Zeroth Moment: My Cheat Skill Is Stupid, So I'll Just Ignore It

Varissian wobbled to his feet, grimacing. "For once, Christopher, I am quite capable of believing that assertion." The elf sighed. "What must we do now?"

Topher struggled to a sitting position, feeling drained and hopeless. "The True Demon Lord put you here on purpose -- and, if I'm right, probably set you up in place a week ago when he brought you and Elara here." He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think. Why would he bring Elara and Varissian here a week ago, when he was still expecting us all to be killed by Kalphegor? He turned to Alkran, who was pulling himself to a standing position with a familiar expression of long-suffering resignation. "If I hadn't been here -- if, say, Quint and all the other Archmages had been killed too -- what would you have done if Kelfir Leafwind's son showed up at the castle?"

Alkran rolled his eyes. "I expect I would have instructed the guards to turn him away, of course. Why would I do otherwise?"

"Perhaps," said Zashe with some asperity, "because he is the sole remaining heir to the House of Leafwind, one of the oldest and most noble elven families, and as such would be classified as a diplomatic person of interest." He turned to Varissian and bowed elegantly. "Master Leafwind, please forgive our lack of courtesy. As you can see, events are somewhat hectic here of late." His mouth quirked slightly at one corner.

Varissian, looking ill-at-ease, returned the king's bow; Topher couldn't help but notice that the elf's posture was a little wobbly. Has he not done this before? "You do me too much honor," he muttered, looking at his shoes.

Topher frowned. "Wait a minute. Zashe, if Kelfir and Quint were both dead, what would you have done?"

"I would have done what I am doing now," returned the other man calmly. "Even if Archmage Leafwind had perished, maintaining appropriate relations with his House would be of critical importance to the Kingdom." He cocked his head at Topher. "But how would I be present if the True Demon Lord's stratagem had succeeded? Would I not also have been killed along with the Archmages?"

"Not if he didn't know you'd be there," said Topher slowly; hauling himself to a standing position, he began pacing in thought. "I don't think he knew about what Quint was planning. And I'm guessing that if Quint hadn't given himself a crisis of conscience with his little war crime, he wouldn't have brought you along for emotional support."

Zashe frowned. "As you say. But to what end? No such events occurred -- should we not focus on our present straits, rather than what would have transpired?"

Immediately, Topher got it; he slammed his fist into his palm. "That's what he's doing! He's not omniscient -- he's got contingency plans!" He turned to Zashe, elated. "The True Demon Lord always outsmarts us because he plans for all the options; every time we make a move, he's there waiting for us because he's waiting everywhere."

For a moment, the king squinted at Topher, confused; then, like light dawning, understanding flooded across his face and his bearded mouth dropped open. "He plans ahead."

Topher clenched his fist triumphantly. "And that means he has to move at the speed of his logistics. Even if Suzume was right, and this guy's Level Gazillion with Super S-Rank Intelligence, he still can't be everywhere at once. And that means we have an opportunity." He turned to Varissian. "I'm guessing that he planned for both outcomes -- that you were going to be useful here regardless of whether Quint and/or Kelfir were dead or alive." He paused, then chuckled and slapped his forehead. "He probably even planned for us figuring this out, right now."

Varissian stared at Topher blankly. "I am extremely confused," he stated into the silence.

"You are in excellent company," muttered Alkran. He sidled past Topher to examine the black shell of the Edict. "Furthermore, the evidence before us casts doubt upon your theory. We all saw the destruction take place before us -- this was not planned in advance."

"It probably was, actually," disagreed Topher. "This place is warded, right?"

Alkran sniffed disdainfully. "That is a significant understatement."

"Right." Topher resumed pacing. "Now, maybe the True Demon Lord is powerful enough to just reach out and drop an Edict on us at will -- but if so, why hasn't he already done that to take out Quint and the other Archmages?"

"I know only a few legends regarding such things as Edicts," Zashe commented, "but might it not be possible that such things are time-consuming or difficult to create?"

"Maybe," Topher agreed. "It might cost him a whole bunch of Magic Stones, or something, and he might not be willing to use it if he can get rid of his enemies the regular way. But I still don't think that's the whole answer." He turned back to Varissian. "Did anybody give you anything? A piece of jewelry, or something?"

"No," responded the elf, an expression of confusion distorting his features. "I came of my own accord -- at least, I was under the impression that I had," he corrected himself ruefully. "But no one impressed anything upon me. I have only my personal items and..."

Abruptly, shock crossed his face; he groped in a pocket for a moment, then let himself sag in dejection. "The cookies. I purchased..." His face twisted in a scowl of distaste. "This villain has stolen my wife's cookies."

"If it helps, the person who sold them to you was probably a demon," Topher assured him. He turned back to Alkran, who now had a sour expression. "So. Two days ago, the True Demon Lord notices that his plan failed at the Sanctum, so he calls an audible and sneaks in a trap for Okano and the rest of the kids via our resident Cookie Elf, here, whom he already had placed in Strathmore for easy access." He smirked at Varissian's expression of furious disgust.

"If what you say is true," pondered Zashe slowly, "We have an opportunity, because the True Demon Lord cannot know whether or not we were all caught in the Edict. We must assume he had a plan for each possibility, but at this moment, we may assume he knows not which is truly the case; if the all-seeing eye is temporarily blinded, how are we to best capitalize upon this opening?"

"Good question." Topher turned to Alkran. "Any chance you can do some kind of really clever super-spell, or something?"

"I am Level 19," responded the apprentice acidly. "Were it not for the castle's recognition of my authority, I would be unable to do more than mount a feeble defense in the event the castle were attacked." His expression soured further. "Even with the Archmage's delegation to me, I am reduced almost entirely to ferrying ignorant mundanes about via my master's prepared waypoints; that of my work which has true importance falls further behind with each passing moment."

"Careful, pal," said Topher, fairly quietly. "That's my wife you're talking about."

Alkran sneered at him for a moment, then blinked and realized the depth of his peril; he paused, then scowled at his shoes. "I am frustrated and somewhat sleep-deprived, Master Bailey. Please forgive my rudeness."

"Right." Topher, with an effort of will, turned back to Varissian, but his mind was humming with the import of what Alkran had revealed. The castle is a magic artifact. It has little functions set up to open doors, teleport people around, and probably other stuff. That's how Quint and his apprentice can teleport around without incantations! "Varissian, you might have been manipulated into coming here, but that only happened because you had a reason of your own that the True Demon Lord could co-opt. You want to tell us again what it was?"

The elf's hands twitched; clenched partially into fists, then relaxed. "I was concerned about my father," he said finally, after a tense silence.

Topher patted Varissian on the shoulder; the elf cringed away from the contact predictably. "It's okay, buddy. Feelings are complicated." He turned back to Zashe. "If you were dead, who would be next in command?"

Zashe frowned. "The line of succession is... fraught," he admitted. "I am without heirs or next of kin; in the event of my demise, there would likely be a struggle for control of the kingdom, particularly in the current political environment. During such an upheaval, Seneschal Helmeister would likely be nominally in command of the kingdom's affairs."

"Uh huh." Topher pursed his lips. "And if Varissian came and asked him about Kelfir?"

"I expect," cut in Alkran wearily, "that I would be asked to contact the Archmage." He rolled his eyes. "Seneschal Helmeister is very enamored of the concept of delegation."

Topher chuckled. "Understandable. He'd be a busy guy if he were suddenly running an abruptly headless, army-less, actively combusting kingdom." He raised an eyebrow at the apprentice. "What do you think the odds are that the True Demon Lord could eavesdrop on a message you sent to Kelfir?"

Alkran paused, then looked up and to one side in contemplation; Topher was astonished to discover that the man's face -- almost perpetually lined with unhappiness -- was completely transformed by the process of whatever arcane considerations were involved in the question, and he realized with a shock that the apprentice was still in his twenties. Guess it's not the years, it's the mileage. Being Quint's apprentice is probably not a cushy job. After several moments of intense thought, Alkran met his gaze and nodded. "It is possible, Master Bailey. The standard spells I might use to contact Archmage Leafwind -- Message, Sending, and so on -- would indeed be vulnerable to interception or surveillance if the True Demon Lord is truly a preeminent magus. The castle's dispensations are built upon standard spells, so they would be no better."

Topher nodded, then rubbed his chin. "What if you took us to him directly?"

Alkran shook his head, his expression grim. "The castle's waypoints are only for locations in and around the city, plus a few prepared special points of interest. I am not nearly high enough Level to cast my own teleportations, even if we did know the Archmage's location."

"Hmm." Topher crossed his arms. "And if we could locate him with any normal spells, so could the bad guys, so that's probably out." He sighed.

Too bad Kelfir's not a document, commented the distant part of his mind drily.

Instantly, fiery inspiration seized Topher's mind; with perfect clarity, he could see the shape of the rune Kelfir had tried to brand him with. Oh shit, he's got a stamp on him. Maybe I can treat him like a document.

Concentrating, he visualized it as distinctly as he could, focusing all his will on the idea; Document. Kelfir is a document. Then, with a powerful burst of intent, he activated his Locate Document ability.

The disappointment when nothing happened was intense for a few moments; then, feeling stupid, he remembered that it printed the document's location in his Ledger. Breathlessly, he summoned it and held it out for the others to see:

Archmage Kelfir Leafwind - Entrance to the Crypt of Gorduin

Everyone gazed at the page for a few moments; eventually, Alkran released a disconsolate sigh. "Yes. I can take you there; it is one of the waypoints my master prepared in advance."

Topher snapped his ledger shut and banished it, nodding to himself. Naturally. It wouldn't be much of a trap if we couldn't get there. "Alright then. C'mon, Varissian; let's shake a leg."

"I?!" The elf stared at Topher in horror. "Christopher, I am Level 1. I hardly dare venture outside the gates of the city to travel!"

"Well, I'm Level 127," responded Topher snarkily as everyone else's jaws dropped, "and between the two of us we'll probably be fine. But more importantly, this is a chance we can't afford to waste. I'm drafting you; time to save the world, motherfucker." He grabbed Varissian's upper arm with his right hand and Alkran's forearm with his left. "Let's go."

Varissian gaped like a landed fish, but Alkran merely scowled and nodded; a moment later, there was a flash of light, and they were gone.