Autopsy of a Mind

Sebastian went inside and sat for a solid five minutes before a guard with Alicia came in. Her hands were cuffed behind her and the orange jumpsuit made her look more maniacal than I remembered her. 

Despite the one-way glass wall between us, I felt the crushing weight of panic hit me. I saw that devious smirk on her lips, so familiar yet so distant as she saw Sebastian sitting from behind. 

Surprise flashed in her eyes when she went over to her side and I noted it. 

My head was swimming with thoughts, but I tried my best to push them back and focus on the interaction happening in front of me. 

I took in a deep breath and then opened the notebook I had brought alongside me. 

I had known I would be distracted and scared in the face of my tormentor when I sat in the car this morning. But I had not been ready for the train that hit me when I saw her. 

Clearly, she was in cuffs and there were guards around. Nothing would happen to me. She couldn't touch me even if she was freed because I was stronger. My instincts ruled when I was in danger and I knew that first hand. 

Yet, I felt powerless. I was a room away, but I felt like I was sixteen again and at the mercy of the demoness who was adamant about making me insane and breaking me before she ripped off every shred of my skin and eating me. 

My pen hovered over the paper and I heard the conversation in the room finally begin. 

"Sebastian Butler!" Alicia exclaimed. The guard had put a handcuff on both her hands, tying her down to the arms of the chair. I knew for a fact that these chairs were locked to the ground and couldn't be moved or used. 

Sebastian's chair though was movable.

"Miss Williams," he greeted, his voice lacking emotion.

"Why are you being so cold to me, Sebastian? We haven't seen each other for a year and you are behaving like I killed your cat."

I paused over the paper, almost sure that Alicia knew about Sheng Sheng. Somehow.

Sebastian didn't respond. "You haven't spoken to the research fellow working under me," he stated. "May I know why you did that?"

This was new. She had not wanted to meet people. Until Sebastian. 

"God, people are too stupid these days. I don't want to meet inconsequential people. You, on the other hand, know what I desire and how I desire it." She looked dreamy as she spoke. Her crazy act was not lost on me but I knew exactly what it was: an act. "But who do I speak to if you don't meet me?" She scrunched up her brows in discomfort.

Sebastian placed his hand on the desk. "You got caught, didn't you? Just like everyone else in this facility. You aren't smarter than any of them. Don't misunderstand your position in life," Sebastian clarified. 

Alicia hissed. "You're always saying that. But can they tell just by looking at you that you are seeing someone?" she taunted. 

I tried not to panic. I knew that it was easy to tell he was with someone because he had a ring prominently on his finger. It screamed that he was taken. But my brain was wired differently. 

"Yes, I am wearing a ring on my finger. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out," Sebastian responded blandly.

Alicia stiffened. "It's not that. I didn't know you were engaged. I knew you were seeing someone because you aren't cold towards me like normal. You're angry about something. You're worried about something, aren't you?" she whispered. 

I heard it nonetheless. My ears were perked for every breath and every little shuffle of her clothes. 

"What do you think I am worried about?" he asked. 

He was testing her to see if this accomplice had somehow informed her of his whereabouts and that of mine. 

"Someone close to you…" she diverted. She didn't want to say out loud. She wanted to drag the conversation out. 

"God, you really are stupid, aren't you?" Sebastian commented. His eyes held nothing but coldness. It reminded me of the Sebastian I had met at the very beginning. 

"You don't need to taunt me!" she exclaimed. "I know what you are doing. Are you acting all tough for the people watching? I hear that your girlfriend is in the police. What? She scared?"

So, she did know about Sebastian having a girlfriend but she had no idea who it was. It was evident by how she phrased it. She didn't know. 

"So, someone told you that I was in a relationship," he ended. "That's all I wanted to know, Miss Williams. I don't like talking nonsense with you. You may be starved for male attention but I am not the person who will give it to you."

Alicia pressed her lips together, hiding her grimace. 

"I don't want any attention from you. You can shove your attention up your ass. I—" she stopped. 

And I knew… I knew that the accomplice was the man she had thought she was seeing. She didn't talk about him because she was loyal to him. She was romantically and mentally loyal to him. She felt powerless in front of him apart from whatever romantic feelings she thought she had. 

"Colorful language. How did he come here?" he asked. He didn't even need to ask if there was an accomplice, that much was clear by now.

"Who?" she asked. 

"You know who," he pressed. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she said firmly. Her gaze flitted towards the glass and I stiffened. "If you let your girlfriend come in and talk to me, maybe I will reconsider. You came here for her. What, she is the one taking on cases and she thinks someone is helping me?" She started to laugh. 

"No," was all he said. 

"You got yourself a weak and pathetic woman? That is who you want to spend your life with? Look at me. I like men like you, cold and calculating. You know you are better than others and you come from prominent families. And you lower yourself to like a woman who isn't any of those." She clucked her tongue. 

I jotted this down quickly. So, the accomplice was from an influential family. It was not a new clue, but it was a confirmation.

"Okay. You don't need to talk to me." Sebastian got up from the seat and was about to come out when Alicia stopped him. 

"You're leaving?" she asked. "Don't. Really. I just want to see who she is. I want to see what kind of women men like you like." She wanted to see what kind of women the accomplice liked. 

She was begging. 

And I was enticed. I wanted to hear the nonsense she spouted. I wanted to slay the irrational fear I had of a puny human. Albeit the fact that this puny thing had cold-bloodedly slaughtered my family and kidnapped and tortured me. She was nothing now. 

She had no power. 

She was a cog in the machine that ran without help and no one cared about her. Even the man she was protecting didn't want her.

Sebastian paid her no mind and moved out of the room. The guard looked taken aback but he waited on command from the warden who was standing beside me. 

He was in the room beside me in no time. 

"What is the game plan?" I asked him, knowing what I wanted to do. 

"I am going to let her agonize over what she did to make me lose interest and then beg me to come back and speak to her. I only go back when she tells me the full truth." He stared at me with urgency. He must have known what I wanted. 

He pressed his finger against the underside of my wrist, taking my pulse. He didn't say anything but I could see the worry in his eyes. 

"I know what you are thinking and I don't want you to do it," he said finally.

"She said she would talk to your significant other," I shrugged. 

"If you go in, she would think that she has power over me and you. I don't know if you will be able to handle it," he warned. He didn't say more and I didn't need to. 

"I have to do this. I want to see if she remembers me. I want to see if, in seven years inside this place, she has forgotten my face," I said quietly. 

I thought back to the faces of the people she had forgotten and she wondered if she was just like Alicia. Did she remember each and every one of her victims or did she forget them like cattle?

I wanted to know. 

"I lived with her… in a certain way but I never had a conversation with her. I want to make her human in her eyes. If she is human and not this demon that I remember hurting me, I can overcome this. She can't touch me then," I implored. 

He thought about my words for a long time. The supervisor looked between us before giving us space. After a long while, we noticed that Alicia had started to scream and shout. She didn't want to be alone in that room. 

I recognized this situation. This was my ground. That interrogation room? I ruled it. Alicia Williams or not, I was the one who knew how to work a criminal to tears. And I could do it with this woman. 

"I am going in," I said finally. 

Sebastian hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Okay. Signal if you need to be relieved," he said firmly. "Do you understand?" His voice grew louder. 

"Yes."

I sucked in a deep breath as I stood in front of the interrogation room. I turned the knob and went in with my notebook and pen tucked under my arm. 

I took the seat opposite her and the room quieted down. 

"Where is Sebastian?" she asked, frantically looking towards the glass. 

"You wanted to speak to me," I informed in a cold voice. "You wanted to see what kind of person men like him fall in love with. Now that your wishes have come true, you will open your mouth and speak," I growled. "If you protest, I will leave this room and ensure that no one comes through it. You'll be alone here, without anyone to talk to and even the little hope you had of meeting another human in your lifetime will be taken away from you. Do you understand?"

Alicia blinked. At that moment, I saw a pathetic imitation of a monster I was scared of.

"Who are you?" she asked.