Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

Mel perceived Riadi as an absence in Kelsey’s senses. Kelsey knew everything that happened within her to a level that Mel, quite frankly, was not comfortable dealing with. Kelsey didn’t know anything about the god, though. He stood out like a black hole in a white room. His voice, however, rang out normally.

“You interfered with Anton’s destiny.”

Kelsey turned slowly to face the god. As she did so, his form became apparent to Mel. Kelsey didn’t know anything about the god, but light bounced off his projected form, and Kelsey knew about that. With a bit of effort, she could construct an image, just as if she had eyes. Riadi had taken the form of a human for some reason, one with blue skin and eyes that were all black. He was wearing ornate robes and a strangely shaped hat.

Kelsey’s turn was a performance, of course. She didn’t need to turn her avatar to see him. It was a performance that Riadi had enabled by appearing behind her. Admittedly, if he had appeared in front of her right now, he would have appeared in or over the fermentation tanks, the smelliest part of Kelsey’s treatment process for “biologicals”.

Riadi could have appeared at some other time. His choice of now, and here, had meaning. Mel could tell that it did, it was part of her nature. Grasping that meaning was beyond her though.

Kelsey’s reply was spoken casually, as if she wasn’t talking to a god. That was normal.

“I’ve learned a few things since we last spoke,” she said. “You’re the one called Riadi, yes?”

Mel knew the answer, of course, but she was forbidden from giving Kelsey a response, even from reacting to the name. Riadi was under no such restrictions, however, and his glower seemed to be all the answer Kelsey needed.

“I must have missed the memo,” Kelsey continued, smiling, “where you filled me in on Anton’s destiny and how important it was that it be protected. Care to fill me in now?”

Riadi glared at Kelsey’s immaterial figure but didn’t say anything. Then he changed the subject.

“You have also managed to evade the restrictions we put on you. Melandisae, why did you allow “Kelsey” to take an avatar form?”

Mel squeaked as Riadi’s attention turned to her. Running or hiding wasn’t possible, so she would have to answer the question.

“Because— Because I was worried, Master! With the attack on the town, and Anton arriving, I was worried about the plan!”

Riadi’s black eyes narrowed. “What plan?” he asked.

“The plan with the heroes…” Mel said, glancing nervously at Kelsey.

“You shouldn’t have known about that plan,” Riadi said. “How did you know about the plan?”

“K—Kelsey explained it to me,” Mel said. “She said that if Anton’s parents were killed by the raiders, he wouldn’t be… primed. We needed to check if they were okay, we needed to find out what happened!”

“That was the plan, right?” Kelsey said challengingly. “I figure they were going to find out that their old party member’s leg could get healed if they made it down to the Sunless Sea and picked up some fish scales. One last run for old time’s sake. Then they die, and oh looky! Anton’s got a lovely heroic motivation. Kill the dungeon that killed his parents.”

Riadi took a deep breath. “Melandisae, did you really think that this one was going to help with a plan that led to her death?”

“Well, of course,” Mel said, puzzled. “It was one of your plans, so of course she’d want to…” she trailed off as she made the connection. “You tricked me!”

“You tricked yourself,” Kelsey said. “I said that the plan was in danger, not that I cared about it.”

“It was a contingency,” Riadi said, glaring at Kelsey. “We needed safeguards in case you—”

“Got out of control?” Kelsey said, smirking. “Started spreading forbidden knowledge? You sound like every mad scientist and two-star general that ever starred in a monster movie. Given how all of them ended up, you should count yourself lucky that I’m not eating your face right now!”

Ridai made a gesture. “I don’t expect you to understand—” he started.

“Then maybe don’t waste your breath,” Kelsey said coldly. “It’s all water under the bridge now, anyway. Though, I am curious. How is it that the Elitrans managed to kill off your little contingency? Someone else plotting against you?”

“We have influence, but we don’t control Fate,” Riadi said, glowering. “The raiders were a little stronger than they should have been, the Baron decided to hold most of his forces on the inner wall…”

“So it’s the Baron’s fault that Anton’s parents are dead?” Kelsey said. “How ironic.”

“As always, it’s more complicated than you are willing to allow,” Riadi snapped.

“If you say so. Now, I doubt that you came down here to tell me what I already did, so what does bring you here?”

Riadi frowned. “I came to tell you to stop,” he said.

“Stop what? Kelsey said lightly. “Just… freeze in place?”

“Stop what you’re doing with Anton,” the god clarified.

“Am I doing something with Anton?” Kelsey asked. “Aren’t we just wandering the high seas, having a lark? Is there something special about what we’re doing?”

Riadi grimaced with frustration. “I know you know about heroes,” he said.

“Know what?” Kelsey asked. “I’ve heard stories.”

“You’re leading him,” Riadi accused.

“Am I? Where? If anything, it’s the other way around. Didn’t you hear the oath?”

“I heard it,” Riadi said, through gritted teeth.

“Then you know. Take me where I need to go. Nice and simple.”

“Where do you need to go, Kelsey? What does that phrase mean to you?”

“Oh, you know,” Kelsey said, smiling into the god’s glowering face. “Tourist traps, sites of historical interest, that sort of thing. Besides, it’s not what I think it means that matters.”

“The thoughts of… that entity… are closed to me and mine,” the god said.

“Well, I hope you don’t think I have some way of communicating with it,” Kelsey said. “Although… you must have set up something so that it can hear everything I say…”

“Only when—” Riadi cut himself off.

Kelsey waited for him to say more, and then grinned. “Only when a deal is in the offing, yes, I worked that out for myself, thanks. That’s only half a communication channel, so there’s no way I could be colluding with it, is there?”

Riadi took a deep, calming, breath. “Just stop it,” he said. “Stop what you’re doing with the demesne above, stop what you’re doing with Anton. You’ve upset things, but it will calm down if you just stop.”

“Or what?” Kelsey said flatly. “You’ll activate your contingency? Was that what these guys were?”

She held up Finnian’s severed head. Riadi winced.

“Butin would not be pleased to see you treating his followers so cavalierly,” he said.

“This is a copy,” Kelsey said idly, “An illusion in this mind-space we’re working in.”

She waved a hand through it and it dissolved into light.

“I’m preserving the real one in case I need it. I hear it would be of value to his Church.”

“It would,” Riadi said carefully.

“I’ll let Suliel handle the negotiations,” Kelsey said confidently. “Girl’s really coming along.”

“Your relationship with her, her Class… The system is adapting to the changes you’ve made.”

“I did notice that,” Kelsey said smugly. “I am curious where it is getting its information from.”

“This is all going to get out of hand, quickly,” Riadi said urgently. “All this time, we’ve nurtured the mortal races, kept them from—”

“Controlled them,” Kelsey snapped. “Out of hand is the point. Out of your hands.”

“And into yours? You think you will be a better custodian?”

“Oh no,” Kelsey said, smiling. “All I’m bringing to the table is information. Eventually, that will start to spread outside my control and will be out of anyone’s hands.”

“They will turn on you, as you have turned on us. Gratitude is not a quality that mortals value.”

“Maybe,” Kelsey said. “It’s kind of rich, though, that you expect them to be grateful for the scraps you feed them under the table when you sit in front of a whole roast dinner.”

“You understand nothing of us and what we have done for these people.”

“I understand enough. I understand being trapped, lied to and coerced. If the mortal races feel like I do, I can well understand your fear at the thought of them getting even a scrap of real power. You fear for yourselves.”

“You’re threatening us?” Riadi said, shocked. “You want to make enemies of us?”

“You’ve been my enemies ever since you snatched me out of whatever afterlife I was supposed to have and stuck me in your killbox,” Kelsey said angrily. “You’re only noticing now?”

“You are making a mistake,” Riadi told her. “Our ability to affect the physical world may be limited, but we are not without resources. We—”

“You know, this is really proving educational to Suliel,” Kelsey interrupted.

Riadi stared at her. “You’re communicating with the mortal right now?”

“I’m sending her a livestream of all of this. Didn’t you know we could share senses now?”

“Miscreant! This visage is not for mortal eyes!”

“Really? Well, I would have thought it too late to change, but the longer you stand there complaining about it, the more of an eyeful the mortal gets.”

The god disappeared. Kelsey smirked.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” she said.

“Kelsey…” Mel said tentatively.

“Yeah?” Kelsey asked.

“Is Sue-leel still… looking? Can she see me?”

Kelsey blinked and looked at Mel for a long time. Finally, she stirred herself into motion again.

“She thinks you’re very cute,” she told Mel.

Mel frowned. “I don’t want to hear that from a human.”

“Because you hate humans?”

“Yeah.”

Kelsey sighed. “You just haven’t met enough nice ones. Give them a chance, will you? Okay, she’s gone now.”

Mel heaved a sigh of relief. “Kelsey…” she tried again.

Kelsey chuckled indulgently. “Yes, Mel?”

“Are you rebelling? Because rebelling is bad.”

Kelsey sighed. “I’m not rebelling,” she said. “Because they never had any authority over me.”

“Yes, they do! They’re the gods! They have authority over… they have authority!”

Kelsey ruffled Mel’s hair. Just an illusion. Mel didn’t have hair to be ruffled.

“They have authority over you, I’m pretty sure,” Kelsey told her. “And their mortal followers have to do what they say, I guess. The rest of us, we’re free to do what we want, no matter what they say.”

“I don’t think that’s right,” Mel insisted. “They’ll punish you. They’ll punish me!”

“Well, that wouldn’t be fair now, would it?” Kelsey asked. “You did what you could to keep me in check.”

“I did! You tricked me!”

“And the gods are always fair, aren’t they?” Kelsey said. “They wouldn’t punish you if you didn’t deserve it. So you’re safe.”

“Oh! That’s right!” Mel beamed, pleased that the logic was working out in her favour.

“Truth be told, I was a little worried when he showed up,” Kelsey admitted. “But he left in too much of a hurry to do anything. Now, if he tries to do anything to you, it will look like he forgot. They don’t like looking fallible, so I think we’re fine.”

“Silly Kelsey,” Mel said. “You just explained why I’m safe. There’s no need to worry!”

“There isn’t," Kelsey agreed. “But if something does happen… I’m pretty sure the one place they can’t reach is inside my mind.”

“I’m not allowed to say,” Mel said promptly. That was what she was supposed to say, and Mel always did what she was supposed to.

“Right,” Kelsey said. “But you can. So if something happens… you can hide there.”

“Only for as long as you’re okay,” Mel pointed out. The logic didn’t protect Kelsey. She was doing bad things—and she was proud of it! Punishment was certain. Mel wasn’t good at emotions, but she thought this one was worry.

“Kelsey,” she said. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to do what he said? All of that stuff sounds really hard to do and I don’t think the Gods are going to like it.”

“It might be easier,” Kelsey agreed. “But this way will be more fun. And besides, I made a deal.”