Futile Love

Chapter 44: Chapter 44

Though she was alone in the room, she looked around and flushed.

“Wake up! You shouldn’t think of another man!”

She slapped her face, covering her ears with her hands, but the more she did, the more clearly she recalled what he said to her last night.

She wrapped her hands around her face.. Shaking her head, she cast a glance to where he sat last night. Her eyes softened when she recalled his words, ‘Let me prove it to you.’

His resolute voice echoed in her ears. His withdrawal from her room last night made her miss him. She crossed her arms and wrapped them around herself.

When his arms were wrapped around her, she wanted to be carried away with her affectionate feelings toward him. She felt she couldn’t help it.

‘What can I do if I can’t control my feelings?’

“Oops!”

She almost found herself sliding into illusion. Surprised by her wild imagination, she got up from the bed suddenly. Getting out of the bed, she paced up and down before walking to the window.

There was a big window near her bed. She sometimes walked there and enjoyed the sunlight. She brought a desk near it and spent a long time there. It was part of her simple daily life.

She opened the window. The hinge didn’t make any noise when she opened it.

After she opened it, she suddenly became stiff.

Her big eyes were opened wide with surprise. She blushed. She slightly opened her mouth when she noticed something on the windowsill.

“This one….”

There was a small flower on the windowsill. It was an unknown full-petaled flower. The moment she saw the windowsill, her heart sank suddenly. She felt the tears were about to well up in her eyes. The full-petaled flower was not growing there by chance. She never saw it in the back garden of the Dongbi Palace. A little piece of paper was wrapped around the stem of the flower.

Obviously, somebody put it there.

She reached out her trembling hand and picked up the flower. She unknotted the crumpled slip of paper and opened it.

There was no writing there.

The moment she looked at the white little slip, lots of things came to her mind. If there was anyone who could have put it there, only one person flashed her mind. The little slip that didn’t contain any seemed to speak volumes.

“Was it you again who did this?”

While murmuring to herself in a trembling voice, she was suddenly moved to tears.

Though she tried not to recall him, his face kept coming to her mind. He seemed to appear everywhere in her mind. Was this the way he wanted to prove his love of her?

She was convinced that the person who sent the empty slip and the flower was Ruhae.

“Why did he…”

While looking at the empty slip, her eyes burned with longing for him. He sent her a slip with a flower! The mix of a flower and a slip like that reminded her of something. Actually, she sent the Crown Prince a flower and a letter every day, but she never received any reply from him.

Despite the lack of his reply, she continued to write to him, but her efforts went nowhere, but this person that she had to deny sent her a flower first.

“Why?” She shouted loudly in the room. This time she was letting out her pent-up grudge against Bipaan as well as Ruhae who captivated her heart more and more.

Her nanny who was on standby outside her room asked, “Your Highness, are you awake?”

She quickly came into the room. Noticing her standing near the window, the nanny came to her with short steps and said, “Did you see anything unusual there?”

“No, nothing.”

She covered the flower with her palm quickly, but she was always clumsy. The nanny already noticed it, but pretended not to have seen it and murmured to herself, “It looks like someone with quiet footsteps had been here last night.”

“Ugh? What did you say?”

“Nothing. Let me bring you breakfast.”

The nanny changed the topic. While telling the chief court lady to prepare breakfast, the nanny’s facial expression was distorted subtly. In her mind, there was only one person who could have come to the Dongbi Palace last night, but the quick-witted nanny was aware of Kyosul’s confused and complicated mind at the moment. Even she found it hard to judge which was a better option for Kyosul.

As she was sick in bed for the past several days, Kyosul stayed at the Dongbi Palace. The rumor already spread throughout the imperial palace that she was physically weak because she had fallen sick twice since she came to the Mok Kingdom. That kind of image didn’t fit her because she acted wild as a tomboy when she lived in the Hwa Kingdom. Anyway, the royal doctor kept an eye on her carefully, she had to stay put in her room. She was allowed to take a stroll for only one hour in the back garden.

After she got up, the first she did at the desk was to write a letter to Bipaan.

I’m writing to you in a long time. Weren’t you curious about how I was doing? I had a fever for the past several days.

Writing up to that point, she put down the brush. As she wrote a letter with no reply, she wrote down every detail of her daily routines so far, such as her walk, hobby, her basking in the sun at the window, etc.

Though she wrote it, she found it hard to write today.

When she wrote on the empty piece of paper for Bipaan, that blank slip of paper placed on her windowsill everyday came to her mind. That blank slip seemed to reflect his heartfelt longing for her that he couldn’t express to her in person.

She opened the little drawer of the desk. There were lots of little flowers with white knots in it. When she peeked inside the drawer, she felt as if she were a child doing wrongdoing or she concealed her precious and genuine feelings toward him.

“What are all these?”

When she looked at the flowers filling the drawer and the letter she hadn’t yet finished, she let out a sigh. Closing the drawer, she turned her head. She now fixed her gaze at the innermost spot of her room, namely the wall near her bed.

Bipaan’s wedding dress was hung there, embroidered with blue butterflies.

She approached it slowly. As it was hung high on the wall, she had to raise her head to see its collar. The big and wide fabric was larger than her small figure.

Kyosul stroked it with her palm gently. The pretty silk was soft. She touched and stroked it like that in place of Bipaan that she could not see.

“I didn’t know how big he was!”

Looking at the big dress, she imagined his figure. She held the big sleeves, opened it and wrapped it around her body. When she pulled the sleeves across her chest, she stood as if she were hugged in his sleeves.

The big wedding dress embraced her eerily. As she never felt his warmth, she could try to feel it from the dress. Wrapped in that dress with no human warmth, she opened her mouth slowly.

“Nanny!”

“Yes, I’m here,” said the nanny who was waiting outside her room.

Without looking at the nanny, Kyosul asked, while she was still wrapped in that dress.

“What is love?”

That was an unexpected question. The nanny had to think hard before answering it.

“Your Highness,” After a long silence, she spoke slowly. “I’m always on your side no matter what decision you make.”

The nanny felt her mention of ‘whatever decision you make’ wouldn’t get Kyosul’s consent.

She continued, “But listen to me, Your Highness. There are many more people than you think in this palace who love you.”

“Oh, that’s just lip service.”

“I saw them.” The nanny said it clearly to Kyosul who was laughing sarcastically. “While you were sick in bed, lots of people came to see you, including those I never expected to come.

“I really thank them for visiting me.”

“So, set your heart, please.”

Kyosul was a bit disappointed. The nanny told her that she would be on her side, and she now said she should set her mind, implying that her mind was torn between Bipaan and Ruhae.

Who should I set my heart on?

Lots of thoughts came to her mind.

“I wonder if the Crown Prince…”

Kyosul held Bipaan’s wedding dress tightly. She looked down at the moment. After biting her lip several times, she asked with difficulty, “I wonder if the Crown Prince ever came here to see me.”

“As for him….”

The nanny’s eyes trembled. She slurred as she couldn’t answer easily, but Kyosul could presume from her hesitating attitude that Bipaan didn’t come to see her.

“That’s enough,” Kyosul said, waving at the nanny who couldn’t bring herself to answer.

“Your Highness, in fact, he …”

“That’s alright, nanny. I know I shouldn’t expect any kindness or warmth from him.”

The nanny looked down with a troubled expression. She was murmuring something.