Empathic capacity of a teaspoon (HP Self-insert

It was the first of april, I ran through the halls of Hogwarts, Wayne maniacally giggling and trailing after me.

Our destination, the kitchen.

I tickled the pear and entered, the package in my hand gripped tightly under my arm.

"What can Popsy do for misters."

This was my first time seeing a house elf, they looked like malformed goblins.

"My brothers Fred and George Weasley have their birthday today, I baked them a cake with a well wish letter." I said innocently.

The house elf looked unamused. Students probably came here often trying to prank their friends/enemies with the assistance of the food delivery system.

"And you woulds be wanting mes to give it to them at dinner." The elf said flatly, to which I nodded.

"I would guesses that would teach them a lesson about their prankses." She said with a grin giggling maliciously. I took that as my queue to leave, so I did, leaving the cake I had transfigured from water on one of the tables.

The thing should hold for another few hours.

More than enough time.

"So what'd you put in the water." Wayne asked, I gave him a wicked smile.

"A wonderful thing called laxatives." Getting a nonplussed look from my wizarding raised friend, I explained to him what that was.

Suffice to say, at the end of the explanation we were both grinning madly. Susan being the one most familiar with us at this point asked us with a long suffering sigh.

"What are you two fops up too this time?"

I leaned over to her, brushed her hair aside and started whispering into her ear.

Once I was done she looked at me as if she were gazing upon a cockroach.

"You disgust me." She commented and turned back to her food, frowned at the mashed potatoes on her plate, and pushed them away, slightly green in the face. The cake of course would come later, with the desserts.

I turned my attention to my own food and to my yearmates.

Asserting your dominance constantly sure was hard.

After eating some quite scrumptious steak, medium, with a helping of raw vegetables and mashed potatoes it was finally time. The desserts appeared.

The shrieking coming from the Gryffindor table five minutes later was music to my ears.

-/-

My two Hufflepuff friends and Granger were sitting in an abandoned classroom one hour before curfew drinking some butter beer, I had, liberated from some older students.

Wayne and I couldn't hold it anymore, we started laughing like a pair of donkeys, even Susan who had inherited her sense of justice from her aunt cracked a smile.

Hermione just looked confused.

The surprising thing was that after we explained it too her, she just smiled and told us. "They've been pranking everyone for months now, it's about time they got something back,"

She got a curious look on her face after saying that.

"How did you do it though, I don't think they would have just eaten a cake that came out of nowhere without checking it first."

"You planning of pranking them yourself?" I asked, grinning.

After some vehement denial from her side, I managed to calm her down enough to explain what I had done.

"Ok what I did was transfigure water mixed with laxatives into a cake." I started, she nodded. "The usual spell for checking malicious magic and foreign substances only indicates something if the result is directly harmful. If I had transfigured the cake out of blades, it would have shown up on the radar so to say, but since it was just water, and the spell doesn’t consider minor forceful defecation as inherently evil, it got through."

"There is of course a spell for checking transfiguration, and one showing any substance in the object you use it on, created by a paranoid muggleborn wizard in the Grindelwald conflict." I shook my head before continuing, “but it's impossibly hard to use, since to understand the results you need to have a functioning understanding of chemicals or alchemy." I looked at my friends who were all deadpanning at me.

The consensus was apparently that I was a.

"Nerd."

After curfew I snuck carefully out of the common room using my stealth skill to the fullest. My robes were charmed with the colour changing spell and my footsteps silenced, so I certainly did not expect someone to notice me.

"Out after curfew are we." A gravelly voice said.

I turned around in what I thought to be a millisecond and pointed my wand at the silvery form of the bloody baron.

I sighed in relief.

"Oh it's just you, thank god." I was certain I wasn't imaging his raised eyebrow.

"Oho, most students are rather afraid of meeting me anywhere, especially after curfew, what makes you so different?" He asked, looking at me, and analyzing. Slytherins.

"Well you wouldn't have stayed Slytherins’ house ghost for long if you started blabbing out secrets randomly." I said

"Good deduction, first time I've seen an intelligent Hufflepuff though, I think I like you."

I gave him a haughty look.

"Please your lordship, we all know the true Slytherins are in Hufflepuff, no one suspects the badger."

He left after that one, chuckling slightly.

I sneaked some more and entered the hospital wing.

I found Fred and George’s bed and moved over to the cabins where their stuff was locked in.

Due to my healing lessons I was fairly familiar with the hospital wing, so I managed to steal the marauder's map quite easily.

Later in my bed, I opened it.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Writing and sketches unfurled in a dizzying display of sight and magic.

I blinked, this was really advanced. Impressive.

In the Hufflepuff dorm next to the bed of Wayne Hopkins I found myself.

'Ergarth Grimm'

"Oh bother."