Fighting to be Kind in a Cultivation World

As I look at her laying on top of me, I get more irritated rather than aroused. I can understand her not believing me, but why would she try to actively tempt me like this? To essentially push through her own assumptions and force it to happen.

As I think through it a bit more, though, I realize I shouldn’t be getting irritated about this.

She’s been through a lot over her life.

I have no idea the number of times that she’s been betrayed by people. How the slippery slope with their father transpired. All she’s told me is that her father was first reminded of her by her mother. And that he essentially started treating her more and more differently. With a clear separate intent than one a father might have with their daughter.

Those types of things leave a serious effect on the person. This might be her way of making sure that I’m not just playing her. Which means, in order to help convince her, I need to show no real interest in her.

Actually, that might do the opposite. She might assume, like before, that I just don’t have any interest in her because she’s not attractive. Which can be its own rabbit hole.

I think what she needs is genuine care. From someone who actually cares, that isn’t a woman or someone with something to gain. One that will show it in a right and proper way, over a long period of time. Not as a lust filled man.

With this in mind, I slowly roll her off, ignoring the lingering feeling of her on me. Covering up the lights around the room with the web flaps, I say to her, if you’d like to sleep in the bed, go ahead. I’ll sleep on the floor over here, so that you don’t need to worry about me doing anything.”

As I rolled her off of me, she seemed simultaneously relieved and annoyed at my action. As she listened to me, after my last words came up, her eyes widened and her jaw drops.

She says, “Wait, why are you sleeping on the floor? This is your room. Are you going to just let me sleep in your bed? Aren’t you letting me eat meat and you drinking soup?”

“Uh… sure? If I spend the night on the floor, there will be less chance for you being able to entice me, than if I decided to stay in the bed with you.”

“Fine, then. But, why not just tell me to leave? This is your room, after all.”

Ah. She’s right. That is actually is quite a good point.

I guess I let all those movies allow me to think that was the only option I could use when having a woman stay over.

“Oh. Alright then. Could you leave my room then?”

“No.”

“…No?”

“No.”

“Wait, but I thought… Didn’t you just say…?”

“Well, yeah. This and that are two separate things. It makes me wonder why you let people push you around like that. Do you have no concept of face? It’s not just now that you let people tell you what to do, but multiple times. I’ve seen you cave into what we or other people may say, really easily. Sometimes, you even apologize to others for something they’ve done.

“Before, I thought that was you just being strategic about your words hoping to currying favor. Now? I think that’s just something you do.”

She raises a good point.

I haven’t forgotten it, but this culture greatly differs from mine. The things that I typically do really are seen as weird or different. Though, the concept of face isn’t unique to this world. It was also seen in some of the Asian countries as well, which shows some commonality.

“Look, I understand the concept of faces… I think. I just rarely value it as much as maintaining a relationship with the person or building something deeper.”

She sighs.

“Then, that’s something we’re going to train you on. There are times and places to do so. But, you constantly do so. If that is your standard, no one will take you seriously. Like the fact that you smile so much. After a bit, people will wonder if you are daft or just don’t care about anyone more.

“There’s no way that you’ll do well in the sect, no matter how strong you are, if you don’t figure that out. Most cultivators prove their worth through both their words and their actions. By being bold, yet cautious. With your approach, people will think you are pretending to be a pig, to eat a tiger. At worst? They’ll assume you are actually weak and stupid. And challenge you for easy benefits or laughs.”

Ironically enough, she’s saying all this while laying on her side facing me naked. And even though I am in a certain state of mind, my eyes started to drift down to the large mounds on her chest. Then to the curves of her hips.

Fuck. I’m messing up.

Since I clearly don’t have the maturity to keep my eyes on her face, I need to keep my eyes looking away from her as we talk.

She seemed to have noticed my previous glance and was emphasizing her assets as she spoke. In the corner of my eye, I can see that she is creeping closer and closer. Admittedly, she is being subtle about it. It’s just a lot easier for me to tell, with my scan on.

“Even I sometimes wonder if you are as strong as you seem. It seems as if you aren’t even able to keep the promises you make to yourself, let alone us.”

She’s on the edge of the bed. Now, sitting up straight and staring right at me.

“So, why should I trust what you say?”

I can’t really say much to that. But I have to say something, she’s…

She interrupts my thoughts, rapid fire.

“In fact, since the time we’ve met you, you’ve continuously gone out and healed people despite the fact that we’ve told you that it’s a bad idea. You yourself, have said you won’t and you’ll avoid doing so in the future.

“You’ve also used your taming powers, near continuously, in front of other people. Which, even though it turned alright, required movements by Gong in the background to make up for it. That’s not even including what ‘Big Sis’ Crane has done.”

I can’t say anything to that. My lips tighten and I feel myself naturally looking to the side. It’s hard to look her in the eyes.

I’ve been putting them in consistent danger with my actions. Even with the latest thing, I let my emotions take control of me.

Gong may have let me go along with it, out of guilt for what I’ve already done for her. But I was… I’m being foolish.

The hits don’t stop from Ai, as she goes even further.

“Clearly, you don’t seem to understand that it’s not only the fact that you might have sex with other women and get manipulated, that makes us feel like we… I feel the need to do this.

“I really find it hard to believe that we can trust you to keep us safe. Or to be more specific, to not pull us into deeper trouble than we already are in.

“And, I’m not stupid. I know you’re trying to avoid having sex with me, because you feel guilty of what I went through with Old Rong. It’s clear that you know I’m trying to seduce you, even if you might be attracted to me.

Wait, what? Is she just going to say that out loud? I suppose this makes things easier, but is that really okay to say for the one trying to seduce?

“Don’t look so surprised. Do you really think you’re the first person who’s come near us with seemingly good intentions? Feeling guilty about being attracted to me? No, don’t be foolish.”

Her arms cross as she looks to the side. Eyes toward the corner, facing the ground.

“In the end, they all end up betraying and hurting us. So, I use what I can from them and prepare for the worst.”

She shakes her head and pauses. Which leads into a sigh, gathering my attention back to her grey eyes.

“With that said, you are actually the first one, to have sincerely helped us. Not only that, but Lin trusts you. Well, at least not to try to purposely betray us.

“So, normally I wouldn’t tell you shit and just try to make you do what we want, my way. But I’m going to make this simple for you…”

She pauses, but looks pretty serious. At the silence between her words, I can’t help but take a deep breath.

It looks I will have to hear this out… if I want to actually fix this relationship.