Heart of Dorkness

Monster Thirteen - Writing

I sat at my desk in my little room and tapped the back of a pen against my lower lip. This was an actual pen, with a steel nib and an inkwell on the table next to me. It was really tricky to write with, but I was getting the hang of it.

I still wore some older clothes while writing though, because ink liked to get everywhere. Maybe I could have made a small friend to write things for me?

My room was filled with all sorts of neat friend designs. From pillow friends, who squeaked when you hugged them, to bed warmer friends, who were soft and warm and who squeaked when you hugged them.

I shook my head and refocused. I had some writing to do.

Not note-taking, like I usually did, but actual letter writing. I couldn’t remember ever writing a letter before, but I’d read a few, so I kinda knew what I was doing.

The start was easy.

Dear Goddesses,

I paused, then sighed as my pause let a drop of ink splat onto the page. No good. I took it and set it to the side, then picked up a new page to start over.

Was that a good start? It was a bit... ambiguous.

Dear Aida, Goddess of Mothers, Allegra, Goddess of Matrons, and Alisa, Goddess of Maidens,

That was more specific, though it made for a very long “dear” sentence at the start. At least it wasn’t vague? They’d know exactly whom I was addressing.

I nodded and started my next line.

My name is Valeria Malvada, and I guess I’m technically a maiden. I’m not married yet or anything, and I really don’t wanna be because there aren’t any boys here, and they’re yucky besides.

I nodded. A good, solid intro. I could build on that.

I’m writing to you because my mom needs help. She’s a very, very good mom, and I love her a lot, but I don’t think she was ready to become a mom when I came along, and that shows a bunch. She’s trying her best though, and that makes her the best.

All factual so far. Mom was the best.

The problem is that she’s not great at some things that some moms are pretty good at. She takes things too seriously sometimes, and that can be a bit annoying. But I still love her lots.

Like, the other day, I told Mom I was out of things to wear, and that it would be nice to go clothes shopping together. That’s something moms do with their daughters, right? But instead of doing anything like that, she stole a whole clothing store with a dragon and let me pick what I wanted from it. The clothes were all frumpled, and I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in some places.

I sighed. Mom was just so very... Mom, sometimes.

Luciana was doing her best though, so I couldn’t fault her.

There are other things too. Like, she still hasn’t actually hugged me back, and that makes me feel sad inside. But I know she loves me, so it’s not a bad kind of sad.

I tried to trick her into becoming better at cuddling by giving her Mister Stretchy, a cat monster I made. Mom didn’t like him at first, but sometimes he climbs onto her lap and she’ll pet him a bit, so I think it’s working. Though she doesn’t like the way he walks (I made his legs wrong. Oops?).

I brought the pen to the side and dipped it into the ink. It was fun to make the nib skitch-scratch against the edge of the inkpot.

Mister Stretchy was a pretty nice cat. He didn’t poop or anything, and when you pet him he made rumbly noises. Also, he was nice and warm, though only some of his fur was long, and it was all rather patchy.

I considered what else to write.

Mom can also get really weird sometimes. Like... I think she needs a lot of alone time, even though she usually sits very close while taking it. She likes being near, but not talking and things. If I talk too much, it makes her very tired.

Sometimes she’ll tell me about things though, and that’s nice. Even then she gets weird.

Like, the other day, she told me it was time for me to learn about womanly stuff. Then she started to explain things, but she kept freezing up, and stuttering, and then she just gave me a book and said something about asking Semper when she visited.

It was weird. Also, the book was stupid and kept calling girls flowers and talked weird. I didn’t finish it.

I leaned back in my seat and examined what I’d written so far. I almost smacked myself in the face. I was so silly; I didn’t even get to the meat of things.

Right. Mostly I’m writing because I think my mom needs some help moming, and I’m too young and not a mom, so I don’t know what to tell her to help. I’m afraid she’s worried that she’s not the best mom (but she is) and so I did some research.

It turns out that the three of you are mentioned a whole lot whenever there’s mom-related stuff (like listening to your mom, and there’s a bunch of stuff about giving birth too, but... well I’m sorry Miss Goddess Aida, but that’s very icky so I don’t read those parts most of the time).

If you could help Mom, then I’d be super super happy, and I’d owe you lots. I can make all sorts of cool monsters for you, if you want!

I nodded to myself, then re-read the entire thing.

Great! It was perfect.

I signed my name at the bottom.

Sincerely,

Valeria Malvada,

Then I paused. There had to be something after my name, right? It didn’t look cool if it was just the name. There had to be some cool title.

I scrunched my nose, blew on the page, then packed away my pen and inkwell before standing up. With the letter in one hand and my writing stuff in a box in the other, I left my room and went to look for Mom.

It wasn’t too hard to find her. Mom had a few spots she liked to hang around in, and I knew them all by heart. In this case she was in the garden on the topmost floor. I had to use magic so my legs wouldn’t burn as I climbed up and up.

It wasn’t all bad—I was going to launch my letter from there anyway.

“Hey, Mom,” I said.

“Valeria,” Mom replied.

I wished she’d called me something else. It was a pretty name, and I liked the way she said it, but... well, I guess “daughter” was a little clunky. Sweetie? No, that sounded too sweet, and I wasn’t five. I’d figure it out.

“So, Mom, you’re a goddess, right?”

Mom looked up from where she was tending to some particularly spiky monster-flowers. “Evidently.”

“Right, but you’re also a queen, yeah?”

“The Queen of Monsters, of Darkness... I have a few titles of the sort, yes.”

I shook my head. “No, I mean, like, a land queen. With subjects and stuff?”

She nodded. “Yes. I am.”

“Cool.” I knelt down, placed my writing things next to me on the ground--no tables--and then finished signing my name.

Sincerely,

Valeria Malvada, Princess of the Land of Darkness

“There,” I said. If I could decide that Mom was Mom, then I could decide to be a princess too.

“What’s that?” Mom asked.

“A letter.”

“A... letter? Did you make penpals while I was distracted?” she asked.

“Not yet. Do you mind if I borrow one of your messenger monsters?” I asked.

“I... don’t. Who are you sending that letter to, exactly?”

I packed up my things and stood up again. “I’m sending it to uh, someone you work with. See you later, Mom.”

“Valeria, what do you mean ‘you’re sending it to someone I work with’?” Mom asked.

I knew that tone of voice. That was the tone Mom took when she was about to tell me no.

So, like a proper good daughter, I pretended not to hear and walked faster.

***