Zafira Moonchild

While Kathy goes off to work out her frustration, I take the time to work on my own issues. The emptiness I felt inside after getting Carnelia’s revenge is still there. It fills me with a burning desire to help, to create instead of destroy. And I allow myself to revel in it. Seeking an ailing tree nearby and channeling my energy to support and strengthen it. I find peace in the act. Not even the sounds of explosions in the distance bother me right now. Kathy has her way of releasing her pent up stress, and I have mine.

I lose myself in the joy of channeling energy. Until something pulls my attention inward. Carnelia’s mad at me, and I do not know why. Euh, what’s up? I try to play it off. But I feel her eyes narrowing at me. We’re hungry. She almost yells at me. I’ve been trying to get your attention for hours now. But nothing would get through. How are you still alive, being this unaware in the wilderness? I blush, even in the outside world. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I had gone that deep. I really needed it, and it felt safe to do so here. My intuition is usually right about those kinds of things.

She mentally slaps me on the back of my head. Surprised that I actually felt that. She does it a few more times for good measure. Mollified, she speaks to me again. That doesn’t mean it’s safe to do so. Only that you’ve been lucky so far. Even a cub could take you out that way. I point out that it isn’t likely anything nearby survived Kathy’s rampage. At which she bites back, that dragon can just as easily be the death of you.

I shrug off that comment. Kathy won’t kill me. She has a lot of issues, but she’s smart. She hates that I’m right, that she’s weak now, that she’s not good at everything. But she won’t allow herself to self-destruct because of that. She’s driven. She will use that hatred to grow. Hopefully picking up some humanity along the way.

Carnelia frowns at that. I think you’re delusional; she replies. But since your gut feeling has gotten us so far. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt on this one. However, I will not stand feeling hungry any longer. Give me control so I can cook us something nice to eat.

I give Carnelia free rein. Visualizing myself sitting happily on top of a kitchen counter, watching her work. Bouncing back and forth with joy. Her eyes widen as she looks in my direction. How are you outside in reality? She asks as she waves her hand through the space where I pictured myself. And what are you sitting on?

Huh, I reply. I’m surprised you can see what I picture in my head. Although maybe it’s not that strange? We can hear thoughts we want to share. And experience feelings and physical sensations we send each other. So it’s not that far-fetched that we could also share visualizations.

It’s weird and distracting, Carnelia complains. Can you please stop doing it? I send her a feeling of fake affront. Nope, sorry, I’m weird. That’s just how the dice rolled. I picture myself smiling at her, but with sharp teeth in my mouth instead of a human’s. Her eyes widen, and she takes a brisk step back. Tripping over her own feat, trembling in fear. I realize that I’ve taken the joke too far, and drop my visualization. I’m sorry, I whisper inside our head. But she doesn’t answer. I feel bad about not thinking this through. Since she first thought I was really out there, it must have looked very real to her. And while I’m used to seeing monsters in movies, she only heard about them in stories. I send her my feelings of regret and the warmth of a caring embrace. She cries, and I cry with her, till our tears dry up.

Why did you do that? She asks quietly. I’m sorry, I reply, I shouldn’t have done that, I should have known better. I messed up, big time. It’s not an excuse, but I wasn’t thinking about how it would affect you. The idea just popped up in my head, and like a little kid, I rolled with it. I’m not used to someone else seeing my visualizations, and they can get pretty dark. Compared to what I’m used to, this was light and funny. I’m very sorry for not considering that you are not used to them. I will do my best to be mindful of that in the future. However, I cannot always control what image pops into my head. So I’m sorry, but I cannot promise you it won’t happen again. I can only do my best to prevent it as much as possible. If it’s alright with you, I would like to keep manifesting myself in this way. So I can learn how to focus on what I want to visualize. And hopefully get a better handle on my rampant imagination. I will fail sometimes, but I think that will happen even if I don’t practice it actively.

Carnelia sights. Diving deep into the darkness of your mind and never resurfacing seems like a very attractive option right now. Dealing with my own nightmares is already a struggle. I’m not looking forward to sharing yours. But then again, you’re also struggling with mine, aren’t you? You never complained about how I came back into existence. We both lived through the horrors again and again. Until you granted me the sweet relief of oblivion. You could have left me there. But you worked hard to help me get over that pain instead. I won’t begrudge you for not being perfect. If you work on controlling it better, I will work on accepting the mistakes made along the way. Could you try to visualize mostly normal things while I’m in control of our body? And give me a heads up before doing something weird?

I can, I tell her sincerely. How’s this? I picture myself as a black cat in front of her. And Carnelia smiles as she looks at me. Yeah, that’s a lot better, she says. Ok, then, weirdness incoming, I warn her with a cheeky grin. As I picture myself bright purple instead of black. Carnelia’s smile widens. Ok, that’s a good level of weird to start off with. She grins. Give me some time to adjust before moving beyond that, please. I suppress the urge to give her a salute with a human hand next to the cat’s face. And instead just meow at her confirmingly.

She tries to pet me on the head. But her hand moves right through me again. Her eyes lose focus for a bit, as she’s considering something. And when she reaches her hand out again, I can actually feel her petting me this time. Just like when I felt her slap my head before. I purr in contentment. Considering the smile on Carnelia’s face, she’s as happy with the discovery as I am.

I look for a comfortable spot, while Carnelia works on our food. It’s almost ready when Kathy returns. She has wounds all over, but looks happy and content. I decide against taking control of my body back and offering to heal her. She knows what I can do and that I wouldn’t mind. If she desires it, she will ask for it.

Kathy sniffs, and her eyes narrow in surprise. That smells great, she says. If you could do this all along, why didn’t you do it earlier? Zafira couldn’t, Carnelia replies, but I’m in control of our body now. You had the option to refuse the awful things she ate, but I didn’t. Just like you said, it tastes horrible. And I’m going to make sure I don’t have to experience that again.

You defeated the infernal and took control back of your body? Kathy exclaims in surprise. I did not know that was even possible. It’s her own fault for being so kind, I guess. That was just begging to be taken advantage of. I applaud your victory. But regret that she’s gone. I liked her, even despite how infuriating she could be.

Yeah, no, Carnelia deadpanned. She’s just letting me control our body for now. She’s actually sitting right there, making weird faces at you. I briefly take control of our hand, to wave and give a thumb up to Kathy. See? Carnelia says. Zafira can take control back anytime she wants to.

Ok, yeah, Kathy starts. I can see her doing that. It’s confusing though. How do I even know who I’m talking to? Hmm, you have a point, Carnelia replies. How about this? She picks up a dried leaf and puts it in her hair. I’ll put something in my hair when I’m in control. And Zafira will take it out when she is.

I give her an approving meow at the same time that Kathy nods. Will you be joining us for dinner? Carnelia asks. I will need to learn how to eat human style food eventually, Kathy replies. And this does smell like a decent opportunity to start with. Very well, you can serve me this food. Carnelia raises an eyebrow and stares in reply. Oh fine, Kathy relents. Yes, I would like to join you for dinner. There, happy now? Carnelia smiles and gives her a plate. While I give her a mental thumbs up.