Her True Form

Yvette collapsed on the ground, her heart pounding. Yet, despite the exhaustion across her body, she felt better than she had since she’d first left her room this morning. No, she felt better than she had in years. A great weight having been lifted off her spirit.

Her clothes were different now. It had been difficult, but transfiguration had always been her talent. Transforming non-living objects was far easier, due to them not having any innate magic for her to fight against. Some of the clothing had been magical, though. Self cleaning charms and the like.

She’d tossed most of those aside. She suspected her mentor had imagined she would prefer the magical boy’s clothes over female clothes she would need to clean herself. Did he really think something so simple would make her change her mind?

She looked down at herself again and smiled. The dark robes she had worn were now a gentle, light blue. A soft, wool-like trim rested along the edge. The robe had been the hardest, due to the enchantments placed on it. Getting around them had taken ages and sapped the majority of her stamina.

But now she was wearing clothing that was truly hers. Yvette’s robes, NOT Tebaud’s.

She slowly sat up and paused. “What are you doing?”

“That’s what I’ve asked you a dozen times,” Gervas muttered. “What in the world have you been doing?”

She stared at him. The horses were standing nearby, grazing on the grass. Their saddles had been removed, drying out under a tree. Gervas was sitting in front of a small tent, stoking a small fire. “When did you set this up?”

“While you were having your little mage attack,” he said coldly. “Is that going to be a common thing? Betan warned me you were a bit off. But even by mage standards, that was weird.”

Yvette slowly raised her eyes and realized that the sun was slowly drifting behind the horizon. She couldn’t believe she’d let herself get so distracted. She started to get up, but let out a low shriek of pain, collapsing back on the ground with a pained whimper. The aches she’d felt when she’d gotten off the horse seemed to rise within her, but many times worse.

“Are you okay?” he asked, jumping to his feet and rushing towards her.

“O-ow...” she whispered. She felt as if all of her muscles had been stretched in a hundred different directions they were just not meant to go. “E-everything hurts...”

He stopped and then gave a laugh, shaking his head. He walked over to her and gave her a light nudge with his foot. “I thought you knew how to ride?”

“I do...”

“Its only been a few hours. You can’t be that sore.”

She stared up at him, blinking blearily. She couldn’t believe it. She’d been a little sore when she’d gotten off the horse, but this was so much worse. She’d been so angry and sad she’d barely even noticed it when she was using her magic. She gave another whimper and closed her eyes. “I overdid it. I focused too much magic on fixing my clothes. I should have used a bit more restraint.”

Gervas gave her another nudge with his foot. “That’s it? Really? A bit tired? I know you mages aren’t really used to actually doing work, but be a man. I--”

“Don’t say that...” Yvette said.

“Don’t say what?” he asked, giving her another nudge with his boot.

“To be a man.”

Gervas rolled his eyes. “Fine. Be a boy then, I don’t--”

“STOP THAT!”

“What?”

“I’m not a boy. I’m not a man,” Yvette said before rolling to the right, narrowly avoiding another nudge from the boot. Slowly, she got to her feet, though she felt like she’d fall over at any moment. She was exhausted, her legs felt like they were made of slime and it took all she had just to stare at him. “I’m… a woman. I--”

“Oh, that,” Gervas said with a sigh. “Betan told me all about your little quirk.”

She clenched her fist. “It’s not a quirk.”

“Of course it’s not,” he said with a wave of his hand. He walked to the fire and sat down before tossing in another stick.

“It’s not!” she said defensively, before walking towards the fire and sitting down with a low grunt. “I’m a girl.”

“You’re the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“How much did Master Betan tell you?” she asked softly, trying to keep her anger contained.

“You’ve started to dress up and pretend to be a girl. He’s hoping that living on the road for a bit will break you of that habit. It’s not going to be easy out here, you know. And if you’re hoping that pretending to be a girl will make me take pity on you--”

“It’s not about pity!” Yvette yelled, her body quivering with barely contained anger. “I’m just a girl! It’s just… I feel like a girl. I want to be--”

“Well, I want to be a king, but you don’t see me walking around with fancy robes and demanding everyone calls me your highness,” Gervas said, his tone flat and calm.

She felt a painful tightness in her chest. She’d talked to her master about this a thousand times, but his response had always been the same. It was just a quirk, a habit. It’d fade. It never faded, though. She’d tried to ignore it, to let it die. To push it away and bury it. All that did, in the end, was make her more miserable. It was only when she was a girl that she truly felt like herself.

But her master never understood that. He’d never listen to her. Gervas was just like her master, to him it was all just a big joke, something to find amusing and laughable. It didn’t matter to him how terrible it made her feel, how miserable. “If… we’re going to travel together, can you please just call me Yvette?” she whispered.

He gave a sigh before shaking his head. “We’ll see. I’m supposed to be protecting you, kid. That’s part of the job. Even from yourself if need be.”

Yvette shook her head and closed her eyes, letting the heat of the fire wash over her. She couldn’t even begin to imagine the thought process that lead to him or her master thinking she needed to be ‘protected’ from being herself. Or how ‘protecting’ her meant mocking her or belittling her. How did making her hate herself count as protection? She wanted to argue, but she was too exhausted after everything she had been through. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure. What do you want to talk about, Tebaud?”

She cringed, already she could see how this discussion was going to go. “Why were you hired?”

“Because I’m good at what I do.”

“Mocking me?”

He gave a light chuckle. “Keeping mages like you alive. I’ve done it a few times,” he said, before reaching back into his tent and grabbed his haversack, pulling it out. “Six times, to be exact. Started in mercenary work, learned how to fight. Was a bodyguard for a while. You mages are weird, but pay well enough. I know how to deal with you.” He opened the top and pulled out a small bundle, unwrapping it to reveal slices of dried meat. He took a bite out of one before he shrugged.

“You don’t seem to have a lot of respect for us,” she mumbled.

“You’re lazy,” he said with a shrug.

She stared at him, her mouth falling open. “E-excuse me?”

“You mages, you’re lazy. Spoiled, too.”

Her cheeks burned red. “Y-you can’t say that about us! You work for us!”

He gave a light snort, before biting off another piece of his meal. “Or what? You’ll light me on fire? Call down the lightning to smite me to the earth? Or let me guess, try to turn me to ice?”

Her cheeks burned red, fists clenching tightly. “I… I...”

“Boy, I’ve been working with mages since I was a child. All that smoke and mirrors stuff? It doesn’t work on me. You’re useful, I’ll give you that. Can do a bunch of stuff most of us can’t. I’ve seen some mages that were worth their weight in gold. But most of you? You’re just lazy and expect everything to be handed to you. Then start whining the moment it doesn’t go your way. Most of you don’t even know how good you have it.”

“W-we do not! We--”

“Oh really?” he asked, a look of amusement in his eyes. “Let’s take a look at you. You are a mage, for one. Not just anyone can do that.”

“A-anyone can be--”

“Is that what they tell you?” he asked with a light laugh.

She felt shame flowing through her body, her anger rising inside her. “A-anyone can. While yes, some people have higher innate levels of magic than others, it’s through years of practice, honing and strengthening their power that they gain control of it. Anyone could do it.”

He gave a snort. “And who has that kind of time? You’ve been learning magic since, what, you could speak? How about your parents, have you ever met them? Or are you an orphan? I know a few mages like that, but I doubt you’re one of them. Plenty of other mages who have to learn other ways, too.”

Yvette’s cheeks burned red with embarrassment. “W-what do my parents have to do with anything? But yes, I see them on occasion. I--”

“Nobles, right? Or maybe royalty? Not just any family can send their child away to be taught by a mage. Most mages won’t even look at you unless you come from the right family. So, which are you?”

Yvette slowly hugged her knees to her chest. “That’s… not important…”

“Let me guess. Third son? Fourth? Nothing to inherit. So your parents pull in some favors, maybe spend a bit of money and have you sent off to become a mage under Betan.”

She lowered her eyes into her chest. The worst part of the words were she knew how right they were.

“From there, you spend the rest of your life in some nice, warm tower. Never working a proper day of your life. Just studying and taking it easy. Why? So when you get older, you can spend the rest of your life working in some small town, where you’ll get your own fancy tower, or maybe a mansion, and have them waiting on your hand and foot because of the tricks you learned. Meanwhile, your family gets to enjoy all the prestige that comes from having a mage in the family. Am I wrong?”

“I provide a… we help people...” she mumbled.

“Some of you do. But I’ve been working with your kind for years. You say ‘anyone’ can be a mage, but they can’t, can they? You’ve got a whole pampered life set out ahead of you. And then you complain that people won’t call you a girl?”

“I-I just… I...”

“So no, I don’t respect you. I can count on my fingers the number of mages I’ve met who actually deserve respect. Your money is good enough, I’ll grant that. I’ll keep you alive.”

“Why did Betan even hire you...” she asked. “Did he know how you feel about us?”

“Of course he did. He wanted someone to watch over you and help toughen you up. That, and had experience in dealing with your kind.”

She glanced up at him again. He was a few years older than her, at least. She wondered how many mages he’d worked with over the years, beyond his work as a guardian. “Do you know magic?” she asked softly.

“A spell or two,” he said with a shrug. “A few tricks that have got me out of a scrape here and there.”

“How long have you been hired for?’ she asked.

“Half a year. After that, it’s up to you if you want me to stick around or not.”

“I’ll definitely not,” she said, her eyes narrowing on him. “So you were hired to just keep me safe and insult me?”

“Keep you safe, stop you if you try to do anything too reckless.”

She sighed. “Do I seem like the reckless type?”

“The first mage I ever worked for tried to walk head first into a hydra’s lair. If I hadn’t knocked him unconscious we both would have died,” Gervas said, his tone cold and unamused. He tore off a third piece of the meat, before wrapping it up again. “My job is to keep you safe and stop you from doing anything stupid. It’s not to coddle you or keep you happy. It’s definitely not to humor your little quirks.”

“It’s not a--”

“And if you think pretending to be a girl is going to make me go lighter on you? You’re wrong. I’d treat you the same. Safety does not mean comfort. Now, eat something then set up your tent. It’s going to be a long night, otherwise.”

She stared at him, her mouth falling open. She slowly opened her bag and peered inside. Finding the bundled up tent was easy enough, she pulled it out with ease. There were also the same thin, narrow strips of meat her guard had eaten. She pulled one out and slowly chewed on it.

It tasted like pure salt, making her cringe. It was far different from the warm, extravagant meals she’d had back home. Was he really just trying to just toughen her up? She tore off a piece of the meat, though the taste made her eyes water, before bundling it up and sliding it into her pack.

She didn’t want to be a girl because she wanted to be pampered. She didn’t care how he treated her, so long as he’d treat her the same as any other girl. She started to unpack the tent and stared at it.

“What?” he asked.

“Where’s… the rest of it?”

He gave a light chuckle, watching her with an amused look. “What? That’s fairly common. Never camped before? Or used to something a bit more magical? Perhaps a servant to ready it for you?”

Her cheeks burned redder. When she had first been given her traveling supplies, she had just assumed that the tent was smaller than she was used to. She had only used one a handful of times in her life, usually with multiple people.

But, unlike the ones she had used before, this one was far smaller and appeared to be nothing more than just a wide strip of cotton. “It’s a blanket.”

He laughed, shaking his head, obviously enjoying himself.

Her anger flashed and she reached into her bag once again, certain she had to miss something. However, despite her searches, the only other piece of camping equipment she found was a bedroll. She stared at the cotton tent for a long moment before glancing back to his tent.

His was slightly larger, but seemed to be the same as hers. It was standing up on its own. She closed her eyes for a moment, focusing her magic on her tent, but she didn’t detect any magic. She frowned and then focused on his and, to her annoyance, there was no magic on it, either. As far as she could see, there wasn’t anything outside keeping it up either. Which had to mean there was some kind of support set up on the inside. She glanced up at the sky. Fortunately, it was clear. She looked around for something she could hang it on.

Her eyes rested on a low hanging branch, not very thick but low enough, and long enough, it could work. She walked to it and tossed the tent over, making the cloth dangle down, a few inches off the ground. She adjusted it so one side of the tent was on the ground, the other a foot or so above. Using some rocks, she used them to weight the end on the ground, giving her a little, if partially opened, shelter. “There.”

There was a light chuckle from Gervas, causing her cheeks to burn even redder. She’d probably done it wrong, or he had a better idea of how to do it. But she didn’t care. She’d rather die to the elements than give him the satisfaction of having to ask his help.

She walked back only to grab her bedroll, unrolling it and tossing it on the ground. She plopped down and almost gave a cry of pain. The ground wasn’t quite as even as it looked, a thick root digging into her back.

“You okay over there, Tebaud?” Gervas asked, giving a heavy chuckle. She could hear a clatter and, after a few minutes, the sound of something sizzling. She refused to answer, rolling around so her back was to him. “Tebaud?”

She closed her eyes tightly. “I’m sleeping. Leave me alone. My name is Yvette.”

He just laughed, but didn’t speak again. Soon, the smell of something delicious and spicy filled the air and she had to curl up a bit tighter.

Worst of all, she knew in a way he was right. She didn’t have experience traveling, most mages didn’t. She’d lived in that tower her entire life and only ever left on rare occasions. Even if he mocked her, she also needed him.

Eventually she heard him pack up whatever it was he was cooking with. A few moments later the fire went out and she heard the light ruffling of him entering his tent. To her surprise, she felt a light tingle spread through her body and realized a moment later why, a ward spell had been put around them.

She felt another wave of foolishness when she realized that was something she should have done, she was a mage. She just hadn’t thought about anything disturbing them at night.

Before long, she heard him lightly snoring and she gave a sigh, trying to move around so the branch dug into her body as little as possible. Today had been the most miserable day she’d endured in ages, she couldn’t believe this was what it was like to be journeyman. Sleeping in terrible shelters, her entire body a mass of aches and roots digging into her back.

If only her master would have listened to her. But she didn’t know why she was surprised. He’d never taken any of this seriously, always having an excuse for why she would dress this way, or demand to be called Yvette. She felt like a fool for believing she could ever convince him otherwise. She’d just hoped if she could get him to listen for one minute, he’d understand.

While, yes, what she wanted to do WAS dangerous and had been misused in the past, she didn’t want to turn into a massive demon and bring terror down on the land, nor did she want to turn people into livestock and slaughter them. All she wanted was to make herself a girl, permanently. Why couldn’t he just accept that?

Those miserable thoughts were only amplified by the suffering her body felt. She’d barely eaten anything all day, but she was so tired the idea of rummaging through her bag for more meat sounded like torture. On top of all that, the ground was too hard.

A sudden breeze, coming through the open sections of her tent, made her shudder. She wrapped her bedroll tightly around herself and closed her eyes. Why was it so--

A crack above drove the idea out of her head, when the branch holding her tent up broke. The branch landed on her, hitting her shoulder, while the fabric fell on her. She gave a soft sigh and fought out from under them, climbing out of her bedroll with a frustrated growl. She glanced back to the other tent, setup correctly.

She then looked at her own bedroll and covering. She weighed the options, before shaking her head. She’d deal with this herself. There was no way he would help her, anyway. He couldn’t even call her by her name. She dragged the bedroll and tent away from the trees, into the grass, before, finally, climbing back into the bedroll. Using the tent as a second blanket was, at least, warmer. The grass was softer as well.

The movement made her body ache all the more, however, as well as her stomach. She finally shook her head, before reaching back into her bag and pulling out her rations. Salty and hard as it was, it was still food and this time she didn’t stop eating until she felt full.

Sadly, there was nothing she could do for the aches and pains, but even without a proper tent, a full stomach and the softer grass made it almost tolerable.

------

Yvette woke up with a groan, her body managing to be in even more agony than the night before. Muscles that had been abused from hours of riding, then had her magic surge through them, protested the moment she tried to sit up.

“Sleep well?” Gervas asked. “I was going to get you up if you didn’t wake up soon. It’s time to go.”

She looked over to him and felt nothing but raw, burning hatred. His tent was gone, only his bag remained out. The horses were now saddled, nibbling on the grass without a care in the world.

“I hate you...” she muttered before, with great difficulty, getting to her feet. However, there was one positive now. A night of rest had done her some good, restoring a little of her lost power. She placed her left hand to the bracer again and, once the dots were adjusted properly, put the hand on her wrist. “Heal,” she said softly, the warm glow of magic flowing through her.

While it didn’t remove all the pain and soreness, it helped dampen the sensations. Her eyes leveled on the horse and she gulped. “How long do we have to ride?” she asked softly.

“A few hours. I was planning for us to arrive a few hours after dark yesterday, but then you went and threw your little mage fit, so we’ve been delayed. Unless you want to camp out here again tonight, we should get going,” Gervas said. “If you hadn’t done that detour last night, we’d have been able to sleep in town. Did you learn your lesson?”

She stiffened at those words. Her lesson? Once again anger boiled within her. “Yes, I did. And you know what?” she asked, walking up to him and looking him in the eye. “It was worth it.”

He smiled in amusement. “Stubborn little boy, aren’t--”

She couldn’t stop it. She slapped him, her body quivering with rage. Her hand struck his cheek and pulled back, the fingers throbbing. “Stop calling--”

Yvette found herself on the ground, her head pounding, staring up at the sky. It took her a few moments to realize the reason her head was pounding was because he’d hit her back. He stood over her, glaring. “Mage, we’ve talked about this. Safe does not mean comfortable. I’m sure you’re used to people falling over themselves to get in your favor. But I’m not one of them. I’ll keep you safe. But if you ever strike me again, you better be damn sure you’re ready to deal with the consequences. Are we clear?” he asked.

She laid there, blinking a few times to try and clear her vision. Finally, she nodded. “Yes...”

“Good. Then get up, boy. We’ve got a lot of riding to do.”

Yvette got to her feet, slowly. She walked to her horse and sighed, gently holding the reins and leaning her forehead against the saddle. She flipped through her options.

Despite her hatred of him, she had to endure for now. She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a small map scroll, rolling it open. Her first destination was simple. The Vault of Mirrored Dreams. The first part of the journey would be the longest, but it was only a few weeks. The path they were taking went around along the edges of the Fay Woods, passing by different towns and keeps built along its outskirts. She just had to be strong until then. No matter how much he ridiculed and mocked her.

She slowly put her foot into the stirrup and climbed up the horse. This time, she was slow and careful, even if she was awkward while climbing. Her muscles protested, but she ignored them.

Gervas chuckled. “Forget something?” he asked.

She glanced down to him and paled. She hadn’t bundled up her tent, or her bedroll. On top of that, her bag was resting next to them. The idea of having to climb down a second time, just to come back up made her want to cry.

“Don’t make that face, I’ll get it,” he said before giving a shrug. “Frankly, I’m amazed you were even able to crawl into the saddle after yesterday. When’s the last time you rode?”

“A horse? I… don’t know. Not too long ago. But they were… smaller. And I never rode them quite this long.”

“I see. Well then, I will tell you this. It’ll get easier after you’ve done it a few times.” He knelt down and began to bundle up her supplies.

“Oh thank the stars…” she whispered.

“But sleeping on the ground will make it a lot worse. The trip I set for us will get us to the vault, but you’ll need to listen to me. Now, if you want to ignore me and do things the hard way, it doesn’t bother me. I get paid either way and I’ve spent nearly as many days sleeping under the sky as I have under a roof.” Once he was finished with her bag, he tossed it to her. She caught it and slowly put it over her shoulder.

“Fine. Just… stop calling me boy...”

“When you are able to be a man, I will. Come along, child,” he said, his voice riddled with condescension.

Yvette sighed and gently nudged the horse forward, making it begin to trot. Every step sent more pain through her body, slowly growing the longer she walked. On top of that, before long her stomach was beginning to rumble in objection. The idea of stopping and having to climb down and then back up, however, was unbearable. Instead she reached into her bag and pulled out some more wrapped pieces of meat, biting into one of them.

“How much longer will it take?” she asked softly.

“Hmmmm. Judging by that road we passed a while back, probably a few hours after the sun hits its peak. If you hadn’t stopped us for so long, we’d be there already.”

“If you’re hoping I’ll apologize, you’re wrong,” she muttered.

“If you’d just been patient, we wouldn’t have been out here.”

“I wasn’t going to march into the town, into any town, like that. Ever. I’d rather sleep on the road every night.”

He chuckled. “Really? Excuse me if I find that hard to believe.”

She sighed and looked away, biting off another piece of the dried meat. She mentally went over the map one more time. Could she make it on her own? She knew how to read a map, at least. The path was easy enough to follow. The Fay Woods were supposedly safe as long as you didn’t go very deep inside. But when it came to traveling itself, her knowledge was severely lacking. Though she was beginning to wonder if traveling alone could truly be worse than this.

Soon, the gentle clopping of the hooves against the ground was the only sound that passed between them. The coolness of the night was almost entirely gone now, the sun having risen and cast its warm glare on them. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, the sweat making it more unbearable with every second.

After what felt like hours, he glanced back at her. “You know, even if you dress in those clothes, people can still tell you’re a guy. They--”

“Don’t.”

“I’m just saying that--”

“Don’t. I’ve heard it all. Just… stop. Please,” she managed to say, choking on the words and closing her eyes.

He gave a sigh and shook his head. “Fine. You’re just making things worse for yourself.”