A Murder Wizards Adventure

Why does light shine bright? It seems a superfluous question, but when the sun ram's daggers into your eyes, it seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

I mean, Isn't the sun a gigantic ball of constant nuclear explosions? Maybe asking it to shine a little less is slightly unreasonable, but still.

Don't we have curtains or something?

Actually, now that I think about it, haven't I been sleeping underground more often than not these days?

So why is the sun trying to kill me through my eyeballs?

Maybe I should use my eyes to see. That's a good idea.

...

It also seems like a lot of effort and other than the big mean sun, I'm actually pretty comfy, maybe if I just roll over it will be fine?

*Bang*

ow.

Well now I don't feel quite so comfortable, so I reluctantly, and with a great expenditure of energy, open the vault doors that are my heavy eyelids.

Huh, this isn't where I went to sleep.

Probably.

Wait where did I go to sleep?

Let's see...

Mission, gotta go fast... then there was the Mecha anime moment, then more running and sounds I didn't hear then there was a fight and more running?

Yeah. Sounds about right.

Then another kinda fight...

Oh yeah!

I remember now, Hawk's squad came and rescued me, like prince charming.

Multiple prince charming, cohort charming? uhh, charming court? The point is! I am probably in Konoha, probably in a hospital if what I'm seeing means anything.

I'm also still in my ANBU gear and it doesn't stink so it probably hasn't been too long.

I'm also lying on the floor, which isn't very professional, but I just feel so lazy right now, it's like the effort needed to get up onto the bed just isn't worth the extra comfort when the floor is plenty fine.

Slowly, I blink and when I open my eyes, I'm on the bed again.

Huh.

How did that happen?

I also feel much better, but still kinda lethargic. Since no one is around, I figure I'll inspect my chakra for answers, and totally not because it's fun and I'm bored.

Turns out I do find answers, which is good since that's what I was looking for.

My whirlpool is practically empty, and my river is just gone, which makes me slightly uncomfortable, not in a physical sense, but it's like if you came home one day and your walls were painted over, but five shades brighter or darker.

It doesn't really matter, but there is a loss of comfort with the change.

But I also don't really have enough chakra to remake my river, so I'll just have to deal with it, I guess.

Also, I suppose my lethargy is a result of chakra exhaustion because whilst I am most certainly less lethargic a person than I used to be I'm still rather lazy, but I've come to realise that part of why I used to feel the way I did really is because I would just sit in my room all day.

Now that I've got such an active lifestyle, it's a lot harder to just enjoy doing nothing, which is why even when I'm alone, I'm usually just messing around with my chakra.

I'm still way too lazy to do any physical exercise without one of the ANBU trainers literally zapping me if I don't put in the effort and as much as I hate them and that they do that, I am also super grateful, because no way would my life be as cool as it is right now if I didn't do any training.

Anyway, after a shot while a nurse pokes her head in and seeing that I'm awake, greeted me before quickly leaving, to get a doctor no doubt.

Half a minute later and I feel a familiar chakra approaching.

...Why her.

The sound of the door being slammed open echoes for a moment, before Tsunade shows herself in all her self righteous glory.

Ok, I'm mature enough to realise I have something of a bias against her, but I can't help it.

She is the only ninja who's treated me like a lost child, I mean every ninja I've met has underestimated and doubted me, and that's understandable, but they at least recognised that I'm a ninja too, and even if they disagreed with that, they still treated me with at least politeness.

And as I've said before, politeness is very important to me, it's a 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Only Tsunade has treated me without any politeness whatsoever, so I'm bias. Sue me.

Anyway, she storms in until she stands before me, grabs the chart at the end of my bed, glances at it for a moment before looking to me in the eye, kinda, she looks where the eye would be were I not wearing a mask.

"I'm going to do a quick scan, but you were only in for a case of chakra exhaustion, so you should be clear to go."

She does as she says, coating her hand in green medical chakra, I watch intently, seeing if I may learn anything, but I'm ready to shunshin away once she's done.

I really don't want to be here, I feel ill being around someone I consider impolite.

Wow, ok, I didn't realise my, whatever you want to call it, was that bad.

Damn, I really need that talk with Yamada.

She would know what to say, she's good at her job like that.

However, before she finishes, Tsunade speaks up again, looking like she's fighting a battle of her own, face all scrunched up, honestly, it's kind of cute, since she's only like twenty two or something but she eventually gathers herself and hesitantly starts speaking, seemingly building confidence the more she speaks.

"I-i would like to... apologise... It has been brought to my attention, by one of your teammates, Hound, I think, that we may have had a.. poor first meeting... He informed me, that you have a... 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 about, uh, being polite? or something. I didn't treat you with the respect you deserved as a ninja, even if you are a kid. Point is! I'm sorry, I heard you're interested in medical jutsu, and if it will make it up to you, I am willing to teach you."

Huh, I wasn't expecting that, it's a lot harder to own up to your mistakes like that than people tend to realise, so I can respect that she was willing to do so.

Smiling under my mask,

"It's fine, well actually it wasn't, but it is now, I accept your apology and thank you for having the strength to do so, also I will have to reject your kind offer."

Her facial expression changes a lot from where she is now standing, at the foot of my bed, first to relief, then confusion, then just anger and more confusion.

"What do you mean having the strength?! Do you think I can't apologise or something? And why would you reject?!? I'm the best medic-nin there is!"

Mentally sighing, my smile disappears, of course she had to ruin the moment by shouting unnecessarily.

"in order, you are clearly, shall we say, strong of character, people who can be described as such, often find it a struggle to admit faults or to apologise for mistakes, so for you to do so despite such mental turmoil, is respectable, and I rejected because just because your apology has exempted you of my personal bias, that doesn't mean I particularly like you as a person, as you are loud and brash and these are qualities I try to avoid, though please don't take this as an insult, we all have our preferences in people and you simply do not fit in mine."

Tsunade fumes silently for a moment, visibly forcing herself not to explode, likely just because that would prove my point, and she is as stubborn as she is brash, honestly, she's a perfect Shonen protagonist and that's not a complement.

Eventually she manages to get her words out, after taking a deep breath and visibly calming herself.

"You really don't speak like a kid, how old even are you?"

"twenty seven, of course, by the way, how come you're hear? I mean shouldn't you be somewhere more important than a chakra exhaustion case? Last we met you were commanding out on the front."

After scoffing at my first answer which was technically the truth, she ponders for a moment, staring at me, thinking to herself, probably having some long internal monolog that we'll never know, it would probably be something stupid anyway, probably just something about how she shouldn't be having to talk to me or something.

She had a kid brother, didn't she? Nawa-something, I only remember because it makes me think of Narwhales, which makes me think of Narwhal form worm, and who doesn't like being reminded of scantily clad seven-foot-tall sexy women?

I am a hot blooded, correction, soon-to-be-hot-blooded, straight young man after all.

...

Why is her monolog taking so long?

Is it secretly a monolog turned flashback followed by a smaller monolog comparing the flashback with the first monolog?

How cliche.

...

This is getting absurd, did she fall asleep standing with her eyes open?

Is this one of those flashbacks that get cut off because a side character says how the protagonist is spacing out and if they're ok, so the protagonist can lie and say they 'just spaced out a little'?

Then is this what happens if the side character doesn't break them out of the flashback? It just becomes eternal?

Honestly a part of me wants to just sit here and see how long she will stand there, but a larger part of me wants to just leave.

How should I do this then? What's the cliche line? 'Hey, you doing ok?', 'Hey, something the matter?'.

hmmm

You know what would be funnier though? Just shouting as loud as I can in her face.

On second thought I don't want to be turned into a blood mist. I don't know if she's that strong yet, but I won't risk it.

Cliche it is.

"hey, you doing the matter?"

Fuck, I couldn't decide in time and mixed them both.

It should be fine though, since following the laws of cliche she will say,

'"Oh, what did you say? I spaced out for a moment."'

Wait did I just do a JoJo's reference?

"I was asking why you're here, dealing with a chakra exhaustion case, and not on the front lines or something like you were when we met."

She's staring off into space again.

Oh no.

Did I reset her?

Thankfully I didn't as she actually responds this time,

"Well, I got a temporary leave from the front lines after fighting Hanzo the Salamander, and as for why I'm here, well, other than earlier, I also wanted to say thank you. While I'm not an Uzumaki, being a Senju, our families are still really close, basically an extended family. You saved them, I know most are still gone but-. Thank you, for saving my family."

Now she has small tears in her eyes and actually bows to me. I honestly didn't even think about that. I don't really want to think about it either to be honest.

"don't thank me, i was just doing my job, besides, tsukino was a pretty cool guy, so i had no problem helping his family out a little."

Was that too cold? I don't think so, since Tsunade is still crying, but she looks happy enough I guess, she doesn't say anything more, with a nod she heads for the door, only stopping briefly to give a barely audible,

𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶.

Left alone, I sit for a moment, just thinking and focusing on my chakra, then I gather my scrolls that were off to the side and head of in a shunshin, only to remember something terrible.

My scrolls aren't body scrolls. But I have a corpse, (technically two corpses?) in my sealing scroll that isn't designed to hold bodies.

This means it doesn't have the stasis effect, which means I have a rotting body in my scroll that I need to get rid of.

Great.

...

Maybe Hound won't notice if I swap our sealing scrolls?

...

Heh.

An evil smile on my lips, I change direction, heading for ANBU HQ.

𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘶𝘭𝘢.

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A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!

AutoCorrect keeps trying to tell me to change 'my' into 'me', so instead of saying 'my chakra' it wants me to say 'me chakra'... why is my computer Scottish?

Also please R&R so i can get a rating, I only need five more reviews! <3

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