LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 133: Toa and Totalica
He had a purpose, I didn’t want to know the purpose though. When I heard him I realized he had come up from that dark place to kill them. His purpose was revenge.
I couldn’t stop him, and when he came back he said he’d taken down a country. I knew he’d gone to kill someone but I didn’t know he would bring down a country.
Nem stayed loyal and didn’t deny him. Although I thought she was just too little to understand.
He said he has no regrets.
Sierra denied him, I agree that what he did was wrong. But I won’t deny him, I cannot deny Masamune.
Then we traveled, we went to school and Sierra left to be replaced with Sufilia. And before I knew it Nito was a hero and a dungeon clearer.
Nito is amazing, but I am nothing without him. When the empire came, even though I am a demon I couldn’t do anything against them. Without Nito I would have died.
“Masamune?”
A chill had run down my spine when that woman had called his name. When I asked about her all he said was that she was his childhood friend. My only friends were the maids as I waited for my family to come back, I was alone in the castle.
‘Why did you tell me not to kill him?’
When he asked me that something felt strange inside me.
‘Do you not remember Toa? You told me to let him go.’
I don’t know, even if you ask me I don’t know. What are you saying Nito?
I don’t know…..
What did I do?
‘Toa, you don’t have to think about it anymore. Just breath.’
Nito, I could hear Masamunes voice. I don’t like it here, I can’t see anything, there’s no one.
Suddenly my vision cleared and I saw Masamune next to me.
“Im…..okay.”
Was that my voice? It didn’t sound like my voice? My senses were coming back. But I don’t understand….
What happened?
I dreamed that night, I quickly realized that it was a dream.
“Where….”
My voice was strange.
It was a forest, I could hear the birds chirping as the sun shined down through the trees.
I know this forest, it’s the forest near the castle. I was attacked by a Leowolf here and my father forbid me to go back. Soon I wasn’t allowed to leave the castle at all.
“What?!”
Then suddenly the trees began to buzz. It felt like they were looking down at me, rejecting me.
I got scared and ran.
I don’t like this forest, all there is here is loneliness. But I don’t know why, I don’t know anything about this forest.
I ran, but the more I did the further away the castle got. The more I asked for light the darker it got.
“Huh?”
Suddenly the forest had gone dark.
“Why? …..why?”
I ran, my mind gripped by fear. I wasn’t tired but my breathing was rough.
When I stopped I was out of the forest. But yet, I wasn’t. It was a lake, and when I looked down I could see my reflection.
“Yeah….once before..”
I’d been here before, but I can’t remember when. I hadn’t been into the forest since. I don’t remember.
“What is that?”
I saw something approaching me in the surface of the lake. I feel like I should know what it is but I don’t. I can’t remember.
I squinted trying to see.
‘You don’t have to look.’
There was a voice behind me and I turned around surprised.
“You’ll remember it someday.”
“W, who are you?”
I couldn’t understand.
“Why do you have my face?”
“Isnt it obvious? It’s because I am you.”
There was someone with my face.
“Why….”
“You seem confused,, but you wanted it? I was born because that’s what you wanted.”
“What does that mean? What are you talking about?”
We looked exactly alike.
“He is kind huh?”
“What?”
“He is isn’t he? He keeps a selfish and Naive woman like you beside him.”
The me said that will a smile, but I don’t understand the meaning behind that smile.
“Its good huh? That you met him properly?”
“Met him properly? What do you mean? ”
“Oh? What are you going to fall in love? You know that the mirror revealed the deepest wishes of those who looked. That’s why you looked right? ”
“I…..”
“So you found him right? A strong man who won’t give up even if he’s hurt?”
“I don’t know what you’re saying!”
“But you know that you meeting him isn’t a coincidence right? That you’re using him.”
“Using?”
I don’t understand what the other me was saying, but I felt like I knew.
“He can easily do what you can’t. He was hurt from the beginning so he will do whatever it takes to fulfill your wishes. He will do whatever it takes to get rid of your pain because that’s the kind of charm you have. He’s already infatuated with you, and you know it.”
“I don’t understandー”
“You do understand!”
The other me interrupted.
“I told you didn’t I?”
“………”
“Thats what you wanted. ”
“….what….”
“After you looked in the mirror. No, you wanted it before you looked.”
“What isー”
“Too kill her.”
She interrupted me again.
“Did you forget? For you who wants someone to die more than anything, to tell him not to kill..”
“Wait… who, who is it that I want to kill?”
I heard the sound of water behind me and tried to turn and look but.
“You don’t have to look. You don’t have to remember yet. ”
I just stared at myself without turning around.
“But….”
I feel like I need to turn around and look right now.
“You don’t have to look. That’s why you have me. So you don’t have to remember. Everything is work out.”
“Work out? What?”
“I know everything that you want now.”
I blinked at those words and the forest disappeared. I was surrounded by darkness. No one was around me but I heard a voice.
“Ok? We will always be together. I have always been watching over you.”
……
Who?…….
I heard a nostalgic voice and tears began to pour out of my eyes.
“Why?”
I don’t know.
Who’s voice was this?
“Toa.”
I heard it calling me, but …..what?
This?
Nostalgia and sadness, but what I felt next was.
“I want to kill.”
Bloodlust.
“I want to kill……I have to kill her.”
But I don’t know why, I don’t even know who. All I know is that I want to kill. And then I fell unconscious. The next time I opened my eyes I saw a ceiling.
“Where?”
I knew it had been a dream, I sat up to see Nem and Sufilia in there beds but, his was empty again.
“Hhhhhh.”
I remember the dream clearly.
But I began to stop thinking about it, as if someone was guiding me. I know I questioned why, but not for long.
Then I got out of bed and left the room, just like usual.