Crimson Instinct

*Bai Li*

What was I thinking?

I was lying on the couch, hand behind my head on the armrest, and seriously questioning my sanity.

Why did my before and after shower scene suddenly change so drastically? How did the dynamics between Xin Lei and me get to that point?

She bumped into me. Or no wait, I bumped into her? And then the fresh smell of shampoo came wafting from her damp hair and hit my nostrils. As if that wasn't enough, her soft breasts, her hands...well, her whole body was pressed on my naked chest, and it simply short-circuited my brain.

What the fuck was I thinking coming out half-naked?

I guess I was too absorbed in my momentary happiness and relief of not letting my anxiety get the best of me while we were attacking Gen Gen's base. I forgot that Xin Lei was supposed to be outside.

I assumed she would step back. But she didn't.

Not that I wanted it either. I was perfectly happy in that position.

And then things spiraled out of control when she touched my scar. First, the right and then she slowly brushed her way along the left one. The contact of her fingers on my skin jolted me hard as if I was struck by lightning.

For the first time, I was blank. Her sweet scent, her touch, the sound of her soft breathing; everything was intoxicating.

Neither she went back, nor I wanted to let her go.

It felt nice, actually really good to the point that I wanted her to continue touching me. But at the same time, it was also provoking some not-so-pure thoughts in me.

Her soft fingertips felt so gentle as if she was scared of hurting me.

Then she asked me about them and I told my short stories behind those scars. And I really hoped that they impressed her.

Because after how I failed to protect her outside Micro Pub that day, I thought this was a good chance to redeem myself and show her that I was not a coward who couldn't make that shot.

I was pretty sure that she didn't think of me that way, but my heart still felt unsettled.

The way she carefully pressed my scar made me feel that perhaps she thought that the injuries were still painful. I sensed the anguish and helplessness.

Maybe she didn't want to see me like that. And that thought and expectation that she cared about me evoked the need and the feeling within me to kiss her. I just couldn't help it.

I leaned in and felt her delicate and opulent lips with my thumb. They were slightly parted, and I could feel her soft and warm breaths on my thumb. It was so addicting that I wasn't satisfied with just the touch of it anymore.

I wanted her lips on mine.

Even though it was just a light brush, Xin Lei's lips were so soft. It felt as though our lips perfectly fit each other like some sort of a missing puzzle piece. It was pure bliss for only a second, but the first contact of our lips made me hungry for more. I wanted to delve deeper.

What color her lips would be?

Pink? Peachy? Or perhaps rosy?

What would she taste like if I put my tongue inside her mouth?

And then amidst the building anticipation, Rong Zhengsheng just had to interrupt to break that moment.

God, I felt crazy! It was like someone dragged me from the realm of heaven and dropped me in the hell of ice-cold water.

I instantly snapped out of it. I felt Xin Lei stiffen in my arms, and I stepped back.

I couldn't say anything at that time. My head was in a mess, and so was my heart.

I needed to sort things out because I didn't want to utter any stupid crap that could, by mistake, make her feel humiliated.

The dinner was hell awkward as well. I couldn't talk anything to her.

Now, the most important question was - How would she react? I screwed up big time.

Was I in for a slap?

Well...she didn't exactly stop me so…

Did she want it too?

And then there was another question.

Do I like her?

I thought that with my big, fat zero experience in relationships for thirty-two years, I would be a monk for the rest of my life, but damn Xin Lei was barging in like a storm, knocking down everything in the way.

I didn't even realize when my feelings grew to that extent.

She was shouldering everything from being chased for her life to handling the disappearances of her father and brother. Any other person would have broken down.

But she was holding it together. She was tough.

I liked it.

She cannot talk, but she never let that weakness be her helplessness, just like me.

I sensed my reflection in her. She was strong and confident.

I liked that.

I felt Cocoa nudging his head against my hand.

"Grr…"

"What do you think, buddy? Is she going to throw me out of the room tonight?"

"Arf!"

He licked my hand, apparently trying to assure me that I won't suffer such a harsh fate.

I sighed and ruffled his head. "I hope so too."

*Click*

The knob turned, and I heard the door open. I straightened and sat up. I heard Xin Lei's soft footsteps trotting in.

I didn't hear her tapping on her mobile. Maybe she was quietly sitting on the bed.

How was she looking at me? Angry? Perplexed? Distressed?

Damn I so wish that I could see now! My blindness felt like a curse to me.

Well, for one, she didn't slap me. So I felt really grateful to her. That was a positive sign. Maybe she was not that angry after all.

There was silence for a few minutes.

It was time.

I had to say something.

I didn't want to pretend that it never happened.

So let's just be honest with it. I never liked to complicate things anyway.

"Xin Lei."

I heard her taking a sharp breath and sensed a trace of anxiousness from it.

Out with it, Bai Li.

"I think I like you."