Dungeons Just Want to Have Fun

The only thing that Kelsey couldn’t load onto the boat was the passengers. They were, she stated, their greatest vulnerability in terms of getting caught. To minimise the threat, she waited until the Whiskerwind— a new name hadn’t been chosen yet— was ready to set sail before she let the girls out of the hideout.

The boys were fine. No one was after them. Kelsey claimed them as junior crew members, and they were allowed on the boat as it was getting ready to be floated. They weren’t allowed belowdecks, but they practised climbing the rigging and generally acted out.

No one batted an eye at a few kids being hired to help out. It was a common practice. There were a few questions as to where the senior crew were—they’d quickly clocked Zaphar, Anton and Kelsey as not being sailors— but Kelsey managed to fob them off with a few vague statements about them arriving later.

Sooner than the dockworkers thought possible, the Whiskerwind was ready to be launched. Many dubious glances were cast at the metal covering the ship’s stern. There were a lot of murmurs about a boat not floating if it wasn’t made of wood, but Kelsey ignored them. When the boat proved that it wasn’t going to sink, she blew them a smug raspberry.

“Let’s tie this thing up to a dock, so we can get it loaded,” she said and the chagrined dock workers rushed to obey.

There was another plate of metal attached to the ship. Mostly flat, with a few attachment points, it was bolted to the deck at the bow. Kelsey refused to explain what it was for, only saying that it was for “Home defence”.

Anton ignored Kelsey’s quirks. He suspected that they were her way of releasing stress. She wasn’t showing it, but this phase of “running away” had involved a lot more staying in one place than Anton had been expecting. If Kelsey wanted to have her secrets, if she wanted to hold up four fingers every time she said “set sail”, that was fine.

As long as they got out in the end.

Now, there was only one real obstacle left. Their cargo had to be inspected before they were free to leave and Kelsey was expecting some objections.

The first stage was to inspect the ship before they loaded it.

“Why is it so dry down here?” was the first thing that the courl inspector asked as he made his way downstairs. Belowdecks was lit with one of Anton’s light stones.

“I can get a bucket of water to pour on your Excellency’s shoes if that makes you feel more comfortable,” Kelsey said dryly. “The boat has just been launched, and it has been freshly caulked. It should hold the moisture out for a little bit longer.”

The inspector stared at her suspiciously. Anton had suspected that the gunk Kelsey had him smear on the outside of the hull would be more effective than what they normally used.

“No tax on dry floors, I suppose,” was all he said. Then, “What is that?”

That was… Anton didn’t know what it was. An agglomeration of metal parts, shaped for a purpose beyond his understanding. He did know what Kelsey called it.

“It’s an engine,” she said. “An experimental method of propulsion.”

“Is it,” the inspector said sourly. “Didn’t I see sails up top?”

“We’re still testing,” Kelsey said. “It would be foolish to get rid of the sails before this is fully broken in.”

“I suppose,” the inspector said, looking over the collection of machines. “That is a lot of metal… but the tax is only on ingots.”

“Be assured, your Eminence,” Kelsey said, “It’s attached to the ship. Firmly attached. You couldn’t remove the engine without sinking it.”

“Very well,” the inspector said. “These are the accommodations for the cargo?” he asked, looking at the bunk beds that Kelsey had installed. “Very generous. You won’t make a profit that way.”

“We’re carrying quality goods, your Magnificence,” Kelsey said with a wide grin. “The better condition they arrive in, the higher our price.”

“Hmnp. Well, I hope you weren’t expecting the examination to be this easy,” the inspector replied.

True to his word, he poked around the cargo bay for about an hour, looking for hidden compartments. Anton was fairly sure he wouldn’t find any. Kelsey had gone over their purchase when they got it up on blocks and had been quite disappointed when she didn’t find any secret storage.

He eventually gave up looking and then subjected the crew cabins to the same careful search. Finally, he gave a disparaging snort and admitted defeat.

“You can start loading now,” he told Kelsey. “You have the manifest?”

“Of course,” Kelsey said, handing it to him. They walked off the ship and down the dock to where the girls were waiting.

For all the care and attention to detail that the inspector had shown before, he paid only the most cursory attention to the so-called slaves being loaded. He didn’t check the names or descriptions, just counted to make sure that Kelsey had the right number. It was just as well. Some of the girls had not been keen about pretending to be slaves again. It wasn’t until Kelsey had come up with the idea of breakaway collars that all of them had been convinced.

“Very well, this all seems to be in order,” the inspector said reluctantly. “You can get them loaded.”

“Aris,” Kelsey said, her voice suddenly tight. “Take Sor and get them all on the ship.”

Aris looked at Kelsey, wondering what was wrong. “Are you all right?” she asked.

“Quickly,” Kelsey said. She gave Aris a look that did not match the fixed smile on her face.

“Sure…” Aris said hesitantly. She gestured to Soraya and they started moving the girls along.

“Now, Inspector,” Kelsey said. “If everything is in order, we can get our permission slip, right?”

“Certainly not!” the inspector declared. “I have not yet verified your captain’s credentials!”

“Oh, right, of course,” Kelsey said. “The captain is running a little late, and I don’t want to keep you—”

“He’s not here?” the pompous courl exclaimed. “Unacceptable!”

“Stayed up late last night drinking, you know how it is,” Kelsey tried. “We won’t leave until he gets here, but there’s no need for someone of your importance to wait around—”

“There is every reason, barbarian!” the courl said indignantly. “We can’t have untrained idiots bumbling around our harbour! I need to verify who your captain is, and that he is qualified to take your boat out!”

“Of course, but don’t you think—” A shout came from further down the docks. “Never mind,” she sighed.

“What? What’s going on?” the inspector asked. He looked over to where the shouting was coming from. As soon as he caught sight of the source, he paled and took a step back.

So did Anton.

“Harbourmaster! Harbourmaster!” Al-Kadir was calling. “Do not let that merchant leave!”

Striding along the wharf, Al-Kadir wasn’t moving as fast as he could. He seemed to be matching his pace to the two courl that were jogging beside him. Barely matching, but they were managing to keep up. Incredibly, Al-Kadir seemed to be fully healed from the explosion a few days ago. Almost fully healed, that is. The fur on his face was re-growing, but it was noticeably shorter than it should be.

Anton looked at Kelsey for a clue about how to handle this, but aside from the occasional glance back at the ship, she was staying put.

“C—Champion!” the merchant squeaked. Under other circumstances, it would have been quite amusing to see how the pompous official had quickly turned into a frightened mouse. Under these circumstances, it was quite understandable, and only Unwavering was keeping Anton from joining the courl and dissolving into jelly. “You’re— you’re supposed to be in the Poor Quarter!”

“I was,” Al-Kadir said coldly. “I received word.”

He glared at Kelsey. “Where is she, flesh puppet,” he demanded.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kelsey said cooly. “I’m a legitimate foreign merchant, and your accusations are insulting.”

“I may have not gotten a good look at you in the darkness,” Al-Kadir snarled, “But I inspected you, and I see the same blank slate now, that I saw then.”

He turned to face the inspector. “Harbourmaster, I demand that you impound that boat and search it for stolen slaves and kidnapped maidens!”

“I—I—I’m not… the Harbourmaster!” the courl squeaked. “I’m just… inspector.”

“It matters not who you are,” Al-Kadir insisted. “Just—”

“This is nonsense,” Kelsey said disdainfully. “My cargo has just been inspected and consists entirely of legally obtained slaves. If you have some kind of evidence—”

“Evidence!” Al-Kadir exclaimed. “You want evidence? You want to know how you slipped up?”

He laughed.

“While I searched the Poor Quarter, my men have been looking. Scouring the city and, as well, monitoring the reports that city guards make. Looking for you, looking for signs of a necromancer.”

He shook his head. “They don’t believe me when I say there is a necromancer in the city. But they pass on the reports to my men. And what do they find?”

“Something that confirms the ravings of a paranoid lunatic?” Kelsey said. “The ramblings of a dozen drunks?”

“A gang hideout in the Fishers territory,” Al-Kadir said grimly. “Cleared out.”

He looked at Anton.

“I sent you there,” Al-Kadir said. “Gave you the note. As soon as I heard that the workshop was cleared out, I knew it was you. But there was one other detail. All the corpses were cleared out. Nothing left behind. Does that sound familiar?”

He pointed accusingly at Anton. “You were working with the necromancer all along,” he said. “You sat in my house, listening to me speak of my dear Soraya, and all the while she was held in your clutches.”

“You’ve never even met her,” Anton pointed out. “I don’t think—”

“SHE IS MINE!” Al-Kadir shouted. “You will hand her over, and then you will pay with your lives for your temerity.”

“Look, it sounds like we’ve reached the negotiation stage,” Kelsey said. Al-Kadir turned on her.

“Is it the necromancer speaking behind those eyes, puppet?”

“Wow, rude,” Kelsey said. “This is my body and no one else’s. My pronouns are she/her and I’m not any kind of necromancer.”

“Lies,” Al-Kadir stated. “I will go on your ship and find Soraya. We will be together.”

“You’re going to commit a crime, right in front of an official?” Kelsey asked. “This isn’t the Poor Quarter. People care about what happens to foreign merchants. Especially the ones that bring in profits.”

Al-Kadir hesitated. “You,” he said, pointing at the inspector. “You will allow this.”

“I— I— I—” the terrified courl stammered.

“Or,” Kelsey said. “You could just go to hell and look for her there.”

Anton barely noticed Kelsey's hands move up. Slowly, so as not to catch the eye. The guns didn’t appear until her hands were in position. Anton had just enough time to think that they looked bigger than last time before she fired them.

The guns roared. These were not the silenced pistols that Kelsey had shot the Baron with. These guns blazed out, loud and fierce. Anton staggered back from the flame and smoke pouring out as Kelsey emptied both pistols at Al-Kadir. Five shots, six, and then Anton stopped counting.

When she stopped, there was silence. The work crews on the other docks, the cawing of the gulls, all were stilled, shocked into absolute quiet.

Al-Kadir had fallen, his body covered with blood. His companions were clearly dead. Kelsey had found the time to spare a shot for each of them and they lacked their master’s defenses. One of them had a gaping wound in his chest, and the other had lost half his head.

The inspector was also down. As far as Anton could see, he hadn’t taken a shot, just collapsed from the noise and the fear.

Al-Kadir stirred.

Kelsey stood, looking down at him. Her guns were gone, back being reloaded. “Anton,” she said, “Run.”