LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 92: Good Intentions
–Oh really? So is this now another one of your lessons? What’s next? Are you going to teach me some proper war etiquette because I don’t know how to treat my enemies with respect? Are you going to report me to the Order because I misbehaved? Or maybe you’ll finally teach me how to spew crap to my own teammates because, clearly, that’s all you know…– Frost asked in a contemptuously hysterical manner, laughing mockingly, but it was seemingly out of frustration or denial since he couldn’t even bother believing Indie. She tried to keep it together, enduring his offensive response, even though it seemed like this was the exact reaction she feared she would get. But after getting mocked relentlessly, Indie’s temper couldn’t withstand more, prompting her to drop her collected demeanor and bite back with the same spite.
–That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You are holding too much resentment, and I don’t exactly know why… I might have an idea, but… You’ve been too reckless, too impulsive, and too irrational lately. It’s like you are not the same…– Indie replied with disappointment and exasperation, but more bitterness than anything. She was both overwhelmingly frustrated and concerned about Frost’s irrational attitude, which she tried to call out, but he was clearly not listening and chose to take her short temper as his opportunity to turn hotel in response.
–So now you are coming after that, huh? What? Do you want me to sit back and beg our enemies to surrender or cry like a baby so they feel compassion for me?– Frost asked in the same derisive manner, taunting Indie as he pretended to cower in shyness and weakness, which only ground her gears, although she had enough self-control to hold back the urge to insult him. However, she did run out of patience, especially when he was continuing to act childish, and as soon as he stopped mocking her, she adopted her firm and assertive demeanor to retaliate.
–No, but you’ve been behaving like a baby. Throwing tantrums, disobeying my orders, trying to ridicule me for petty reasons… It just doesn’t make sense to me. But what I think is happening to you is that you are getting distracted and losing sight of your own goals. That’s why I wanted you to focus on one thing, no matter how insignificant it appeared… and clearly, you just wanted to focus on what felt right to you…– Indie responded with spite, now saving herself the trouble of being considerate and speaking harshly and in that scolding manner that he was used to seeing. But even though she was criticizing him heavily, she wasn’t as severe as usual; it was still in good faith, or at least she tried to display that in order to get Frost to reflect on his choices. But as she became hostile as well, instead of provoking thought, she only provoked his fury after offending him, allowing him to unleash his anger to its full extent.
–And why does that matter?? Yes, I’m focusing on something else because I’m actually getting things done, unlike you! You are supposed to be our leader! Where is that fighting spirit and sense of duty you had? Dead, it’s dead!... Gone, buried alongside your intelligence and self-worth! You are really just keeping us in check to make sure we follow all of Snake’s orders, no matter how pointless they are. He must have his hand shoved so deep up your incompetent ass that you don’t have any will of your own anymore… And I would much rather be a baby who learns one mistake at a time than the lazy babysitter who can only be proud of having the slightest bit of power when she hasn’t done ANYTHING to earn it!– Frost retorted with intense yells and a rage-inducing stare that displayed his indignation and disbelief to the extreme.
His hostility had his veins pumping to the point they looked like they were about to burst in his neck, although his manic eyes were more effective than his voice. He harnessed a deep hatred towards Indie that pierced beyond his words and left her speechless, forcing her to step back from the intensity, which had gotten to the point that Frost tired himself out after a few seconds.
Indie was in shock for a good while, processing everything Frost blurted out, although it was hard to remember all of his insults as he seemingly expressed all of his gripes at once. But what really troubled her was having her dignity questioned, especially with such hatred and disrespect. It prompted an instinctive disdainful stare, but she was so offended that she couldn’t think of anything to say, even seemingly giving up on arguing after witnessing such rage. But as she saw that Frost wasn’t calming down any time soon and continued staring at her irately, she was forced to say something to discipline him before he could continue yelling.
–Excuse me? What has gotten into you?– Indie asked with similar indignation and aggressiveness, using a restrained anger that provided enough authority in her voice to make Frost listen for a second. She couldn’t follow up on her question, and as Frost had a rational moment, he found an opportunity to actually justify his points.
–Look, I get it. You want me to focus and work hard for whichever cause and whatever. I don’t mind, but at least show that you give a crap about what we are doing, because it is just taking a toll on me and the rest of the team. It’s not nice being used as toy soldiers without a clear goal or any guidance…– Frost assured more sensibly, managing to calm himself down to provide an argument that left Indie thinking.
Without any of the anger distracting him, although still having a slightly disdainful undertone, he didn’t let spite cloud his judgment for once, as it would have only led to a violent exchange of insults and yelling. So, by changing his approach, he finally let Indie know about his issues, and while she wasn’t pleased to hear them, it caused a realization that she struggled to fathom. She considered his stance, seeing right where his hatred came from, which she finally came to accept, but not without becoming genuinely ashamed. But this moment of clarity only lasted a brief moment, as she couldn’t help but linger in that subtle disdain that Frost’s eyes held.
–I’m really sorry you feel that way, but I don’t want you to bring the team down with your attitude. I need you to lift them up, motivate them, and lead them like I should… I wanted you to be the guidance that we need an-...– Indie apologized but insisted on arguing adamantly to reach a rational middle ground, but Frost was apparently not having any of that and interrupted her once he got an idea of where she was going.
–Well why would I? You are the one who should do that. That’s your role! You can’t expect me to just move on from everything, be nice to everyone to form alliances, follow idiotic policies that always end up biting us in the ass, or do all the nonsense you do when you can’t even do it properly!– Frost refused in a frenzy, losing control of his anger again, but now that he wasn’t attacking her character and providing actual critiques, Indie was conflicted on what to say. She refused to accept the full blame, unable to accept the issues that Frost was desperately trying to point out, but even when she tried to turn around on the idea, she couldn’t do much until his voice began cracking from the intensity of his exasperated shouting.
–I try my hardest, you don’t know how much I have to-...– Indie mumbled as she became overwhelmed by Frost’s hostility. Even though it seemed like she was trying to take accountability, it was almost impossible for her to reflect on her actions, come to a conclusion, and then put it into words, so she kept arguing out of instinct, only shortening Frost’s patience.
–Oh, and I don’t? Don’t you think I’ve gone through enough as well?– Frost asked sarcastically but became frantically irritated after staring closely at Indie. He began losing his mind as he laughed neurotically, unable to control his outrage, which only made it harder for Indie to think of a response.
–Yea, but I just keep quiet, bow my head to all of you, and keep following orders. Everything goes down, and all of a sudden, I’m supposed to give everyone a solution to their problems. But when I complain about something or speak up, nobody cares or just pretends it doesn’t matter…– Frost ranted in an almost delusional manner, starting to scare Indie, who was so confused by his incoherent grumble that she started to grow nervous and unsettled.
–I don’t care though, I keep doing it, so why do you give up on us? Why would you stop being a good captain when we all go through these things and still keep fighting like nothing is wrong, huh? Why do we need to pretend and ignore everything while you face the problem and can’t even stand up to it when that’s literally what you are for?– Frost stated fiercely, questioning Indie with a bitter and challenging stare, but at the same time, seemingly hopeless and heartbroken, venting all the pent-up frustration with him in a brutally honest manner that left her speechless, and since all of the words coming out of his mouth appeared to come from deep within, it brought her to the verge of tears.
The intense rant seemed to fluster both of them, especially Frost, as he was about to burst into tears as well. He would have started crying if it wasn’t for his whole face turning red with rage, sucking up all his energy, and running out of breath due to the constant yelling. He had to take a moment to compose himself, and it looked like it could go on, but his harsh criticism had already hit Indie close to home, and he had to stop once she got flustered, turning red too, but out of shame. He was unapologetic and fixed his eyes on her, waiting for some sort of response, but all he got was an outburst almost as intense as his.
–Because I don’t know what to do, okay? I’m lost, just as much as you… I-It’s just too much for me to handle, and I-… I can’t find a way to fix it all, I just can’t…– Indie cried in distress, her red eyes barely containing her tears, as she desperately tried to stop Frost from yelling at her. She couldn’t take it anymore and gave in to the pressure and stress building both outside and inside. And while her breakdown had seemingly compelled Frost to listen and be more understanding, he had to continue being harsh as he was finally getting the answers he was truly seeking.
–Then tell us something! Let me help you or ask the others for advice, but don’t just stay quiet and hide everything from us because you think someday you’ll have an answer to all of our problems!– Frost exclaimed impatiently, carrying that same frustration and fury in his voice, but it had suddenly taken a shift towards a more optimistic direction as he was now eager to hear Indie vent and reveal her true colors. He began looking at her with more consideration, almost caringly, but still putting pressure on her to exploit her anguish and get a specific answer. Indie seemed unaware of his intentions, but as she could barely see while trying to wipe the tears, she just continued to unload any guilt without care.
–I can’t, I just don’t know how… Everything has been so different, and I can’t even talk to you… You ignore me or clearly don’t want to listen to me. You always go against all of my orders, and I try to be reasonable, but there’s no way to make you listen, and I don’t even know how to tell you these things, and-... and I just don’t know how to deal with it anymore…– Indie responded with both shame and resentment, annoyed at Frost but also regarding him with respect since she was unable to insult or yell at him. She tried to suck it up and keep her composure, but she quickly lost energy in her voice and hope in him listening, which he appeared to be doing but only continued pushing relentlessly.
–And why do you think that’s the case? Why in the world would I stop caring about the rules and prioritize our team and our wishes?– Frost asked with an intent stare, goading Indie into forming an answer in her troubled brain, even though she didn’t seem capable of saying what he wanted to hear. But despite him maintaining a hostile approach and overwhelming her with questions, it didn’t take long for Indie to realize what he was seeking after some thorough thinking.
–I know it’s been hard on you, and that you’ve tried to work through this. I’ve tried to be understanding and supportive, but there’s just no way to get you to talk reasonably with me anymore…– Indie replied apologetically, still showing disappointment and distress while facing the reality of their situation. However, her admitting wanting to talk to him appeared to give Frost an indication of what was the cause of their issues, giving him an idea to continue searching in her soul for that definitive answer.
–Well, you are not making it easier for me, that’s the thing. How could I talk to you when all you care about is whether what we do breaks some code or not?– Frost asked more thoughtfully, calming down to give Indie some time to think well of a response, which she didn’t hesitate to give despite showing resentment to his rude claims and belittling demeanor.
–You know how much this position means to me. I cannot compromise it in any way, that’s why I must abide by the rules so strictly…– Indie replied sincerely but with hesitation and even some shyness since she was cowering and looking down, holding on to her ideals to find some sort of solace. She was almost whispering to herself as her voice became frail and insecure, but even when Frost could barely hear her, he suddenly stopped with the questions and shut up, leaving her to think about her own response.
She began repeating the same answer until something changed in her, right after she realized she had confessed to her unwilling desire to maintain her position. And it only took a glance at Frost to see where his hate was directed. Without him saying anything, only staring eagerly as she put the pieces together, Indie tried to hang on to that realization, following it until she had changed her mind with a shift in expression, prompting Frost to slowly tone down his intensity and impatience, turning his anger and spite into compassion and tolerance.
–Yea, I do think I’ve been a little harsh on you… I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me, and for not taking the proper time to listen to your issues. I really wanted us to have that trust, and I thought we did, but you know me, I’m not good at dealing with these emotional things…– Indie admitted with slight embarrassment, but now with a much clearer idea of why Frost defied her over and over again. It provided her with some comfort, although it didn’t stop it from being a harsh truth that made her anxious. But as she finally seemed to say what Frost had been waiting to hear this entire time, he cracked a laugh, at first in disbelief but then adopting a drastically different demeanor.
–Neither am I, but at least I try, and I know some ways to vent and let out my frustrations…– Frost responded with a sympathetic tone, still being quite critical but now just accepting Indie’s flaws and even looking proud of her for admitting them. And although he was much more appreciative of her honest self and ability to own up for her wrongdoings, Indie remained a bit skeptical of his questioning, and she appeared to have similar criticism saved for him.
–You mean the self-destructive habits you have to keep yourself distracted and not confront your problems?– Indie asked with a suspicious yet lighthearted expression, prompting Frost to nod affirmatively instead of having an outburst for being judged. He was nonchalant about it, but his calmer reaction was effective in easing Indie’s worries despite leaving her with doubt.
–Yes, exactly. I accept them, I’m not ashamed of them, and I’m glad I have someone who knows those problems and can deal with them to actually face whatever might affect me…– Frost replied casually, with a cheeky undertone that got a smile out of Indie as they finally understood each other, even if it was only for a brief moment. It wasn't until she looked more into his response that she saw all the guilt they shared, which he was somehow hiding behind his overly critical and hateful attitude, but it was now clearer to see that they were coming to an agreement.
–I’m sorry for not being that person, but it does relieve me to hear Candy is still always there for you and lifts you up…– Indie apologized with a deeply remorseful expression, although she showed some alleviation in seeing Frost earnestly admit his flaws, owning up to them as she did, which he was also embarrassed but mostly indifferent to do.
–Yes, she is an angel, but that doesn’t matter if I can’t stop the main root of those issues I have to deal with. I don’t want to rely on her, I can easily calm myself down. But that’s only if you stop making these hell-awful decisions that provoke me…– Frost responded in a playfully scolding manner, without all the yelling and personal insults, just giving her an indirect warning that she caught on to right away. Though she didn’t seem bothered by his advice, Indie was a bit confused to hear him mention the main root of his issues, as he was mostly putting the blame on her, so she couldn’t accept his criticism without him elaborating.
–It’s like a cycle of hatred that will never end unless you make a change, because it won’t. I’m sorry, but I’ll just keep defying you if you don’t do anything to get us out of this situation…– Frost added with a stern, assertive tone that only sparked more guilt, but it intrigued Indie as she now had a different perspective on her actions. She was still understanding, or at least trying to understand, as she listened closely to his worries. But as helpful as his brighter and more optimistic attitude was in looking for an idea to improve and settle their differences, she still struggled to come up with a solution, although she was now comfortable enough to rely on him for the answers.
–And what do you want me to do? What do you want me to change? I swear I’ll do it, but I really don’t have a clue what I should do, or at least how I could without compromising my position…– Indie asked anxiously, growing anguished and even desperate by her inability to find out by herself, which only seemed to frustrate and confuse her further.
But with her opening up fully to Frost, giving him the trust to give her a genuine suggestion to make a change for both of them, and being surprisingly docile while doing so, he had to leave all grudges behind. He hesitated at first, but it was the fact that Indie was so compliant that Frost couldn’t help but crack up, enjoying the way they switched roles for a brief second. Although he had the power to tell her anything to make her pay for what she had done, Frost found that forgiving and hopeful side of him that Candy kept alive. So, without thinking about it too much, a solution to their problems came to him naturally, and he was willing to share it with the best of intentions for once.