Heart of Dorkness

Terror Forty-One - Sneaky

Phase one of Operation Sneaky Stealy is very simple. We can’t steal the books if we’re not inside the academy.

Felix is in the lead mostly because, in the near-total darkness, her special kind of not-blindness is a lot more useful than Esme and I’s normal sight.

Esme glances up as we pass under another pipe leading to a grate above. “That’s one,” she says. “We’re going to pass three of these before we’re under the academy.”

“And then we leave from one inside the academy, right?”

“Huh? Didn’t you pay attention to that part of the plan?” She raises her hand, still filled with crackling lightning. “No, no, we’re going to exit into their cistern.”

“I thought that would be the same thing,” I say.

She shakes her head. “Nope. The cisterns take up the entire bottom floor of one of the castles. We should be able to just walk right in.”

“Alright,” I said. “Then we move on to phase two.”

“Right!”

I splish splash onwards, moving my legs so I can warm them up a little. I think I’m getting used to the temperature. “You know, I don’t know where the water at home comes from. I’m pretty sure we don’t have a cistern under us.”

“Maybe you have a cistern on the roof, or a well,” Esme says. “You need water from somewhere. Which city are you from, again?”

“Ah, somewhere to the east,” I say. “We also don’t have a pool.”

“A pool? Like for swimming in? I think some of the temples have those. There certainly isn’t anything like that at the great library.”

“Of course not. Someone might get the books wet,” I say.

“Mmhmm. If you want to become an archivist, then you need to know how to swim.” Esme turns towards me, legs swishing through the water. “So I need to learn how soon.”

“You’re really determined to become an archivist, huh?” I ask.

“Of course. My parents were both archivists. It’s how they met and fell in love.”

Felix turns around, walking backwards through the water. “Really? You want to become one of those archivists so you can meet someone to marry and have little Esmes with?”

“What? No! I want to become an archivist so I can discover secrets no one has ever found before. To see the strangest places in the world, to read the rarest books! I want to travel and see all five great nations, see the independent cities, maybe even travel to other continents where they worship strange gods.”

“That does sound like fun,” I say. “This is the first time I’ve left my home, and I have to say, it’s a lot of fun to be out and adventuring! I’ve made more friends in these last few days than I’ve made in years, Mom excepted, and I’ll have so many stories to tell.”

Esme nods. “That’s it! I want to become an adventurer. Not the monster-killing kind, the sort that explores and finds new things!”

“Well, I do like that you don’t want to kill monsters,” I say

Felix laughs, the sound echoing down the length of the pipe.

Esme gives me a strange look. “You know, the God of Heroes tells people that killing monsters is every human’s sacred duty, to make the world a safe, more hospitable place. Also, that’s two.” She gestures above, where there’s another tunnel leading up with a ladder next to it. I can barely see the top of it, it’s so dark. I guess it might lead to a room instead of another street or alley.

“Monsters aren’t that bad,” I say.

“Valeria, they kill people. Then they eat them. Sometimes they kill people by eating them!”

“Well, I guess. But people kill each other all the time. How’s that any different?”

Esme’s light brightens. “How is it... because people are human, and monsters are monsters.”

“Now you’re just being unfair,” I say. “Monsters are more like animals than people, at least until they reach, like, Scourge rank. That’s when they start being able to think for themselves.”

“But to reach that point they need to kill a whole lot of people, don’t they?” Esme asks. She’s got the tone of someone who nailed a “gotcha” moment.

“No, actually. A lot of it is just from living. Killing things doesn’t help a monster evolve any more than it helps a person grow stronger. The experience of a fight might help, I guess, but that’s... well, it’s hard to quantify. Most big monster hordes have been filled with lower-ranked monsters because the majority of them never reach Scourge rank. Maybe, like, one in every thousand?”

“But there are tens of thousands of monsters!” Esme says.

“Pfft, please, there are easily tens of millions of monsters on Monsterra, likely more of them than there are humans. I’d put a conservative guess in the hundreds of millions, even.”

Esme shakes her head. “You’re saying that as if it’s a good thing.”

“Uh, well, I don’t mind monsters. They can be nice.”

Esme shakes her head. “You must be confusing some animals with monsters. Not everything that isn’t a human is a monster. Animals are natural and normal, and some of them are nice. There are lots of cats in Montele, and some dogs too. To hunt rats, mostly. We feed some at the library because while they leave some fur all over, it’s better to dust that than find a book chewed up by mice.”

“Uh, sure,” I say. It’s really not a discussion I’m all that keen on having. I... feel a bit bad. One of the phases of my plan will require Esme getting over her reservations about monsters rather quickly.

I should probably tell her what I am, but I like Esme, and I’d like to be her friend for a little longer.

I’m sure I can drop her off somewhere safe later, and it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission... and all that.

I stifled a sigh. I was such a terrible friend. But I’d make it up to her!

“That’s another,” Esme says as she looks up. We’re passing under yet another pipe leading up. “That should be the last one. The cistern for the academy should be up next.”

“I can see something around the bend,” Felix says. “It’s an opening, I think, into a big room.”

“Your joy magic is really good,” Esme says.

“It’s more from necessity than because of talent or anything,” Felix says. She grins back at us. “I have actual eyes now, you know. I won’t need it as much.”

“It’s still good to use,” I say. “You can sense things from angles you can’t see. And your control is super good. I really should teach you a few spells. Or how to read—that way you can learn your own spells.”

“That would be nice,” Felix says. “I bet I can get good work if I know how to read and do figures and more magic.”

“Mmhmm,” I say. “We also need to teach you more balancing things. Unbalanced cultivation’s dangerous.”

“Urgh, tell me about it,” Esme says. “Miss Gertrude makes me do all these exercises ever since I started to use spark magic by accident. Just because anything metal kept sticking to me, and I let out a few sparks that spooked some of our guests.”

Felix and I giggle, and Esme huffs until she breaks out into laughter too.

We turn around the corner and slow to a stop.

The cistern is before us, a deep and wide room, with large stone pillars throughout it. The ceiling is supported by carefully crafted brick arches. It’s a pretty room, designed and obviously built to last. I imagine it has to be, with an entire castle sitting above it.

A tunnel just like ours sits at the far end of the cistern, water flowing out of it and to... somewhere in the city, I imagine.

To the right, there’s a surface above the water, with barrels and what looks like a pump. I can imagine people coming down and grabbing water from here to use elsewhere in the academy. Probably either servants or the less important members of the church.

There is also a large gate between us and the cistern.

“Probably should have expected that,” Felix says.

“Shucks,” I say.

“Maybe there’s a latch, or some way to open it?” Esme asks. Her voice dips when its echo returns from the other side of the room.

“Well then,” I say. “This is a bit of a pickle.”

***