Heart of Dorkness

Terror Thirty-One - Goo

The next morning is an exciting one. I have to scramble to put my cloak on while Felix distracts Esme at the door. It’s only when I’m entirely covered that I notice the raven monster resting with its head tucked under a wing on Felix’s nightstand. I dive across the room, grab the bird, and flick it under the covers fast enough that its protesting squawk is drowned out by the blankets.

“What was that?” Esme asks.

“Nothing,” Felix and I say.

Felix backs up, letting Esme into the room. She flounces around, eyes wide behind her glasses before she sits down at a chair next to a desk by the corner. “Did you sleep well?”

“Very,” I say. “And I came up with a great plan. But it’s one where we’ll need your help.”

“Oh?” Esme asks.

I can sense Felix’s curiosity too. “Yep. So, before we can really get into the nitty-gritty of everything, we need a map. Or at least a blueprint of the Academy and the places where they’re holding the books.”

Esme nods slowly. “I... I think I can do that,” she says. “I’ll need to ask for a few favours over at the library, but it shouldn’t be too hard.”

“That would be wonderful,” I say.

Esme puffs out her cheeks, then points to me. “But you need to actually go through with all of this. And you need to let me help more.”

“Yes, of course,” I say. “Felix and I will be... uh,” I fumble. I can’t exactly say “going out of town to collect a whole heap of monsters,” that might give a few too many things away. “Going to see about Felix’s eyes. And we need disguises.”

“Disguises? Oh, that’s clever,” Esme says. “A lot of the people at the Academy aren’t too old. Well, they’re older than us, but not by too much. They’re, like, sixteen and stuff.”

That’s pretty old, but I guess it’s not that much older. “Do they have a uniform?”

Esme’s head bobs up and down. “They do! They have these white robes, with a coloured trim, and a big hood. Some decorate theirs.”

“Great! It shouldn’t be too hard to find someone that can sell us something similar, right?”

“I don’t see why it would be hard,” Esme says.

That will make sneaking around inside the Academy a lot easier. Our classes might still give us away, but as long as we look like we belong, we could just be three random junior priestesses in the background. It’s a perfect plan.

“Right, so that’s what Felix and I will be doing.”

“Okay,” Esme says. “Where do we meet up?”

“How about right here? Um, in this house, I mean,” I offer. “It’s close enough to other places in the city, and I’m pretty sure I can find my way back here in a pinch. I’m not that bad with directions.”

“Sure!” Esme says.

The next thing we need to deal with is, of course, breakfast. I’m a bit peckish, and I know that Felix never says no to more food. Esme gives us a moment to get dressed up for the day, then we all rush downstairs to where Miss Gertrude is serving an entire meal in the dining room.

It’s mostly oatmeal and bread and a few bits of fruit, but it’s good and it’s filling without being so heavy that we’re stuffed, which is great because I predict that I’m going to be moving around a lot today.

“Right!” Esme says once she’s done. “I’m off to break into the library. I’ll see you two in a few hours?”

“Yeah, of course!” I say.

Esme grins then darts back up the stairs. I’m guessing to grab a few more essentials.

I finish off my oatmeal sponging the last of it with a piece of bread, then I catch Miss Gertrude’s eyes as she stares at me. “Esme,” she starts,” is a good little girl. Don’t you go hurting her, you hear?”

I swallow. “Yes, ma’am,” I say.

I can’t get out of the room fast enough.

Soon, Felix and I are both outside, walking at a brisk pace down one of Montele’s rather narrow roads. “Our first step is gathering more little friends,” I say.

“Like more spiders?” Felix asks. I’m glad she doesn’t seem to mind my little friends because she’s going to have to carry her share. I’ll ask them not to bite, of course.

I nod. “Yeah, and other sorts too. Wasps, beetles, a few that don’t really match up to any real creature. I’ll need a lot of them, I think.”

“This is going to be dangerous, isn’t it? That academy place is like a rich person's house, and those are always well guarded. They don’t like it when people stay close or touch their things.”

“It might be,” I say. “I... we only have a little bit of time to work here. Mom is getting antsy, and nervous... and probably angry at me. So we’ll just need to move as fast as we can.”

The plan is still nebulous in my head, but it’s starting to come together. I think I have all the tools I’ll need, at least. We reach one of the big gates leading out of the city. There’s plenty of traffic heading in and out, with the same sort of... I guess it’s like an airlock? It looks like it’s designed to let the guards inspect stuff without having to open up the city entirely.

The line for pedestrians heading out is fairly short, and when a guard at the gate asks us where we’re going, I just say we live outside and he lets us through without a second glance.

Bored guards are the best.

Black tar pits are pretty common. They appear where people die often, which means a city should be full of them. Of course, there are ways to burn them off, and I’m sure there are priests whose entire job is to make sure no monster spawns inside a city. So we’ll need to go adventuring to find one.

I pause to take in a deep breath after stepping out. The sky has cleared up, and there’s a gentle, warm wind coming in from the north. It’s barely strong enough to replace the stench from inside the city.

A glance over to Felix reveals that she’s smiling, her head turned my way. I grin back, even if she can’t see it. It’s too nice of a day not to be in a good mood. “Come on! The nearest forest isn’t far off.”

We follow the main road, but as soon as I spot a trail leading off of it, I follow that. There are plenty of farms around the capital, little fenced-off fields and pastures where some sheep and goats are doing farm animal things under the watchful gazes of some farmers with big shady hats.

The farms are set up so there’s space between them and the edge of the nearest forest. I guess it gives the people living there time to spot any monsters coming. Not that most monsters would come this close to such a big city on purpose.

Then again, a newly born monster might be confused. No one could blame them for accidentally stumbling into a field full of tasty snacks and having a nibble.

The forest must be tended to, or maybe there’re just a lot of people who dive in for wood to burn, because there are hardly any fallen branches around, and the paths are well trodden and easy to navigate, even for Felix, who is more blind than usual in a forest.

“Alright,” I say once we’re deeper in. “Let’s find one of those tar pits.”

“How do we do that?”

“The easy way,” I say as I pull a few little friends out from under my cloak. “Hey, guys, we need some death goop. Can you find me some?”

My little friends dart off, flying out every which way to search out a puddle for me. It doesn’t take very long before a cute little tarantula wasp monster comes back, his little stinger bottom all covered in goop.

“Well done!” I say. I wipe the goop off, then pop him on my shoulder in a place of pride before grabbing Felix by the hand. “Come on! Oh! And when you get near the goop, don’t fall in. You can drown in there really easily.”

“I’ll try not to,” Felix says. “When I have eyes, I want to learn how to swim though.”

“Oh, even if you know how, you really shouldn’t try to swim in tar. It’s gooey and sticky, and a bit yucky. I’ll let you touch some if you want!”

***