Futile Love

Chapter 37: Chapter 37

Yuuljin was his childhood name.

He didn’t miss it, though she called his name in spite of herself. He quickly snatched her little hand before she could remove it.

His face began to regain vigor. He looked at her with shining eyes.

“What did you call me, Your Highness?”

“…”

“Your Highness, how did you call me?”

“…”

At his asking, she just stepped back, with her face turning white.

But he followed her step by step and didn’t let go of her hand.

“How did you call me, Your Highness? Please call me once more.”

When she flinched and moved back, he lowered his head deeply. His tears dropped on his shoes.

I missed you so much.

He vowed for the first time that he would have what he wanted by all means, but he took caution because he didn’t want to wound her heart. He kept pondering over how best to approach her. In the meantime, time passed helplessly.

When he finally bumped into her like this, he felt this was a golden opportunity to achieve his goal. Even before he judged it was a coincidence or opportunity, he called her unconsciously and ran to her.

When he stood before her, though, he was embarrassed about what what to do as she reacted in a rigid manner.

The fact that she took a step backward when he approached her wounded his heart.

“You are….” He said in a wet voice. He had never called anybody ‘you’ before. He always showed manners to her by calling her by her official title, but today he called her ‘you’ for the first time. That reflected his genuine feelings toward her.

“Do you not like me at all? Do you hate me? How come you are avoiding me like this?”

Kyosul’s eyebrows wiggled. Her narrowed eyebrows seemed to put pressure on him. Her face turned white. As if she realized suddenly that she gave her hand to him, captivated by him, she pulled it from him with surprise.

He couldn’t hold her hand any more, letting go of her hand.

No, I don’t hate you.

Kyosul was reciting it deep inside. She held both hands because she felt she might stroke his dishevelled hair in spite of herself.

While looking sadly at his haggard figure with her trembling hands folded, she barely turned around. She had never known it was so difficult to turn back and look at him. She turned her body only halfway, she felt short of breath as if she were lifting his whole body.

I should get out of here as soon as possible.

She kept thinking about it only. She was scared. She was nervous for fear he could read her mind. When she was about to turn, he called her desperately.

“I’ve made the decision.”

It seemed that he found it difficult to say the first few words, but once he opened his mouth, he began to speak.

“For the first time in my life I will follow the road that I want, not the one given to me nor the one that I had to follow up to now. I will take the road that has touched my heart, and do what I want to do.”

Kyosul’s little shoulders trembled. Looking at her who now turned back, he didn’t hide his confession. “You are the woman that I would like to convey my genuine feelings for the first time in my life.”

There was no reply from her. A cool breeze blew over them.

After catching his breath for a moment, he went on in a sad voice.

“You came to me crying. On that sunny spring day, on that balmy day you jumped into my arm, crying sadly.”

On that spring day when Kyosul arrived in the Mok Kingdom, she came out of the sedan chair, shedding tears.

That indelible image of hers haunted him. Her tears, her laughter: this little woman from the Hwa Kingdom impressed him so strongly.

“What should I do? You came into my mind first. I dare say I can’t drive you out of my mind.”

In the end, he confessed to her. He confessed to her why he stayed beside her in the name of a friend.

Though he confessed suddenly, neither he nor she thought his confession was sudden. They already knew each other’s mind on that spring day, but his confession expressed carried weight and force of its own. What she knew secretly was different from what she heard from him in person.

Unable to control his feelings, he shed tears before he knew, getting wet.

His voice was so slow and feeble that she couldn’t hear it clearly unless she listened carefully, but his voice was clear .

Oh my god! How can he open his mind and confess like this?

She was surprised and scared.

She wanted to turn to him right away, but she knew she should not. She knew too well that she couldn’t stop if she turned now.

When she moved, she felt like she would walk up to him. His wet eyes now fully looked at her. He could hardly see her because of his tears. His tears flowing down his cheeks made his eyes blurry. She didn’t leave yet. If he moved a bit closer to her, he could grab her.

Wiping tears from his eyes, he tried to approach her. She was trembling. He couldn’t bring himself to come near her and stopped, shedding more tears.

If he didn’t see her now as much as he could, he might not be able to see her again, but his uncontrollable tears stopped him from seeing her clearly.

He didn’t know why, but he felt attracted to her from the moment he noticed her smiling and crying when the door of her sedan chair was opened.

That little woman whose big teardrops soaked her silk dress came to his mind then.

When Ruhae smiled and hugged her, she opened her heart to him. She had no other choice on that spring day, but it was already summer when the sun was shining hot.

“I’m the official wife of the Crown Prince.”

In the end, she barely spoke to him. That’s all she could say.

Having said that, she could barely get out of that place.

Discouraged by her last words, he still didn’t leave.

What would have changed if it had been Bipaan, not Ruhae, who greeted Kyosul on the day when Kyosul arrived in the Mok Kingdom? Perhaps Ruhae would not have experienced this kind of heartbreaking relationship with her.

The lonely sun was distantly shining on Kyosul and Ruhae who bumped into each other sadly and parted reluctantly. They had a long confusing shadow behind them.

***

Kyosul barely arrived at the East Place without knowing how she got there. She unconsciously walked to her residence in the Dongbi Palace with a heavy heart. When she crossed the top gate, her nanny ran to her. In fact, she got here much earlier that Kyosul, and waited for her return nervously.

“Your Highness! You came back finally!”

Without finishing her words, she hugged Kyosul who collapsed in her arms.

Though she didn’t know what had happened to her, Kyosul’s body was hot as if the sun was inside her.

“Oh my goodness! How short-minded I am! Did anything happen to you? Did you happen to see him?”

“Nanny.”

She heard something, but she felt dizzy. Though her nanny said something to her, she couldn’t catch it. She felt like it was just a confusing echo.

Looking into her unfocused eyes, the nanny burst into tears. She couldn’t understand how things got complicated, though she did her best to help Kyosul and Ruhae.

Today of all days, she led Kyosul to the North Palace, where she ran into Ruhae, and today of all days, Bipaan came to the East Palace to meet her in vain. Everything was a mess, as it turned out.

“Hey, what are you doing now? Just escort Her Highness into her room right now!”

As she was impatient, the nanny called her subordinates quickly. The court ladies came running to her. Helped by them, she barely walked to her room. In fact, she was almost dragged to her room.

She just gave herself to them without knowing where she was going.

While being dragged like that, her heart was beating strongly.

Left alone in the North Palace, Ruhae calmly recollected what had happened.

He was on his way to see Prince Binsung. Saying that he wanted to give his baby a name as his wife’s due date was around the corner, Binsung called Ruhae. Binsung knew his father Emperor Ohyulje would offer a new name for his baby, but he insisted he would like to name his baby by himself. In that respect, it was contradictory for him to call Ruhae.

“If you called me for that reason, isn’t it against your wishes that I name your baby?”

“Well, as you are smarter than me, I think you can give my baby a better name. Though I would love to name my baby, I would like to give my baby a better name than mine.”

“Got it.”