You’ve Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 76 – No Matter How Painful Getting Hoisted By One’s Own Petard Is, It’s Self-Inflicted

Edited by DancingDolphinsYo

As Guan Shanjin’s Vice General, Man Yue was so busy that he barely had any time to breath. Despite finally managing to come back to the capital to submit their reports, he had no time to return to his own home, and he still lived in his old room back in the Protector General’s estate.

Today was a rare event where he had managed to steal a few hours for a breather. Man Yue opened every window in his room. The plants and trees in the yard were lush and green, and there were also clusters of bushes and low trees, providing a refreshing and comforting sight.

Although the summer sun was scorching hot, there was still a cool breeze blowing in the afternoon, accompanied by the chirping of the cicadas. With some iced fruit wine next to him, he flipped through a few pages of a book he had read months ago as he chewed on a stick of spicy jerky, falling into the story of the top scholar battling the princess, which finally culminated with a child being born.

The scene was the top scholar pointing right at the princess’s nose, reproaching her, “They all said that the princess is virtuous and kind hearted, never saying a word of evil, and never probing one’s skeletons in the closet. Although female, she’s comparable to a man seven-foot tall! Who would have known that all these were only rumours? Now that I’ve seen it for myself today, I have no choice but to suspect that these were all lies spread by the princess herself! Such a young girl, yet so deplorable to the bones! How could I, Top Scholar, marry such a vicious woman like you?!”

Man Yue rocked back and forth with laughter. The top scholar of this book actually had the first name Scholar and the last name Top!

How would the princess respond to this arrogant and bossy Top Scholar? Man Yue wiped his tears of laughter away, drinking a mouthful of his fruit wine before picking up another piece of spicy jerky to chew at. He flipped to the next page eagerly… And the door to his room slammed open! Man Yue nearly fell off his seat in shock, only to see his door bounce close from slamming into the wall and then it was kicked open again. With a crack, a part of the door came loose, and it swung there limply.

Man Yue tossed away the jerky in his hand, leaping up and watching Guan Shanjin, who upon entering the room, ripped off the mask that gave him an ordinary appearance. The almost demonically beautiful face was furious, and before Man Yue could open his mouth, the man lifted his leg to kick the table in front of him over.

“Uhh, this is…” Although Man Yue was staying in the Protector General’s compound, the furniture in the room had all been paid for by himself. It was not that the Protector General was stingy, just that he preferred furnishing his own place of residence.

This table that had been kicked over was made of top quality Chinese rosewood. He had been using it very carefully over the years, and even when he was not in the capital, he would assign people to take care of it. The wood was both warm and smooth to touch, and Man Yue’s heart was now dripping with blood.

“He actually invited someone to share his grave!” Guan Shanjin threw the mask hard on the ground. With a threatening look in his eyes, he lifted his foot, about to stamp on the mask. Fortunately, he managed to hold himself back, using the tip of his foot to kick the mask into Man Yue’s hand. Like an injured beast prowling across the ground, his footsteps were so heavy that he almost shattered the stone slabs under him.

“Mr. Wu?” Catching the mask, Man Yue hurriedly stored it in a box. This mask had cost quite a bit of money, and also, it was difficult to find the maker of such masks. After he finished constructing this mask, he had disappeared off to somewhere unknown. For future meetings, Man Yue had to keep the mask properly, or Guan Shanjin would end up taking out his anger on it.

“Who else could it be?” Guan Shanjin glared at Man Yue in rage. “Say, he has been treasuring that graveyard of his, and all he has been thinking about is to rest there in peace for his afterlife. For that cherished plot of land, he even saved money to buy a Liuzhou coffin! Why did he not invite me to share the burial spot? Don’t even mention a Liuzhou coffin, I can even pluck the stars from the sky and bury them with him!”

“Didn’t you two just meet for the first time?” Man Yue too was astonished. He was well aware of the sort of person Wu Xingzi was, timid and shy. Even when he saw something he liked, he would never dare reach out to it. Why this sudden change in character?

“Hmph! The moment he saw Ping Yifan, it was just like how ants look at sugar! His thieving eyes were basically glued to Ping Yifan. Did he think that no one discovered his intentions? What’s so good about Ping Yifan? Hmm?” As Guan Shanjin spoke, he again kicked the fallen Chinese rosewood table in fury, completely shattering the table which had barely retained its structure into fragments.

Man Yue’s heart clenched. He was truly afraid of Guan Shanjin using his furniture to vent his anger. Every time this Great General was angry, he would destroy things. How could he be so wasteful!

“Wait, you were the one who commanded others to create Ping Yifan’s appearance specially. It’s not surprising that Mr. Wu would like it.” As Man Yue spoke, he herded Guan Shanjin into a chair, pushing a jug of fruit wine into his hand, hoping that it would abate his anger.

Unfortunately, he had underestimated the fury that Wu Xingzi had set ablaze in Guan Shanjin. Guan Shanjin lifted the jug to his mouth and gulped down the entire contents within, emptying it. He tossed the empty jug back at Man Yue, saying darkly, “Yes, this old fellow didn’t dare to like me, but dared to like a face that shared about a 50% similarity with mine. This means that if I were just a little uglier, he would feel more at ease! Such an ugly thing, how dare he be together with another hideous one? Isn’t he afraid of hurting the eyes of passersby? Fuck him!” Spewing such vulgarities, it could be seen how furious Guan Shanjin was because of Wu Xingzi.

“What did Ping Yifan do? With that quail-like character of Mr. Wu, no matter how much he likes a person, he would never take the initiative to offer himself up like this. If you did not flirt with him, even if he had the guts of a hundred people, he would never have the courage to invite Ping Yifan to be buried with him, right?”

“Hmph. Ping Yifan had only played a song on the flute. Dry and monotonous, completely void of spirits, only a philistine like him would like it.” Speaking maliciously, Guan Shanjin pursed his lips.

It could only be said that when a man got jealous, there was no longer any rationality left in him. Ping Yifan was clearly a character played by Guan Shanjin, but just because Wu Xingzi favoured him more, Guan Shanjin insulted him very bitterly the moment he removed the mask. In the end, wasn’t he just cursing himself?

“Mr. Wu has always liked listening to songs. Furthermore, you are truly very good looking when you play the flute. Isn’t it expected that he would like you?” Man Yue had no choice but to flatter this boss of his, despite knowing very well that what he said would be of no use.

As expected, Guan Shanjin glared at him in anger. “The one playing the flute wasn’t me, it was Ping Yifan! The one whom Wu Xingzi likes isn’t me, it’s Ping Yifan! If he stares at Ping Yifan again like that, I’ll find a day to dig his eyes out!”

Just dig them out if you have the guts to do so! Man Yue roared silently in his heart.

No matter how harsh and vicious Guan Shanjin was now, the moment he saw Wu Xingzi, he would only become a paper tiger. What use was there to keep glaring at him, he should just go glare at the old quail he kept talking about!

However, it had to be said that Guan Shanjin really understood Wu Xingzi, probably even more than Wu Xingzi knew himself.

Ping Yifan had talent, but he was not someone outstanding. His appearance was congenial, but very ordinary and not eye-catching at all. His temperament was very gentle, placid and mild like water. Most importantly, every single characteristic was basically a faded version of Guan Shanjin. Wu Xingzi thought that he liked Ping Yifan, but the truth was that the one he was thinking about was still Guan Shanjin. Unknowingly, he was attracted to this faded version of Guan Shanjin, falling instantly in love.

Everything had been within Guan Shanjin’s expectations, right from the start of the pengornis drawing. Man Yue was unwilling to recall that day, when he experienced what it meant to not be able to shed a tear while weeping. Guan Shanjin had barged into his room with his own pengornis drawing, instructing him to draw another copy from it. However, he had to “apply a little makeup and adorn it in red”… Man Yue was stunned. Was this phrase meant to be used on a pengornis? Why did it sound so strange!

Furthermore, he completely did not want to know what Guan Shanjin’s pengornis looked like! Ahh, his poor eyes… Alas!

After finally managing to produce a pengornis drawing, Guan Shanjin then requested him to add colour to it… What colour? Pink?! Man Yue felt extremely suffocated. He gave up and decided to paint it the colour of plum blossoms in March. Who would have thought that Guan Shanjin would be so satisfied?! He then submitted both the drawing of the pengornis and Ping Yifan’s appearance to Rancui, and only then did he have the opportunity to attend the gathering of the Peng Society.

This was basically what people meant when they said to be hoisted by one’s own petard.

“Since you dislike the fact that Mr. Wu likes Ping Yifan, then just don’t let Ping Yifan appear again. Mr. Wu is not a persistent person, and he will quickly forget this sudden bout of affection, returning to his varied and colourful pengornis drawings.” Man Yue took the opportunity to stop a footboy walking by, instructing him to bring more fruit wine over. Who knew how long Guan Shanjin would be angry for? It was the perfect time to drink away their sorrows.

“I’ve arranged to meet up with him two days later for a hike,” Guan Shanjin said gloomily after a short pause.

Man Yue really wanted to kneel down to him. “Oh my Great General! My best bro! The weather is so hot now, why are you hiking? Your skin is thick and rough, so you’re not afraid of the heat, but that’s not the case for Mr. Wu!”

Guan Shanjin glared fiercely at Man Yue. “Oh? You sure know how to show concern, don’t you?”

This was truly an unwarranted anger.

Man Yue hurriedly shook his head, spreading his palms open. “The one person I’ve always been concerned about is you, my boss! Think about it, if Mr. Wu feels uncomfortable, and falls sick from the heat, whose heart would be the one aching? In any case, it wouldn’t be me, my heart will be aching for the person whose heart is aching for him.”

Guan Shanjin was left speechless, and he reached out, pinching Man Yue’s fat and soft chin. “What a glib tongue.”

Man Yue sighed internally. He should have been considered to have passed this round. Adjusting his face back to a normal expression, he persuaded, “Haiwang-gege, I know that you can’t let go of Mr. Wu, and you want to continue pampering him and doting on him using Ping Yifan’s identity. However, don’t forget, if Mr. Wu really ends up falling for Ping Yifan, how would you explain it then?”

How would he explain it? In his heart, Guan Shanjin was also fretting over this matter. He had originally thought that he would at most become friends through the pigeon express with Wu Xingzi as Ping Yifan. According to Wu Xingzi’s character, he would not like another man so quickly in such a short period of time. Even if Ping Yifan was full of fantastic qualities, Guan Shanjin should at least still have a proper place in his heart, right?

Unexpectedly, he had been proven entirely wrong.

Wu Xingzi was a person with a steel backbone wrapped in softness. Things that he had made a decision upon, he would carry it out fully. He would never be half-hearted over it, neither faltering nor hesitant once he had decided. Saying that he wanted to end his feelings for Guan Shanjin, it meant that he was really going to do it.

Even if he still could not let go of his feelings for now, accidentally having a wet dream which showed his lingering feelings, he was still very firm about his decision, and he would not be easily shaken from it.

At a moment like this, with the appearance of someone like Ping Yifan, how could he not fall for him? This man had everything he appreciated, but was so very calm and placid. He basically was the perfect man the heavens had created for him! Together with the influence of alcohol, Wu Xingzi naturally mustered up his courage to seek out this affection.

Guan Shanjin understood Wu Xingzi’s preferences, but never understood what his thoughts were. He deserved being trapped in this pit of his own making.

Of course Man Yue saw everything clearly, but what could he say? It was already unprecedented for Guan Shanjin to do so much in this relationship, but to employ the wrong method would only result in him being left empty-handed.

He wanted to persuade Guan Shanjin, but when the words were at the tip of his tongue, he ended up swallowing them down.

Guan Shanjin had to taste the bitter fruit of his own making himself. After all, the one who wanted to woo his spouse was the Great General Guan, and not him, Vice General Man. How did it make sense for him to be the one laying all the schemes?

“Right, there’s really quite a number of people keeping an eye out on your marriage.” Man Yue decided to change the topic. They did not return to the capital for any love affairs, there were still many things they had in plan.

“He took the bait?” Guan Shanjin snorted, tapping his toes on the floor. “I heard Bai Shaochang play The Tree of Jianmu today at the gathering of the Peng Society. What a pity for his loyal and devoted heart.”

“I also received a letter from him. He’s inviting you to go listen to the qin.” Man Yue walked over to his table, ruffling through the papers on it. Finding the invitation, he handed it to Guan Shanjin.

The top quality Chengxin Tang paper1 was smooth and thick to the touch, the flowers drawn on the top proud and unyielding, exuding a pleasant, refreshing feeling.

“How considerate,” Guan Shanjin chuckled, tucking the invitation into his clothes. “And how can I disappoint Bai-gongzi? Say, doesn’t laoshi like listening to him playing the qin too?”

“If you say he likes it, then he will like it,” Man Yue responded heartlessly with a laugh.

“A good way of saying it.” Guan Shanjin’s lips curled up coldly, his eyes narrowing in thought.