Blood and Qi: A Vampire Xianxia LitRPG

John bent over uncomfortably within the Mind Palace of Sublime Sunshine, his anal cavity filled with a very large book.

As he stewed over how Sunshine swooped down and stole his victory, John wished he could get his semi-mentor to admit it was a wrong thing to do. He and Stretch had almost won the battle. Orders or not, Sunshine could’ve held off for a few minutes.

John would’ve drained the Gold and told him, “I win, you lose.” He loved doing that. He would then have cut the Gold’s heart out and continued to cut him into little pieces, entered a portal, and easily slaughtered the rest of the g’athu. He would have been able to get all the hate and anger out of himself. His wife’s betrayal completely filled him with rage and sadness. He hurt too much and needed to share his pain with his enemies.

Sunshine, lounging in his reading chair, snapped out, “Oh, stop being such a milksop. I am sick and tired of your constant need for mollycoddling.”

After readjusting his position, Sunshine continued. “Your wife betrayed you. A lot. I mean, she cheated on you way more than any wife has ever cheated on a husband. And you only know of the times you caught her. You can expect her real numbers to be at least twice than that which you know of. At a minimum.

“Your wife is certainly a snollygoster. But are not they all? My own wife has been on a permanent crusade to ruin me financially, spiritually, and mentally. She is pure and distilled evil. I wish I caught her cheating on me so I could divorce her without any further financial ruin. On my world, husbands do not have to pay alimony if the wife is proven perfidious. I pray for her infidelity while knowing that cruel beast would never do me such a great favor.

“In your case, you know for certain your wife loves you a tremendous amount. You would have a far lesser body [Perk] if not for her. She risked her own life to save your own while you were attaining that [Perk]. She spent a tremendous amount of her own resources on you. She followed you through the portal to save Stretch, knowing it would be her own death. She cursed the demon scab as he carried her away from you before you fought the g’athu.

“While you were in a trance and unable to remember her words, she still claimed to have fought her way back to you. You have no idea how difficult that would have been. Just finding your world would have been a task beyond most to solve. The bloody climb is not easy. She made my Tree twice. She clearly loves you dearly. Far more than I ever loved anyone. Or could love anyone. She is as true of a companion as she is as true of a cozener.”

Sunshine placed the book he was reading onto the small table. “Let the anger go and divorce her. End the marriage. Keep her as a friend. You could never have one that loved you as much or was any truer. Killing her would be a mistake. She is a genius with rituals and runes. And you do not want an enemy like her showing up to haunt your future.”

John thought of all the wanton slaughter of innocents Lilly was responsible for. She had something within her that caused her to enjoy performing evil deeds of cruelty far too much.

“You have a dullard’s understanding of good and evil. Have you and I not done the same once or twice? Or a couple additional times too? Ninnyhammers should do their best to not also be a smellfungus. Especially such a cockalorum as you are. How many times have you proven you are a mumpsimus?”

John had no idea what Sunshine was saying and wished he would stop using such silly words.

“Since I own it all, I have been reading some of your world’s literature to get an idea of what will sell. So many of your world had some intelligence and a great deal of creativity, but no struggle or bloody climb to focus their attention on. Their outlet seemed to have been increasing the vocabulary of their various languages to write better poetry. Or to make those around them feel stupid, as I will now use these innovative words I have incorporated into my own vocabulary. I will stop doing so with you now. Apologies.

“Anyways, you make my point for me. Your wife is a great friend but a far worse and truly awful foe. Do you want her vindictiveness aimed at you when she rises again in a new body? You would then have as true and as ruthless an enemy as they come, and you would never cease having to look over your shoulder.

“Confront her, put the fear of God Almighty into her, tell her she is no longer your wife, but let it show that you still love her and there is a chance of reconciliation. It does not matter if there is no actual chance and never will be a chance to reconcile. String her along. Women only act right when there is a clear path towards getting what they want. And, otherwise, you would have no leverage at all.

“And for God’s sake, keep that woman as a close friend that loves you more than she ever hates you. And tell her you will kill her without further discussion if she uses the trance or a compulsion on you again. Throw in the killing of innocents too if such petty nonsense bothers you so much. She must touch you to trigger the trance. If you cannot keep a child more than an arms-length away from you, then you do not deserve to have your freewill.”

As time ticked slowly by, John talked to Sunshine and got his opinion on [Synergies] and many other subjects related to cultivation and advancement. In many cases, they shared the same mind on how he should progress.

John had talked about [Synergies] with Lilly, but he felt she didn’t fully understand the scope of the decision, whereas Sunshine did. They also talked about his new aspects and future possibilities.

Sunshine talked often about Lilly and Stretch while only touching briefly on Amber and Hubaba a few times. He was in awe of John’s new body [Perk] and Lilly’s knowledge of rituals.

The Sublime also unattuned the bracer that resided in John’s ring, freeing up an attunable slot, and, of course, charged for the service.

As John shifted around uncomfortably, Sunshine stood from his chair and worry emanated off him. “No! The Butcher has returned! And in force! I could not find the anchors and now the Butcher has come through them. There are many Transcendent and Celestial versions of him, and at least one Divine.”

John’s adrenaline spiked. Sunshine turned to him. “I am not allowed to interfere. No! I could. You are considered the ruler of this world.”

Sunshine hastily skittered to John, holding a contract out. “Quickly, sign this! It will allow me to fight!”

John, his heart beating so quickly and mightily he forgot what was lodged in his behind, stood up straight and nearly signed the contract. Instead, he started to read it.

Sunshine worriedly yelled out, “There is no time! Sign, and do so quickly, or your world is lost!”

John, his hands shaking, thought about how they were approaching one. Time was basically frozen while they were in Sunshine’s mind.

“Do you think the Butcher cares if I am approaching one! Sign or your world is doomed!”

John nearly signed the contract again. He felt that something was off, that Sunshine was trying to twist him up. If time was nearly frozen then he had plenty of it to read the contract. And he wondered how the g’athu returned through portals so quickly in real time outside the Mind’s Eye.

“Good! It took a long time, but you finally heeded my advice. Mark this day for it is the first I shall not laugh behind your back at what a great fool you are. Today you have proven you are capable of thinking. A little. Not much. But better than nothing. Ha!”

The punishment continued, and unofficial semi-mentor and unofficial semi-student took turns ignoring each other and starting conversations, discussing many subjects in great detail.

As John’s punishment came to an end, Sunshine said, “I am glad to see your emotions have finally settled some and you are acting less foolishly. See? Time is the greatest of healing draughts for what ails the spirit. You are welcome.”

John wondered if his punishment was actually about Level Capsules or if there was another reason. He sometimes thought Sunshine was a decent person. Then he had a hard time believing he even had such a thought about someone that nearly crushed him to death and forced him to live with an extremely large book shoved up his rear-end for five days.

Outside of Sunshine’s Mind’s Eye, John was unfrozen just as the Sublime enveloped Amber’s head in his horrific mouth. His body was injured and filled with pain, but his anal cavity being book-free felt wonderful.

John cursed when he saw that no corpse of a g’athu remained anywhere. He disliked men that made idle threats, and he would no longer be able to eat a g’athu heart and bathe in their blood. He picked up the vial and pouch left at his feet and was thankful to feel the healing of Sunshine already working its way throughout his body.

Stretch approached John and rubbed against him. The puppet took John’s hand in his own and John began to see fuzzy and confusing images he didn’t understand. The images clarified a little, but not enough to be understandable. He tried sending images of his own with uncertain results. He wanted Stretch to know he thought of him as a friend and was extremely thankful for his help fighting the g’athu.

Sunshine finished with Amber and laughed. “Ha! The irony. Ha! Very interesting. Very interesting. I cannot wait to tell my wife.”

Sunshine quickly skittered over to Stretch and enveloped his head for a moment and said, “Nothing. As I presumed. But, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Okay, children, I have other tasks. Tell those few of your race possessing some intelligence to study these connecting portals of the g’athu. A lot can be learned. If they can understand and apply what they learn, your world being considered Tech 1 will not be such a farce one day. I would offer to transport you all somewhere, but I shall not.”

Sunshine disappeared and Amber ran to John as she wiped her face off. “I’m so, so sorry I attacked you! He made me! The Gold! I couldn’t help it! I swear! Oh, look how injured you are! You poor thing.”

Amber took out a cloth and started to fuss over John. He said, “I’m fine. Thank you. I’m sorry…” He stopped himself from finishing the sentence. He was going to apologize for abusing his power over her and giving her commands. Amber was smiling and didn’t seem mad at all, so he took the win. Her great beauty, even with her hair so frizzled, sent butterflies flying around his belly.

Amber said, “And Stretch! Thank you so much! I couldn’t help with the fight and…and then you showed up! Oh, God, that was wonderful to see. I love how you jack-hammered those…those…monsters. With your…fist…things.”

Stretch moved towards Amber and rubbed against her for longer than John ever saw him rub against anyone. Stretched stopped as John was about to intervene. The puppet grabbed Amber’s hand, John assumed to try and communicate in his strange new way.

As John looked around, he realized there was absolutely nothing to loot or collect. According to Sunshine, the g’athu threat was over. Only the last of the demons remained, and if the g’athu told him the truth, the demons may have returned through the portal, meaning there was a possibility Earth was now safe.

John hoped the other Sublime wouldn’t make him pay for those portal anchors too. He wondered what kind of trouble that Sublime was in, and if there was some sort of jail somewhere that could hold such powerful entities. If the other Sublime would be put in prison, John hoped he would be imprisoned before he could collect from him the cost of the three expensive anchors.

Amber giggled. John wondered if she and Stretch were truly communicating somehow, or if she was just pretending, as some women often pretended to have the ability to communicate with ghosts and such nonsense. He hoped Amber wasn’t one of those people.

John checked his phone. He still didn’t think it was working. He turned on the info function of his NCS and looked around. The closest place to them with a population was a little south and west called Praia de Pernambuco. Further to the northwest was a much more highly populated place called São Paulo. He figured they should check the closest place, Praia de Pernambuco, first.

The need to walk anywhere ended as he heard helicopters approaching. John collected his sword and shield and put them in his ring along with the pouch of some substance Sunshine said would help heal his soul. He drank the contents of the small vial and put the empty vial in his ring. It burned a little going down but had no real taste to it.

After remembering the energy field covering the base, John, Amber, and Stretch found the exit, opened it, and walked to a clearing outside of it. He was surprised when Amber didn’t turn invisible. She said she wanted to test if the visual part of her curse really was gone. She seemed extremely excited. He hoped it was true. He knew it would make her very happy.

“How long until you have to kill a human? For the demon form,” John asked Amber.

Amber’s smile disappeared. Her eyes looked watery. “A little under two weeks.”

Soon, the helicopters appeared and landed. As soldiers exited the helicopters, John became nervous as all the soldiers stared at Amber. She said, “Oh, John! It’s gone! They don’t look angry at all!”

The Brazilian military thanked John, Amber, and Stretch profusely. They were informed Lilly and Hubaba were both alive and well and flying to DC. An offer was made to take them anywhere they wanted, and the general they spoke to seemed disappointed when they said DC. There was no sign of the demons and the last portal, but John and the general both agreed they’d be back.

Stretch refused to get into the helicopter, so the soldiers waited patiently as Stretch and Amber held hands and either pretended to communicate or actually communicated their goodbyes to one another. John was rubbed against for a moment, and Stretch went into the ground the strange way he did.

Amber was all smiles as they flew to an airbase and boarded a plane. The soldiers couldn’t take their eyes off her.

John regretted which part of Amber’s curse was removed. He liked it much better when no one could see her besides himself, Hubaba, and Lilly. He hated that Amber enjoyed other men looking at her so much. She has too much Lilly coursing through her veins, he thought.

During the flight, a soldier that was part of the plane’s crew continuously talked to Amber. Seeing the excitement and joy on Amber’s face filled John’s heart with more darkness. He was surprised how long it took the soldier to get the hint and leave.

“Oh my God! You’re such a jerk! I finally, finally get to be seen and a cute guy was talking to me and you…Jesus! You stared at him like…and your face! Could you look any more like a psycho?”

John took a deep breath and said, “I was being a good chaperone. Since you have no husband, father, or brother, I must take the task on myself.”

“Again – oh my God! What is wrong with you? I can take care of myself. Jerk!”

“No, you cannot. If that were true you wouldn’t send out illicit pictures for any strange man to look at. I’m protecting your reputation. A reputation you seem determined to ruin yourself.”

Amber started to cry. “You’re such a jerk! This isn’t the olden times! It’s okay to wear what I did in those pictures. None of those photos were inappropriate. And it’s okay if…finally I can be seen! And talk to boys. Finally! I still have the rest of the curse, you know? I still can’t do anything! And I can talk to whoever I want to! He was going to ask me on a date. I know it! I woulda been able to go on my first date ever! And you ruined it!”

John scoffed and said, “We went on many buddy-dates.”

Amber sobbed as she said, “Those weren’t real dates! You’re married! Your wife loves you so, so much. You have no idea how lucky you are. You’re such an ungrateful jerk!”

Amber cried and John stared at the soldier sitting far down the other aisle of the plane. The soldier tried to melt into his chair before he finally got up and hid in the waste-room.

John meditated for the rest of the flight and was annoyed Amber didn’t. She just played on her phone. She is probably doing illicit picture stuff, thought John angrily.

Knowing his wife put thoughts in his head about Amber, John was certain he came to the conclusion the illicit-picture sharing with strangers was wrong on his own. To him, it highlighted a great flaw within Amber, a flaw she shared with Lilly.