But… It’s me! The real Spider-Man!

At the appointed time, an hour before noon, I went out to meet Mary Jane. Just in case, like any self-respecting retired hero, I hid web-shooters and a hoop of the drug in the long sleeves of my black shirt. That's what I created it for.

I should think of a name for it. Never was much good at it.

After greeting each other with a kiss and a hot hug, we went for a walk. I hadn't made a specific plan for this sudden date, I thought I'd leave it up to MJ, but she offered to let me choose where I wanted to go. I guess she's been reading the men's guidebooks again and is trying to please me this way.

We ended up just walking around the city for a while, enjoying each other's company. We snuck into a couple of parks and made out when we didn't think anyone would see us, which made a few girls we hadn't noticed in the first place jealous. We also fed the fish in the pond. Anyway, we just spent time in each other's company.

A couple of times Mary Jane made me feel embarrassed when she offered to buy me a trinket. I understand that she is trying to please me in the way that natives do, but that doesn't make it any easier for me.

After a few hours of this leisurely but pleasant pastime, we arrived at the garage where M.J.'s band was rehearsing.

As it turned out, last night's discussion after I left led to the girls deciding to put their new song on the Internet. When we arrived, Gwen and Liz were setting up the recording equipment they had found somewhere. I, as the main nerd, had the honorable mission of creating accounts for the band on the sites chosen by the girls. On my advice, the most popular video hosting site was also included in the list. It was strange that they had not thought of it themselves.

While the girls were recording the sound, I made a colorful video sequence with pictures and recordings of the Iron Lady. The picture turned out great, Tony Stark had time to be seen for the cameras, including during the active operations. But the sound was not perfect. In my opinion, not bad, but the acoustics in the garage were far from perfect. But we can't afford to rent a recording studio right now. The fact that the girls got professional equipment somewhere is already a miracle.

(For the lazy, here's a link to the Iron Man song: watch?v=TdysbdsrT2Y)

God, how worried and how happy they were to get their first views, likes, and positive comments. Anticipating that if I didn't intervene, the girls would still be sitting by the computer for hours, frantically pressing f5, I insisted that we celebrate their first serious project. Huddled together a happy crowd, we went to the nearest cafe, where we started a not very noisy, since no one ordered alcohol, but this is no less fun celebration. I hadn't really considered the fact that each of them had their own phone, and in twenty minutes Gwen and Liz were already spotted hotly discussing a new song on the internet. For this felony, the girls were sentenced to a harsh penalty: the confiscation of their phones.

Our humble celebration lasted about a couple of hours, until Liz's phone rang, which was just in my possession. The girl had been lost to her parents. It took longer to record and process the video than a normal rehearsal, so she was already delayed much longer than usual. Gabrielle followed our classmate home, leaving the three of us behind. Gwen, who felt superfluous and who I knew for a fact had little to do since her work at Connors had been suspended, also left us in a hurry. Regretfully, it seemed to me.

It was getting close to evening, and M.J. and I were about to continue our date, which was about to turn into an exciting night, but the universe had other plans.

The front door of the cafe swung open abruptly, and... a girl in a rabbit costume burst in. No, I'm serious. She's wearing a rabbit costume! A white rabbit, to be exact, with ears and corset and gloves, all, as it should be, dazzling white. Over the costume the redheaded girl put on a blue tuxedo with long flounces. She wore a bright war paint job that was supposed to represent a rabbit's face, as evidenced by the painted mustache, red nose, and a thick layer of white tonic all over her face. She tied a pink bow around her neck and attached a pendant with a hand watch to her belt. Lorina Dodson is an avid fan of Alice in Wonderland, the local version of it, whatever it's called. I once caught her running away with a bag of stolen cash on her way to school and took selfies with the web-bound criminal, which caused Spider-Man to be criticized by feminists a couple of times later.

Waving a blue umbrella, she strode imposingly into the center of the hall, treading silently on the soft soles of her white fur-trimmed boots.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!" she proclaimed in a high voice. "We are the White Rabbit Gang, and we are here to rob this cafe. I hope no one has any objections?"

Three other sturdy-looking ladies burst in as she spoke, but they were not as smartly dressed. Jeans and turtlenecks, not even white. And for some reason they did not consider it necessary to hide their faces, and all three of them had hats specially prepared for this purpose. Maybe they wanted so much to show everyone their ugly faces with a stern grin? And for more prestige, the three of them had brought their pump action shotguns.

"Now, if the pugnacious-looking receptionist will open the register so we can get your money" the rabbit began, but was interrupted.

"You're not getting anything from me!" shouted the woman registrar, snatching a gun from under the counter. "I have a gun, and I know what to do with it!"

"Resistance!" cried Bunny, making a lunge with her umbrella toward the counter. "How wonderful!"

With a deafening rustle a carrot flew out of her umbrella and into the brave registrar's shoulder. The woman's pistol bang in vain as she shrieked and clutched at her wounded arm. The bullet went into the ceiling without hitting anyone.

"Be careful, my fiery friend, before my Razor-Sharp Carrot aims at your heart!"

With a shriek of horror, Mary Jane hugged me in a desperate attempt to pull me under the table, which only drew the thugs' attention. But with a quick glance at M.J., the nearest criminal immediately lost interest in us.

"Razor-sharp carrots? Hare ears?" Putting her hand to her mouth, she asked her mate. "This girl is really crazy!"

"Of course she's totally crazy," said another woman, "but how many crazy people do you know who will pay a couple of slobs like us a thousand bucks a week?"

"So, dear friends, as I said earlier... money!" Bunny continued as if nothing had happened.

The frightened cashiers began to obediently put the proceeds in a bag handed to one of Rabbit's accomplices. When everything was ready, the leader herself snatched the bag from the trembling hands of the caterer.

"Nice doing business with you," she said, and turned to leave.