Young Flame

As the last of my fire calms and bends to my will, I can’t help but feel strange. My body is gone. It simply doesn’t exist any longer, and yet my inner flame burns strong.

I will my fire to compress only into the white inferno around Yalun’s weeping form. Not only does it do as I want, but it moves with far less separation between thought and action. No longer does it feel like moving an arm, but each flicker is an extension of my mind. The blaze shrinks instantly.

Maybe it was too quick to assume I died. The dead can’t impose their will on the world, no matter how much of their fire remains.

Yalun looks above, where my inferno burns. She’s a mess. I’ve never seen her lose control over her body like this, with her clear flame bursting through her pseudo skin.

I didn’t notice until I shrunk my inferno, but I can’t actually see right now. Well, I can, but only the things bathed in my fire. As the range of my blaze drops, so too does my sight. My thermal sense still works fine, letting me feel Kiko fighting off the last of the rabid predators down below.

As I look down on Yalun… no, that’s not quite right. I can see her from above, but I’m also looking upon her from a thousand other directions. The touch of my fire fills my mind with details only sight had a chance to provide until now. As I watch Yalun — from every angle — I notice through the thick despair and grief, a sliver of hope remains in her fire.

“Solvei?”

I reach my fire to connect with hers, and she latches on immediately, an incomprehensible sound halfway between a gasp and a sob escaping her throat.

“Hey,” I say lamely through the connection. “I seem to have lost my body.”

Yalun laughs, and despite the way she devolves into pained chuckles, I doubt she finds it that funny.

“Why did you have to scare me like that, girl?” she tries to glare into the mass of fire, but can’t decide on where to focus her gaze. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t have my body. That hardly makes me ‘okay’.” Well, at least I can be sure I’m not dead now; the dead don’t talk, after all.

Yalun laughs again, this time far less like a nervous breakdown. “I considered the possibility, but I never thought it would go this far,” she says beneath her breath before addressing me through our connection again. “Solvei, you’ve passed the threshold.”

She grins up at me, her body regaining control over itself.

So it’s not that I’m dead or half stuck in that mind realm, but that my binding has advanced so far in only the one attempt? It’s hard to imagine. Even as close to the threshold as I was, we believed I would need at least a few sessions before I achieved such.

So this is what happens at the threshold? I lose my body and only have my inner flame? That… seems less than optimal. I can’t exactly wield my spear anywhere near as competently with only my fire, what with the lack of physicality my inner flames can take compared to my body. Neither will I be able to hide myself from water in the safety of my snowsuit… at least not as easily.

But… isn’t increasing my binding supposed to bring me closer to fire? Why would doing so sacrifice the part of my being that was the closest? Unless… I haven’t actually lost it.

Taking my snowsuit, I fill the cloth with my flame and harden it until it takes the shape of my old body. Surprisingly, it solidifies far greater than I’ve ever been able to make my inner flame, and quickly my arms are just as strong as they were. Experimentally, I harden some of my inner flame further away from my body, only for them to become just as solidified as my former body.

“If my guess is right, you have no barrier between your body and inner flame any longer. They are one and the same,” Yalun explains.

“Yeah, I just figured that out,” I say, grinning up at Yalun from where I lay beneath her.

She wraps me in her embrace immediately upon realising she has something to grab.

Despite knowing my body inside and out, it took a moment to recreate the void in my throat and chest that allowed speech. Sight is no different. In Yalun’s arms, I recreate them. It is no longer simply a natural change that used to occur without thought. I have to make them from scratch… which makes me realise how close they are to that of fleshy creatures. It’s almost like our eyes mimic the operation of those organs. Strange, but something to consider later.

“That is incredible.” Yalun looks between my body and the swathes of fire above. “I can’t tell the difference.”

She says it, but I very much feel it. Despite having my body back, it no longer feels like me anymore. Rather, my body is a mere limb of my whole. The inferno surrounding Yalun is now my true body, and as strange as that is, it feels amazing. Like chains I’ve never noticed before are gone, and I’m free from that which bound me.

I wonder if Kiko would let me go now. I’ve hardly reached the level of control he wants, but I’m pretty sure the fight against the peluda will be far easier. It can’t bite me if the only thing flying in is my spear and some flames.

“I see things worked out,” grouches Kiko as he climbs the rock beside us, but I can see the interest in his eyes as he takes in my new form. I guess there’s a way for them to tell I’m different. “You’re lucky after how much you took. I thought you said you were ready?”

“I didn’t take much at all.” I try to defend myself. At least it didn’t feel like all that much when I was in that realm.

“We know that those with more energy face far more danger in their attempts,” Yalun says. “But maybe there’s more to it than simply the risk of exploding. I’ve never seen a failed attempt like that actually stabilise, so I’m not sure whether it is unique to the energy she contains, or the surpassing of the threshold. Solvei, can you tell us what happened from your perspective?”

There’s no reason not to, so I go through everything I experienced since Yalun withdrew her guidance.

She hums when I finish explaining. “That is a natural part of the process: renewing your flame once you’ve gained greater hold over them… but usually they don’t erupt. It is possible that you didn’t take much, but your fire tried to combust because you have so much. In that case, it might very well be that we are on a timer any time an eagle reaches, but we usually renew our flames before it can become obvious things are going wrong.”

Yalun’s focus drains away from her surroundings and I can identify the obvious hints that she’s devolving into a theorising session. Not wanting that to happen while she’s still gripping me tight in her arms — or only a part of myself now, I guess — I ask what I wanted to know before we began this whole ordeal.

“Yalun, why are you here?” I love that she came to visit, and even more that she helped me achieve this state I never could have imagined, but I’m not naïve enough to believe she’s here for a simple, friendly meetup. Not with the ocean encroaching so far as it has.

My question halts her flow of thoughts about the nature of our being. “It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter now.” She says, after a moment of consideration.

“What?” my inferno body splits, leaving the wasteland and the ocean clearly visible which I gesture towards. “That’s not nothing!”

She just shakes her head. “You were so close to being gone because of what I asked of you. Because I encouraged you despite knowing you weren’t ready. I’m not about to put you in such a dangerous position. Not again.”

“What are you talking about?” I demand, exacerbated. “I knew exactly what I was getting into. There may have been a slight bump, but we achieved what we wanted, right?” To emphasise my words, I return my body to the rest of my fire — glad to note my outfit works as before, diffusing through my flames — and restructure the inferno into a much larger version of my original body.

With nothing to hold on to, Yalun’s arms fall into her lap where she kneels. “I won’t,” she says, unable to keep her eyes on mine.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Yalun,” Kiko says. “The girl’s mature enough to decide herself. Fine, if you won’t, I will.” He turns to me. “They tried to attack the island and failed. Yalun believes you-”

“No stop,” she yells, only to wilt under Kiko’s glare. “I’ll do it, alright. If she has to know, I’ll be the one to ask.” Despite her declaration, her gaze never leaves her lap.

“The Anatla’s influence was more damning than we expected. Once it stopped playing with us, there was no way we could succeed. We couldn’t even get close. I… I came here because of your immunity. If the threshold held anything close to what I theorised, then that combined with the lack of effect the Anatla has on you would make you the only one with a chance. It is a stupid and desperate plan that puts far too much danger solely on your shoulders.”

Despite saying pretty much everything she needs to for me to understand, she struggles to actually ask… which irritates Kiko. “She wanted you to attempt what they failed. To burn away the inscription that can’t fight back against you.”

“I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want that anymore,” Yalun snaps back.

Before they can fight between each other, I reform my body between them and pull the inferno down into the container I’ve always had. It feels strange to be so… compressed now. Like holding my fire to a defined shape goes against my very nature, despite having always had such a form. I want to spread and burn. An instinct that’s always kind of been there, but now is at the forefront. It is noticeable with every motion. My flames never against my thoughts, but their — my — desire to consume is greater than ever.

With my arms back and flames under control, I shrug. “I’ll do it,” I say.

Yalun opens her mouth to protest, but I continue before she can.

“We’ll lose our home if I don’t, right?” I trust Tore to help if worse comes to worse, but I know such a situation would place every áed in danger. Not every ursu would be as welcoming. “How many won’t be able to outrun the ocean? How many have already fallen?” It takes a year for a tribe to cross the wasteland, for the ocean to now be close enough to witness — even from as high as we are — means that half the sands are gone. If a tribe wasn’t planning their escape before the waves were visible, then they had little chance of survival.

“You’re not even an elder yet,” Yalun says after a moment of silence. “It feels wrong to rely on you like this.” Kiko doesn’t say so, but the way he turns his gaze reveals he’s of similar mind.

Sure, it will be dangerous, but I’m far beyond the point of my life where my own safety is the only thing important to me. I can hardly sit aside while I have the strength to protect so many of mine. Who knows? The desert sands have shown they suck up water more rapidly than anything else. If the ocean makes it past those sands, the eastern nations might have no defence at all to such overflow.

I’d rather not imagine the problems that might rise from the Titan Alps becoming the only inhabitable land for the races.

“I’ll do this,” I say, trying to suppress my twitching lips. “But I better get off my confinement early.” No longer caring to hide it, a grin breaks across my face.

Kiko turns away, trying his best to hide his own smirk. Still trying his best to pretend to be a grump in front of Yalun? I don’t know why he bothers anymore.

Yalun swallows any more complaints. “Of course, I doubt anyone could refuse.”

“Well, we best get moving then,” I say.

It will take some time to fly back to the island. Some time that I’ll make good use of to explore my new state of being.

Never have I felt so… whole.