Futile Love

Chapter 38: Chapter 38

Ruhae chuckled at his funny logic. As he had a baby even before he turned 20, Binsung, who used to visit the South Palace almost every day, asked Ruhae to visit the North Palace out of joy. As Ruhae wanted to share his joy, he was dragging himself to the North Palace though he was physically weak.

Though he arrived at the North Palace, he could not yet reach the entrance of the residence of Binsung’s wife, Pukchon Palace.

He was still pacing up and down the same place where Kyosul was standing. He couldn’t leave there.

“What should I do?”

He vowed that he would surely confess his genuine feelings to her this time, but Kyosul’s reaction stopped his advance. It was Kyosul who made him take the difficult decision, and it was again Kyosul who could solve his angst for the past several days.

The only reply she gave him when he confessed to her with difficulty was “I’m the official wife of the Crown Prince.”

That’s all.

She didn’t express any personal opinion about his feelings toward her, let alone reveal her own feelings toward him, but he couldn’t recklessly judge what’s on her mind.

If all she wanted was to play the role of the ‘official wife’ of the Crown Prince, what else could Ruhae do to her, who already gave up the path given to him?

“What should I do now?”

He recalled Kyosul’s back, who was trembling. He extended his hand to her in his imagination and clenched his fist before quickly withdrawing it.

“…..”

Murmuring to himself while looking down at his hand, he walked.

He turned back to the South Palace. As if he decided on something, his eyes were glittering.

“If what you want is only the role of the Crown Prince’s official wife, I’m going to let you follow that road.”

He didn’t have any intention to force her against her will. He just wanted to confirm if she was of the same mind as him or not. Though he didn’t get her reply, her choice at this point was the role of the Crown Prince’s official wife.

“What if the road you have chosen is far from happy?”

Ruhae knew well how the Crown Prince Bipaan treated his second wife as well as the rumors about him and his concubines. If Kyosul had to follow the same road that Bipaan’s wives took, Ruhae could not give her up.

“Sorry, but I can’t easily let you follow that path.”

The reason he respected Kyosul’s intention was just because he wished she was happy. No matter how different her intention was from his, he would make her his wife by all means if she had a hard time.

“This is the last chance.”

He ran into Kyosul and confirmed his intention in her presence.

He also confirmed her intention. If that’s the case, there was only one person that he had to meet.

Kyosul was sick in bed after she visited the North Palace. She was burning up with fever. Stuck with a high fever, she could not pull herself together at all.

She just collapsed on the bed, with no sign of raising herself. Her nanny didn’t leave her, and the court ladies brought cold water several times to cool down her fever.

The royal doctor came to check her condition dozens of times per day, and Kyoyoung and Concubine Sassi also came to see her several times.

Oran, who committed a disrespectful act, stopped by with her son Prince Moo three days after Kyosul was sick in bed, and left after shedding tears.

Prince Binsung also visited her every day when he heard that she was sick after her visit to the North Palace.

Now, many more people visited the Dongbi Palace to ask after her.

By now Bipaan could have stopped by to check his wife’s condition, but he didn’t appear at all.

“What should I do now?”

Giving a big sigh, the nanny put a towel in the water basket. After soaking it in cold water, she squeezed the water out and then wiped her body sincerely. While stroking her body to wipe off her fever and touching her skinny body, she was welled with tears.

“Oh my god! How poor she is! She is spaced out and fast asleep.”

Only wearing on a thin silk skirt, she was on the bed. The nanny lifted the blanket and wiped off her body again and again. Thanks to her sincere efforts, Kyosul seemed to have come to her senses.

As she wiggled her eyelids, Kyosul said in a very feeble voice, “Ummmm….”

While wiping her neck, the nanny held her hands firmly with a pleasant surprise.

“Are you coming to yourself, Your Highness?”

“Nanny…”

“Yes, I’m here beside you. I’m holding your hands now. What happened? Did the Crown Prince say harsh things to you?”

The nanny asked a barrage of questions out of impatience. She didn’t know what had happened to her in the North Palace. After she ran into Ruhae, the nanny went back to the East Palace with the court ladies, leaving Kyosul behind. And she met Bipaan at the East Palace, who was looking for Kyosul.

Bipaan headed for the North Palace to look for her. She didn’t know what happened after that.

“Crown Prince?” Kyosul asked, frowning.

“Didn’t you meet him there?”

“No, not him…”

The nanny stopped while trying to tell her why Bipaan came to meet her in vain. Kyosul still had a fever, which made her spaced out.

Didn’t she meet the Crown Prince? Then, did she develop fever because of him?

As Kyosul could not come to her senses completely, the nanny concluded on her own that she had fever as she failed to see Bipaan.

While she was murmuring as if she were talking in her sleep, she fell asleep again.

“Oh my dear Yuuljin…”

A thin stream of tears came down from the outer corners of her eyes and wet her hair under the ears.

“Is it fever? Oh my god! Poor Crown Princess…”

Obviously, she didn’t get a scolding from Bipaan as she didn’t see him that day. How come she was suffering from fever? The nanny wiped her body again and again, as if she expected her wiping would help her wipe away her mind anguish.

“How come you got a fever after you saw him? How did he make your heart burn with love? And how come you have come to love him? You’re the official wife of the Crown Prince…”

The nanny couldn’t bring herself to finish her last words.

Swallowing the last words she couldn’t say, the nanny hated Bipaan.

If he had been a little more warm-hearted and more considerate of Kyosul, she would not have felt attached to the man she should not, neither would she have felt so heart-broken like this.

***

It was already one week since Kyosul had been sick in bed. One night her body was still hot because of fever. The court ladies, who were on standby to cool down her body by wiping it with a cold towel night and day for seven days, slept curled up as they were exhausted. Some of them were asleep, leaning on the bed while others slept, leaning against the door. The whole palace of the Dongbi Palace was at a standstill.

On that dark night a man opened the door quietly and came in. As if he was familiar with the room, he went to his destination without any hesitation or wandering.

His long and dark shadow came to Kyosul with light steps. The nanny, who had a light sleep, felt someone’s presence and opened her eyelids. The moment she opened her eyes, her eyes met the stranger’s suddenly.

“Shush!”

He put his long finger on his mouth. Surprised, the nanny held her breath, covered her mouth with both hands and nodded. Putting down his hand, he said in a low voice, “Don’t tell anybody I have come here.”

The nanny nodded again. And then she left the room to leave the stranger alone in her room. There were several court ladies in the room, but there were only two near the bed, Kyosul and the stranger.

When left alone, the stranger turned his eye toward Kyosul. Unable to move, Kyosul was making a faint moan with pain. As she looked so miserable and pathetic, the stranger was heart-broken. He, too, narrowed his eyebrows and showed sympathy.

“How come you are so heart-broken?”

His voice was gloomy. It seemed that his voice carried a sigh. He knitted his brows further, feeling more concerned about her health.

He slowly raised his hand. The back of his hands touched her cheeks. Though it was summer, the night wind was chilly. As he came here by braving through the chilly night, the back of his hands was still cold. But his hands got warm in no time. His hands were warm and soft.

Her fever was too hot to the touch. As if he felt he was burned by her fever, he withdrew his hand. He shook his head, and shook his head as if to deny something. On such occasions the ornament of his topknot swayed. The long string ornament and the jade and gold jewel attached at its end clicked together. He couldn’t take his eyes off Kyosul.