Crimson Instinct

*Xin Lei*

I was in Bai Li's arms, and our chest were pressed together so close. His thumb was gently caressing my cheek. Our lips had barely started to feel each other. It was a light brush at the beginning, which was slowly pressing on further and deeper.

*Knock Knock*

"Lei Lei, Bai Li. Dinner is ready. Come down both of you."

I froze. Jolted in shock, I abruptly opened my eyes.

It was Uncle Rong outside the door.

All the anticipation that built up until now just vanished into thin air. The interruption snapped me out of my stupor. It felt as if my heart would come out of my chest.

Bai Li stiffened, and he retreated. He withdrew his arm from my waist. He took a step back and stood like a frozen statue.

Suddenly now there was this distance between us.

I said nothing.

Bai Li said nothing either.

We were at a standstill.

"Lei Lei?"

Bai Li spoke, "We are coming."

"Alright. Come soon."

It was silent once again. And now all sorts of thoughts finally came rushing in my mind.

What just happened?

I thought back to just a few moments ago when we were standing so close together in each other's arms.

We were going to kiss.

Yes, we were definitely about to kiss.

I clasped my hands, feeling the nervousness and tension.

Shit! Now what?

I glanced at Bai Li, and it seemed that he really wanted to say something. I could see that he was trying to work out what to say first.

The silence was growing really awkward and equally heavier as well.

I picked my phone but was mindlessly fumbling with the keypad. My mind was absolutely devoid of any thoughts.

What should I type? I cannot think of anything.

"Arf! Arf!"

Cocoa broke the silence.

Finally, it seemed like Bai Li was going to say something. "We will talk about it. Let's go for dinner first. Everybody is waiting for us."

I slowly nodded, still being overwhelmed with everything that just transpired between us.

I typed. "Okay."

We went down.

Uncle Rong and Guard Wu were seated on the table. Fu Biyu and Fu Jun were also there. We all came to a consensus that it was safe for them to stay here for now.

Who knew when those mysterious people would target them.

Guard Wu asked, "Xin Lei," he frowned, "Why are you walking like a robot?"

I stopped.

Was I that stiff?

I typed. "Nothing. I am just a little tired."

My sight went onto the barmaid. She was mysteriously smiling at me once again. I quickly looked away.

We ate our dinner while chatting a little. Uncle Rong and Bai Li occasionally talked about the army and cop life. They discussed some cases where they were previously a part of investigating it. I talked a little about my doctor's life. Guard Wu shared stories about his youthful time. Fu Biyu also talked about Fu Meili and Fu Jun. She couldn't help but cry a little while reminiscing their memories.

The whole time, Bai Li and I didn't directly converse. Hell, we didn't even look at each other.

Coming back to the case, Bai Li asked, "Andingzhen is forty-five minutes from Dongcheng. Can we get a car for the drive?"

Uncle Rong shrugged. "You can take my Toyota. It is modest and comfortable."

Guard Wu said, "Public transport is risky anyway."

We nodded.

"When will you leave?"

"Seven."

We soon finished our dinner. Bai Li and Cocoa headed upstairs. I saw the barmaid cleaning the counter.

I typed. "I will come back in a few minutes."

Bai Li quietly nodded.

I went up to her. She smiled at me.

"Care for a drink?"

I shook my head.

She rested her head in her palm, her elbow leaning on the table. She stared at me, apparently waiting for me to talk.

I typed. "Are you interested in Bai Li?"

I came straight to the chase. There was no point in going around in circles.

The barmaid quirked her right brow and chuckled. "What if I am?"

I carefully observed her expression.

"It's not so difficult not to like him, and you understand that, right? He is not bad looking. He is tough, strong, and blunt, but it's funny in its own way. And anyway, army men have a different charm to them, don't you agree?"

I typed again. "Isn't the man I saw in the bar with you, your boyfriend?"

"Are you trying to guilt-trap me?"

I typed. "No. I'm merely reminding you."

"There isn't a need to remind me. Because technically, he isn't my boyfriend," and then she looked at me meaningfully with a hint of playfulness in her gaze.

It took me a second to realize.

I see.

Friends with benefits, in short, sex friends.

The barmaid said, "So we are in a relationship, yet at the same time, we aren't. So, if I'm serious about Bai Li, I'm free to break up with that man and pursue Bai Li."

I took a deep breath. Even if she said that I didn't sense any kind of malice from her. Because I understood that she is really not serious about Bai Li. Maybe she said all that just because she was finding it all very interesting. She was provoking and messing with me, but only for her amusement.

But what did I think of Bai Li? Was I only attracted to him, or did I like him more than that?

I knew that deep down, I wanted that kiss to happen. I liked it so much when he held me in his arms. It felt so warm and so safe.

But what did that feeling mean? Was it only physical?

The barmaid tapped on the table, bringing me out of my daze. "So, are you declaring me your rival?"

She leaned in as if she was really looking forward to my answer.

I typed. "No."

I had to figure out my feelings before I had the right to say that.

I said nothing more and left.

"A very wise man once said," I stopped in my way as the barmaid spoke, "To know if you are in love with someone or not, just ask one question to yourself and answer it honestly."

I waited.

"Will it affect you if that person, one day, disappeared from your life?"

I stood there for a few seconds. I didn't answer and walked away.

---

As Xin Lei went back to her room, Guard Wu stepped out from the shadows and grinned. "Why didn't you mention that the wise man who said that is yours truly?"

The barmaid rolled her eyes.

He asked, "By the way, you still didn't answer that question yourself. I had asked you a long time back."

She stopped working with the dishes and quietly stared at him. She narrowed her gaze with clear warning laced in it.

"Hey, don't look at me like that. It scares me, you know."

The barmaid took the glasses and went inside. Guard Wu could only sigh.

*Xin Lei*, ---

I was standing in front of the door. I held the knob and twisted it.

Okay, let's do this.