LIGHTNOVELONLINE Episode 12 ▶ Last M&S Stream – Completing The Big Dome! | Mandel & Screw’s Adventure Livestream (39) 06/01/2024
@tonnerre_de_breast 1 day ago
Well this was anticlimactic 😂
▴ 2 replies
@sockie? 1 day ago
Strong disagree, this was Screw’s best stream
@CraftCraftees 1 day ago
Truly one one of the stream of all time
Welcome to the chat room!
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SonicScrew |
“Erm, yeah, that’s it! Wow, you’re good. That’s exactly it. She is Mandel’s sister,” the strange way Zee had said those words rang through my head as I ran through all my livestream scenes to check whether they were all good — there was often a bit of text from an earlier stream left hanging on a corner. This time, it was a ‘brb my mic is acting up’ I’d forgotten to remove. I deleted the element and switched to the next scene to continue the preparation.
78denim: Hello!
Ah well, it had, now. I’d just clicked on the ‘Start Streaming’ button. There was still a bit of latency, but they should receive the video feed right about…
Now.
I was glad Craftees was available tonight; he was a reliable moderator, and I particularly appreciated his no-nonsense policy concerning private questions; he was very fast at removing them before I noticed. So it’s always a relief to see his name in the chat room. And if it weren’t for him, I’m not sure I would’ve continued streaming.
I unmuted myself. “Hi Craftees! Hello everyone! Yeah, as I said in last week's update, I’m taking a bit of time for myself for a short while. Physical life’s been nibbling on my real life — by that I mean, on my gaming life. So I’m taking it easy for a few days. Then, well,” the word came with a chuckle, “Covencraft’s starting in a week, and with that, I think the channel’ll be back up on its feet in no time. So don’t worry, you’ll get more videos and streams pretty soon.”
I’d finished double-checking all the parameters for the stream. For the moment, there was a minimalist background shot taken from my solo Let’s Play series on the screen. It was a bird’s-eye view of a vaguely medieval house nestled in a valley blurred on the lower part to make room for a five-minute countdown on the left and a rendition of the chat on the right.
78denim: You’re on Covencraft?
💬 Replying to @78denim: You’re on Covencraft?
78denim: omg
78denim: I’m so excited
CAPTAINLauby: helloooooo!!!!
“You’re absolutely right, Craftees,” I answered. “Now, I’ve got a bit more prep to do, I’ll be right back. We can continue to chat right after that.”
I muted myself again. It was a lie, there was nothing left to prepare. I was already connected to the Mandel and Screw’s Adventure server, had already selected the task at hand for tonight — finishing the back of our base — and my desk had been fully readied for the evening to come. I had a cup of tea, some crisps, and one of the best royalty-free playlists Mandel had put together playing in the background.
What I did not have, though, was a calm mind.
The memories of the earlier encounter continued to play in loops. “That’s not, like,” Zee had continued, kneading her elbow nervously, “Mandel dressed up as a girl or anything, lol. Could you imagine that? Bonkers.” I’ll have you know, I was very much imagining that now, Zee. Why did you have to implant that sweet image in my head and mess with my cheeks like that? I slammed both of my hands on them to make the red go away — obviously, it did the very opposite, but there was no webcam to attest to that fact.
Now was not the time; I had a stream scheduled. It was supposed to be a simple one. Not that my streams were usually that complex, but this one was particularly barebone. For starters, I was alone. That was easier to handle both logistically: I didn’t have to worry about being a good conversation partner, in addition to reading the chat and doing a task; and emotionally: I wouldn’t have the usual issue of being uncomfortable or awkward with someone else. It was also the last one on M&S’s Adventure — No, Mandel and Screw’s Adventure, don’t let him win — before starting Covencraft. There wasn’t much left to do or figure out.
ElisaJuss99: Hello
OlOng: o/
0xGrimbleGrumble: omg!
0xGrimbleGrumble: screw’s backkkk
OlOng: who else is hyped for CC?
0xGrimbleGrumble: what’s today’s topic?
Hughe_if_true: hi
78denim: me
Neem123: new stream yay
RogerCross71: Thal’s Balls! Screw’s back!
RogerCross71: A bit late for a stream though.
RogerCross71: I have a streamer friend who says that streaming after 10 P.M. is twice as tiring. So please, don’t exert yourself ;)
💬 Replying to @0xGrimbleGrumble: what’s…
He.
I inhaled a sharp intake of air through my teeth. I should’ve gotten ready for that, too.
The chat continued to fill in with people before reaching a comfortable number a bit shy of two hundred viewers, which was slightly more than average but far behind my most stressful experiences on Twitch (no, raids aren’t fun for everyone, Mandel). Mostly because of stress and wanting to do something with my hands, I re-checked one last time my mic, my scenes, and my announcement on Twitter. Nothing was out of place. Then finally, the counter reached zero, and I unmuted myself.
“Hi,” I said with a nervous laugh, elongating the greeting a bit more than usual. I quickly realised it’d sounded a bit too feminine for my sake. I didn’t want to attract any attention to it, so I tried to anchor my voice to a lower tone. “Gosh, this is a lot of people just to see someone filling holes on the back of some domes.”
I switched to the main Minecraft scene, already in place with my tools and the wireless access to a modded storage system in my hand. All it took was one right click to furnish myself with all the blocks I needed. Then I started moving towards today’s objective.
“I won’t lie, today’s stream won’t be very exciting. But I guess you’re used to that if you follow this channel, hehe. So, I just wanted to terraform some kind of hill here—” I punched in the direction of a huge glass dome, filled with magical plants and cubic butterflies “—behind the main dome, and it would extend over there, next to the power plant. We have everything we need in our storage system, so we just have to get some grass… Here we go… And we can get started!”
Since I wasn’t speaking much for a while, the volume of the music automatically rose by a few decibels. The mood was chill, and my thoughts wandered again.
What would Mandel’s sister do in the area?
And why had I never heard about a sister in the first place? I was well aware Mandel had an adorable nuisance of a little brother, but that was it; his family hadn’t sprouted a twenty-something girl in the meantime, as far as I knew. Perhaps Mandel’s brother was trans — well, she would be his sister then — but I believe I would’ve known about that, too.
Adding to that, Mandel never seemed that knowledgeable about trans issues before meeting Zee. And even after New Year’s night, and right until the very moment he understood how it would affect our relationship, he stayed rather uninterested in the topic. He seemed hesitant each time we broached the subject. Wincing when I talked about what I would now describe as dysphoria. And that was without mentioning his reaction to me asking to be his girlfriend the other day.
Things didn’t add up.
My breath hitched, and I stopped placing blocks for a whole four seconds reading that message.
“Oh, hi Mandel!” I exclaimed with a queasy giggle. “Welcome. Look. I hope you’re happy. I’m working on the Big Dome.”
OlOng: lmao
LeniSFX: finally xD
xolishh: hiiiiii
OlOng: it took so long
“I figured that much,” I answered, starting to place blocks again, filling what barely looked like the wireframe of a hill, with long stretches of block hinting towards its final shape. The next step would be to fill the gaps, but the interior would stay hollow; no need to place blocks no one would ever see. “Which is a shame, ‘cause you’re better at terraforming than me.”
“Mh~yeah,” I said dreamily.
No! Keep it casual. Don’t let anything slip.
“Um, yeah,” I repeated, steadying my voice, “thank you for that, Mandel. Now,” I hurriedly continued, not knowing where to go but desperately wanting to switch subjects, “I think it’s— Ah, I should take my distance. Right, okay. Yeah, it’s time to fill in this part of the hill, isn’t it? That’s a trick Mandel taught me, by the way: always get a view from afar every now and again. You kinda need to see if what you’ve done works well before planning the rest.”
xolishh:
“‘Kay,” I replied, refraining myself from sounding too cheerful. “Bye, Mandel. See you later.”
Hughe_if_true: you sound like a radio host
Cubitus2007: Hiya!
xolishh: omg cubitus hi
Cubitus2007: hellooo xoxo :p
Brecciahighda: I think you should raise the little hill in the corner behind the power supply
Brecciahighda: By like 3 or 4 blocks
xolishh: alligator
Cubitus2007: Are you wrapping up the series?
I turned my gaze chatwards and read a message out loud for everyone to hear. “‘Are you wrapping up the series?’ Um, yes, that's the plan. Covencraft will replace it from now on. There will probably be one last episode to say goodbye. But I’m not sure yet.”
Hughe_if_true: I need more of your voice in my ears
Cubitus2007: I see
xolishh: yeah that makes sense
xolishh: world tour?
O538AU: Okay so, I’m not imagining things. In the last few weeks, his voice is just becoming sweeter and sweeter right?
💬 Replying to @MandelbroGaming: well gotta…
Neem123: Dude don’t tease us like that! I want more info now!
I had to stifle a groan. Despite my efforts to hide the training I’d started doing these past few days, the subject of my voice kept coming up. "Thanks, O five hundred and thirty-eight A U.” I nervously laughed while trying to correctly pronounce their username. If I continued to ignore the topic of my voice, I feared viewers might start asking more intrusive questions, so I settled on addressing it directly without letting anything suspicious slip. “I don't know what's this about my voice recently. I get a lot of compliments, and I don't know why, it's not like I've had an overdose of honey or something. I guess it’s because I’m getting more comfortable speaking in a mic,” I lied.
O538AU: I’m going to let it nurse me to sleep lol
Chiyodagatas861: <message deleted>
xolishh: have you heard about RockDivine taking a vacation just at the start of the season?
Chiyodagatas861: fair! I didn’t mean any harm, sorry
I wanted to click to know what the deleted message was, but I knew better than to give in to my morbid curiosity. Each time I’d tried it in the past, the result made me very uneasy.
“You deleted that so fast I couldn’t read it,” I said. “Thank you, man.”
RogerCross71: This is an excellent stream. Thank you for all your hard work, @sonicScrew.
“Oh, thank you so much, Roger. You’re so sweet. Always a pleasure having you here.” I took a bit of distance from what I had been working on again. “Okay, this one is looking alright. Now on to this part…”
Brecciahighda: Yesss exactly like that
Brecciahighda: It looks so good
“‘And have you not seen my tweets?’” I parroted Craftees. “I don’t think I have. Sorry, I’m not logging on very often,” I answered, feeling a tinge of guilt. “And when I do, it’s just for announcements and stuff.”
While waiting for his response, I used my elytra to fly a few dozen blocks above my work. The idea I had for this project in my head was gradually taking shape. As I carefully glided back to the ground, I accessed my wireless storage system and picked a few vegetation items to populate the still barren hillside. Ferns, spruce saplings, and berry bushes would do the trick. Plus, Mandel would kill me if I didn’t include berry bushes — “It’s the biome we’re doing! Taiga are supposed to be full of them, how do you manage to forget every time?”
LeniSFX: yooo thats sick
Hughe_if_true: kudos to you!
xolishh: sorry to repeat but he hasn’t seen my message. have you heard about RockDivine taking a vacation just at the start of the season? What are your thoughts?
78denim: <message deleted>
You gotta be kidding me.
“Whew! That’s so cool, Craftees,” I said as brightly as I could, feeling a strange emotion make its way to my stomach. There was a part of me that wanted to reach out, to say we were in the same boat, to not feel alone anymore. Obviously, it would’ve been a terrible idea to do so in front of hundreds of people, so I bitterly maintained my facade of cisness and prayed no one would see through it. “I’m glad you figured yourself out, and you’re as welcome as ever here. If anyone gives you shit, I can— Well, you’re the one with the sword, so just don’t hold back and make them pay.” I ended with a lower voice and a chuckle, feeling it rumble through my chest. I was hoping it would prevent anyone from making unfortunate connections. But using my voice in that way… it made me sad.
Jahn6757:
Brecciahighda: What's the music?
💬 Replying to @xolishh: sorry to repeat but…
xolishh: @sonicScrew have you seen my message?
Hughe_if_true: look, if he hasn’t answered the first two times, i don’t think he will lol
xolishh: :(
💬 Replying to @cr4ftCraftees: I’m a trans woman
RogerCross71: I’m deeply sorry if this question is out of line. What does trans mean?
The regular pof pof of placing grass blocks one by one slowly dulled my senses. I stopped reading the chat and lost myself in the calming rhythm.
I recalled that only a few hours before, even with unrest claiming my calves, I’d remained paralysed when Zee zoomed past me. She still had some fresh nail paint on, so each of her movements was calculated to not smear it, and she was consciously avoiding touching me with them; though if that was because of the paint or the fact they looked like mildly dangerous claws, I couldn’t tell you. “‘Kay,” she’d half-shouted, starting to go down the stairwell, “really must run right now! See you later, Screw, Lake, or whatever! And remember this.” She’d stopped and flashed me a warm grin. “Give it time.”
After that, it had taken me more time than I was willing to admit before finally moving again and making my way up the roof. I had settled myself on a sturdy skylight in the corner next to the stairs — it was the most chair-adjacent object in the area — and let my mind wander.
I’d found myself realising that I did not go out that often before. I used to work and work and find excuses to work more. But that day, as the most important milestone of my channel loomed on the horizon, I had surprisingly taken my distance with YouTube. And I was doing things that would’ve seemed completely pointless and wasteful a few months prior. Like going atop the roof to read silly stories Sam had shared in the Gayvencraft group chat or watch birds, clouds, and buildings.
Nothing had changed up there; the city still looked stunning, despite being slightly hidden behind a veil of fog. My eyes lost themselves in the intricate pattern of the neighbouring winding roads. It was fun to discern the way certain paths stuck dutifully to the topography of the hill while others were battling the slope, trying to make a statement. When I’d turned my head towards the slag heap, I could even see the top of the Gayette.
And for a moment, I’d come up with a strange idea. The girl I’d met, could it have been Mandel all along? If it had been… them, wouldn’t they have recognised me? Maybe… Maybe the haircut had been too much of a change?
I was suddenly startled by—
✦ ▶ ✦
Neem123: this stream is very quiet….
Cubitus2007: ?
Chiyodagatas861: looks cool
Brecciahighda: Music name?
💬 Replying to @Brecciahighda: Music name?
0xGrimbleGrumble: yeah did screw mute himself?
💬 Replying to @gfwae7: the way they…
O538AU: Here we can hear a wild screw in its natural habitat… the little clicks you hear from time to time is the creature muting its microphone to indulge into secret activities it prefers to remain private. It is theorised that it does so every time it sips its tea. But tonight, the screw apparently had other plans…
Jahn6757:
LeniSFX: LOL
gayKibty: I like it, it’s chill :3
CAPTAINLauby:
Mete__Death: hello
sockie_287: evil Glob stream be like
bblaphero_: why is he not talking??
bblaphero_: this is akward
💬 Replying to @sockie_287: evil Glob…
eFFEW: never understood the appeal of that guy
Neem123: <message deleted>
Neem123: <message deleted>
bblaphero_: okay yeah sorry
Cubitus2007: I wonder what a Glob/Screw stream would look like
Cubitus2007: Glob would totally ruin Screw’s plan for the day and lead him to do weird shit with the enderdragon or somehting
xolishh: Screw would teach Glob how to use TNT dupers and CovenCraft would end after two weeks of agony
bblaphero_: aaaaah
💬 Replying to @eFFEW: never understood…
sockie_287: you can’t appreciate the height of his genius…
sockie_287: but more seriously, it’s just a matter of taste, the guy’s mad funny i f your receptive to that kind of humour
💬 Replying to @Cubitus2007: I wonder what a…
sockie_287: I mean, there was the Battle Royale a few weeks ago. They played together
sockie_287: o
0xGrimbleGrumble: he’s back!
Chiyodagatas861: what happened?
gayKibty: you’re sure you’re okay?
gayKibty: you can take a break if you want!!
0xGrimbleGrumble: :(
gayKibty: yeah hydration is important
0xGrimbleGrumble: sure
Falconnard: It’s fine dw
gayKibty: okay!
forknof: see ya
Mete__Death: bye lol
Chiyodagatas861: what happened, why is there a countdown? Where’s he?
Cubitus2007: I’m gonna switch to another stream, bye all
Neem123: ZZZZZ
sockie_287: YESSS
sockie_287: time to shine babyyyyyyy
✦ ▶ ✦
“This isn’t the best time, Zee,” I whispered in frustration, even though my microphone was metres away, directional, and muted. “I’m in the middle of a livestream.” I jerked my thumb towards my computer. The countdown was nearly over.
She leaned forward and peeked inside my flat for a moment before coming back to her original position. “Aaaah, yes. Okay, that does explain why she…” she trailed off. “Um! Yes, that makes sense.” She muttered a few more words I couldn't understand.
“Yes, it does! So make it quick!” I whined, shifting uncomfortably. “What is it?”
“Fuck. Um. Ah. Just. Wait a bit.” She pulled out her phone and turned away from me. Her device had what I could only describe as an overly-glittered pink case — it looked like it was made of candy — with a multi-coloured lanyard protruding from the battery port. That was Zee’s phone all right.
“Waiting is the polar opposite of what I am currently able to do!”
“Well, I’m not the one to blame here! Go— Go file a complaint with the Belgian government… Or not! ‘Cause Belgium doesn’t have a government half the time. So, you’re screwed. Ha! Screwed, haha… Ugh. You’re distracting me! Lemme just…” she trailed off.
“Zee,” I said, stretching the ‘e’ sound all the way to the Far Lands.
Seriously, what was so important that it couldn’t wait until the end of the stream? This was deeply embarrassing, people were waiting, I would make a fool of myself, ending a stream like that. Granted, it would always be better than, say, your dad barging into your room while you were streaming, then eeping, cursing in French, shutting the door loudly, and fleeing when he’d realised the stream was still on. That was still my most-viewed clip.
“So,” she said with intent, turned to face me again, and leaned on the parapet. “Mandel, right?” She flicked her wrist to the side, pointing at nothing in particular.
I immediately stopped moving, caught the door jamb with a hand, and locked my eyes with Zee’s. “Yeah, what about him?” Finally, some news about him. I was failing to hide the excitement bubbling in my stomach.
She winced while answering me. “Well, the person we all remember as ‘Investment’ would like a word with you. But that aforementioned person also said it could wait after your stream. That individual — whomst is the subject of this conversation, I must remind us — thought it had already finished, but as I discovered right about two minutes ago,” Zee grumbled, “it wasn’t.”
I stared at her, not doing anything for just a tad too long. What a weird way of speaking, I thought. But knowing Zee, that’s part of the package.
“Okay, give me a sec,” I said. I took and put on an old pullover, then closed my door and went ahead, down to Investment's floor. “Alright, let’s go!”
“Um,” she said, her voice trembling for a second. “It’s actually upstairs. In my flat.” She pointed up.
Embarrassment claiming my cheeks, I turned back, took the correct set of stairs, and followed her.
She was breaking new bounds in terms of outfits lately. It’s true we had seen her rocking a wonderful and frilly dress at the Gayette, but I’d seen my parents in this kind of dress when they cosplayed to go to certain conventions, it was a bit over the top and looked more like a prop than genuine clothes you’d wear every day. But this time, it felt so more committed: Zee was wearing a cute flowy white dress, she had a bracelet on her right wrist, and she wore a large, hand-knitted cardigan that leaned on the green side of turquoise and showed one of her shoulders bare— I immediately stopped my fashion analysis short when I saw a black strip on it; she was wearing a bra.
“So what’s so important anyway?” I asked with a cough.
“You’ll see when we get there, you gay gremlin,” she answered.
“Huh, but I’m not really gay anymore, remember?”
She hummed, then answered, “We’ll see about that.”
“Okay,” I said nervously, in the middle of a flight of stairs. “I know you’re the pure product of chaos and mischief or something, but I’m still feeling like you’re hiding something here. Is it that serious?”
She stopped and faced me.
And for a moment, I was convinced some mason had a profound and bitter grudge against me.
Maybe they were mad because I stepped on a not so dry patch of concrete one time, or perhaps the way I build stairs on Minecraft gave them great distress, or maybe they were just very transphobic. But nonetheless, the grudge was there and had been physically transmitted with every one of their movements while casting the steps of these stairs. They’d been carefully carved in a way that only I would have to face the displeasure of one day tasting them.
That is to say, I tripped.
But fortunately for me and my teeth, Zee caught me at the last moment. “I’m not gonna say this twice, so it’s very important you listen to me carefully: you better not be a dick with Investement, or I will personally hack your channel—”
She let go of me with a slight push that threatened me to fall backwards. ‘I don’t have Feather Falling!’ I wanted to scream, but I was too preoccupied thinking about my dentist.
“No wait, I already did that one,” she said, stirring her chin with her thumb. Suddenly, a moment before I finally toppled to a certain death, a sparkle twinkled in her eye, and she caught me again. “Okay. I might say this twice, or thrice, or more, but please listen carefully like it was the last: if you hurt Investment in any shape or form, if you’re being a humongous jerk for more than two femtoseconds, if you sneer, scoff, or shun Investment, I’ll raid your channel every time you do a livestream.” She paused dramatically, then she added in a husky whisper, “I have an average of a bit more than a thousand viewers.”
Fuck, that was actually a really good threat, but I was more distracted by the following facts: first, this was a dangerous and rare situation where she actually had some height over me. Second, her hair had grown a good five centimetres since we’d first met, and the setting sun was making it a wonderful mix of browns and oranges. And third, her makeup was flawless; she’d even painted little freckles that looked absolutely perfect on her. She was positively stunning. My heart was beating very fast. I gulped.
“Oh, um,” she said, her eyes widening. “Don— Don’t worry. I wouldn’t really do that. I’m being facetious… mainly. I simply wanted to say it’s that important. So be cool, won’t you?” I nodded vigorously. I was doing this for Mandel, I would be on my best behaviour. She giggled and released me. “Good g— Good.”
After balancing myself and inhaling a good breath, I followed her.
“What’s a femtosecond?”
“Adunno, a girl second.”
✦ ▶ ✦
forknof: shit happens it’s okay
forknof: Since we’re all trapped in here, let’s talk!! In your opinion, what’s screw’s best video?
sockie_287: a masterclass
sockie_287: and the ending, the feels
Forknof: hmmmm yeah i get you. But it felt a bit too much for me. I’m saying this with all the love i have for screw’s vids, but sometimes all the cutscenes and timelapses feel a bit pompous and pretentious, you know? Just too much for me
Forknof: M&S’s episode 12 ^W^
Forknof: the jokes…
Neem123: booooring
💬 Replying to @Neem123: booooring
sockie_287:
✦ ▶ ✦
It was the first time I saw Zee’s flat up close. The door was identical to mine and Mandel’s, it was a plain, blocky wooden glass door, but what surprised me was its cleanliness. Most of the doors and windows in the complex were dirty and ridden with smudges of dirt, fingerprints, and dust. But hers was squeaky transparent.
And that meant I could clearly see her flat in all its glory, and that girl— guy? Person. And that person had taste. She had understood all the ins and outs of a small space and all the ways to make it feel bigger and cosy.
One by one, she sniffed through a set of three nearly identical keys before stopping on the last, emitting a cute sound of contentment, and opening the door with it.
There was a large full-body freestanding mirror right next to the entrance — I would’ve done the same, were I half as beautiful as her — on which she had drawn little dog ears right at the height of her own head; if I were to stand in front of it, those ears would probably end up in my neck.
Her bed area was sealed off from the rest of the room by large drapes precariously maintained in place by being shoved in between two ceiling tiles. Her desk and kitchenette were separated by a thin cupboard open on both sides. And there were a few warm sources of lighting scattered across.
And most importantly, Zee had plants. So many plants. Big, sprawling leaves making their quiet way across her desk and towards the windows. A collection of little pink and white cuties adorning her table. An array of Aloe vera (the only plant I knew the name of) near her bed. And frilly flowers stashed away in the cupboard. It reminded me of the Gayette, to a certain extent. Every piece added pleasantness to the atmosphere in its own way — not only visually but also olfactively.
“Here,” she said, ushering me inside and pointing at the old sofa right beside the door (yes, somehow, she’d managed to put a small sofa in there). I looked around quickly, trying to find something to rest my eyes on. The walls were littered with two types of posters: first, a lot of concert promotional posters. Second… furry art? Occasionally, both. “I stole some Dragibus from the Gayette. Help yourself.” She threw a whole bag of them at me, but my reflexes were comically bad, so they just kind of flopped on my chest and landed on my lap. “Let me do a tharbing, and we can get this thing going.” She took her phone out and started intensively texting.
“A… tharbing?”
“A word I made up just so I could make you wait the extra fifteen seconds required for me to send an important message… Ok!” she shouted. “Yes, she’s here. Lake’s here! You can come.”
She.
The door of Zee’s bathroom slowly opened up and… The girl from earlier was there, in basically the same outfit, except her curls were way shorter; I supposed she’d gone to a hairstylist in the meantime. I blushed. She was adorable; the ‘I wanna stretch your cheeks if that’s okay with you’ kind of adorable.
So that was Mandel’s sister, huh? The resemblance was most striking, to say the least. But I thought I was here for Mandel, where was he? Could it be that he wanted me to meet his trans sister? How did that explain the past few days? That didn’t make any sense, there had to be a more simple explanati—
Sike. Just kidding. Got you.
I knew it was them; it was Mandel. The moment they’d entered the room, my mouth was wide open, and I’d come to the obvious conclusion that that girl, that person, was my partner. And from that point on, my heart rate only rose by the minute. Because, holy Minecraft cow, my partner was impossibly cute.
“Y— You…” I managed.
“Um, yeah, hi,” they said with a tiny and croaky voice. They turned to Zee, bringing their arms together and trembling. “You didn’t t— tell her?”
Her.
“I didn’t think it was my place to do so.”
“I said you could tell her! It’s okay, I'm ready now. I don’t care anymore, gotta do it… If I never tell her, then…” they trailed off.
Her.
“Okay, sorry, I didn’t understand that,” Zee said, her smile dropping. I’d not seen her that uncomfortable since the day we first met. “You were super intent on not telling her for the whole week. And usually I’m very bad at keeping secrets, and… I— I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to go about it.”
Her, again.
I wasn’t really listening anymore. The feminine address felt so right. I was in desperate need to rob a pharmacy of all of its estrogen reserves. Right now.
“Okay, well, fuck it,” Investment said, her voice gaining confidence. “Hey, Lake?”
“Hm?” I hoped they didn’t notice me blushing up a storm from all the pronouns.
“Um… Behold: Womandel.”
I blinked once, twice, and then some. The air started filling my mouth, my cheeks were puffing out. A bit of that escaped through my nose, letting out a small snort. And from there, I just lost it completely.
Soon enough, my partner — my girlfriend, I slowly came to realise — joined me in the ridiculousness of the moment and quickly had to settle down on a nearby chair. The week of uncertainty, the strange conversations, and the hours of soothing video I’d watch to desperately attempt to contain my anxiety were all rendered useless. And all the tension, my hundreds of questions, and my growing embarrassment left my body in the form of maniacal laughs and giggles.
On our side, Zee crossed her arms and pouted. “It was my joke,” she mumbled. “She stole it from me.” Then, looking to the side, she added in a whisper “Plus you’re doing it all wrong, the correct term is Bwomoondool…”
“Sorry, Zee, the early bird gets the worm,” Investment mocked her, sticking her tongue out. She crossed her legs together and planted an elbow on the edge of the table, uplifting her pretty cheek. Her hand was grabbing the hem of her sweater, letting only her fingers out. She had recovered the air of confidence she usually displayed. But on top of it, she was now most adorable.
I gathered the courage to start a proper conversation. “So you—” I started, but she cut me off.
“I should—”
“No, go o—”
“Oh you go fir—”
“Well, oka—”
“But the thing is—”
We both stopped speaking and just stared at each other for a good eight seconds. Like Minecraft pigs.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know I look ridiculou—”
“You’re so fucking cute,” I blurted at the same time as her, closing my eyes like I was about to be slapped for my unsolicited compliment.
“Wha—” She blinked. “Wha— N— No you… You look splendid!” Did I? Oh gosh. The blushing contest had officially started. “I’m not… That wasn’t the point! I don’t… I?”
“Yeah, she is,” Zee said with a soft giggle.
I opened my eyes again to see a furiously reddened Investment hiding her face in her hands. And at that moment, a very particular and underutilised part of my brain lit up. “Oh, so we’re confirming? It’s established, then? She’s a she?” I asked Zee, smirking. To which she replied with a smile, then tilted her head back in the direction of the blushing mess.
Oh yeah, my girlfriend was a she, and she was right on the verge of happy tears.
My legs didn’t think twice and led me to her. My hands knew exactly how to cradle hers. And I said, “Hey, hey, you’re okay. It’s gonna be okay. You’re a girl?”
“I can’t… It’s like… I don’t even know if…” she said in between strained breaths, visibly trying not to cry. Then she lunged at me, hugging me tight. I had to gasp — she was still packing a lot more muscle than me. But when she realised she’d rather have a girlfriend than a stack of bone meal, she released her grip, buried her head in my shoulder, and finally spoke with assurance, “Yes. Me, girl, please.”
“Of course. You—” I squeezed extra hard “—girl.”
“Oh my god, it— it feels so good to hear it, Lake, you have no idea,” she said.
As a matter of fact, I had an idea.
“I’ve been so afraid that you wouldn’t accept it. I don’t know why. No. I know why: it’s like, how could we be both trans? That’s just so unlikely. It’s not a thing. And— And— And I know Zee said something about trans people being like magnets to each other. But still, I don’t fit the criteria. I’m not sure it can work. I’m so masculine, so square, so—”
“Hey, hey,” I whispered, squeezing her again, “you’re adorable. You’re glowing. I didn’t even recognise you earlier. Your brain’s lying to you, babe.”
She blushed at the pet name. In this new context, it surely meant much more to her than before. “Oh Goddess, yeah that’s true,” she admitted, giggling her dysphoria away. “That was brutally embarrassing. Even by your standards. I don’t know how you managed that.”
“The stairs are cursed.”
She laughed and said, “Yep. Yes, they are. Good point.”
“One time,” Zee mused, “I was going up to my flat, and I put my hand on the central railing.” She imitated the gesture of her hand gliding up the metal. “And a tiny, angry, ferocious cat jumped on it! I nearly fell to my death. Look!” She threw her hand forward, letting us see an old, fading scratch. “That’s why I don’t trust ‘em, those sneaky cats,” she added with a growl.
My girlfriend and I giggled at Zee’s antics. Seeing our reaction, she barked and growled a few times, catching a few ‘aww’s from us. The moment was blissful. I was so happy being with two of my favourite people.
Investment took a bit of distance from me and locked her gaze with mine. “Can I— Can I explain what happened?” she asked. “Why’d I run off on Monday?”
I nodded. “If you’re comfortable with that, yes, absolutely.”
She tilted her chair backwards, locking one of her knees to the underside of the table apron, and exhaled. Then she let her head fall to the side, facing me. She bit her lip and stared at the ground, looking as guilty as a Minecraft puppy who had just TP’d between me and a skeleton, right on the path of an incoming arrow.
“I lied,” she said, producing her plain black phone from her pocket.
Zee came towards us and handed her pink mayhem of a phone to my girlfriend.
“Look,” Investment said, comparing the two devices side by side. “Zee and I, we don’t have similar phones at all.” I frowned, and she noticed I wasn’t really getting the point, so she explained, “When you went to the Gayette, we met, and I told you I went there to get my phone back. I didn’t.”
“Why?”
She put her chair back in a gravity-savvy position and placed both phones flat on the table. “When I woke up that day, I kinda had—” she choked on the ‘h’ and struggled to continue “—a mental breakdown.”
She paused and looked at the bed before her. It took a few moments for her breathing to stabilise, but her expression stayed calm.
“The day before,” she continued, “there’d been so much going on, and I was just exhausted after the fireworks. So all of Zee’s monologue—”
“Hey! It’s art!”
“—didn't register until the next morning. And when it did, I started crying.”
She paused, then lifted her head, and I saw something twinkle there.
“Oh, don’t worry!” she suddenly exclaimed, waving her hands in my direction. “I can handle myself; you didn’t have to be there for that. Sure, it sucked, but you had your own stuff going on. So just don’t worry about me. It’s okay.”
I frowned. But before I could react, she forged on, “So, I cried, but I didn’t really understand why. I guess… In retrospect, I think I was afraid? Yeah, I was terrified, Lake. It wasn’t new — the gender thoughts. I thought I had them all addressed a long time ago. I was really convinced I’d nailed my identity, that there wasn’t anything to explore anymore. But I was such a complete wreck that morning that I started doubting myself. It took so much effort to manage to contact Zee. She dragged me out of my room and to the Gayette. On the way there, I explained everything to her. Although I don’t exactly remember what I said…”
“You said something like, ‘I’m so gay for Lake! If she’s a girl then I have to be too’,” Zee intervened.
“I said that?!”
“She said that?” I asked at the same time.
“Eh,” Zee tittered, extending her hand and shaking it. “More or less? But not really, nah.”
“Well, it wasn’t that far off from my true sentiment, to be fair,” Investment said. “Anyway. We arrived, we went to a big wardrobe upstairs, and then I tried an outfit — with this skirt, actually, I think.” She lifted it, feeling its fabric and smiling. “And—” her voice immediately faltered, and she let go of the skirt. “And at that time, it felt so wrong. So, so fucking wrong.”
I approached her again, taking her hands in mine, squeezing them strong, and tracing little circles on the soft skin around her knuckles with my thumbs. Zee came to her side and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Hey,” I whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here. We’re here. And we can attest you look very right.” She shyly hummed, nodded, then looked at me, her eyes catching a warm reflection from one of the warm lights in the room. I awkwardly lowered mine, and I noticed she was wearing nail polish. I made a note to myself to ask to try it later.
“It was like every part of myself was having a fight with the clothes,” she continued. “And the clothes lost. I hated it. Sure, Zee tried to cheer me up, to say I looked great and stuff. But still, I hated it. I just thought she was lying. It was— It felt so evident. I looked like a clown, so she had to be lying when she said I didn't. It—” She lifted her head and addressed Zee with an awkward smile. “By the way, I'm sorry for that. I should've listened to you.”
“Oh, dontcha worry,” Zee reassured her, rubbing her hand on Investment’s shoulder a bit more. It seemed to soothe her, as she placed her own on top and squeezed Zee’s. “I so get it. I mean, not entirely because of the whole ‘I'm not trans’ shabang, but yeah, dysphoria can be a bitch.”
I dropped my elbow on the table. “So, after that, you went and met me outside, and you accompanied me like it was nothing? Why haven’t you said anything? I could’ve helped you.”
“Ah, that,” she replied dryly with a shrug. Her words were quick and self-assured. “Well, as I said, I didn’t want to worry you. Wanted to do this by myself. And again, you had other things to worry about. It’s not your responsibility to deal with my own hang-ups. It just isn’t.”
“But you were there for me all the way. Why couldn’t I do the same for you?”
“I don’t know. It’s just our… It’s our dynamic! I’m the…” She suddenly deflated and lowered her eyes and voice, preventing me from making out what she was saying.
The same fresh and surprising energy took hold of me as that very particular part of my brain lit up once more. I gave in to this feeling. After all, it’d worked earlier, so there was no reason it wouldn’t now. “Speak up, morsel,” I ordered her with a sly grin.
She nearly jumped from her chair upon hearing that — gosh, teasing her was fun — then she fidgeted with her thumbs for a few moments, stammering nonsense, until finally she spoke somewhat clearly again. “Well I— I’m the top, and you’re… the bottom? You know? I— I’m in charge?” She looked at me, then at my growing, toothy smile. “Oh my god, oh my god. Yes, okay. Of course. I’m sorry, this is so dumb. And what did you just call me?”
I couldn’t contain my amusement. “Just trying new things. And they seem very effective.”
My girlfriend buried her face in her hands. It did not escape my notice that, with a bucket of water, she would make for a very good cobblestone generator, seeing all the heat she was emitting. “I was dumb,” she admitted. “I get it. No need to rub it in like that. I know I should’ve asked. Should’ve reached out. And Zee told me so repeatedly—” Zee nodded “—and still, I didn’t budge one bit.”
I brought my chair closer to hers. “It’s okay, babe. That’s all in the past. But from now on, if you have something on your mind, please don’t stop yourself from speaking about it with me. I’m there for you and I want to help you and I want you to feel better. And I love you. Lots. You get that?” I did my best to smile despite my emotions boiling over a little more with each sentence.
She nodded weakly, then her face scrunched up, and her eyes began to flood with all the tears she had bottled up until now. “Yeah, I…” she started, putting a hand in front of her mouth.
I nodded and hummed encouragingly.
“I’ll—” She couldn’t finish her thought, fell into my arms, and broke into sobs.
Fuck.
As I held her tight, my smile faded, and I started to shed tears of my own. Starting from timid beads rolling down my cheeks to a full-on good cry, just like her. And we stayed like that for a moment that seemed to stretch forever.
After a while, I heard a sniff that came neither from her nor from me. I looked up and towards Zee. She was sitting on a chair a few metres away, keeping quiet, and fiddling anxiously with her nails. Her face kept a neutral expression, but she had been crying too, and when she saw me, she turned away, wiping her eyes quickly.
I closed my eyes, my head fell back down on my girlfriend’s shoulder, and my tears only doubled down.
Her legs came into contact with mine, her nails dug into my sides, and the dampness started to cool my skin through the fabric. I tentatively rubbed her lower back like she’d done for me so many times, trying to always scratch a new place. Trying not to be too repetitive in my movements. But I was too shaky to do it consistently, and no matter how much care I put into it, she continued to cry.
How miserable had she been? Thinking she couldn’t ask her girlfriend for help with anything. All that time, I could have been there for her. I could’ve told her how radiant she looked, how cute she sounded, and how much I adored her. She had endured so much, thinking she had to do this alone. She believed it would protect me?
Why had she thought helping me excluded her from being helped?
“You never had to do this alone. You— You’re so dumb,” I managed to say between two sniffs, chuckling. “I love you.”
Her ragged breath caressed my neck as she held me even closer, and I heard her mutter “I’m sorry” repeatedly, each time cut short by a fresh cascade of sobs vibrating through my chest.
✦ ▶ ✦
Even though the crying had finally subsided, we stayed locked in our embrace for a long time. Long enough for Zee to share the full extent of her love for a plane that looked like a beluga — “Oh cubes, isn’t he adorable? And look, in this photo he looks like he’s wearing sunglasses. What an absolute chad”— and to fill a bowl with the Dragibus from earlier.
That’s when Zee offered us to sit on the comfortable sofa and entrusted me with the bowl. “Thank you, Lake,” my girlfriend said as she settled down. With a sniff, she sighed, grabbed a generous handful of treats, and shoved them into her mouth. I only picked one and let it slowly melt against my palate. “Hmm! And thank you for the sweets, Zee. I needed that.”
“Courtesy of Marie’s mums,” Zee replied with a little bow.
“So…” Investment looked thoughtful for a few seconds, leaning on me, then she continued where we left off. “After that Monday, I kind of just… rotted away for the rest of the week. There was this barrier in my mind. And I couldn’t let myself cross it. I always felt like I couldn't love women, and be a man.” She wrapped an arm around me. “Like I couldn’t love you, and be a man; it’d be disrespectful. I mean, I guess it wouldn’t really, but it felt so wrong for me, is what I'm trying to say. And I’ve always had this feeling. But what I realised—”
“What I suggested,” Zee chimed in.
“What Zee suggested,” Investment repeated, rolling her eyes, “is that I might be more gay than I’m a guy. And it’s not like I’ve no attraction to guys, but since what really vibes with me is, one—” she lifted a finger “—being gay, and two, being a girl, then… the solution was kind of right there.”
“She isn’t the most cubic item in the chest,” Zee insulted my girlfriend. “It took her very long to understand that the L in LGBT didn’t stand for ‘Long bacon store’.”
“I’m sorry, Zee,” I said, “but what the fuck are you talking about?”
“Tsk, baby gays, they don’t even appreciate good jokes,” she muttered, waving her hand dismissively.
“And then earlier today,” my girlfriend continued, ignoring our resident puppy jokester as best she could, “I agreed to do a makeover again. This time with proper shaving, a wig, and overall just letting Zee propose things instead of stubbornly doing everything by myself, and—” She threw both her hands at her sides in a flourish “—here I am!”
“Here you are,” I insightfully offered.
“And when we saw you earlier,” she said, giggling and taking my hands in hers. My heart started to pound. She was very pretty when she giggled. “I was like, ‘she put so much effort into comforting me and making sure I’m okay, and I’m pushing her away and rotting at Zee's place for most of the week.’ It seemed unfair of me to leave you out. Plus the euphoria of not being recognised. Goddess, that did a lot. It came as a bit of a shock for me. It was the tipping point.”
“Well, if you call that rotting,” I said with a smirk, “then I'm eating rotten food tonight, ‘cause damn girl, you've blossomed.”
“Eww, shut up!” she shouted, laughing so much that her eyes started glistering. When she regained her composure, she smiled. “I’m so grateful to have met you.” She let go of my hands and grabbed higher on my forearms. “I always felt like there was something wrong. And you’re so pretty. And now, sometimes, I feel like I’m pretty too. I feel like I can be pretty with you. I can try. I can express that part of me. I feel so much more hopeful.” She almost started to cry again. “Lake, Goddess, I love you so much.”
I couldn’t stop myself; I jumped on her again and embraced her, hugged her, squeezed her. “I love you too,” I repeated, muffled by her shoulder. “I love you so much, erm—” I let go, looking at her quizzically “—Investment? Do you have any ideas for a name? For me, ‘Lake’ is enough at the moment, but I cannot imagine you’re experiencing the same with ‘Investment’. And I feel Mandel is… Well, it has ‘Man’ in it. It’s false advertising! Clearly lying about its contents.”
“I’ve got nothing official right now, but how about Dell until I find something?”
“What? Like the brand?”
“Yeah!”
I scoffed. “You want me to treat you like a computer?”
“Well, you’re definitely pushing the right buttons…”
“No!” I mocked outrage. “I refuse! This is so cruel, I can’t even whine your name to punish you for making that pun!”
“Yes, you can! Say ‘Deeeell’—” She imitated my voice the best she could “—‘You’re so annoying and cute, I’m gonna kiss you right now!’”
"Dell, you are so annoying, and I do want to kiss you so much.”
She looked in the mirror and smirked. “Okay fair, I’ll admit it, just for today: I want to kiss me so much too.”
At some point during our flirting, Zee had to have gone outside — surely pondering the viability of other fish-based airplanes — so we were both alone in her flat right now. Without giving it any more thought, I took the initiative, sliding my left hand behind her head. Her hair hadn’t been cut in a few weeks now, so her soft curls flowed freely around my fingers, tickling me gently. She closed her eyes. My other hand found its way to her back, and I closed mine too.
We’d kissed before. Many times. And today wasn’t really different. I knew she liked it when I delicately bit her lower lip. She knew I liked it when she put a bit of tongue in. But the kiss felt way more electric and important than before. She was my girlfriend, and she saw me as a girl. I was stupidly gay for her.
We were both girls, and that made all the difference.
And I was never going back.
✦ ▶ ✦
forknof: he’s not coming back, is he?
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Whaaaaaaaat??? Dell’s a girl???? How come??
This time, I want to thank Mineminees. She was one of my moderators when I used to stream ❤️