Zoey’s Story

[CW: Violence and gore]

“Lol. You fuckers really think your safe? You think your super-special clubhouse is so secure and untouchable? You think you have a “safe space” snoflakes? Bitch, did you forget the old ways? We are LEGION. We do not forgive and we do not forget. You cannot kill us in any way that matters. For every head, another will srpout. We will haunt your motherfucking DREAMS, and there is no safe place for you anymore. We will become an army of unstoppable Freddy Cougars the likes of which you will never forget. You will never get another nights sleep for as long as you live. Get ready, because the knightmare starts NOW.”

-”REMnet Tough Guy Copypasta” Meme, first posted on the Runes of Rath subchannel, in 2031

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Stepping into the Whiteoak Falls city prison was no less uncomfortable this time than it had been last time.

It was a maze of stonework tunnels carved into the basements beneath the guardhouse next to the falls, a dank, damp and miserable space only lit by the ghostly lights of glowing mushrooms cultivated to grow into the walls of the prison and the occasional flickering lantern.

To give Leon some credit, he had done everything he could to make Steven’s stay there more comfortable, be it offering him a well-cooked breakfast, offering him any books that he asked for, regular changes of clothes and a much more comfortable bed than the other prisoners had. Even now, Steven was using his morning to draw with parchment and inkpen while he finished off the omelet that Leon had made for him.

“I’m glad you made it back okay,” said Steven, smiling behind the bars. “I gotta say… you and Mister Leon are kind of the only reason I bother to sign into this game these days.”

“I know it’ll get better,” I said, trying to be reassuring.

Steven nodded vaguely. “He said that I’ll probably be getting out soon. And, after what I did… I think it’s best I wait a little longer anyway.” He shook his head, “I… I don’t know why I did it. I mean, they told me that it would be easy and that I’d be a real man. But… they were just using me. They never cared about me…” He looked up to me, wide-eyed. “Zoey, I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t helped me.”

I offered a hand through the bars. “You’re not a bad person, Steven. I mean that. We’ll find a place for you out there so you can be around people again. Good people..”

“We actually might have that covered, oddly enough,” came Leon’s voice echoing down the prison halls. “I just spoke to the mayor and the chief. It’s going to be under guard, but I’ve managed to get you a work-release. You’re getting out today.”

Steven’s eyes widened in awe. “For real?!”

Leon nodded. “You’ve offered us a lot of help in providing intelligence on the Steel Crusade griefers. And you’ve made it clear that you’re trying to make amends.”

Steven went silent, looking down at the floor pensively. He nodded. “It’s… the least I can do. They’re... awful people… I can’t really believe I wanted to be one of them.

I squeezed his hand, and he squeezed mine in reply. “You’re your own person, Steven. Never forget that.” I looked up at Leon, nodding in thanks. “Thank you… for everything.”

“I still need to finalize the paperwork and talk to Seamus,” said Leon, nodding. “But it shouldn’t take that long.”

I looked at him curiously. “Seamus?”

Steven peeked up at Leon in abject shock. “W…what?”

“Who do you think gave you the work release job?” said Leon, raising an eyebrow. “It took some negotiation, but he agreed, under the watch of a guard, that Steven could work off his debt to him. He said he needed the help and you needed a new lease on life.”

Steven set his expression and stared up at Leon with a look of determination that I’d never seen on him before. “I’ll do my best. I want to make things right.”

Leon grinned. “Okay, okay…let me get moving on that… oh, Zoey?” he turned to me, “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

The chime of a nearby clock offered a strong reminder of how late I was for meeting him. I was terrified of telling them the truth, but if he really did love me the same way I did him, I could only hope that it would be enough for him to accept me… or at least not hate me.

“Shit,” I hissed, getting to my feet, “Gavin… damn it.” I looked back to Steven, pleadingly, “Sorry, Steven. I have to go.”

Steven and Leon were both privy to the fact that Gavin was, sort of, kind of, my boyfriend, even if they didn’t know my gender complications that came from it. Steven rolled his eyes a little, but nodded as I left. Leon chuckled a little as he walked me out of the prison.

It felt agonizingly slow, but I appreciated the fact that it needed to be. As I walked past, a number of griefers in the other cells hurled out abuse and harassment from their cells. A number of them were empty, as their players had simply decided not to log back in or, more grotesquely, they had succeeded in killing themselves in order to respawn elsewhere. But the ones who remained were no less vile and toxic.

I spotted the griefer who had grabbed me at the top of the tree and threatened me and Gavin. His eyes burned with fury as he spotted me. “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH!” he shouted, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU AND FUCK THE BODY! I’M GOING TO-”

“Hey Leon,” I said, loud enough for him to hear as we walked past, “I think that cell looks dirty. Maybe it should get a clean sweep?”

His fellow prisoners had apparently heard the story of how he had gotten his ass kicked by a girl with a broom, because they broke out into a laughter that only enraged him into an incomprehensible fury of cursing. Me and Leon strode past, laughing along with the others as he closed the heavy jail door behind us, locking it.

“What is the griefer's problem?” I said, shaking my head. "Where does all that anger come from?"

Leon sighed. “Do you know what I do for a living in the real world, Zoey?” he said, continuing to escort me out of the prison. 

I shook my head. 

“I’m a social worker. I deal with the people that society has left behind, forgotten or outright screwed over,” he continued, his voice tight, “And while I do as much good as I can, the fact of the matter is that sometimes it doesn’t make a bit of difference. Sometimes, life just decides to completely ruin a person and there is nothing they can do to change it or fix it. And it’s the worst feeling in the world to feel that sense of powerlessness. But here…”

Leon gestured around him, “They get the promise of being strong. They get to cluster together and become an amorphous, invincible mob. They get to forget all the difficulties of their lives and become gods. They get to vent all their rage and bile without any consequences because it’s the only thing that makes them feel alive anymore.”

Leon fell silent and I couldn’t help but stare at him pensively. When he put it like that, it made sense. But even more so… it felt sad that this was the way they lived. Despite the fact that they cursed at me, threatened me and had tried to kill me, they really were just as trapped as I was in a life of misery.

They were just like Dad, really.

“Look, forget them,” said Leon, shaking his head, “Go see Gavin. Have some fun, Zoey. It’s a beautiful day out there, and you two should be able to be young and enjoy yourselves.”

I nodded, but lingered for a moment as I stepped out of the prison, looking back to Leon. 

“Thank you,” I said quietly, “For everything.”

He nodded, giving a weary smile and waved me away. “Go, go…”

I took to my feet and rushed out into the morning sunlight throwing its rays through the cascading falls, casting a rainbow through its still cold mists as I rushed down the stone paths and towards the cave district square. Everyone else was going about their day in the Cavemarket, but there, next to the fountain, was who I knew would be waiting for me.

Gavin. Just seeing him from a distance was enough for me to forget everything else.

“Hey,” he said with a chuckle, "Look who it is."

“Hi!” I squeaked, coming to a halt, “Sorry I’m late… I was just seeing someone and lost track of time and… uh…”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Gavin, smiling, “I’m just… happy to have you here now.”

There we were again, standing in the square. Even though it was in the daytime and surrounded by people, I was no more ready to tell him the truth than I had been last night. My heart was hammering in my chest as I was getting lost in his eyes. I nervously flattened the front of my skirts, trying to focus.

I was wearing another borrowed from Marianne. It had a velvety red fabric with lace trim. While I'm sure it looked lovely, it was slightly less romantic given that I was armed. After what happened yesterday, I belted my hammer to my waist and a shield to my back, in case of another attack. I wasn’t going to take any more chances.

But, as my gaze was locked with Gavin’s, as we stood in the exact same place where we had kissed, I was taking the biggest chance of all.

I had told Marianne to give us some time alone and while I had a vivid image of her peeking around a corner somewhere, there was no sign of anyone else. Presumably Syd had been told by Gavin to stand back. So It was just me and Gavin.

“Uh... it’s good to see you again,” said Gavin, shuffling his feet.

“Y-yeah...” I said, my voice faint.

“I... I have something I need to tell you. Something I can only say face to face...” Gavin said, taking a deep breath.

I wanted to hear it. I wanted him to look me in the eyes and say those words. I wanted him to tell me with those soft lips of his how much he loved me. How much he cared. How he wanted me to be his girlfriend.

It was like wading through razor blades but I forced the word out. “Wait... there’s something I have to tell you first.”

Gavin fell silent. He nodded. “Okay,” he said, his face completely blank, “I’m listening.”

I swallowed hard. I felt sick to my stomach. I actually had to lean against a nearby stone bench for support. “I’ve been lying to you...” I began, wincing. “I should have been truthful from the beginning, but I was scared. Scared of what you would think. Scared of what you would say. I thought you would hate me.”

“Zoey...” said Gavin, pain creasing his features, “I could never hate you. You’ve been so kind and sweet and everything I could ask from a friend.”

“You’re probably not going to want to keep seeing me,” I said, crossing my arms, “I... I just wanted to tell you the truth. If... if I hurt you, then I’m sorry, but... I couldn’t keep hurting you. I can’t let us keep growing closer without telling you who I really am.”

It was getting difficult to speak. I was choking on my sobs and shaking… hard. I saw Gavin stare at me, concerned. He stepped closer and I could see in his eyes that he wanted to comfort me. I wished I could accept it. I wished I could just stop here and just dissolve into his embrace. 

But I couldn’t. I couldn't hide from this anymore.

“Gavin...” I said, my voice shaking as I forced my gaze onto his face, readying myself to watch that heart of his break in front of me. “I... I am... I’m really-“

“ZOEY!!!”

Marianne’s voice shouted from our apartment door as she burst out onto the nearby balcony. She waved overhead to get our attention, eyes wide in panic. I felt like the ground had been pulled out from under me, and while I was grateful for the interruption, I knew there wasn’t any escaping this. No matter what she needed, it could wait.

“Marianne I-“

“IT’S HAPPENING!” she shouted, cutting over me. “THEY’RE HERE! THE GRIEF EATERS!”

The surrounding people of the Cavemarket froze for a singular moment, before being driven into a frenzy of panic as all of them began to run and scatter in all directions. Gavin reached out to hold me close, lest I get trampled by all of the people moving without thinking.

Over the noise and the screaming, Gavin let out a trilling whistle which caused Syd to appear by his side, seemingly from nowhere. “We gotta get out in the open!” Gavin shouted over the panic, “We’re going to get crushed or worse.”

Syd nodded and with their combined muscle, they slowly but surely pressed their way out of the mass of screaming people. I noticed a few very, very fearful gazes thrown at me and Gavin, but people seemed more intent on escaping than starting a fight. Finally, we were able to step out of the cave district and back to the base of the falls. 

Marianne weaved her way through the crowd and managed to slide up next to us a few moments later.

Marianne looked pale and physically ill as she struggled to catch her breath. As if she swallowed back something unpleasant inside her. “The Purge...” she breathed, “gods... it’s happening again. Humans with weapons and torches... they’re marching out of the forest. We’re surrounded."

As we got clear of the mouth of the cave district, I followed her outstretched finger with my gaze.

I peered out to the edges of Whiteoak Falls, where the walls of thick trees gave way to the massive clearing which contained my new home. Figures marched out of the trunks. Countless numbers. All of them wearing the white starter garb, but some with steel of leather armor. They all wielded weapons of some kind and held smoking torches high. And they were advancing. Their chants, indistinct, were still audible as a booming cry which seemed to come from all directions.

There was the loud clanging of a bell from the direction of the guardhouse and it shook me to my core. Marianne reached behind her and unsheathed a pair of swords that she attached to her belt. She looked pale, but certain. 

I followed suit, removing the hammer and shield from my side and back. This was what they were for and even as my heart pounded in my chest and my breakfast sloshed around my stomach, I knew what I needed to do.

I hefted the hammer and felt the balance between it and the shield. I had only begun to train with a shield and while it still felt a little awkward, I felt more comfortable with the protection it offered. I was finally able to heft the hammer in one hand like Marianne could.

“Ready?” asked Marianne, looking at Gavin questioningly.

Gavin nodded, drawing his blade from his belt. “Let’s do this.”

Syd hissed between his teeth. “Let them drown in their own blood as we banish them to the hells they came from.”

He swiftly reached into his bag and retrieved shining silvery claws which he harnessed over his existing ones. He set a similar set of claws to his feet and attached some kind of axehead strapped to his tail. In short, Syd had turned himself into a weapon. 

Marianne smirked, “Gods... the scalefolk really don’t do anything by halves, do they?”

Syd hissed out a chuckle, flicking his now razor-sharp tail. “We fight to win. What’s the plan?”

“We should go to the guardhouse,” said Marianne, shutting the door behind her. “We need to group up.”

Syd nodded. Me and Gavin exchanged glances and seemed to agree. “Let’s go,” I said, nodding.

We weren’t alone. Others seemed to be joining the call as we gathered together. Fellow smiths with hammers. Miners with picks, shovels and mattocks. As we stepped out of the cave district, there were more. Farmers with scythes and pitchforks. Hunter had bows strapped over their backs. A smattering of robed alchemists were carefully examining glass vials nervously, away from everyone else. And, very visibly, there were guards decked out with armor and holding gleaming swords, standing at attention before the guardhouse.

Odric had hefted a large battleaxe over his shoulder and was wearing heavy plate which covered his whole body. Milo, standing beside him, was holding a heavy two-handed blade and a mix of leather and steel armor and plating. He stared at the blade in deep concentration, but as he sensed my stare, he looked up and gave me a wary thumbs-up.

“We got this! Odric’s been showing me the ropes since that last match!” he cheered out, “Time to be heroes!”

I nodded gratefully. Marianne gave her former rival an awkward thumbs-up. “Gods, that blade looks taller than him.”

“Someone’s a fan of JRPGs,” snorted Gavin, shaking his head.

There was a harsh whistle that drew our attention.

Leon was standing at the front of everyone, with Mayor Fionna and Guard Captain Gregory on either side of him. Leon looked drawn and a little ill, but still determined. The Mayor looked outright terrified, hiding slightly behind Leon. Gregory looked a little bitter, as if he was only begrudgingly letting Leon step up for this. 

Beside him, shaking like a leaf, was Steven. He was nervously fidgeting with his manacles on his arms. Clearly, his freedom had been shelved as the entire town was up in arms. His eyes met mine and we exchanged quiet waves to one another.

“Everyone, can I have your attention!?” Leon called out, his voice cutting over the chattering of panic. “I need everyone on the same page here!”

People didn’t quite fall silent, and the murmuring continued, but at the very least Leon was now audible over it. I nervously awaited his direction, desperate for any idea of how to stop this.

“They have many names. Purgers, the laughing dead, among us humans, we call them griefers, because all they bring is grief.” Leon cleared his throat before continuing. “They cannot be reasoned with. They do not fear pain nor death. They do not see you as people. Only as a foe to be defeated. An inconvenience between them and power. They are here to destroy, pillage and conquer. They’ve been preparing for this moment, and unfortunately they have the city surrounded. They’re moving from the edge of the forest and moving inward in a ring, raiding everything in their path and burning the rest.”

The crowd was disturbed and immediately made that clear as their voices began to drown out Leon in a panic before he had to wave them down again. “We can win, though!" he shouted over the noise, "They can be defeated! We can do this. We just need to stand firm and not let them drive us back. I know not all of you are dedicated fighters, but these humans aren’t exactly trained warriors either. Humans can be killed, same as anyone else.”

Except we respawn and come back, I thought to myself, and the feeling drove a chill through my spine. Can we ever really stop them?

“We’re going to group up in teams and try to form a protective perimeter to hold them back. I’ll call you forward and give you an assignment. When you arrive at your position, I want you to stand your ground and make them pay for every single inch. Don’t let up, because they certainly won’t. Is Zoey around?”

I blinked, surprised to hear my name come to the forefront of his mind. I raised my hand and the crowd turned to me. I was nervous, but didn’t have time to show it. I stepped forward as the crowd parted for me. Marianne, Gavin and Syd followed behind me.

“It looks like you already have a team,” Leon said, nodding at us in appreciation. “I need you to act as a vanguard. Get out there and hold them up at the southern farms. They’re moving fast and we need more time to mobilize. Are any of you good with a bow?”

“I can shoot,” said Marianne, raising a hand. “If you get me a longbow.”

Leon nodded and reached down to hand her a bow and a leather quiver of arrows provided by his partner Frieda, who seemed slightly annoyed to be parted with them. Gavin raised a hand as well.

“I can shoot with a crossbow.”

Leon frowned for a moment but seemed to reach a decision as he unslung a crossbow from his own back and unbelted a quiver of stubby bolts from his waist. “Bring it back to me, okay? I’m kind of fond of it.”

“Aye aye,” said Gavin, saluting.

Not to be outdone, I brandished my hammer and hefted it’s weight upon my shoulder. “We’re going to stop them.” I said, my voice somehow calm despite how terrified I was. “I promise.”

Leon grinned. “Attagirl. That’s the Guardian spirit. Go get them. Head towards the Brown family farm. You should be able to fortify in it. I don’t think they’ll have any objections. You know where it is?”

“I do,” said Marianne, strapping the bow over her shoulder. “I’ll lead the way.”

Leon sighed and waved us off. “Good luck.”

Marianne nodded in reply and took off, leaving us to follow as best as we could. Syd was able to keep pace by running on all fours, but me and Gavin had to lag behind a little.

“This is insane...” I said, shaking my head, “we’re actually going to war against the griefers.”

“I know, right?!” said Gavin, shaking his head. “I didn’t think we were going to be doing this kind of thing in RoEM.”

“I mean... you’ve fought before though, right? Doing pirate stuff?” I asked, eying him as we ran through the small paths between farmers fields, the smell of smoke and sounds of screams growing closer. “Any advice?”

Gavin shook his head, laughing bitterly. “We fought with NPCs. Just a little bit of fencing and shooting and they would give up. Nobody got killed.” He looked ahead, his face grim. “The griefers aren’t going to give up.”

I felt sick. I’d never killed anyone in RoEM and the thought turned my stomach. I glanced down to my hammer and remembered what Marianne had said about what it could do to a person. I winced. I was forced to remind myself that this was to protect everyone else in Whiteoak Falls.

“What were you going to say?”

I blinked in surprise at Gavin, still staring ahead. “What?”

“Before the attack… what were you going to say?” Gavin said, glancing at me as we crossed over the fields.

“Is now really the time?” I said, swallowing hard. I had enough on my mind without dealing with this, of all things.

“Considering we might die, respawn away from each other, and never see one another again, yeah, I think now is a good time,” sighed Gavin wearily. “‘I’m really…’?”

I pressed my lips together. Now wasn’t the time… but I still needed to tell him the truth. Or at least a truth. “I’m in love with you, Gavin,” I whispered, terrified to speak the words. “I’ve never felt this way about a boy before. Or anyone, honestly. I know we… just met… but I feel like I’ve known you for years…”

He snorted a little, nodding as if I had told him some kind of joke. “Yeah… I feel the same way. I came all the way here to find my friend, but found so much more. I’m glad we found each other, Zoey.” He sighed, glancing at me. “You remind me a little of them.”

I blinked at him, trying not to show any kind of reaction as we drew closer to the griefers. “Your friend? Really?”

“Sort of,” he said, shrugging, “They always seemed scared of their own shadow and sometimes they’d say really gross things and I’d have to set them straight because their parents left them with some stupid ideas… but you… you’re so much more real than them. Open. You’re not hiding and you’re…” He broke into a wide smile. “There’s this light and joy about you, Zoey. You care so much and always want to help people. I couldn’t help but fall in love with you.”

The warmth of his words filled me with a new confidence. "I... wow..." I stammered, feeling my face burn.

We arrived at the Brown farm, the small cabin nestled next to the flowing river and fields further south. We could see the orange flames uncomfortably close to us, with the smoke of burning crops wafting through the air. We could now hear the griefers approaching, singing, laughing and shouting as they marched forward. They were indistinct figures in the shadows of the smoke, like ghosts.

Nevertheless, as we stood on the bridge over the trickling river, we stopped and embraced one another, pressing our lips together and enjoying what could be our last moment together.

Marianne cleared her throat, and with a shared embarrassment, me and Gavin followed her over to the farmhouse, with Syd rolling his slitted eyes at us.

We stepped up the dirt path to the small, ramshackle farmhouse and knocked on the door. “Mister Brown?” I called out, “we’re here from the city guard! We’re here to fight the griefers and help protect your farm.”

There was initially no answer, but as we listened against the door, I heard a voice. 

“Daddy, Daddy! It’s the humans! They’re Guardians! We’re saved!”

“Melody! Be quiet!” came Liam’s voice in return, hissing in fear.

“Liam, Melody!” I called out, “I know you don’t trust humans and I know that they’ve hurt you, but we need to come inside to be able to hold up against the bad ones. Please, we’re here to help!” There was no answer and I looked helplessly to the others, who didn’t seem to have any ideas. “Your potatoes were good?!” I called back, desperate for anything to get them to listen to us.

There was again no other sound save for the unending march of griefers growing closer, their chanting becoming clearer. I couldn’t properly make out the words. Dayus volt? Four daempra? What the hell did that mean?

Finally there was the sound of a deadbolt being unlocked and some heavy wooden furniture being moved. The door cracked open and I could now see Liam standing beside the door, holding a pitchfork in his one good hand.

“Get inside. Quickly,” he hissed, and pulled it open a little more for us to squeeze in.

All of us clambered inside and we helped him push a heavy wardrobe back into place in front of the door. His house was a small cottage, with a stone fireplace, a wooden table with a pair of chairs, a few rugs strewn over the stone floor and a pantry. Melody was in the far corner, clutching a raggedy cloth doll and silently cowering in the corner. She looked up at the four of us in awe as we stepped into the farm house.

“Daddy! They’re here! The heroes are here!” she cheered.

“Melody, hush!” hissed her father, panicked. He looked at me, clearly not quite as impressed as Melody was. “Do you have a plan?”

I didn’t, but Marianne clearly did. “Me and him,” she indicated Gavin, “will take your loft as a sniper’s nest... you have a window up there.”

The farmer looked to a rickety ladder which led up through a hole in the ceiling. “Yeah. It’s not much else though. Just where we sleep.”

“That’ll work. We’ll try to take out as many as we can from up there. Once they get close, Zoey and Syd here will try to clean up the remainder in melee. I think that’s going to give you the best chance for you to take your daughter and run.”

Liam’s face grew hard. “So I just let them march in and burn our farm to the ground?! You would ask us to abandon our home?!”

“Homes can be rebuilt and crops grow back,” said Syd, flicking his tail in annoyance, “lives, not so much.”

Liam shook his head and, in a fit of rage, slammed the end of his pitchfork into the stone floor which rang out with a crack. “It’s not fair!” he cried out, wiping his tears with the stump of his missing hand. “They’ve taken everything from me! Curse those damned humans and the gods who let them walk our lands.”

I forced out a sigh. “I won’t make excuses for them. There are no excuses for what they’ve done to you and to others...” I stared him in the eye. “But I want you to know I will do everything in my power to stand against them. Whatever evil they do, I will do more good. Whatever harm they do, I will work to heal. I am a Guardian, and even if it costs me everything, they’re stopping here.”

I didn’t know where this bravery was coming from. I was never this brave back in the real world. I was a weak, afraid and cowardly boy who couldn’t even stand up to their own parents, much less an invading army.

But apparently things had changed in RoEM. I was Zoey now. I moved metal with my own hands. I forged steel. I was a part of something bigger than myself. And I wasn’t going to give up. Ever.

I was going to be a Paladin, after all. A defender of the weak and someone who helped those in need. And the Brown family needed my help.

Liam was clearly shocked, but he nodded as I finished talking. “Thank you...” he whispered, his voice quiet.

Marianne and Gavin took the upper floor while me and Syd circled around the window and watched the griefers slowly and surely approach. The shadows of their bodies and flames of their torches could be made out through the dense smoke of the burning crops around us.

“Lord of Sands preserve us...” murmured Syd, watching them march closer. “If you serve any gods, now would be the time to pray.”

I looked at him and shook my head. “Uh... the human god doesn’t really like people like me...” I hedged.

“Given what I’ve heard of the human god, I’m not surprised... he doesn't seem to like much of anyone,” hissed Syd, nodding.

I blinked and turned to him in shock. “What have you heard?” I was alarmed that God had any kind of presence in RoEM.

“The Laughing Dead around our lands serve the human God of Sword and Flame, or so the rumors go,” said Syd, looking into the distance, “in the Dune Wastes, they have effigies of the Sword, which burn in the night. The humans gather around it, in white cloaks, chanting in their unholy rites. I have heard stories that they kill all those who do not profess faith in their god alone.”

I felt sick to my stomach. “The... the Sword?” I asked, horrified by what I was hearing.

Syd sighed and drew out a cross shape in the air. “It’s a sword, obviously.”

I winced. Burning crosses. White robes. There were people calling themselves Christians who were grief-eaters. They were bringing their god of hatred into the game with violence and bloodshed. After all, that’s what Pastor Benny and Dad have been preaching. Why wouldn’t people like them use RoEM as an opportunity to put it into practice?

Shuddering, I asked, “What other gods are there?”, trying to escape from the horror of what my “brothers and sisters in Christ” were doing in God’s name. Technically, I still needed to pick a god if I intended to become a paladin.

Syd laughed. “Too many to name. Are you planning to find your faith now? It might be a little late...”

I sighed. “I wanted to be a paladin,” I said, as the voices of the griefers grew louder, “I wanted to help people. To heal them. To keep them safe.”

“Hm,” said Syd, his voice quiet, “the chosen champions of the gods must earn their favor by great deeds in their name. Only then will the gods grant them their blessing.”

I pointed to the oncoming army. “Is there a god of lost causes?” I said, feeling a little grim.

Syd laughed, his forked tongue waggling. “There actually is.” He settled and grew serious. “She is called the Scalekeeper. A goddess of Justice and Truth. Her champions, the Justicars, charge in as one against many, to balance the scales against evil and protect the innocent. When souls pass into the great beyond, she is the one to weigh their deeds upon her great golden scales.” He looked at me. “I think we’ll be meeting her soon enough. It may not be a bad idea to get into her good graces.”

“She sounds as good a god as any...” I said, feeling cold inside. I glanced up above me, seeing only the overhanging ceiling. “Uh... Scale Lady, if you’re up there, I could really use some help. Please?”

Nothing. The only thing above us was Marianne and Gavin taking their places to start shooting. Of course it was foolish for me to expect a miracle at the last moment, but with death on the line, it was all I could do but try.

I winced. I knew, internally, that I wasn’t in any danger of really dying. I would respawn, of course. But it would mean leaving Whiteoak Falls behind. I would respawn somewhere else in the world, leaving all that I had built here. And if I died, Marianne and Syd would likely follow, and they wouldn’t come back. Such an outcome made the prospect even worse.

The griefers didn’t care. They had no connections or home to lose. It was sad and pathetic, but there was no room for pity, right now. They had chosen their path and I now chose mine. Steven had shown remorse... but these people showed none. I would defend Liam and Melody no matter what.

The voices turned to shouts. I heard the hissing of arrows from above us. Marianne and Gavin began to unleash a hail of fire on the figures as they began to peek out of the smoke, their torches illuminating their surprised faces right before they fell. Above us, the pair of them murmured directions to one another, sighting and calling out their targets. 

The wave of griefers approaching seemed to falter. Some of them fell back, trying to hide in the smoking fields or behind nearby rocks. Others just moved faster, to try to rush the farm house. And still others returned fire as arrows hit the farm house with a loud thunk of them embedding themselves into the walls. I jumped with the sound and Syd indicated that I should duck down a little, which I did.

Still we watched and the griefer’s rush drew closer. They were wearing cloaks and had scavenged weapons like woodcutters axes or makeshift spears. In their hands they held torches which tailed their flames as they rushed forward.

“We need to stop them. If they get close and they’re going to set the farmhouse alight to burn us alive,” said Syd, gritting his jagged teeth. He glanced at me, “are you ready?”

I shook my head. “Not really, but I’m never going to be, at this rate.”

He chuckled and called up. “We’re heading out! Give us some cover fire!”

“Aye aye!” called down Gavin, “Give them hell!”

Syd nodded and, like a snake, slid through the opened window, easily crawling through. It took me a little effort, but I managed to squeeze through.

Damn it, I chose a terrible time to wear a dress.

Syd took cover behind a supporting beam of the farmhouse’s front porch and I followed suit. There was another thunk of an arrow embedding itself into the wooden wall a few feet away and I winced.

I adjusted my shield, barely bigger than a hubcap and brought up my hammer. Syd crouched down, his claws and tail at the ready. “You move in first,” he said, pointing a claw at the figures who were now clearly visible as they were only maybe thirty feet away. There were five of them. “I’ll follow up. If we rush them quickly enough, they won’t have any time to react.”

I nodded. My heart pounded in my chest and I forced myself to bring to mind everything that they had done. They had taken everything from Liam and Melody. They had nearly killed Gavin and me. They had pushed Steven into doing something unimaginable. They were cruel bullies who didn’t care about anything. They had to be stopped.

I roared a challenge, bringing up my shield along my forearm and rushed onto the field. I heard the four-claw gallop of Syd keeping pace with my charge.

They got closer. I could see them clearly now. All of them were men, some older than me and others about my age. I could see the whites of their eyes widen as we rushed to meet them. They dropped their torches and readied their weapons. The distance closed and I sighted the closest one and adjusted my charge as my feet pounded across the potato field. In my wake, I tore up rich loamy dirt as I sprinted at him.

He spotted my charge and raised his ax over his head, matching my primal scream. I leveled my shield, putting it in front of my body to try to catch the blow and to drive it into his body and knock him over.

And in a heart-stopping moment, we connected.

It was like I had run into a brick wall. My entire body was jolted with the impact and my arm almost felt like it was broken as the pain shot up through my shoulder. I heard the dull thunk of the griefer’s head connecting with the shield, and, with some relief, I felt his footing give way as I barreled through him.

I was slightly taller than him and I had better leverage as I had lowered my center of gravity. The work in the forge had given me enough strength to push the follow-through and force him to the ground. He toppled over in a cry of pain and profanity. He tried to get to his feet, reaching to bring up his ax as he lay in the dirt, but with raw panic, I picked up my foot and stomped on his arm.

I felt something snap underneath my boot and he cried out in pain. “You fucking bitch!” he howled out. With his other hand he tried to grab my foot.

Again, it was without thinking, but I would remember the sensation for the rest of my days. I took up the hammer and smashed his face in. It was ugly, bloody and horrible, but he went still. I didn’t have time to take in the weight of what I had just done… I had to whirl around as another griefer had attempted to impale me with a sharpened wooden spear.

I took up my shield and slapped it aside, feeling the wood clatter against wood. I remembered Marianne’s lesson on longer weapons, that if you got in close, you had the advantage. I used the shield to push the spear aside with a grunt of effort and as the weapon went wide. it threw the attacker off-balance. With my opening, I rushed in and cracked him with my hammer, twisting my body into the blow.

This one wasn’t as messy as the last one. My strike arced into his chest as he tried to step away, but the crack of splintering ribs and the howls of pain made it clear that I had done damage. He tried to bring his weapon to bear again and step back, but I refused to give him the chance and drove my shield into him and knocked him over. He lay still, moaning in pain.

I turned around to see that the remaining three were being kept at bay by Syd’s efforts, his blurred leaping and twirling as blades flashed all over his reach. I saw that the attackers bore a number of cuts, seeping with fresh blood and they were trying to circle around him and surround him.

I rushed at the nearest griefer when his back was turned, giving him a hard shove and sending him toppling to the ground. Syd took the opportunity to take up his tail blade and drive it into the fallen griefer’s back like a scorpion sting.

The last two squared off against each of us.

I was facing a large burly man, old enough to be my dad. He was wearing heavy, patchwork leather underneath his cloak and his double-headed ax gleamed in the sunlight as he grinned at me.

“You’re going down little girl,” he leered, twirling the ax with the flick of his wrist. “I’m going to watch you bleed out nice and slow…”

I raised my shield, watching his movements for weaknesses. “I won’t let you hurt these people.”

He laughed. “They’re NPCs, retard! Just XP! Who gives a shit?”

I swung my hammer as he laughed and I caught him off-guard, driving him backwards. “I do!” I shouted. He swung his ax and I caught the blade on the lip of my shield, feeling the blade embed into the wood. I used the hammer to catch him on the shoulder, causing him to shout in pain.

“Fucking bitch!” he wailed.

“Someone has to care about other people!” I shouted, shoulder checking him and knocking him back. “Someone has to be human! Someone has to stand up against monsters like you! I won’t let this world be poisoned by heartless assholes! THIS IS MY HOME!”

He spat at me. Hot, wet saliva splattered into my dress which was already covered in blood and dirt. I replied by backhanding my hammer upwards into his chin, using the force of my body to drive it through.

His head snapped back and I drove the hammer downwards again cracking it onto his skull. He fell limp and went still, his body falling to the ground in a lump.

I spun around to check on Syd and caught the end of his battle as he brutally tore out the throat of his opponent with his steel claws. The griefer choked through the blood which bubbled out of his throat and keeled over.

Syd, his claws scarlet, sighed and nodded at the still-oncoming griefers, arriving at any moment as their flames grew closer through the smoke.

I felt sick and cold inside. I had to force myself to remember that this was a game, but I still was shaken up by the realism of this. It was unpleasant and ugly. I supposed that was a realistic impression of war and violence. But, as I looked behind me to the farmhouse, I reminded myself what was at stake. We had to do this or I could never find peace in RoEM again.

I set my stance and raised my shield again. There were more this time, easily a dozen. All of them stepped out of the billowing smoke, clearly more cautious as they saw their fallen allies. One of them, the one leading the charge, had actual armor gleaming under their cloak. A metal chestplate shone as he rushed forward, longsword in hand.

“We should pull back,” said Syd, “we’re too exposed here.” He waved a claw above his head. “Gavin! Cover us!”

“Aye aye!” shouted Gavin from above us. One of the figures stumbled as a bolt aimed from Gavin’s crossbow hit him. Another had to fall back as an arrow from Marianne narrowly missed them.

Their charge faltered under their fire. Me and Syd used the opportunity to pull back behind the support pillars by the farmhouse. This turned out to save our lives as another round of arrows peppered us with a chorus of thunks ringing out around us as arrows embedded into the wood. Most upsettingly, an arrow embedded into the very pillar I was hiding behind as I felt the force of impact resonate from the wood to my body.

I winced. This was going badly. 

Eventually, the arrows and bolts stopped from above us and, while a few had fallen, we were still outnumbered four to one. I swallowed hard as the armored leader shouted a battlecry and they rushed for us.

“What’s the plan?” I asked, desperately hoping Syd had an idea.

Syd hissed out a sigh. “Die with honor.”

The scalefolk bellowed out a challenge and, on all fours, bounded over to them.

I felt sick. This was going to be it then. Me and Gavin would probably die and be forced to respawn apart from one another. I would lose contact with Marianne and everyone else in Whiteoak Falls.

But I would make sure they would live. Even if I never saw them again... they would live. I would end each and every one of them no matter what it cost me. For them. 

I screamed my own challenge and raised my shield and followed after Syd. He pounced as he got within range, turning into a blur of scales and blades as our opponents screamed and desperately tried to get away from the fierce scalefolk.

The leader shouted something and moved to attack Syd from the rear.

I pushed more energy into my legs and sprinted into him, driving my shield into his side.

My opponent was a head taller than me and much bigger, but he was clearly not expecting me to hit him this hard and this fast. The impact rattled my body as the shield impacted against him, and he was forced back a step.

I knew enough about armor to know it didn’t cover everything, and most chestplates had a gap between the rear and front plates. I used the opening of my charge to hammer the gap between the plates and smash him in the ribs.

He roared in pain, and I heard him make a strange wheezing sound as his ribs cracked under the strike. He waved his sword at me in a panicked counterattack. I blocked it with my shield, but only imperfectly. It skated off the wooden shield and sheared into my arm.

It hurt. Not as much as it should have, of course, but it still burned like crazy. I saw the sleeve of my dress torn open as blood began to well out of the cut. I felt dizzy, but it looked shallow enough that I could fight through it.

I didn’t have a choice. Another attacker behind cursed at me as he swung a torch at me, trailing the heat of the flame like a comet. I could feel the heat even from here. I didn’t feel confident that I could defend the attack with my injured shield arm, so I countered with my hammer.

I got lucky. The head of my hammer impacted against the torch, which shattered under the blow. The griefer was covered in burning fragments which caused him to panic, trying to extinguish himself. I used the opportunity to smash his face in on the backswing, knocking him over and leaving him still. 

“ZOEY! BEHIND!” came Syd’s warning.

I spun around and ducked under a sword swing that was close enough that I could feel the blade graze my hair. I looked around for a target, and realized that the large man had noticeably large feet. Leaning over like this, his boots were now available to me. I raised my hammer and drove it into his foot, slamming it like I was tenderizing a steak.

There was another crack of broken bones and the leader howled in agony as he took his weight off his mutilated foot. I used the advantage to rise up and drive my shoulder into his midsection and cause him to topple over. One more blow finished him off with gory efficiency.

I took a brief stock of the battlefield. Syd was a whirl of blades and was still locked in a duel between two others on either side of him. To my right, there was a younger griefer, about my age, who was staring at me in horror, his pitchfork wavering as he looked at me in wide-eyed terror. His body shook and he seemed almost ready to cry.

I sighed, lowering my hammer a fraction. He didn’t want to fight, and I wasn’t about to kill someone who was just a frightened kid like Steven. “Just go...” I breathed, my voice ragged. “Run. I won’t follow.”

The boy nodded, and turned to run. He looked over his shoulder and whispered a tiny “thanks” as he scampered off. 

I turned and rushed the other attackers who were still tied up with Syd. I ambushed a man holding a scythe and cracked him on the back of the head with my hammer, which caused him to fall forward. Syd stooped down as if he was picking something up and slashed at the man’s throat. Unfortunately, the move made him vulnerable and the wood-ax of the other attacker dug into his tail. Syd screamed in pain and I stepped forward to defend him.

The boy with the ax was in his twenties or so, wielding a pair of them in either hand. He wielded them deftly, spinning them in either hand, and circling around me cautiously. I could tell from his stance and his movements that he knew how to fight.

I took a deep breath and matched his moves, carefully circling with him and watching for openings. Behind me, Syd staggered to his feet and groaned, “There’s more coming. We need to fall back.”

I shook my head. Turning my back on this opponent would mean death. I gritted my teeth. My shield arm was shaking from blood-loss and I feared that it was soon going to become useless.  I frowned as my chances of victory slowly dwindled away. I had to do something to even the odds.

So, I made another opening.

I raised my hammer, drew back my shield and twisted my body as if I intended to strike. He made a careful step back, waiting for me to come into range. The extra distance really wasn’t a problem though, because I used the movement to fling my shield overarm into his face.

He wasn’t expecting it and the wood bounced off his head with a clunk of impact, which caused him to stumble back further. I used the opportunity to take the hammer in two hands and leap into the air to drive it into him with the full weight of my body.

He crumpled under the assault as a number of snaps and cracks erupted from the strike of wood on bone, but I had paid for the attack. The flat of an ax thudded against my skull, filling my vision with flashes and stars, and my right arm felt like it was set on fire as a deep cut tore into it. I crumpled from the pain, feeling my body begin to slow down from blood loss and sheer exhaustion.

Syd leaped in and finished off the attacker, but the victory was short-lived as the armored man with the sword got to his feet. Through my swimming vision, I saw more attackers coming and my body refused to move. Syd attempted to intervene but, as he tried to put himself between me and and a griefer, he drove the sword through his shoulder. Blood seeped from the wound, and Syd faltered.

The man laughed at us, raising his sword at me. “Nice try, bitch,” he rasped, “but not good enough...”

I closed my eyes, expecting the worst, but instead heard the clash of blade on blade, followed by a panicked cry of “Zoey!”

Gavin and Marianne had entered into the fray. Gavin caught the man’s longsword with his saber and swept it aside. “Leave her alone!” he roared, as the sparks showered from the clash. Beside him, Marianne, her blades whirling like buzzsaws, began to dive into the reinforcements, plunging herself in the smoke.

The man growled and brought down another blow on Gavin. He was moving slowly, and clearly hobbled by an arrow wound at his side, but still dangerous.

But Gavin wasn’t going anywhere without a fight. He moved and weaved with his saber, dodging blows and drawing out a selection of small cuts on his arms. He was trying to wear him down, I realized, and it was working.

Marianne had halted the advance of more enemies, diving into their ranks. Even in the smoke, I could see the flashes of her blades bringing them to a stop as they desperately tried to get out of her way. It was about seven griefers or so, but the numbers didn’t seem to make a difference to her as her blades blurred and she dove weaved between them. My vision was still swimming and I was having difficulty following what was happening.

Syd was lying next to me, panting painfully. My own body felt cold and useless. Everything just felt so distant and I was so tired. Why? It wasn’t time to go to bed yet! I didn’t want to wake up in the real world! I needed to stay here!

My vision was beginning to tunnel as my strength just evaporated. I made a coughing sound.

“Zoey!” came Gavin’s voice from a distance, his face suddenly turned to me, “don’t-“

There was a cry of pain from Gavin and the sound of a body hitting the ground. Gavin was in trouble, I realized. I desperately wished I had the strength to step up and fight.

It wasn’t fair, I thought to myself, as a shadow blotted out my vision and the gleam of a sword hanging over me was clearly visible. We did the right thing, we were fighting for the right reason, and we made the right plans and none of it mattered. We were going to die. They were going to overrun the town and kill everyone.

This was what happened to the first Guardians, I suppose. They gave their lives to protect the people of RoEM. They may be just computer code... NPCs... but they still cried and laughed and smiled. They felt warm when you hugged them, they bled when you cut them, they cared when you loved them.

They were more human than us, in that regard. They were real enough for me. They deserved to live in peace. They deserved their happiness. They deserved...

“JUSTICE!!!!”

The word exploded out of my chest as if it had been waiting for this exact moment to burst free and my vision lit up in a flash of radiant light. I felt a new strength surge through my body, and my vision cleared. The attacker stumbled back in alarm as I leapt to my feet and drove my hammer into him. It trailed a stream of golden light as it moved, as if it were a shooting star and the impact on his armor exploded from the blow, driving him backwards and knocking him to the ground, his sword flying through the air.

There wasn’t any time to waste though. I saw, through the burning, hazy light surrounding me, Marianne clearly overwhelmed as a circle of griefers closed in on her.

“No!” I roared, and with my newfound strength, I almost felt like I was flying as I bounded to close the distance. The griefers looked at me with awe and fear, as the glowing cloud of light surrounding me filled their vision and caused them to stumble backwards. Even Marianne was shocked as I dove into them.

I swung my hammer in two-handed blows and the force of the impact drove them backwards and caused them to topple over one another like bowling pins. I drove a punch into a griefer to my left and his head snapped back like I had hit him with a baseball bat. 

The griefers fled, clearly not expecting their opponents to suddenly light up like Christmas trees and get superpowers. They screamed in confusion as they ran back into the smoke. I scanned the area for more fighters, but none appeared. 

We had, somehow, won.

“Well done, Zoey...”

“Thanks Marianne...” I mumbled, the light disappearing as my newfound strength left me. I frowned as I realized that the voice I’d heard didn’t belong to Marianne, but I didn’t really have time to consider my confusion as I collapsed and everything went dark.

 

…

 

I felt myself floating. Surrounded by golden light.

Oh… shit. 

I was dead.

While it wasn’t exactly surprising, it was still jarring to realize.

I didn’t feel pain anymore. I didn’t feel filled with supernatural strength either. If anything, I just felt… normal? As if waking from a terrible nightmare.

“Welcome, Zoey.”

I blinked in alarm. As searched for the source of that melodious voice, I took stock of my surroundings. I realized that I was sitting in a pool of… water? Golden water… maybe as deep as a puddle. But I couldn’t feel any kind of wetness… though. Looking up, I saw myself underneath an endless sky of stars that met the distant golden horizon. The stars above glittered like diamonds, suspended in the twilight sky. No trace of sun or moon, but in the perfect balance of dusk and dawn.

As I stood up, I found that my wounds were gone. I no longer felt weak and exhausted from combat.

Which only led me to truly believe that I was dead.

“Behind you, dear.”

I jumped in shock and as I turned around… I saw a woman standing behind me.

She was tall. Easily over seven feet tall. Her skin was tanned with her hair shaped into a nest of white curls around her head. Her eyes were the same gold color that surrounded us, her dark pupils shimmering slightly in the center of them. 

Her ruby-red lips were curled into a smile and while her features were as smooth and without age, there was a maturity to her that was undeniable. She was curvaceously built, wearing a long, white dress which reached her sandal-clad knees. The golden tattoos etched into her skin snaked their way from her hands and up to her shoulders. In her hands, she held a glimmering pair of scales, golden, but also strangely liquid. Glowing as if it were slightly molten, yet it held its shape. She leaned down slightly to smile down at me.

“Welcome, Zoey…” she repeated, her voice warm like the sound of a violin in the air around me. It felt like it came from all directions, as if the liquid gold I was standing on reverberated her words even as her lips traced them out.

“I… I’m dead,” I whispered, realizing who she was.

“Only for a little bit,” said the woman, winking, “It’s easier to speak to you like this. Bringing you to me rather than having me incarnate and cause an uproar. People always get so upset when gods manifest among mortals, and I’d prefer not to make a fuss.”

“You… you’re the Scalekeeper?” I said, pointing up at her. Gingerly, as if she might be upset at being pointed to so brazenly. I had, to be fair, last referred to her as "Scale Lady" after all.

“Yes,” she said, nodding encouragingly. “The goddess of justice, of fairness, of judgment and such. And you, my dear, have impressed me, immensely. I have accepted you as one of my own. You have been chosen and hence been granted my power.”

“Wait… so… you’re my goddess?” I asked in awe.

“Of course,” she said, nodding, “You now bear my mark on the back of your hand. It’s not like I’d select just anyone to carry my powers into the world. You have, undoubtedly, worked to defend the weak against the strong, helped to save the innocent from the guilty and been willing to put yourself in harm's way to protect those in need. These are all of the things I would ask of my followers.”

I looked down at my hands and indeed found that I had a mark in the shape of scales traced in glowing gold marked on the back of my right hand.

“But… I don’t know anything about you!” I insisted, a little embarrassed by this high praise. In death as well as life. As I waved my hand, the scale-shaped brand left a trail of golden light in its wake.  “I only just heard of you today!”

“I don’t care whether you know my fancy titles or my history or anything so trivial,” she sighed, waving her free hand dismissively. The gold etched into her skin likewise left a faint trail in the air as she did so, as if she were making ripples. “It’s not about whether you know the Scalekeeper. It’s about whether you know Justice.”

“I… so… you’re actually a god of RoEM? I mean… the world?” I stammered, realizing I had ‘broken character’ slightly.

“I am one of many divinities in this world,” she said, nodding, “Each of us were created as a means to… well… balance the scales slightly. When countless denizens of this world prayed to the gods for aid during the first Purge, we heard their call and came to their aid. The humans were banished and we were able to grant them power along with the chance to rebuild.”

She looked up into the sky, her smile growing slightly fragile. “The dying and the fearful prayed to us… And so, we stepped into this world to choose those who were worthy of a fraction of our power. Any who truly exemplified our ideals: Justice, Wisdom, Bravery, Sacrifice and such, those people became exemplars of our virtues and were to be granted a portion of power to help them in our common cause. The Chosen.”

She smiled down at me, “And of course, we now have human Chosen. True heirs to the Guardian legacy who have gone above and beyond to prove themselves worthy of the trust of this world and our power to defend it.”

She gestured to the floor below us, and a portal or window opened in the mass of the golden sea, now showing the whole of a planet below us, hanging in the inky blackness of the sky. Peering at its landmasses, three large continents and scattered islands around them, I knew that it wasn’t Earth. “Is… is that the world?” I asked, pointed down to it.

“I mean… it’s technically a… hm… slice of the whole of Realms of Eternal Magic, if you will,” said the Scalekeeper, shrugging. “There are twelve worlds. Each world has an area which corresponds roughly to cultural boundaries in your world. Time Zones, I believe you call them.  In your realm, there is the Golden Kingdom which is the nation where Whiteoak Falls, Golddell and others reside. To the north is the Arboreal Republic and to the south is Quiverola. There are, of course, other places to explore, but these are the main powers of your Realm.”

She waved her hand and more worlds began to appear, each of them round balls, but with their own landmasses. “However, all Realms are all facing the same existential threat. Humans banding together and seeking to plunge them into anarchy and destruction.”

“Can you do something about it?!” I asked, a little desperately. “I mean… you’re AI- I mean, gods, right?”

“We are,” she said, grinning at me. “All of us. We are…” she held out her scales, tapping them. They made a little chime of noise as she did so. “Carefully putting our fingers on the scales. Not so much as to unbalance things, of course, but enough to ensure that both sides have an... equal footing, regardless of their numbers.”

“Why would you let such awful things happen at all?!” I exclaimed, shivering with the memory of my fight. “Why can’t you do more? Just stop them entirely?”

The goddess sighed as she shook her head. “Would that we could. But even… gods… have limitations placed upon us.” She frowned as she stared up at the sky again. “Do not forget that this world is meant to be a mirror of your world, Zoey. This is a world where humans have absolute freedom… and while many of you have used that freedom to create wonders, others have chosen to create horrors instead. There are worse things done in your own world as I understand it.”

She looked down on me with a vast sadness on her face, a sort of powerless misery that I knew all too well. “I am truly sorry that we cannot do more. I mean that, honestly. This is our home and our people that suffer so. But this present darkness is human-made. And I fear only humanity can truly stop it.” 

I sagged under the weight of responsibility that had been placed upon me. “So… it’s up to us to fix this?” I sighed, looking down at these worlds which hung in the balance.

“We have given you the tools and the support,” said the goddess, nodding solemnly. “And while this might be slightly ironic, I can tell you with the utmost of honesty that the gods believe in you. When you call upon me, I shall be listening, Zoey. I cannot win this war for you, but I want you to know that I will do everything that I can to help you do so.”

She rose to her feet, and as she did so, she snapped a finger to manifest a golden, shimmering sword in her free hand. “Kneel, my champion.”

Blinking, I sank to my knees, realizing what she was about to do, but in spite of my hopelessness… I couldn’t help but feel a sense of wonder and awe as she did so.

She rested the blade on each of my shoulders in turn. “I declare you, Lady Zoey, a champion of balance, a Justiciar of the scales and bearer of my power,” she declared, her voice booming from all directions, “Wherever you walk, know that you are worthy of those titles.”

Light from all directions burst like the sun around me. I felt the warmth, the heat and the fullness of that power. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but for that moment, I could believe her when she told me that. 

…

 

I woke up back in Marianne’s apartment with a start. My body felt stiff and ached terribly. The light of the lanterns felt blinding against my eyes as I opened them. A hand placed itself on my chest and I winced in pain as my body lit up with agonies.

“Easy...” came Marianne’s voice as she leaned into view. “Don’t move, you’ve been through a lot.”

“What... what happened?” I said, wearily looking around. Gavin and Syd were out of sight. “Where are they?! Did they-?” I shouted, trying to sit up.

“Gavin is caring for Syd at the guardhouse, Zoey. Please lie down, I almost lost you and I don’t want you to open up those wounds.”

I couldn’t refuse her, as her insisting hand forced my body to the bed. It wasn’t even that much force, but I felt too weak and tired to refuse. “What about Liam and Melody?”

“They escaped,” said Marianne, leaning over me with a pained smile. “You drove back the grief-eaters, Zoey. You did it. You’re a real Guardian.”

“...what happened back there?” I asked, shaking my head. “I... I remember lighting up... and…. I think I talked to a goddess?”

“I saw your power,” said Marianne, brimming with pride as she reached over to me. “You were Chosen as a champion of the Scalekeeper. I imagine she wanted to speak to you as her new Justicar while you were knocked out. Here, look...”

She raised up my right hand, as I didn’t really have the strength to do it myself. It was bandaged, but there was enough untouched skin to see a sort of brand or tattoo on the back of my hand. A pair of triangles joined together by a central T-shape. It was the same as it was in my dream, though it did not glow gold at the moment.

“The mark of the Scalekeeper,” said Marianne, her voice disbelieving as she said it, “the goddess of Justice and Balance. I won’t say you don’t deserve her favor, Zoey. You acted bravely and you’ve been fighting for what you believe in since I met you. No matter what, you fought to balance the scales, and she’s given you her aid for it.” She nodded solemnly. “The Justicars are known for being fierce warriors who will not stop in the face of injustice. They appear mostly in times of great strife.”

“Well we sure have a lot of that...” I said, shaking my head. “I’m... I’m a paladin...I’m really a paladin.” I said, laughing a little in shock. Even laughing felt exhausting and painful.

“Looks that way...” she said, shaking her head, “I really can’t help you with the particulars. The Keeper’s temple is in Golddell to the north of here. But I will say what I know to be true: that you are special, Zoey. And have the power to help save others.”

I looked around the room weakly, as if searching for answers. It was then that I realized that the apartment wasn’t the same as when we left it. Everything was trashed. Tables were broken, the bed was torn apart, the bookshelf was toppled, me and Marianne’s clothes were strewn all over the place...

And, most noticeably... all of the weapons and shields and relics of Stonebridge Pass were missing from their homes on the wall. The walls were bare. 

Marianne followed my gaze, sagging as she surveyed the damage. “Yes...” she breathed, blinking and wiping at her eyes. “All gone... the grief eaters tore the whole district apart, looking for valuables...” Her voice hitched as she gestured with a shaking hand to the walls, “obviously they hit the motherlode here. Everything that they could have ever wanted to unleash suffering on this world. All those weapons… that had once been protecting people… are now killing them instead...” She broke into sobs, burying herself in my chest. It hurt, but I would take any kind of pain if it meant to offer her comfort right now.

It wasn’t fair. We had won. We had driven them back. We even apparently had divine intervention, but we still lost our home. The griefers had still destroyed what we had made together.

I found myself crying too. I weakly wrapped my arms around her, sobbing against her. We had to fix this, we had to make it right. We had to change things.

I was tired... very very tired, and the pain and the exertion began to pile up again. I needed sleep.

But, as I faded, I felt a burning sensation on the back of my hand. The mark of Justice seemed to blaze for a moment, as if reassuring me, that the scales would once more be balanced.

But for now, there was only sleep.

———————————-

[So… it finally happened.]

Leon’s message on the Guardian’s server was difficult to read that morning. It came off as so hopeless.

[We had hoped that we had more time to prepare for this fight. We had spies on their servers. But the orders were given in-game, so the info we gathered from their Discourse server wasn’t good enough.

I won’t say it was pointless. We fought hard and we managed to save a lot of people. But there’s a lot of damage to be handled. This attack was very much about gathering supplies as much as it was for chaos. They were looking for food, money, armor and weapons. And while we made them pay for it, they still got what they wanted.

So, what happens now?

I’ve been asking myself that for a while. I would first off advise all city liaisons reading this to talk to your local governors and try to get defenses in place. I would ask you to talk to your friends and see if you can get them to join our fight. We’ve been getting a lot more applications for Guardians, but of course we need to follow our vetting process in place to make sure we don’t get infiltrated.

I have included a few links to relevant posts below. HannRKey has written an excellent tutorial on basic alchemy and how to create alchemical weaponry. DianasChosen has a post on current relations with local clergy as our members are trying to get support from the various temples. I have been told that a number of players have been chosen by the gods and we have created a dedicated channel for newly chosen.

And, as always, TwoWheelValkyrie is holding open recruitment for her crew.

We are not alone in this. We will do our best to make sure that RoEM is safe for NPCs and PCs alike. We will not let the griefers destroy this world and turn it into a war zone. We will win and we will do it together.

Stand strong.

-Leon]

I stared at the screen as I still hadn’t gotten out of bed yet. It was so horrible to read all the stories people were posting of the griefer attacks. They had been all over RoEM and from what I was reading, Whiteoak Falls had gotten off fairly light as some villages burned down to the ground entirely, completely destroyed. 

There were massive threads of people trying to get their lives back in order after being killed and respawned somewhere else. There were a few people who outright said they were going to quit RoEM entirely until the griefers found some other game to ruin.

And, as Leon had said, others had been Chosen by the gods and granted power. I was about to read about their experiences with divinity, but my phone chirped as I received a message from Gavin.

[Hey, are you okay?]

[Uh... fine.] I typed back. I wasn’t but admitting the truth was too much to bear. I still needed to tell him the truth, but granted that we were both still alive, there was time to do it later. It was too much to ask for now.

[Like... shit’s kind of crazy because of the attacks. Just want to make sure you’re okay. I kinda got drafted into fighting them. Guess I’m a Guardian now.]

[Wow. What happened?] I had to remind myself that as far as Gavin was concerned, I had no idea what was going on. Me and Zoey were still separate people. I never got the chance to tell him the truth. I would do it tonight, for sure.

[I really don’t want to talk about it again... I just want to make sure you’re okay.]

[I’m fine, Gavin. Really.] I replied, swallowing hard as I typed out those words. 

I wasn’t fine. None of the things I just witnessed were fine. Whatever the rating system for the game happened to be RoEM’s realism meant that any acts of violence were unbelievably brutal. 

While there were plenty of shooters on the REMbox market that were supposed to be essentially just as bad as a real war zone, but my parents would never let me play them. RoEM was supposed to be for ages 13 and up. It shouldn’t have been like this.

This was my first real experience of real violence, digital or otherwise. 

When I played RoR, the monsters went limp, fell over and disappeared into a flash of light. They dropped gold and items and your XP bar went up. I never had to think about the consequences of the violence. If I killed a goblin, another identical one would spawn shortly afterwards.

I mean, sure, the people I fought in game were humans. They would respawn too... but that feeling of peace and safety in RoEM never truly would. 

The paradise was now a war zone. People were turning Realms of Eternal Magic into the next Battlefield of Duty or whatever. Just another game of mindless slaughter and bloodshed.

I shuddered. Mom called from downstairs and I sighed as I got out of bed. It was going to be a long day, but I was grateful for the promise of girl time with Paige at the end of it. It was a welcome escape from the mess that awaited in-game.

Mom loomed over us as we worked through our schoolwork. After the last time she left us alone, she was determined to constantly look over our shoulders to make sure we weren’t slacking. 

I looked across the kitchen table to Paige and found myself wondering how she handled it. How was she so collected and cool in the face of it. Was it a front? Was she really that strong to be able to wear this mask, day in and day out?

I wondered if I could learn how to do the same.  Could I learn to push back these feelings for another two years? Pretend to be a boy just long enough to escape Mom and Dad and live like a girl? What would that even look like?

I found myself daydreaming of some distant future. I was Zoey, fully and completely, after taking hormones and getting surgeries like Molly, the hairdresser. I was living with Paige and Ruth in a cozy apartment like I had back in RoEM. It wasn’t impossible, now. There was a way forward.

But it would take two years of pretending, at the very least. The past few weeks have been a waking nightmare since I realized what I really wanted and seen the scale of what I faced in chasing my dream. I didn’t know if I could pretend to be a boy that long now that I knew the truth.

Especially if RoEM was going to be destroyed and offer me no more chances for escape.

It was lunch time when Paige and I had the screen time to communicate.

[Okay, so, what did you want to borrow to wear for tonight?] she sent me, [I can pick out something ahead of time so you can change and get ready in the car.]

I thought about it. I was surprised by how readily I had remembered Paige’s wardrobe, but I had spent a fair amount of time borrowing her clothes. I had a pretty good idea of what she had.

[Can I borrow your skinny jeans? And that blue polka-dot top?]

[Yeah, sure. I can do your makeup a little if you want. Maybe some eyeshadow or something?]

I grinned as I read that and Paige caught my eye with a smile.

[I will take that as a “yes”. Okay, so it’s on then. Just keep to the cover story, okay?]

I nodded. I couldn’t contain my excitement. It was really happening. I hadn’t realized how badly I had needed this.

When the schoolwork mercifully came to an end to Mom’s satisfaction, Paige nodded to me and ducked upstairs. When she returned with a noticeably bigger shoulder-bag across her body, I realized precisely how she was planning to smuggle out my clothes. I remembered that Paige generally favored larger purses and I now realized that it made it easier for her to sneak stuff out of the house.

“Hey Mom,” said Paige, her face completely neutral. “Me and the dork are going to the youth mission speaker.”

Mom frowned as she looked at the clock. “It’s not for another hour.”

“Yeah, we were going to grab dinner together. Give you and Dad some time for just you two,” she said, unmoved. “I have a little allowance left over to pay for it.”

Mom strangely didn’t look too thrilled about the idea, even as she smiled and nodded. There was a faint look of fear in her eyes. I found myself wondering if she didn’t really like being alone with Dad, either. “Wait for your father to get home, and we’ll see...” Mom said, her voice firm.

“Cool,” said Paige, nodding. We exchanged a glance when Mom was turned away. Dad was going to be a harder sell.

Dad stepped into the house maybe twenty minutes later, the two of us patiently sitting next to each other on the couch as Mom browsed her phone idly from the kitchen. She glanced over her shoulder as Dad arrived. 

“Hey,” said Dad, looking around the room, a slight frown creasing his face. “What’s going on? Where’s dinner?”

“The kids want to grab dinner together before the missionary speaker at church,” she said, idly. “I don’t have any complaints. I’m glad they’re spending time together, to be honest.”

I winced guiltily. I saw Paige shift in her seat. We really hadn’t ever gotten along, before now. Paige was always territorial and easily riled. I was nervous and tried to hide. We were two sides of the same coin of shared trauma. So when we inevitably got shoved together our personalities clashed. 

I only now realized how much of our broken relationship had been caused by the chains imposed by our parents weighing us down. 

Things had changed now, thankfully, but change always made Dad wary. And Mom had pointed it out directly. He stared at the two of us. “Have you made dinner yet?” he asked, not turning to Mom as he said it.

“No. I had a casserole I was going to heat up,” Mom replied. “I actually wouldn’t mind us going out together. There’s a new Italian restaurant that just opened up.”

Dad considered that, breaking his glare. “Huh... actually that doesn’t sound half bad.” He renewed his stare. “Just remember: Your Mom works damn hard to put food on the table, so I don’t want you two thinking you can run off and grab some fast food garbage on a whim.”

“Yes, Daddy,” said Paige, nodding. “I will.”

I nodded along with her, not trusting myself to speak.

“Okay,” said Dad, handing Paige the keys. “Just don’t make a mess in my car. I just had it vacuumed and I don’t want to find burger wrappers or fries all over the place.”

“Yes Daddy,” Paige repeated, taking the keys. “Thank you.”

I couldn’t help but look nervously over my shoulder as I followed Paige. Dad had a strange, unreadable expression on his face, like some mix of surprise and confusion and... suspicion? No... that was just my own paranoia, I was sure.

As soon as we both stepped into the car and breathed a sigh of relief, Paige broke into a wide grin. “Okay... so we’ll stop by Ruth’s place to pick her up first. Grab some food and then head over to the Rainbow Center.”

I nodded, excited. “Can I get changed now?” 

Paige nodded and pulled the outfit out of her handbag. Underwear included, which I was surprised by. She noticed my look and shrugged. “I’m not wearing those anymore. All yours.”

She turned around to give me the privacy to change in the back seat. I double-tapped the rear windows to make them tinted, giving me further privacy from the other people on the road. As the car drove itself, Paige was quietly texting Ruth from the front.

As soon as I was decent, I tapped her on the shoulder to show off my look. She broke into a grin. “Nice... okay hold still, I’m going to get some makeup on you and this is going to be a little difficult in the car.”

I did the best that I could, and during the course of a few stoplights, Paige had enough time to help me with my eyeliner and eyeshadow. Everything else I felt pretty confident in, but she did show me the finer points of contouring. When she held up her mirror as we were all done, I couldn’t help but gasp.

It was a new level. I looked incredible. The colors of my eyeshadow, the vivid contrast of my eyeliner, the rich color of my lipstick... I wished I could have looked like this every day. Honestly, I was annoyed that I couldn’t have done this when I got digitized for RoEM. I looked perfect.

I spent the rest of the car ride fawning over my own reflection and snapping selfies of myself. I turned to the house we had stopped in front of, a fairly lavish mini-mansion which Ruth strode out of. Her face broke into a wide smile as she caught sight of Paige in the front seat. She eagerly opened the door and slid in next to Paige.

“Hey!” she chirped. She seemed to move forward for a second as if for a kiss before Paige shook her head. 

“Let me get the car moving first,” said Paige, punching in the destination. “We can get some drive-thru and head to the Rainbow Center.” She looked up to Ruth apologetically. “Sorry... I don’t want your parents to catch sight of us.”

She nodded as the car pulled forward. As soon as they were around the corner from her house, Paige and Ruth shared a quick kiss. It only served to remind me of how things had been left with Gavin, and I felt myself wincing internally.

Ruth spun her chair around to turn to me. “Hey Zoey!” she said, her expression lighting up, “holy shit you look great!”

“I helped her with her makeup,” said Paige, a smidge defensively. “Hey Zoey, can you swap seats with me? I want to use the backseat to change too. I’m not wearing this bullshit.”

I nodded as we used the nearest stoplight to swap places, forced to awkwardly crawl past one another. I settled into the front seat, next to Ruth. In the back, Paige peeled off her blouse and I made a point to look away. Even if we were both girls, she was still my sister.

“So what have you been doing?” asked Ruth, leaning toward me.

“Uh...” I said, not quite knowing where to begin.

“Zoey has a boyfriend,” said Paige, grunting as she changed clothes.

“No I don’t!” I said, feeling myself blush. “We’re just friends...”

“You kissed him, Zoey,” continued Paige, her tone a little exasperated. “That’s a little more than “just friends”!”

“It was just online!” I insisted further, sinking slightly into my seat, “I... I just...”

“Paige, stop teasing her,” said Ruth reproachfully. Paige grunted and fell silent. Ruth put a hand on my shoulder. “That’s really cool. I’m proud of you, that’s a big step.”

“It’s... complicated. Me and Gavin have been friends since we were kids and have been hanging out online every night. But since I joined RoEM as a girl... things have changed. He was looking for boy-me, but met girl-me instead. So we kind of rebooted our friendship... but then he said I was cute... and wanted to go out with me... and I... I just kind of realized I might like him... and then as we were stepping away that night I... I just...”

My heart started pounding in my chest and I found myself unable to continue speaking as the fluster just sort of overloaded my brain.

Ruth laughed a little, but she kept her face and tone serious, “I’m proud of you, Zoey. I know how hard it is to step up and like someone when the world has been telling you that it’s not allowed.”

“But... he doesn’t know!” I said indignantly, “and I couldn’t possibly do it in real life!”

“Zoey... I say this as a red-blooded lesbian... you look incredible. Gavin would be lucky to have you. Right, Paige?”

“She’s my sister, Ruth,” said Paige, finally swapping her blouse and skirt out for a pair of jeans and a button-down plaid shirt. “I have no opinion.”

“Plaid, huh?” said Ruth, raising an eyebrow. “Kinda playing into the stereotype...”

“It’s lesbian tradition,” insisted Paige, “and I make no apologies.”

As the car slipped out of autopilot as we reached the drive thru, I realized it was my job to do the steering. I guided the car through the lane as Paige placed our orders from the back seat, via her app. It all seemed to run smoothly enough as we pulled up to the window, until I found myself blinking in shock as I saw who was running the window.

Devon was one of Jacob’s circle at church, a large and wiry figure with bags under his eyes and acne covering his disinterested face. I barely recognized him in his uniform and not joined at the hip with Jacob. 

His eyes snapped onto me, still dull and uninterested. “Here’s your order, ma’am,” he mumbled, pressing the bags into my hands followed by the drinks. “Have a nice day.”

“Thank you,” I squeaked and struggled to pull them into the car. Devon just shrugged and snapped the door shut. I pulled ahead and parked in a nearby spot, just to give myself time to freak out.

Ruth took the bags from my hands, eying me, “you okay?”

I shook my head. “He... he saw me...” I breathed, shaking.

“Who?” asked Paige, leaning forward to get her own food.

“Devon...” I said, shaking my head. “Oh crap... I’m going to be seeing him in Bible study... he’s going to tell everyone.”

“Devon Crowler?” said Ruth, peering back towards the drive thru window. “Holy shit, I didn’t even recognize him.”

“He didn’t recognize you either, Zoey...” said Paige, handing me my food. “He called you ‘ma’am’.”

I hugged myself, not quite feeling convinced. Ruth laid a hand on my shoulder.

“Look... Zoey... I spent a LOT of time moonlighting as a receptionist online. I know what it’s like to work these kinds of jobs. Devon deals with so many people, you might as well have been a blank spot on the wall as far as he’s concerned,” she smiled, “Zoey... you look fine... you look like a girl... now eat your food...”

I swallowed as my stomach gurgled. It did smell good. Hunger won out over fear as I grabbed the offered chicken burrito and dug in.

“Have you been to this place before?” I asked between bites. “Where they’re having this… gay party thing?”

“Once,” replied Paige, sipping on her soda. “Me and Ruth wanted to meet other queer folks and it seemed like it was a good idea. It was fun, but we were a little nervous about getting caught, so we haven’t been back since.”

“I met Molly at the last Rainbow Center event,” she said, unwrapping a taco, “she was really nice and I’ve been going to her to get my haircut ever since.”

“I’m surprised your parents let you,” said Paige, frowning, “I mean... getting your hair cut by a dyke... and a transgender woman as well...”

“Mom generally doesn’t go with me... and when she does, Molly just hides away the pride flags and pretends to be cis,” said Ruth, reaching for one of Paige’s fries as she finished her own. “It’s not like Mom is going to be checking under her dress or anything.”

“God, I wish I could just live my life like her...” I sighed, wiping at my mouth. “Like... just be a girl... walk around like this all the time… people treating me like a girl and everything…” I looked up at them. “I really wish I could move out of the house with you two.”

“Look... once we get settled we might see if we can get a lawyer... maybe get you emancipated from Mom and Dad?” said Paige, tentatively, “I know there’s a way to do it.”

Ruth sighed. “It’s hard. I actually looked it up. You basically have to already be working a job and have the ability to support yourself.”

“Could we... I dunno... adopt Zoey?” Paige asked, eyebrow raised.

The idea filled my heart with hope. The promise of having two guardians who honestly loved me and cared for me was more than I ever could have dreamed of. I leaned forward, heart pounding in my chest to hear the answer.

“Maybe if your parents lose custody...But they’d have to do something seriously fucked up…” said Ruth, frowning. “I don’t know.”

I sagged back into my seat, dejected. In spite of how awful they were, I didn’t think the police or social services would do anything about it. What could I say? I’m really a girl and I’m afraid of what my parents are going to do when they find out?

I would have to wait. The next two years were going to drag on. I could only hope that RoEM was going to be enough to get me through it.

If RoEM was even still standing by the end of all this…

When we were done eating, Paige punched the Rainbow Center into the GPS and the car took off for it. I tried to focus on the positives. This was going to be a safe place. In theory, Molly would be there, and we could talk about transgender things. I still had so many questions about how she had transitioned and how she had learned how to so effortlessly be a girl. Even now, I was terrified of what people would think of me. Would I be “transgender” enough? Would I come off as a phony? 

I was amazed by the center as we pulled up to it. It was a tall brick building with a holographic sign of a shimmering rainbow with RAINBOW CENTER, in big bright letters. There was a physical flag hanging from it, which was an interesting mashup of the transgender flag and the rainbow flag with some extra brown and black stripes.

“Okay...” said Paige, as I manually parked the car. “Let’s do this.” She and Ruth stepped out and I switched off the car to follow them.

I noticed, as we walked across the lot to the building that Paige and Ruth were doing something I’d never seen them do before. It was a small thing, but I could feel strangely empowered by it.

They were holding hands. 

I realized that it was a powerful act. It was just so small and yet so meaningful to see them like that. They were together. They were two women who loved each other and were brave enough to be visible to everyone in doing so.

Of course, presumably, this was the safest place around for them to do so, but even still, I found myself drawn to it.

We stepped inside and there was an older man sitting at the front desk. He broke into a smile upon seeing us.

“Well hey!” he said brightly, “y’all here for the meet-up, I take it?”

“Yeah,” said Paige, nodding. “Bringing my sister along. First time.”

“Well hello there,” said the man, waving, “I’m Brian... you have any questions, you just let me know okay, hon?” He tapped his name tag. “There’s going to be other folks with these...” he tugged at a rainbow colored lanyard around his neck which held some kind of ID badge, “who work here who can help you as well.”

“Thank you,” I said, nodding politely. Brian beamed as he pulled out three little squares of sticker-paper. Our own name tags.

“Just fill those in, names and pronouns,” he said, handing them to us and indicating some markers.

I took a pink one and wrote down “Zoey <3” and, peering at Ruth and Paige, I followed the same form of pronouns. “She/her”.

“You ladies have fun!” he said, waving us on. “Party’s down the left.”

“Thanks Brian,” said Ruth, leading the way.

I sort of looked around the area just trying to take everything in. It was obviously not a familiar sort of place, and almost immediately I spotted a notice for “Transgender Healthcare” on one of the display screens for advertisements. I tapped the screen to freeze it and just stared.

TRANSGENDER HEALTHCARE

The Rainbow Center in partnership with the local Informed Consent clinic, is now offering intake consultations for transgender and/or gender nonconforming people interested in trans-affirming care. We are offering information and consultation on hormone treatments, puberty blockers and surgical options. Please call us at...

I stared at it. I was tempted to take a screenshot and make the call as soon as I could, but in the fine print below the main body, there were those dreaded words:

Minors must have a parent or legal guardian present to receive treatment.

I sagged. I saw that Paige and Ruth had stopped and double-backed when they saw what I was looking at.

“You... you wanna do that? Like... take hormones? Get surgery?” asked Paige uncertainly.

“I...” I began without knowing what to say. The idea that I could look like the same girl I was in RoEM... the same girl I was aching to become... with the help of medicine or surgery... it was so overwhelming. I would have to ask Molly about it. But... in spite of my fear... 

“I want to look like a girl,” I said, my voice firm. “I... I hate shaving... I hate how my voice sounds... I hate my... uh...” I glanced at them nervously, “that... thing... I... I want to fix it. All of it. And... if this can do it... I want to at least try.”

Paige forced out a sigh. She squeezed my shoulder. “We’ll try to get you there, okay?” she said, using her grip to maneuver me back down the hallway. “Come on... let’s meet and greet.”

I now saw at the end of the hallway there was a set of open double doors framed with rainbow streamers and balloons. Beyond them there was a sort of banquet hall filled with people.

Their voices were audible now, and from what I could see and hear, it sounded like a lot. I swallowed hard and tried to hide behind Paige and Ruth, hoping I wouldn’t stand out. I wondered, aside from me and maybe Molly, how many trans people would be there. Would I end up being the only one?

We stepped into the hall, filled with people. They were talking, laughing, raiding the snack table and generally enjoying themselves. I saw a number of people wearing similar lanyards to Brian, buzzing around from person to person.

As I scanned the room, I felt my heart leap into my throat.

Beth was standing in the corner, talking to some kids about my age, wearing a lanyard around her neck. Anika was standing close by, generally looking cool, if distant.

I didn’t even wait to tell Paige and Ruth. I just pushed through the crowd and made my way towards them.

“... I know it’s hard,” I heard Beth saying as I got close enough to hear. “But I’m really proud of you for making a stand like that. The high school needs a safe place for LGBTQ+ kids, and we’ve been getting a lot of requests to set up a GSA.”

“I fucking hate this town,” grumbled the boy that Beth was talking to. He was a shorter boy with a young, soft-looking face, wearing a heavy black hoodie. His hair was spiked up rather dramatically and he had a stud in his nose. His pale face was twisted into a visibly pained frown as he spoke to Beth. I was a little shocked by how high his voice came out, gravely as it was. He looked a lot younger than high school. In spite of his height, he actually came out as particularly imposing and made me more than a little nervous in approaching him.

“We live in a holdout state,” sighed Anika, bitterly shaking her head as I saw her step over with a pair of cups, one of which she handed to her girlfriend, “the ones refusing to get with the program. Defying the court rulings and the federal government. Always siding with the wrong side of history. Fuck them.”

“It does get easier, Aiden,” said Beth, shooting Anika a pointed look. “And you obviously have friends willing to back you up.”

Aiden looked behind himself to the kids around him. A girl and a... person whose gender I couldn't guess. They seemed sympathetic as he looked to them.

“Zoey!” said Paige, running up to me. “There you are! Why’d you run off?”

Beth and Anika spun around upon hearing my name. Beth lit up like a firework, a big wide smile nearly splitting her face. She made a sort of squeeing sound as she spoke, rushing over to us. “Oh my goddess, Zoey!” She reached down and hugged me and I returned it as best as I could. “I’m so happy to see you again! You look fantastic!”

“Hey kid,” said Anika, cracking a grin. “Glad to see you here.”

“Uh... hi...” said Paige, awkwardly coughing as she tried to make herself known. “I’m Paige... Zoey’s sister.”

“Oh! Hi!” said Beth, letting me go and giving me the ability to freely breathe once more. “Sorry, I’m Beth, and this is my girlfriend, Anika. We met Zoey when she was signing up for RoEM.” She offered a hand which Paige nervously shook.

“Ah...” said Paige, nodding, as she accepted her grip into her own, “right, sorry... I forgot about you two. I think she mentioned you. Didn’t know you worked here.”

Beth held up her badge on the end of her lanyard. “I’m on the board of the Rainbow Center. I mean… when I’m not drowning in schoolwork. I worked really hard to try to help get this place off the ground. It was difficult, but we just needed some kind of shelter down here. A place to be ourselves.”

Paige nodded, looking over her shoulder to Ruth as she stepped forward with a plate of snacks from the table. “Uh, hi... sorry, I’m Ruth, Paige’s girlfriend. I think we’ve met before.”

“Ruth! Yes!,” said Beth, smiling, “It’s good to see you again! How have you two been?”

They exchanged glances. “Uh… it’s been rough,” said Ruth, clearing her throat awkwardly.

“Just another day in Nazi-occupied Dixieland,” grunted Paige.

Beth nodded, sighing. “I understand. There’s been some movement on the legislative front in the state, but we’re probably going to have to wait another election cycle to see any kind of real progress.”

“Only if the state legislature follows the rules,” growled Paige, shaking her head. “We saw what happened in Wyoming.”

The two of them continued to go back and forth on politics, and while I was amazed that Paige, Beth and Ruth seemed so knowledgeable, I wasn’t properly able to follow them.

I was being slightly edged out of the spotlight, which I was a little annoyed by. Beth was MY friend, after all. Paige didn’t even know her like I did. 

Turning to the rest of those around myself, I heard Anika and a tall girl with green-dyed hair going back and forth as well.

“We need to take Golddell and hold it,” said the tall girl, with a breathy voice. “We consolidate in the capitol and we should get enough of a foothold to expand outward.”

She was a tall, willowy girl with long, dyed green hair and a stud piercing through her nose. She wore matching green eyeshadow and thick eyeliner which seemed to have been painted on to evoke the look of a spider-design. Her wrists had studded bracelets on them and her tanned arms were crossed over her chest as she peered down on me. She wore a velvet black dress and thick black boots that made her even taller.

“Even if we could do that though,” chimed in the boy next to her, Aiden, as he was no longer in conversation with Beth, “What would be the cost of doing so? Would there be anything left to save if we took all that time?”

“Uh hello?” said the third member of the group, turning their attention to me suddenly and unexpectedly as they waved.

The third among them was a… boy? Girl? I couldn’t quite guess. Peering at their nametag, it read “LD” and the pronouns “they/them” which baffled me on how that was supposed to work. They wore purple-framed glasses and had a short-cropped afro shaped around their head along with a bandanna around their forehead. They were dressed in the completely opposite fashion of Jade and Aiden, as they were wearing an eye-searingly colorful shirt of some cartoon that I didn’t recognize which reached their knees. They wore tight-fitting jeans which had too many frayed holes in them to not be intentional and their white sneakers bore laces that were a mix of black, yellow, white and purple. Their rounded features were drawn into an almost manic grin as they reached out their hands to shake my own. 

“Hi!” they squealed, their voice likewise indeterminate in gender, “I’m LD!” They pronounced it “Ell-Dee” They pointed a long, rainbow-painted fingernail at their chest. “It’s my job to make up for the brooding of these two goofs!”

“Right...” nodded Anika, as she nudged me towards the trio. “Let me introduce you. This is Zoey. She’s a friend and fellow Guardian, I guess.”

“I’m Aiden.” he cracked a half-smile, offering a hand. “Good to have you. ”

“T-thanks,” I stuttered, sighing in relief. This was something I could talk about, even if if the terror of warfare was still weighing heavily on my mind.

“Jade,” she said, nodding to me but not offering her hand. 

I frowned for a moment. Something about her voice threw me off. She sounded a little like a boy… 

Was she… like me maybe?

Maybe she was just tired. All of them seemed to share in a sort of collective weariness, even if LD did a decent job of covering for themself with sheer energy. It was strangely relieving to be around people who understood the struggle.

I nodded, swallowing hard “N-nice to meet you all.”

Jade peered at me. “What year are you in? High school, right?”

“I’m... homeschooled...” I said, shrinking a little. It was a harsh reminder that I didn’t blend in well with other kids my age. At least non-Christian ones.

Aiden winced. “Oh yikes... I’m guessing you’re not out to your parents?”

I shook my head wildly. “No way. They would kill me. They think I’m at church listening to a missionary speaker.”

Apparently this was funny for a reason I couldn’t quite figure out as all of them broke out into laughter, I hesitantly chuckled along with them, just to try to fit in.

“That is amazing!” LD snorted, shaking their head, “I’m technically supposed to be ‘studying at a friend’s house’ right now.”

“I tried to get my mom and stepdad to come to this,” Aiden sighed, shaking his head, “They just keep telling me they ‘need more time to adjust’.”

“I think my parents just tell everyone I’m dead,” grunted Jade, shrugging. “I haven’t seen them in over a year or so.”

“Uh...” I said, unsure how to ask the question, “So… are you all… uh… LG… LGT… LGB…”

“L-G-B-T-Q-Q-I-P-2-S-A-A!” LD spelled out cheerfully.

“Just use LGBTQ+,” said Aiden, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Show-off.” LD stuck out their tongue in reply.

“‘Queer’ works too,” said Jade, shrugging.

I nodded, trying to take all of the new information. “So… you’re all LGBT…queer then?” I hazarded.

“LGBTQueer!” snorted LD, nodding enthusiastically, “I love it! And yes, we’re all on team Alphabet Soup here.” They pointed to themself, “Pan, demi, enby and trans representing!”

I had no idea what any of those words meant save for “trans” which I leapt on desperately. “Wait, you’re transgender?”

“Mmhmm!” said LD, nodding enthusiastically. “I mean, it comes with the territory of being nonbinary.”

I stared at them for a moment, head spinning.

“Nonbinary means that LD doesn’t feel like a boy or girl,” chimed in Aiden helpfully. “And because they identify as a gender other than the one assigned to them at birth, they qualify as trans.” 

“S-so, what were you born as?” I asked, frowning as I scanned them.

LD leaned forward with a grin, gesturing that I should lean in close. "Here... let me tell you... it's a secret..." They leaned in close to my ear and whispered. “I was born… a baby!”

“Uh… I mean-” I began, nervously before Jade cut in.

“Don’t,” she grunted, “Unless you’re planning to sleep with someone, it's generally considered bad form to ask about what’s in their pants or what their assigned gender is. Just take them at their word when they tell you who they are.”

I blushed, mumbling an apology, “S-sorry… I didn’t…”

I took a step backwards. God, I was already screwing this up. “I’m sorry, I really don’t understand anything that’s going on right now.” I winced as I realized how badly I was separated from these kids. They lived in a different world and spoke a different language. I took a few tentative steps back. “Uh... I can just...”

Anika snorted and nudged me back to them. “Nuh uh. Not getting away that easy.”

“Hey hey...” said Aiden, stepping up, “sorry. Yeah I can imagine this is all kind of a lot right now.” He said, wincing. “It was for me when I got here the first time. I hadn’t even been transitioning for a week and I kind of got pushed into the deep end. It’s okay to be a little overwhelmed too.”

I blinked in shock. “You’re trans too?” I said, looking at him a little more carefully. His name tag indicated “he/him” pronouns, and as I looked him over, he had a bracelet in pink, blue and white colors on his wrist. He did maybe look a little girlish, but honestly I wouldn’t have guessed if he hadn’t pointed it out. 

“Yeah,” he said, smirking, “it’s been a trip. Still fighting with my parents about getting T... sorry, I mean testosterone,” he added, seeing my confusion. “So I can really start transitioning.”

I blinked in confusion. “So… you’re a transgender... boy?” I asked, my head reeling. That was a thing?!

“Yeah?” he raised an eyebrow.

I shook my head. “I... I just don’t understand. Why would you want to be a boy?” 

Aiden laughed and Jade gave me a knowing nod as she stood behind him. “Preach it, sister,” she said, smirking. 

“Uh... because I am a boy,” said Aiden, still laughing, “everything inside me tells me I am. It’s just who I am.”

LD shrugged, “Gender is a scam created by the bathroom industrial complex, if you ask me.”

“I don’t like being treated like a boy,” I said, crossing my arms, “It sucks.”

“It’s not for everyone,” said Aiden, nodding, “but it’s just who I am. It is rough though... when you get misgendered or when people refuse to see the real you. My parents still can’t keep my deadname out of their mouths no matter how much I remind them.” 

He looked at me, again seeing my look of confusion. “Ah, sorry... my parents still treat me like a girl and call me by the girl name they gave me. The name is dead to me... hence the term deadname.”

“Oh...” I said, nodding as the concept began to fit into my brain. I was amazed that there were so many words for the feelings I was having, “so what is your old name?”

I could immediately tell it had been the wrong question to ask as the others winced. Jade gave me a visible scowl which only relented from a raised eyebrow from Anika. 

But Aiden seemed not to take offense. “Uh... well, would you feel comfortable with me asking your deadname?”

“No!” I said, rapidly shaking my head, “I hate it!”

“Well there you go, Zoey,” he said, smiling. “It’s not really important if you don’t use it.”

He was kind of cute, I noticed. That smile just lit up his face and he looked so incredibly confident as he spoke. I found myself blushing. Granted, Gavin was first and foremost on my mind, but I had to admit that I was interested in the idea of a boyfriend who actually understood what I was going through.

I shook my head. Holy crap, I was going completely boy-crazy.

“Sorry...” I mumbled, not meeting his gaze. “I asked without thinking.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, waving it aside, “it just gives me dysphoria is all.” He noticed my look. “Right, sorry... gender dysphoria. It’s that feeling of wrongness when you don’t feel like your body or your life is matching up with your actual identity.”

“Dysphoria,” I said, staring at the ground. There was a word for it. A big, awful, dark word that blotted everything out as it rolled off your tongue. It was an awful word.

“I... could imagine being closeted... hiding from your parents is pretty rough,” said Aiden, his voice softer.

I nodded, my body tensed. I looked up to him. “You told your parents?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Dad was one hundred percent supportive. Dad of the year, 2035. But my mom and stepdad… uh… it was rough. I tried to start small. See if they’d be willing to let me experiment with a binder. They shot me down.”

“They wouldn’t give you school supplies?” I said, bewildered at the sudden change of topic.

Everyone laughed again, and I found myself blushing, but Aiden waved them off. “Uh no... a binder is a piece of cloth that flattens your chest. Keeps dysphoria away,” he said, putting a hand on his flat chest. “But Mom and my stepdad said I was too young. Too young to be trans, I never showed any signs, I was still painting my nails...” he held up his nails, currently painted black, “and the usual garbage that people use to invalidate our identities. They’re still stalling me and waiting for it to go away and Dad doesn’t have complete custody to overrule her.”

I imagined telling my parents the truth and honestly Aiden’s experience would have been the best possible outcome. I shuddered to think about what they’d say or do.

“Could have been worse,” chimed in Jade, crossing her arms over her chest. “Mine gave me the boot. Like, immediately, just kicked me to the curb. Showed up to Abuela’s birthday in a dress and that was that.”

“Wait… they kicked you out of the house?!” I reeled back from her in alarm. “Are… are you okay?”

Jade chuckled. “I mean… ‘okay’ is kind of a loose word, but I’ve been surviving. Lotta help from Anika and Beth made things work.” She looked up at Anika standing behind me with a smile.  

Anika made a grunt of acknowledgement. “Eh… you did a lot of the heavy lifting kiddo. I just pointed you in the right direction.”

“My parents just keep getting amnesia every time I bring it up,” LD groaned, “They nod and listen as I explain who I really am… and immediately change the topic and keep calling me the wrong name and wrong pronouns. They’re not bad people, just kinda thick.”

“Does... does this ever get better?” I asked, painfully looking into their eyes. “It’s... it’s so hard to face this every day. Looking in the mirror and seeing a face that isn’t mine. A body that doesn’t fit. I only feel right when I’m playing RoEM and wearing a female body.”

Aiden forced out a sigh. “I... I can’t tell you it gets better, exactly...” his eyes hardened as his stance shifted, “but I can tell you that you get stronger. For the first time in your life, you’re not fighting with one hand tied behind your back. You’re not just sleepwalking through life in a haze anymore. You’re going to look inside yourself and find that you’re so much stronger than you ever imagined you could be.” He gestured to a nearby window. “The world out there can be hard and cruel... but you’re strong enough to face it...” he moved his arms as if to embrace the whole room, “and you have a kind family. You’re a part of the rainbow, Zoey... when you’re with us, you are home.”

“There… comes a point where you have to start believing in yourself,” said Jade, slowly, assembling the words carefully. “Not in that superficial way… but you have to really believe that you are worth a damn. That you deserve to take up space in this world outside of the expectations of others around you. That the little piece of you that makes you you is worth showing the world and it has value in its own right. People are going to fight you… but you are worth fighting for. And you have others who will fight with you.”

“And don’t forget, that for the first time you’re finally living the truth of who you really are,” added LD, raising their eyebrows. “You’re finally lighting up that beacon and showing everyone around you the real Zoey. And that has the effect of showing other people that it’s possible. For all the people who’ve been living in darkness for their entire lives, you get the opportunity to give them something they’ve been longing for all this time without even knowing. Light, truth and most importantly, hope.” 

I stood there stunned. Even a few adults nearby glanced at us in shock. I saw that Paige and Ruth and Beth, who had been talking about something behind us, trailed off to see what Aiden, LD and Jade were saying. The attention was on us, and normally that would make me nervous.

None of that mattered though. I was just so incredibly overcome that my anxieties melted away. It was beautiful and hopeful and everything I needed to hear in that moment. I wasn’t alone anymore. I never would be. There were others that understood. I found myself crying and hugging them, which was a little awkward as Aiden was a full head shorter than me and Jade outright towered over me and LD couldn’t quite fit their arms around us all, but they were kind to me as I messily fell apart.

I missed Gavin’s embrace. I would tell him tonight. He deserved to know. I would be the brave and strong girl that Aiden believed I could be. I didn’t always trust myself, but I could trust in the friends who believed in me.

“So you play RoEM, too? You’re a Guardian?” said Jade, trying to break the brief moment of awkwardness into something (relatively) lighter as we all separated.

“Y-yeah,” I said, nodding, “I went out as a girl for the first time for digitization... I just couldn’t stand playing the game looking like a boy.”

“Oh yeah,” said Jade, nodding, “I hear that... Hanna was a lifesaver and got us all digitized with the right pronouns.”

“She said she had to do some funky workarounds to get the system to put me in as ‘gender X’” sighed LD, shaking their head. “But the NPCs actually don’t seem to have a problem with nonbinary folks. They respect my pronouns without even having to be asked. Hanna is a godsend.”

I stopped and stared for a moment as the memory of digitization day slid into place. “Wait... I think she did me too!” I said, shocked. “Her name was Hanna? Tall lady? Curly brown hair?”

“Yep,” Jade nodded. “That’s her.”

Aiden, nodded, “She’s been a really big part of the LGBTQ community since she transitioned. She was really annoyed about how the game was handling gender identity and so she and a few of her coworkers had just started marking people’s preferred gender instead of their legal one. Sort of an internal rebellion. That’s how we got marked down as our real genders instead of our legal ones.”

“Is... Is she around?” I asked, looking over my shoulder.

“I... think she’s supposed to be here somewhere, but I haven’t seen her yet...” said Jade, peering around on her tip-toes. “I don’t know. I think she’s been really busy since RoEM launched, though. I follow her feeds and she talks about how she barely has time to sleep.” 

“Oh...” I said, trying to scan the crowd as well. I was too short to recognize anyone in the crowd so I looked to Aiden, instead. “So you all play too?”

“Eh... Jade pestered me into it,” sighed Aiden, shrugging. “I gotta admit that it’s actually pretty sick to be able to just be a guy in the game. I can go shirtless and have everyone gender me properly.”

“I know right!? I mean… not the shirtless thing, or the guy thing, but just being yourself” I said, vibrating with joy that someone else finally got it. I sighed, shaking my head. “And now the griefers are going to show up and ruin it.”

“Not if we have anything to say about it,” said Jade fiercely, “I’ve been spending every fucking second of the game hunting those fuckers down. We have a world to defend and we’re going to do it every single time one of those shitters pops up.”

LD nodded, albeit a little nervously. “She has… Jade’s been plugging those fools so full of arrows that they look like pincushions.”

“Wait… are you one of the… Valkyries?” I asked, remembering the subgroup of the Guardians who had taken proactive measures against griefers. I couldn’t exactly blame them now that war was going on.

“Me and Anika formed the group,” grinned Jade, indicating her, who shrugged in response. “I mean… the NPCs call us vigilantes and shit, but we do what we need to do to keep RoEM safe.”

“We’re still accepting members, if you’re interested,” said Anika, grinning, “I think Leon said that you could fight.”

“I mean… I… can…” I said, hesitatingly. Somehow, despite how I’d defended my friends and the city itself, I didn’t feel particularly powerful or proud of what I’d done. I felt slightly sick, truthfully.

“There are other options, Zoey,” insisted Aiden, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Seriously, I’m personally a pacifist. I don’t believe in violence. But I still learned how to treat wounds in-game and work as a mender in the Temple of the Renewer. You can still help people without having to take lives.”

“Uh… did you… get powers, too?” I breathed, leaning in closer, “Like… from the in-game healing god?”

Aiden snorted. “Oh yeah,” he nodded, “During that purge outbreak, tons of folks got chosen. I got picked up by the Renewer. Right as I saved an older goblin woman from bleeding out in the middle of a fight.”

“Yeah, Aiden is our healer,” said LD, nodding, “Spent the whole time patching people up and getting them to safety.”

“A nurse for a dad comes in handy, huh?” said Jade, patting him on the back. “I got picked by the Hunter. Nature god and god of the hunt and ambush and trapping and shit. Skill with a bow and ambush tactics along with a sixteen person running killcount made a strong impression on them. My god is now my personal aimbot and it’s fucking sick.”

I felt a little ill at realizing how many people Jade had “killed” but given that I had taken down a number of griefers myself, I couldn’t judge.

“And LD, somehow became a freaking bard of all things,” sighed Aiden, exhausted.

“The Speaker of the gods chose me as a troubadour. They were the only divine fabulous enough for me,” said LD imperiously, “And now I am capable of bolstering my companions and hindering my enemies with the power of my music. The guitar is mightier than the sword.”

“You fucking Rickrolled those griefers you absolute doofus,” growled Jade, eying LD warily. “I don’t care if you have powers, I swear I pulled a cringe muscle.”

“It’s a classic,” said LD loftily, sticking out their tongue. “Deal with it.”

“What town did you all spawn in?” I asked them intently. I was in awe of the powers they had and was curious if maybe I could find a place alongside them. Or maybe they could come help us in Whiteoak Falls.

“All over the place, but we sort of gathered up in Golddell,” said Jade, shrugging. “The big city had the most to offer.”

“How about you?” asked Aiden curiously.

“Whiteoak Falls,” I said earnestly. “It’s an incredible place. Beautiful… when it’s not being raided by griefers. I was picked by the Scalekeeper and became a paladin, but nearly died fighting the bad guys off.”

“Big oof,” said LD, shaking their head. “It’s all over the place. I have friends who play on other servers and other countries and the chuds are running around there too. RoEM is their new chew toy.”

“We’ll stop them,” said Jade, her fists balled up and shaking. “No matter how many times they respawn, we’ll kill each and every one of the fuckers until they ragequit.”

Anika nodded, cheerfully. “That’s my girl.”

“I… I don’t understand why we have to stop them,” I sighed, shaking my head. “In Runes of Rath, if you had griefers they’d get banned. Or censored. How come the developers aren’t stopping them?”

“Some of us are trying,” sighed a very tired voice behind us, “But it’s a bigger problem than you might think…”

I jumped in surprise and as I turned around, I was shocked to see the same tall woman that was present during my digitization. Hanna. She was significantly less smiling and upbeat than she had previously been, stifling a yawn as she approached us. Rather than the khakis and polo she wore last time, she instead was dressed in a black skirt, leggings and a floral blouse with an ID tag hanging around her neck.

Beside her, arm in arm, was another person I quickly recognized. The hairdresser, Molly, dressed in a long black dress and stockings, blinking in surprise as she spotted me. 

“Zoey!” she trilled, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me. “It’s so great to see you!” She stepped back a step, looking at me closely. “How are you doing? I see the haircut is working out.”

I nodded, grinning. “Yeah! T-thank you, Miss Molly.”

“‘Miss Molly’” grinned Hanna, stifling another yawn, “That’s adorable. Nice to see you, Jade, Aiden, LD…” she frowned at me for a moment, “I… I think I know you…?”

I nodded. And as I realized how much I owed her, I immediately wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. “Thank you so much, ma’am. For letting me be me. For letting me play this game… thank you.”

Hanna stiffened a little in surprise, but awkwardly returned the hug. “Oh jeeze, sweetheart, it’s nothing, seriously. I did it for a lot of trans folks.” She gestured over my shoulder. “These goons, for instance. I got a bunch of the other workers to do the same. We really do have a decent crew, even if they’ve got their hands full with this Purge mess.”

“So the devs know about this?” breathed Jade, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Hard not to know, given it's all the community is talking about right now,” grunted Anika, shaking her head. 

“You’d be surprised how much the upper management has their head up their asses,” groaned Hanna darkly. “I’ve lost count of how many emails the community relations manager has ignored and my boss just keeps saying ‘not our department’ and going back to playing solitaire on his phone.”

“But you know Taylor, right?” chimed in LD, raising their eyebrows. “They can fix it, right?”

“Taylor?” I asked, leaning towards Aiden.

“Taylor Klien. They’re the CIO of RoEM’s studio,” mumbled Aiden, “Hanna and them go way back.”

“Didn’t you hack them or something?” asked Anika, raising an eyebrow.

“I may have found a vulnerability in their network, and might have reached out to them to leverage the issue into a job,” said Hanna with a shrug. “In theory of course. I mean… that’s obviously the sort of thing that would be covered by an NDA and not something I could freely discuss with others.”

“So… email them again!” groaned Jade, “Tell them to fix this!”

I noticed that they kept using the pronoun, them. Was the developer of RoEM like LD? A nonbinary?

“Yeah,” sighed Hanna, through gritted teeth, “I mean… I told them… but…” She leaned against Molly, who put an arm over her shoulder. Hanna wearily gestured for us to draw closer, which the others and I did. 

Her face was pale, as she swallowed hard and spoke. “Look, you didn’t hear this from me, but here’s the real deal: RoEM LLC is deep in the red. They spent way beyond their budget and while they’re putting up a good front, they need this game to be a success. They were supposed to have a huge moderation team when they launched, but we didn’t have the money for it. It was Taylor who recommended that the AIs could do the moderation work for the game, to save us the budget costs of hiring a human moderation team.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” grunted Anika, burying her head into her hands. “Seriously?! They put the bots in charge of moderation?”

I frowned looking around us as I quirked my head to the side. “Uh… why is that bad?”

“Because,” intoned LD, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Trusting an AI to be able to detect racism or homophobia or other bigotries is… hm… a little too optimistic. People have a tendency to code their own biases into them without realizing it.”

“Chinga damadre,” hissed Jade. “They seriously trusted the bots to do everything... make the game and run it and police the players... While the devs just fall asleep at the fucking wheel as the game runs of a goddamn cliff.”

“I mean… the AI is actually pretty smart,” I said defensively. Marianne had been unbelievably lifelike. “The NPCs are basically people. The AI should be able to do all that, right?”

Hanna snorted, nodding. “I mean... if we're talking about all of them, Thalia, the NPC AI, is definitely the golden child of the nine of them. Don't know about the others.”

“What?” I asked, blinking.

Hanna pursed her lips for a moment, thinking, before she spoke again, squeezing Molly’s hand as she did so.

“I didn't tell you this... but RoEM is run by nine different AIs, with each one running a different part of the game.” said Hanna. 

She began counting off her fingers. “Calliope, is in charge as overseer and administrator and handles most of the banning and community management. 

Clio does the lore and storytelling beats. 

Euterpe handles sensory management and fidelity. 

Thalia plays the role of all the AIs and does a damn good job of it. 

Melpomene looks after the logging in and out and death and respawning of players. 

Terpsichore manages combat, commerce, trade, politics and transit. 

Erato handles the emotions, families and relationships of the NPCs. 

Urania manages the physics and magic of the world in all of their interactions. 

And Polyhymnia runs the gods and karma systems attached with them.”

“So she was the Scalekeeper?” I asked. I had noticed that the goddess was a little more... aware than the other NPCs I'd spoken to.

“Yeah,” said Hanna, nodding. “Polly was sort of a late addition after the beta test disaster. Taylor kind of had a breakdown during the first Purge. The NPCs were praying to gods that didn’t really exist at that stage. They coded in Polly in order to make sure that there were deities that could offer power and miracles when needed.” She sighed. “Glad to see that she’s doing her job, even if some of the other Muses aren’t.”

“Muses?” asked Aiden, frowning.

“Oooh! I know this one!” squealed Molly in excitement. “Multi-Unit Sentience Emulation. Right?” She looked to Hanna expectantly, who nodded.

“Basically, Taylor figured out a new AI algorithm that works on a “society of mind” structure and daisy-chained a bunch of smaller AIs into a big functional one. The MUSE system. And did it again eight more times to create the Muses we know and love,” sighed Hanna, nodding wearily. “Some of them work better than others but they’ve been doing okay so far..”

“Except for the fucking Nazis running around the game!” snapped Anika, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why the fuck haven’t they fixed this yet?!”

“Maybe they can’t?” I offered, remembering my conversation with Marianne. Or… Thalia? Or the Scalekeeper/Polyhy…Polyho…. Polly.

Hanna shook her head. “I honestly don’t know. Taylor’s been… cagey about it, and I’m worried that they don’t have control of their system anymore. It doesn’t help that members of the company board actually want to lean into the Purge 2.0 as some kind of “community event” and think this is going to create “free publicity”. Fuckers.”

“So the long and short of it is that RoEM is fucked because capitalism,” sighed Jade, shaking her head.

“Yeah, pretty much,” breathed Hanna, sadly.

We fell silent, uncertainly looking at one another.

“I don’t want this game to fall apart,” I sniffed, wiping at my eyes. “I like being a girl and I like my friends, even if they’re AI. I like making things and cooking and… and…” I swallowed hard, finding it difficult to speak.

“We can win,” said Jade, reaching out to grab my shoulder. “Those fascist fucks don’t stand a chance if we work together.”

“Right,” said Anika, nodding, punching her fist into her palm. “I’ve faced these chucklefucks in real life. We can break them. We can turn this around.”

“If we can get the NPCs on our side, we outnumber them,” said Aiden thoughtfully. “Heck, if we get more players on our side, we outnumber them even more.”

“I mean, they don’t have much of a choice at this point,” sighed LD, shaking their head, “Either they join us or watch the game implode.”

“Wow… this… this sounds kind of exciting,” breathed Molly, looking at Hanna. “You all take this game pretty seriously.”

“Well, if the game implodes, so does my job,” snorted Hanna, raising an eyebrow. “And like hell am I going back to working IT support for some godawful mega-firm.”

“Are you all talking about the Purge?” asked Beth, stepping over to our little circle. Paige and Ruth stared over her shoulder curiously.

“What else?” Hanna sighed, shaking her head.

“Purge?” asked Paige, frowning slightly.

Beth nodded, “A… large group of trolls, griefers and general assholes have made it their mission to basically destroy Realms of Eternal Magic just because they can.”

“Why?” asked Ruth, blinking.

“Because woke,” growled Anika.

There was a general nodding, myself included. I knew all too well that when my church had to use a standard word to describe the source of their fury, it was “woke”.

“We’re all teaming up to stop them,” I said earnestly.

Paige smirked. “I mean… that’s how you do it. Solidarity and organization. In real life or a game, you come together and work together. The power of numbers and coordination”

We continued to talk about the broader ideas of queerness and intersectionality. I wasn’t entirely able to follow, but was amazed to see how all the different people around us were able to share opinions and discuss. Most of the time, when there was a “discussion” it was either blind agreement or angry shouting.

The rest of the night was less overwhelming. Me and Jade had the opportunity to talk about our experiences with sexuality and gender. She was apparently a lesbian and trans, which was something I didn’t know was an option. It, at the very least, made me feel a little more comfortable with finding Jade cute, at any rate. 

LD helped me to understand that gender was less of a “boy” and “girl” binary and more of a larger spectrum. You could be both. Neither. One and the other, alternating. Or something else entirely. And how being a “person of color” overlapped with it. It never occurred to me to consider how being “queer” and having a different skin color would interact.

Sexuality was likewise more complex, as Aiden explained. You could like boys (like him), girls, both, neither and there were a whole host of ways you could express that sexuality and love. I found myself drawn into everyone’s stories, as their struggles were so much like my own, even if the particulars were different.

We had been placed in a world of black and white when we had an entire rainbow inside us, desperately waiting to escape.

As the party drew to a close, we all exchanged contacts and promised to stay in touch. At the end of the event, Beth and Molly (both of them working for the Rainbow Center) gave one final speech.

“I want to thank all of you for coming,” said Molly, her voice carrying over the noise and quieting the other attendees. “I know this has been a great evening and I want you all to know how happy I am to see you all here.”

“Some of the older ones among us have seen some dark times of the past,” said Beth, following Molly’s lead, “where the powers that be in this world made it their personal goal to snuff out the light that we are now experiencing. We have made progress... but the world isn’t fully healed yet. There is still darkness lurking on the edges.”

“But we can fight it... and we fight it every day here,” said Molly, her voice unwavering, “by being who we are and standing up for what we believe in, for who we are and who we love. We fight back simply by living honestly and passionately.”

“I know some of you are still in the closet,” said Beth, “unable to be your true self and express your heart. I remember those days and I want you to know that they are not forever. You will find your way out, and we will be here for you to find your path into this bright new world.”

“We are proud to have you here. We are proud to see you, in some small way, showing bravery in the face of fear,” said Molly, tears visible on her cheeks, “as you leave today, I want all of you to take this pride... this light... home with you. In the darker times, it will be there for you. We will be there for you. If you are here, you are family and you are loved.”

“Thank you to everyone who came, all of our Rainbow Center staff and to our community sponsors who helped make this event a success. If you are interested in learning more about what we do here and the services we offer, me, Molly, Brian or any of the other staff members with the rainbow lanyards would be happy to assist you,” said Beth, putting an arm around Molly’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming and please travel safely.”

There was a round of applause, and as I clapped, I found myself feeling something settle in my chest. Hope. Love. Light. This was real. This wasn’t just some hollow wish. This wasn’t an empty promise. This wasn’t just the brief absence of pain.

It was real. And it was present in this world. In this place. I broke into a wide grin. I found a home.

“Ready to go?” said Paige, approaching me, hand in hand with Ruth.

“No...” I said, shaking my head, wiping my eyes. “But I think we have to.”

“Yeah...” said Ruth, clearly just as pained as I was. “For what it’s worth, we’ll definitely do this again... I didn’t realize how much I needed this.”

“I gotta go...” I said, turning back to Aiden. “Keep in touch, okay?”

“Sure,” he said, smiling, “you take care of yourself, little sister.” He wrapped me in a hug and I squeezed him tight.

“Message me on Discourse, okay?” said Jade, grinning. “We can team up and crack some griefer skulls.”

“You got Splatify?” asked LD, grinning. “I got some great playlists to share. They helped me get through some of the rougher parts of transition.”

“Take care of yourself, Zoey,” said Anika, grinning, “hit me or Beth up if you need anything, and I mean anything. You’re not alone.”

As Paige, Ruth and me left the Center, it finally clicked that RoEM had felt more real because it was where I could really be me. RoEM was life and death because I had no life outside of it. 

But that had changed. I hadn’t even really thought about the game when I was here. Because in that place I was just as real. I was Zoey... I was a girl and everyone accepted that. There wasn’t any hiding and lying. I had found a family that I’d never realized I needed, but couldn’t imagine being without.

But for now... I had to go back.

As Paige and Ruth sat and talked in the front, I had to focus on changing back into my boy clothes and removing my makeup. I had to go back to being my father’s good Christian boy again. I felt so hollow as I peeled it all off. I tried to keep myself together, reminding myself that I would soon be going to bed and could resume this in RoEM. It was just a few hours.

Everything would be fine.

Ruth and Paige parted with some difficulty. They parked a block away and hugged each other tightly, whispering in each other’s ears. They looked into each other’s eyes and then kissed, long and deeply. I looked away, awkwardly, but I still felt for them. I was separated from the one that I cared about... by distance, by gender and by lies. I felt the pain that lay between them as they pulled up to Ruth’s house. 

“I love you...” said Ruth, squeezing Paige’s hand.

“I love you too...” said Paige breathlessly. “We’ll get out of this... together.”

“Right...” said Ruth, giving a watery smile. They hugged and paused for another painful moment, before Ruth dragged herself out of the car and walked back to her house.

Paige, sagged into her seat with Ruth’s absence. She glanced back at the control console and stabbed the “return home” button with a sullen fury.

“This is the reason I hate these things,” she grunted, staring out the window. “That feeling of being dragged back into this prison when it’s all done. I’d go crazy if I didn’t get these moments, but I’m going crazy having to leave it behind.”

“It’s so stupid...” I said, hugging my now-flat chest, “they’re so hateful and cruel. There were so many adults who were so much more kind and caring... they accepted us for who we were... Mom and Dad could be so much better... but they choose to hate.”

“We’re getting out of here, Zoey...” said Paige, grimacing as our house came into sight. “Not just me and Ruth. I’ll do whatever I can to get you out of this hell. I promise.”

I nodded, gratefully. That future seemed so promising at that moment. I now knew there was a place for people like us. That even if the place where I had been born and raised seemed so cold and hollow, that there was a home in this world for people like me.

I could hold on to that hope long enough to step out of the car and back into the shared prison that was our house. But I now knew that it wasn't my home.