Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

“Yeah, he’s cheating again,” Kelsey complained. “There’s no way that tub would move that fast normally.”

What are we doing then? Anton wondered, but only to himself. Without even having their sails unfurled, the Whiskerwind was moving faster than he thought a ship could. It was moving so fast that it was creating its own wind, which made it hard for Anton to tell which way the real wind was blowing.

Sailors were always going on about the importance of the wind direction, but Anton didn’t think he needed to care about it. As Kelsey had said, the engine made piloting the boat a matter of point and go. Simple enough for him to get his head around.

“They have some method for long-distance coordination,” Tyla called down from the roof. She had gone into the hold with the other girls but had quickly exited, claiming the conditions were cramped. Kelsey had told her to climb up the mast and act as a lookout. There was a perch up there for the purpose, a sling of sailcloth to hold a sailor in place. It looked precarious to Anton, but Tyla seemed comfortable.

“More cheating? I thought tubby came out earlier than he should,” Kelsey said. Anton wasn’t sure who she was talking about. He’d seen a heftier and richly-dressed courl on the other ship’s deck, but the Admiral himself was whip-thin. Or she could be talking about the ship? If ever a ship could be called overweight, that one could.

“More than that,” Tyla called. “There are two galleys outside the harbour that are moving to intercept. Some sort of signalling method?”

“Are we going to use the torpedoes again?” Anton asked.

Kelsey looked at the waters over the boat’s side. They were much higher up than they had been on the motorboat. “Have you gotten stretchy arms while I wasn’t looking?” she asked.

“No, but we could lower them from a rope or something?”

Kelsey shook her head. “Maybe if we had time we could rig something, but that design is meant to be launched by hand. And it barely rates being called inaccurate.”

“I hit both times though?” Anton protested.

“Sure, but that was all you, boyfriend. That, and the close range and the fact that they had no idea it was coming. And even then, it didn’t sink that guy’s boat.”

She glared out over the water at the luxurious barge that was headed for them. Even with its unnatural speed, it didn’t look like it was going to cross their path. The galleys, though, were further ahead. Anton didn’t think they could avoid engaging them, which would give the barge a chance to catch up.

“That tub,” Kelsey said, “is going to be even harder to sink. It will have internal walls and supports and who knows what else with that guy at the helm. No, we’re trying a different method this time.”

She nodded at the contraption at the front of the boat. Anton thought to use Delver’s Discernment on it.

Deck Sweeper, Weapon, Good Quality, Tier 4

“How did you make a weapon with a higher Tier than yours?” Anton asked. “It doesn’t even have any enchantments!”

“I didn’t make it, make it,” Kelsey said unhelpfully. “My skeletons did. They’re just second-Tier. Some of my more advanced stuff just gets tagged with a higher Tier. It’s a pain.”

“Is it?” Anton asked. “I know second-Tier smiths back home who would kill to be able to forge fourth-Tier weapons.”

“They will be,” Kelsey promised. “Once they get up and running with the new tools I’m providing. For me, though, having it be Tier Four means that I can’t just magic up another one. I have to build them all the hard way.”

“That must be limiting…” Anton said. He was a bit dubious about how limiting it was, though. He’d seen how quickly Kelsey could produce mechanical devices.

“It is what it is,” Kelsey said. “Now, I’m going to man the gun for this next little bit, but I’ve got a few pieces of advice for you, my Captain.”

“You’re not going to have Aris shoot?”

“I wish I could,” Kelsey said reluctantly. “I’d like for her to get the experience. But it’s a little trickier than what she’s used to, and we don’t have the time to bring her up on the learning curve.”

Anton just nodded as Kelsey veered into unintelligibility, as normal. “Some advice?” he prompted.

“Right. First of all, you’ll have noticed that we aren’t at max throttle. There are reasons for that.”

Anton looked down at the throttle control. He hadn’t needed to change speed, so he hadn’t looked at it, so he hadn’t actually noticed. He nodded anyway.

“The first reason is that it damages the engines if it’s on full throttle for too long,” Kelsey said. “The second reason is so that you can put on a burst of speed if you need it.”

“Got it,” Anton said. That was pretty good advice.

“The other thing is,” Kelsey continued. “And I’m sure this has occurred to you…”

She gestured at the front of the boat.

“I’ve got a pretty good field of fire where I am,” she said. “But I can’t fire backwards. If you want me to fire on something behind you, you’re going to need to turn the boat around.”

Anton felt his cheeks go warm. That was pretty obvious.

“Got it,” he said. “Can the boat go as fast backwards as it can forward?”

“Good thinking!” Kelsey praised. “But no. About a fifth as fast.”

Anton nodded. “What’s the range on the… deck sweeper?” he asked.

“Unsure,” Kelsey said. “The bullets should go two, three times bow range, but accuracy under these conditions has yet to be determined.”

“I guess that’s it then,” Anton said. “Unless you’ve got more advice?”

“Nope!” Kelsey said. “I’m leaving our strategy to you, Captain!”

She ran up to the front of the boat. She was still close enough for a shouted conversation, but he allready felt her absence. He looked around at everyone who was still on deck.

“The rest of you should get below,” he said. “We’re sure to take some arrow fire.”

Most of the girls nodded and headed below as fast as they could. One of the street kids protested, but he was dragged away by his elder ‘sisters’. Not everyone went so easily.

“I’m staying,” Aris said. “I can shoot behind us. My accuracy isn’t great with all the movement, but I can still contribute.”

“What about Cheia?” Anton asked.

“She’s below, being held down by Seryna and Morwyn. I know she wants to learn to fight, but this isn’t the time.”

Anton felt his stomach churn at the thought of Aris taking a random arrow, but he knew he wasn’t going to stop her. He looked up at Tyla, still in her sailcloth hammock.

“I think that if I focus, I can deflect an arrow before it hits me,” she said. “I will remain on lookout.”

Anton almost asked if she could protect the whole boat, but he knew her magic wasn’t powerful enough for that. Yet. He looked over at the last remaining non-combatant.

Soraya looked back at him, green eyes flashing. “I am not going to meet my fate cowering in a ships hold,” she said. “A Malik’s place is on the bridge!”

“What bridge?” Anton asked, confused. Soraya stared at him blankly.

Kelsey’s voice floated back from the front of the ship. “The bridge is the part of the ship where you command it from, doofus! You’re standing on it!”

Anton felt his face get warm again. How was I supposed to know that? He noted, though, that Kelsey could hear him just fine from the bow. See, I know some ship names.

“Fine,” he said. “If you want to risk yourself like that, I can’t stop you.”

“Didn’t Kelsey say her gun had a longer range than bows, though?” Aris said.

“Ordinary bows,” Anton said. “They’ll have third Tier archers on some of the ships. They can use Longshot or Arcing Shot for longer range. They didn’t bother before because we were small and heading right for them. They won’t make that mistake again.”

“Then,” Aris said, looking ahead to the galleys that were quickly getting closer, “I’d better get ready then.”

“Find some cover,” Anton advised them both. Then he took a deep breath and considered their situation.

They were trapped in a triangle of three boats. If he’d been trapped like this on foot against skeletons, Anton would have spun and dropped back, to take out the one at the rear. Boats, though, did not spin around so quickly. Momentum counted, and so Anton changed course to aim directly at one of the intercepting galleys.

His instincts stayed quiet, so he assumed that he wasn’t making a fatal mistake at least. He watched as the ship he targeted reacted, turning to face them directly.

That reminded him of something. “Kelsey, can we ram ships?”

Soraya gasped, but it was Kelsey’s reply he was listening to.

“We’d lose!” she called back cheerfully, “But coming at us head-on like that, they make a nice target!”

“You don’t have a ram, you fool!” Soraya berated him. “They do. They’ll crack our hull like an eggshell and take no damage themselves.”

“Right,” Anton said. “What’s a ram?”

Laughter came from up front, but Kelsey let Soraya continue to educate him.

“It’s a weapon,” she said impatiently. “It extends out from the front of the ship, about three yards underwater. You can’t see it, but it means you’ll sink before you hit it.”

“Understood,” Anton said. “I’m keeping this heading for a bit!” he called out to Kelsey.

“Got it!” she called back.

Arrows were starting to fly. Long, arcing shots that travelled immense distances. Arcing Shot, Anton knew. It didn’t get much use in the dungeon, but he was familiar with it from books. He was less familiar with arrows that were on fire.

“Is that going to be a problem?” he called out.

One of the fiery arrows came close to the crow’s nest. As promised, Tyla did manage to deflect it into the ocean.

“Not as much as it would if we had our sails out, but still. Make yourself useful, Soraya!” Kelsey tossed a metal bucket back towards them. It landed with a clatter on the lower deck. Somehow, Kelsey had managed to tie a rope to the handle.

“I’m not—” Soraya started, but Kelsey cut in.

“Part of the team, Soraya! Part of the team.”

“Very well,” Soraya said and climbed down to get the bucket.

One of the arrows landed in a sail, wrapped around the cross-mast. Anton looked at it with concern, but Tyla was on the case. She looked at it and the fire went out.

“I don’t have the range to do that unless it’s near the mast,” she told him.

Slowly, and grumbling the whole time, Soraya pulled up a bucket of water and drowned the flaming arrow that was stuck on the deck, spluttering fitfully.

“How many times will I have to do that?” she asked.

“As many as it takes,” Anton said grimly. “Kelsey!”

“Returning fire, Captain!”

Then the world ended.

BRAP-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA

The sound went on forever. It ran through Anton, bypassing his ears and shaking his bones. He started to feel his spirit float away…

Then it stopped. Anton was still behind the wheel, still on the boat. The sound had just been Kelsey’s weapon. She was doing something to it, removing a box and replacing it.

Anton noticed that she was wearing something round and bright red over each of her ears. She looked back at him.

“Ready to fire again, Captain!”

Anton pointed down at the deck where Soraya was lying, twitching slightly. Anton and Aris had hearing protection. The others, not so much.

“Oh… that’s my bad. I’ll fix it!” Kelsey said, jumping down to attend to Soraya. She produced another pair of the red round things and tried to affix it to Soraya’s head. It didn’t work until she put them on upside down, with the connecting band under Soraya’s chin. Then she fed the girl a healing potion.

“Are you okay?” Kelsey called up to Tyla. Anton could see that the elf girl still had her hands over her long ears. He had to leave that to Kelsey though as they were getting into arrow range of the first galley.

He looked ahead to see what effect Kelsey had had on the intercepting ship. At this distance, he couldn’t see any damage, but it hadn’t gone unscathed. A lot of the oars were pointed in the wrong direction, and the top deck, which should have been filled with deadly archers, was a morass of cowering and wounded victims. No one seemed interested in firing arrows at them, despite the shouted orders from the ones in charge.

“Um, Anton, are we still planning on ramming it?” Aris asked. Neither ship had changed heading. The galley had stopped rowing and was quickly coming to a stop, but the Whiskerwind was still bearing down at speed.

“No,” Anton said, “But we are going to get a lot closer.”