Young Flame

The feast — or Bratchina, as Gerben calls it — is a much bigger occasion than I expected. After the ursu finish working in the mine, everyone in the town gathers in the clearing out the front of the saloon. It is an incredible sight to see so many of them in one place. There has to be over a hundred here, moving in and out of the saloon with drinks while talking and laughing with one another.

I am sitting off to the side by myself, having separated from Gerben, who is socialising with the many other ursu. I am looking forward to this meal, it’s been so long since I’ve had a proper amount of coal. Meat can be tasty, but it can never reach the filling feeling coal brings.

The crowd of ursu split in front of me and I watch as many long tables are brought out, evenly placed through the crowd. Not long after, a line of ursu carrying large platters walk out from behind the saloon. On each platter is a dizzying array of different food. I recognise the dingo meat, but most of it seems to be new types I’ve never seen before.

There are some strange colours mixed in as well, greens and whites and many other unique things that don’t look like any type of animal meat I’ve seen before. The strangeness of each platter is shocking, but what truly shocks me is the sheer volume of food being presented on the tables.

The ursu are salivating at the sight of the food in front of them. Many have a look I’ve only seen in predators as they watch their prey. It is surprising to see such large beings all patiently waiting. That is until the last tray is placed and, as one, they besiege the buffet.

It’s quite a sight to see, so many enormous people stuffing their faces with almost their body size of food. When the crowd disperses enough for me to see the table again, there is not even a scrap left over. The hum of conversation overwhelms the sounds of those still munching. Those with satisfied stomachs walk off in random directions. Many return to the saloon for drinks while a few wander off into the town. The majority seem content to remain in the vicinity of the tables.

With no food left, I have to think about my own hunger. Are they going to bring out some coal soon? Wait, am I even allowed to have some of their coal? I should find Gerben, at least he’ll know what I can do.

The moment I stand up to look, I realise it’s going to be much harder to find him than I initially thought. Not only is everyone more than double my size, blocking my sight, but I don’t think I can differentiate between him and any of the other ursu around. They all look too similar to my eye to pick him out from the crowd without hearing his voice.

A convoy of ursu appears from around the back of the saloon with yet another assortment of food platters. It appears to be just as large as the last range they brought out. Do these ursu have bottomless pits for stomachs? I don’t think my tribe could’ve ever found that much game, not to mention actually catching it all. I don’t see any coal on the plates, though. Do they not like the taste? What else could they be mining it for other than food?

Curious about where all this food is magically being brought from, I hop my way around the nearby ursu until I reach the other side of the building. What I find looks like a perfectly round sand dune with lots of doors on its sides. The divine smell of burning coal flares my hunger and I notice smoke rising from the rear side of the dune.

Many ursu move around the door-filled mound. Some take trays of food from within an open hatch and others prepare the meals on the platters. It looks like they still have plenty more to take out.

The old practice spear helps me as I hobble my way around to the side of the dirt mound the smoke is coming from. My small size is pretty handy considering none of the ursu around pay me any attention. Although, I’d feel better if I wasn’t in the presence of beings that averaged at a height more than twice mine.

The other side of the sand-covered spherical dome is much sparser of ursu. A few metres away from the base of the mound, there is a stairway leading down into the ground. Much of the smoke seeps out of a hole at the mound's base, but some finds its way out the stairway entrance. Overwhelming hunger takes me as the scent of the coal fire down the stairs blows into me. I know I might not be allowed inside, but I can’t stop myself from approaching the scent of ambrosia.

At the base of the stairs is a huge stone door larger than any other. The hatchways in the hill above look like ant holes in comparison. It is already wide open, and I stumble forward as if in a dream. The mountain of burning coal is as beautiful as it is nostalgic.

I throw myself on top of the pile and shove a burning piece in my mouth. The bliss of searing energy floods my body. I relax back into the comfortable heat encasing me and loosen my form to the surrounding heat.

Thoughts of my family cut into my mind. The last time I felt so comfortable, I was with my tribe. Even though I had lost my mum, I was still surrounded by those who loved me, but now, I’ve lost them too. The warmth of the coal fire around me is comfortable and warm, but it is lonely, lacking the genuine care and emotion of those I yearn for.

I suddenly realise I have never given them a proper farewell. My selfishness kept me from giving my family a true path towards the Eternal Inferno. I have locked them here because I didn’t want to admit their death for so long. My own denial prevented them from reuniting with the rest of our family in the Eternal Inferno, denied them their rightful new beginning.

I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t know if I will get a suitable chance to create their funeral pyre. It makes me feel incompetent, but this is the best chance I have to give them the opportunity to move on.

I can’t make the pyre here though — it can’t be underground — and I need to wait a few hours until the Ember Moon. But the coal here will be a good base for the pyre. Timber would be more in line with ritual rules, but I don’t have that luxury right now. I don’t know if I can use the coal in the first place, but I can only hope they won’t notice. I can’t ask them in case they deny me, so doing it without them knowing should be for the best.

First, I need to make sure the coal I use doesn’t burn before the time I need it to. I grab as much of the coal from the burning pile as I can and, using my inner flame to control the heat within, I stop the coal from burning. Carrying enough of the coal up the stairs will be hard, but I have a few hours to do it.

Reaching the outside with my handful of coal, I am thankful that nobody is around. Looking around to see where all the ursu have gone, I notice one of the ursu’s large wheelbarrows from the mine parked near the stairs. I’m not sure how I could have missed it on my way down, but a glance over the side shows it is full of coal. I must have been far too focused on the smell on the way down. At least this makes my job a bit easier.

I am still a fair distance from the buildings in the town. The food mound is wedged closely behind the back of the saloon. With my stick in one hand and the other clutching a handful of coal to my chest, I struggle to walk a short distance away from the saloon and mound.

I would have preferred to set up the pyre far from where the ursu might see, but I won’t be able to carry the coal all too far in my current legless state. I’ve already dropped half the handful I started with. Reluctantly settling with placing the pyre in the open space between the ursu-made hill and the surrounding buildings.

As I make my first trip of what I expected to be many, I notice there are no ursu around the mound they took food from anymore. Looking towards the saloon, I can see there are still plenty of them around and behind it, probably still conversing over their feast.

Well, it is fortunate for me, not having their attention on me can only be a good thing. I don’t know how they might react to me taking the coal they worked for.

The sun has long since set and the moon is a bit more than a quarter full, so I have a little over an hour before I need to start the ritual.

I use the time to carry as much coal as I can, but the end product lacks compared to the pyre that was set up for my mum and those that died with her. I want to keep working to make the pile bigger, but the time for the Ember Moon is almost here.

The near fully bright moon is darkening once again. The darkness on the moon, which has receded further to the left during the night, retakes its hold once again. Gradually but noticeably consuming the light. The ember moon shouldn’t be more than ten minutes away now. I ignite the pile of coal in front of me and hope it will burn into a proper flame without any more input on my part.

Mum used to tell me that the moon is in a constant cycle of being consumed by the darkness. Each night the darkness will come, and it is the Eldest Ember's flames that relight the moon.

The moon and Ember herself are the protectors of the lands and the áed, caring for as long as they are visible in the sky. Eldest Ember will always appear in the most difficult of times and guide those within her light. The Eternal Inferno — the sun — on the other hand, is an apathetic existence. Only showing on its own schedule and showing no bias between life and death. Mum has always said that while the Eternal Inferno is apathetic to all, it still provides for those under its watch. It will always allow for our flames to live on after they are extinguished.

The flames grow before me as the moon disappears completely. The world around me enters its dark prelude, the small flame of the coal fire lighting up only the immediate surroundings. Not too long do I need to wait until the landscape once again bathed in dim light, this time the deep red of the ember moon.

Taking my cue, I step into the disappointing flame. I’d hoped it would grow larger, but this will have to do. I free my inner fire into the pyre and encourage it to grow. Soon, I am completely encompassed by the flame. I let my form relax into the blaze, control my breathing and gather my thoughts. This is the second time I have to go through with this in far too short a time, but there is nothing I can do about it. I need to do what needs to be done for the sake of my family.

Unlike last time, I have to make sure I give all my tribesmen a proper goodbye. I can't fixate on only those closest to me as I did when my mum passed. They deserve a proper passage at the very least. I go through everyone in my family, beginning with those I’m not as close with, saying their name and a short eulogy for each one.

I want to give everyone a proper extended farewell, but with only me to send off the fifteen lost members of my tribe, I don’t have time to devote to each. The Ember Moon only last so long.

I struggle to continue when I finally reach Auntie and Uncle’s turns. They have done so much for me, especially after I lost Mum. I find it almost as hard to bring myself to send them off as it was for Mummy, but at least now I can move forward. I don’t have much time left, but I still want to say so much to them.

“Uncle Rivin, you’ve done so much for me since Mummy passed. You took care of me and even though I know you were hurting just as much as I was, you always put me first. I love you and appreciate everything you’ve done for me. May you be reignited in the Eternal Flame.”

“Auntie Kay, you’ve always been so good at making me laugh, I was always happier when you were around. You were a great teacher, too. As soon as my leg is better and I can find a spear for myself, I’m gonna keep practising what you taught me. I promise I’ll become just as good with a weapon as you and Mummy. Please find your way well to the Eternal Flame.”

With my eulogies done, I push as much of my inner flame into the fire, trying with all my might to replicate the impact Auntie was able to make when she did it. As much as I would have liked for it to be spectacular, I am unable to even reach the size I managed to for Mummy’s pyre. Going for so long without proper sustenance has left my inner flame in a depressing state.

I’m almost immediately exhausted after pushing everything into the flame. I try to push in more of myself to make up for my lack of strength. My limits are being stretched, I know, but I just don’t care right now. I may have accepted they have moved on, but the emptiness that remains of their departure is suffocating. The only thing that calms my soul is that I know everyone will soon be together in the eternal flame, waiting for my turn to join them.

Collapsing into the burning coals below me, I don’t even try to regain my form. I’m too tired to bother trying to move out of the pyre, not that I see a reason to. The heat of the coals is comfortable, but is hardly a remedy for the loneliness in my soul.