Heart of Dorkness

Terror Forty-Five - Pants

“That’ll do, I think,” I say as I look at the templar. He glares back at me, but it’s not nearly as scary when he’s pantsless, gagged with a sock, and currently stuffed in a broom closet with one of my little friends on his chest. “Just stay there and don’t move, and I promise my little friend won’t burrow into your skin and lay eggs inside you.”

His glare turns into a look of confused terror a moment before I shut the door.

“Did you really need to take off his pants?” Esme asks.

“I didn’t have ropes,” Felix replies.

“Girls,” I say. “We’re in a bit of a time crunch. Someone’s going to notice him missing, and maybe they’ll find him and he’ll talk.”

Esme sniffs. “Not just going to kill him?” she asks.

I consider it. “No, no, I won’t. He’s not an obstacle as he is.” And besides, Esme probably wouldn’t like it if I killed someone. I do still want to be her friend. “Let’s check out the books?”

That wins Esme over.

The three of us move up the staircase at the end of the room and stare around us. The library here isn’t all that grandiose. A few small rooms, the walls lined with shelves and cubby holes. Each room has a desk and chair and space for people to write and study, but not much beyond that.

It’s less a library, and more of an office, I decide. I can imagine studious priests poring over old religious texts, or maybe templars coming in to research some fearsome monster they’ll need to fight in a quest.

“I don’t think the books are here,” I say.

“Plenty of books though,” Felix points out.

She... does have a point. I glance at Esme, and she glares back at me, then nods. “Okay, so no more than two minutes.”

“Are we really going to steal their books?”

“Just the ones that look interesting,” I say as I dart over to one wall and start scanning spines. I skip a bunch of them; they’re all old reports and bestiaries. If I want to know about a monster, I’ll ask Mom to make one. “This would be a lot easier with Milpiés around.”

“Who?” Felix asks.

“He’s the librarian at my home,” I say.

“You have a librarian?” Esme asks.

“Yup! He’s a few hundred years old too. A big old softie. He knows every book in the library, and there are... several thousands of those. Mom is really into books.”

“Books are more Semper’s domain,” Esme contradicts me.

I roll my eyes. “They have meetings where they trade books and have tea together, like, once a month or so,” I say.

Esme is staring at me. I can feel it. “You’ve met Semper?”

“Huh? Nah, she never comes home. Mom always travels to her for their meetings. Anyway, I’m going off topic. Milpiés is the best librarian ever.”

“Shouldn’t that be the Grand Archivists? They’re chosen by Semper herself,” Esme says.

“Is the Grand Archivist a hundred-metre-long centipede monster that thirsts for knowledge?”

“Your librarian is a monster? No, wait, that makes sense. I bet you have a bunch of weak monsters around your house, don’t you?” Esme says. She makes it sound very rude.

“Milpiés isn’t weak. He’s a Scourge you know.”

“A Scourge... those can destroy entire cities!” Esme says.

I nod. “He can be a bit scary if you don’t treat the books right.”

I notice Felix standing in the middle of the room, shifting from foot to foot. “What are you looking for?” she asks.

I finish scanning through a row of books and back away from the shelf. “I have no idea. Something neat that we can take back with us.”

“I’m not sure I like the idea of stealing,” Esme mutters.

“Hey, they started stealing books first,” I say. I notice a table in the middle of the room—more of a plinth, really—with a big book atop it. I skip over and flip through it, but I’m disappointed to find it’s an index of all the books in the library, as opposed to a neat book itself. Still... “Hey, Felix, can you hide this in one of the book shelves?”

“Sure,” Felix agrees.

There, now they’ll need to search all over for stuff. I can’t help a small, mean giggle from escaping.

“Valeria!”

I look up at Esme’s call. She sounds excited. Very excited, even. I jog over and find her with her face pressed up against a glass display case. “What is it?” I ask as I come closer.

“It’s the journal of Roderic the Renegade,” she says.

“Like the story? I’ve read that one,” I say.

She shakes her head, bushy hair wiggling above. “No, you don’t get it. It’s Roderic the Renegade’s journal.”

My eyes go wide, and I approach the display. The book within is all old and leathery, yellowed pages slightly singed on one side. There’s a little plaque next to it that does claim it’s Roderic the Renegade’s personal journal.

“Whoa,” I say.

“We... we can’t,” Esme says. “It’s a historical artefact.”

“We can,” I say.

“And what would we do with it?” she asks.

I blink. “You mean after we read it?”

She rolls her eyes. “Obviously!”

“I don’t know. Mom has a lot of books, but she doesn’t really... you know, collect them in that way. We don’t have displays, just shelves. Uh... I could let you have it after? You could give it to Semper. I bet that’ll make her happy.”

I can see the temptation clear as day in her eyes. “W-we can’t.”

“Sure we can. It’ll teach them a lesson about taking other people’s books!”

“No, I mean, it’s in a display.” She gestures to the glass. “And it’s locked.”

“I can fix that,” Felix says.

Esme and I step back, both watching as Felix moves right up to the glass. “You know how to pick locks?” I ask.

Then Felix grabs a book from one of the nearby shelves and uses it like a hammer against the front of the display. Glass shatters and Esme squeaks as it tumbles to the ground. “I love breaking glass,” Felix says with a happy grin. She reaches in, takes the journal, and shakes it about to free it of any glass.

“Careful!” Esme says. She snatches the book away, and scurries off. I see her tearing a curtain off one wall and using it to wrap the book at one of the desks.

“So, are we done here?” Felix asks.

“I think so. We need to find the actual books. They should be at the other place Esme mentioned, I guess.”

“Alright then,“ Felix says.

Esme still has her bag, the same one she’d put her clothes in. She stuffs the book into it, then tucks it under her robes.

“Let’s go,” I say. I don’t want to stay here too long, not if I can avoid it. Also, something tells me that the time we have is growing shorter by the minute.

We stumble back downstairs, then hesitate. “Should we leave from the back again, or from the front?” Esme asks.

“Which would get us to the place we want to get to faster?” I ask.

“The front, but we’ll have to walk past some of the school buildings. They might have people there. Then it’s the main courtyard. The big one in the middle.”

“People will be able to see us from there, right? No matter what we do?”

“Pretty much,” Esme says.

“In that case, we might as well take the fastest route. The sooner we get there and manage to find the books, the sooner I can... ah, move on to the next phase of the plan,” I say.

Esme looks at me. “You’re not planning on betraying Felix and I, are you?”

“Huh? No! I’d never do something like that!” I say with feeling. How can Esme say something that mean?

“Valeria wouldn’t,” Felix adds, coming to my defence. “You can trust her.”

“Hmph, fine.”

Esme stomps over to the front door, which actually has a window in it, and climbs to her tippy-toes to see outside. “The coast is clear,” she says.

I glance at Felix and smile at her, even if she’s still wearing her blindfold and can’t see it. I guess her wind-control is fine enough, or she’s just in a good mood, because she smiles right back.

We step out onto a cobbled road and immediately follow Esme as she leads us around a building. “It’s the next intersection he-- ah.”

The next intersection reveals a long road that’s filled with people in robes similar to our own. All boys, as far as I can tell, and all of them are jockeying and being very boy-like as they move towards us.

Esme keeps on walking right past the intersection. “Maybe we can use this one,” she says.

I nod my agreement. I don’t think our disguises will hold up to the scrutiny of two dozen people.

The next road only has a single student. A girl.

I’ve... I’ve seen her before, at the square where we grabbed some food. Her hood is down, revealing a face that’s... very familiar.

She looks up and follows us with her gaze as we move past.

“Clear,” Esme whispers as we arrive at the edge of the courtyard. “The next bit should be a cakewalk!”

***