when your request is so unnatural, to say the least." Replied Lavender with a slightly forced expression as she stood up from the table, intending to head towards her office.
"That's fine, Master, and it's totally understandable considering my ridiculous request, so don't feel too pressed to give me an answer; take your time. I'm already glad you didn't outright deny my request." Said Alexander with a slight smile while nodding his head as he also stood up.
Nodding my head to Alexander, I walked past him as I needed to if I wished to get to my office, and while I usually wouldn't even notice, Alexander's request got me thinking about him, and even though it was only for a second when I walked past him, I inhaled his scent; no longer was it the scent of a little boy, but that of a man.
Leaving the kitchen, I headed toward my office, and once I entered, I quickly closed my door while leaning against it as I hung my head down, causing my reddish vine-like hair to cover my face, and sighed, feeling utterly confused about the whole situation and how to go about it.
"Haa, what am I supposed to do? Alexander is my disciple; even if what he requests is for me to teach him, the subject is too unique. H-He wants me to teach him how to pleasure women, yet the most awkward thing is, I-I haven't even had sex; I'm still a virgin as well." Said Lavender, in turmoil with a slightly blushed face as her voice continued to get quieter until she became almost inaudible.
Sighing once more, I sat on the ground while leaning against the door as I looked up through my sunroof and viewed the morning sky that was filled with clouds, though even so, the sunlight somehow managed to still enter through the window up above. While lost in my thoughts, memories of Alexander began playing in my mind, starting from when he was just a little baby relearning how to walk until he got older and older; before I knew it, the previous little boy Alexander had grown up into a fine young man, one that I had helped mold, wishing for him to be the best possible version of himself.
'Is this how a Mother feels? Such bitter-sweet emotions, yet I cherish every second of them; I wish I could be here longer for them. Alexander may be a fine young man, but he could still use my guidance; I don't want him making the same mistakes I had made when I was younger.' Mused Lavender with a slight smile as she stopped herself from looking at her status panel, knowing only bitterness would consume her.
Closing my eyes and stopping myself from crying, I thought back to the past few months, and although such a thing never once appeared in my mind, Alexander's words sparked something within my heart that's always been there but hidden from my view. Thinking back to all the times Alexander displayed his manliness or maturity, subconsciously or consciously, I couldn't help but be reminded of his chiseled, handsome face, exquisitely defined body, and beautiful purple crystal-like eyes.
"Alexander hasn't just grown into a fine young man; he's also become one hunk of a man too." Muttered Lavender subconsciously, though when she realized what she said, her cheeks blushed as she shook her head.
'What are you doing, Lavender!? Alexander is your disciple; you can't view him as a possible romantic and sexual partner; you haven't fallen so low to do such a thing!' Thought Lavender with blushed cheeks as she lightly slapped her cheeks and shook her head, looking like a young woman experiencing her first love.
Although I told myself that, every now and then, impure thoughts of Alexander would appear in my mind, and after a while, I had stopped reacting to them; however, I felt very uncomfortable. On the one hand, I knew logically that doing the deed with my disciple, whom I might as well have raised as my own son, was an incredibly taboo act; however, on the other hand, whenever I think of Alexander, I will feel slightly giddy as my heart rate subtly speeds up.
"Haa, what to do? Do I follow my heart and agree to Alexander's ridiculous taboo act, or will I do the more logical and morally correct thing: deny him? It really shouldn't be a hard decision, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to tell him no." Said Lavender to herself as she looked up at the sky with a troubled expression, seemingly seeking help.
"Goddess Eywa, if you could help one of your many children, what should I do?" Muttered Lavender while looking up to the sky as she clasped her hands together and prayed to Goddess Eywa, the one who commands nature.
"You already have the answer to your question, my dear child." Muttered a soft voice that traveled alongside a gust of wind, which was weird since all the windows were closed.
Hearing her soft and quiet voice, I opened my eyes and looked at the sky in confusion at her response. Although I'd heard her voice a few times in the past, this was the first time she's ever spoken directly to me after I prayed to her.
"Haa, I don't doubt your words, Goddess Eywa, but if I already have the answer, how come I don't know it?" Remarked Lavender while lying on the ground with her hair sprawled behind her.
There was no response to my second question, but I wasn't expecting one in the first place; I was already grateful I managed to hear her voice, though I didn't really feel like her advice helped me much. Just like this, while lying on the ground still feeling greatly troubled by the request from early in the day, the morning quickly passed by as the afternoon arrived, but even that drifted by rather quickly, and eventually noon came, yet I was too deep in my thoughts to even notice, and before I realized, the sun has set as it entered the night.
'Heh, to think I cooped myself in my room on Alexander's special birthday, all because I couldn't come to a conclusion; well, to be fair, it's mainly his fault.' Thought Lavender with a shake of her head as she stood up and approached the window before opening it, wishing to get some fresh nightly air.
As I leaned on the windowsill, overlooking the cleaning, I spotted Alexander in the nude, standing before the pond, and while usually I wouldn't be bothered by such a scene, as I gazed upon his stark body, my eyes were subconsciously drawn to his nether region, though because of the darkness, everything was decently obscured. However, because of my intense staring, Alexander must've sensed me since he looked directly at me; once again, while I would be unphased by such actions, I felt myself be consumed with embarrassment, and the next thing I knew, like a pervert getting caught ogling someone, I swiftly hid behind the wall as my chest heaved up and down.
Although I was acting like a young woman in love, I was still someone with two millenniums worth of experience, so I swiftly calmed down, but I still felt immensely ashamed of my actions; to think I would stoop so low as to ogle my own disciple.
Rubbing my head, I sighed as I took the opportunity of Alexander not being present to leave my office and enter my room; once in my room, I looked around before eyeing my closet. Having finally made up my mind, I approached my closest, and just when I was about to open it, I hesitated, yet while gritting my teeth, I grabbed my handle and entered my closet, closing the door behind me.