World Boss: Break the Narrative

Warning! You have entered the domain of Grond, the God of Beasts.

Your Scale is suppressed in this area

Heroic Boss Cat Sith has spawned.

You are sealed in the arena with the monster. Fight well!

An oversized lanky black tomcat sat in the center of the cavern licking its paw. This was a big cat, not like rhino big, or lion big. This was a cat about the size of a medium size dog. Think labrador and you're in the right weight class. It was pitch black except for a white patch on its chest and paws. If you want to be specific it also had amber eyes. I know because the cat looked at us for a long moment as we spread out.

“Why isn’t it attacking?” I asked. Oddly enough this pre-mauling calm was making me way more anxious.

The cat eyed me for a moment before gazing intently at Angelica. It stopped licking its paw and stretched. After several breaths, it grinned. The smile for a brief second looked strangely genuine, if out of place on a feline. Then it grew malevolent. The grin kept increasing until it was a rictus and eventually it all but split the cat's face. The claws extended. Then elongated into wickedly hooked blades.

It was cute to begin with but when it puffed up and hissed it looked demonic. Then shit got weird. The fangs and claws ignited in a baleful blue light and the sound of snow sublimating and rock boiling filled the air.

Brand started firing. Brand was smart. Sadly the cat wanted to live and with upsetting agility dodged every one of his shots.

Angelica charged, but just before she would have collided she veered off course. If she had continued she would have met all of the claws of the Cat Sith. It flurried a string of attacks that hit the open air where she would have been.

Not wasting time, I emulated Waylon Jones and threw a rock at it. It was a big rock. The cat split the stone into five flat chunks with a chaotic swipe of its claws. It then charged me like a furry missile, yowling in an ear splitting pitch. The roar of melting ice and stone added to the din.

Attack from Cat Sith successful

You take 22 points of damage

You are immune to the Shock Condition

Mental resistance protects you from the Extreme Agony condition. You may act normally.

Titanic Regeneration plus 12 hit points

HP: 230/240

Before I could think of how to react, burning claws dug into my leg. This is one of those things that words don’t do justice. Yes, the claws pierced my skin and then tore a good chunk out of my calf. But the blazing heat in the cat's claws seared skin and boiled blood. This caused massive instant cell death as steam formed in the vessels of my leg, turning a localized trauma into excruciating burning up to my thigh and down to my toes. I felt blisters rise on my skin and rupture.

I don’t know what crack the prompt was smoking either, this was the worst physical pain I had ever experienced. It took everything I had to not collapse to the ground screaming. Instead, I stumbled clumsily away from the literal hellcat screaming and crying. It was ugly crying, too.

For what it is worth the cat had obviously expected me to fall forward and had pounced where my head should have been. Then Brand, honorary signatory of the dog lover’s manifesto, shot it in the face with a shotgun slug. This didn’t kill it, further evidence that Justice is dead, but it did knock the damn feline backward.

Then Angelica hit it. She had swapped her spear out for a pitchfork. There was a good puncturing of the big cat menace followed by a crackle of lightning and the boom of thunder. This was then met with yowling and flashing claws. The pitch fork was instantly reduced to scrap and flinders.

Yeah, that was a problem.

Things went pear shaped immediately after that. Angelica took a grazing hit from the cat's claws. She shrieked in naked agony, stumbled, and the cat seized its moment. It was heading right for her neck with no one close enough to stop it

Then it turned my way.

You are now Gore Soaked

You are causing the Blood Frenzy condition.

…They are coming!

I had done something I was certain I was going to immediately regret. I had reapplied the Vitae of Tumult. The Cat Sith’s eyes, fangs, and claws began to burn red. Oh no, it had turned to the Dark Side.

It charged me. I could compare it to lightning, or a bullet, or some sort of malevolent cat that could be a witch in disguise, but my brain was drawn to compare it with something I know could kill me. It charged me like Angelica.

I clenched tight because this was going to be bad.

Attack from Cat Sith successful x5

You take 107 points of damage.

You are immune to the Shock Condition.

Mental resistance protects you from the Extreme Agony condition. You may act normally.

You are now on fire!

You take 2 points of damage.

Titanic Regeneration plus 12 hit points.

HP: 143/240

The pain was beyond description: my skin split like a hotdog in the microwave too long. Instead of blood, steam poured from the holes. Strangely the part of my chest that was actually on fire hurt less. In the blind agony of the Cat Sith’s assault I had tried to block its attacks. For the most part this just brought my arms into its reach, but one time I succeeded. Without thinking I counter attacked as well. I don’t fully understand what happened next but the prompt said this.

Attack from Cat Sith blocked.

Counter attack successful.

Cat Sith takes 11 points of damage.

Skills successful without roll. Checking for breakthroughs.

Block skill does not succeed on a breakthrough.

Unarmed skill does not succeed on a breakthrough.

Find a Mentor for greater chance of breakthrough.

I clocked the cat as hard as I could, but it was Heroic and higher level than me. I really did rely on my massive Scale differences for all of my damage. No idea what a breakthrough is, and at the moment I DID NOT care. Then my brain had a brilliant idea. It was so smart, my brain didn’t even tell me what it was. I pulled two of the barricades out of my inventory and slammed them into the sides of the cat, pinning it in place. That sounds more deliberate than it was. Think spastic flailing, and vague hope that walls would stop the mean kitty.

It still clawed the absolute fuck out of me, dropping me to 32 HP, but it was trapped. I took a half step back and the cat mindlessly flailed at me. I did inch back a little more. A few errant swipes of the cat's claws tore through the skin and stone of the barricades but it just kept trying to lash out at me.

Brand saw his opportunity and aimed the rifle. Click! That was loud. He cursed and reloaded. Then fired into the Cat Sith. He had the rifle peppering the beast with three round bursts. Even as the hail of gunfire began to tear the creature to shreds it kept desperately trying to reach me.

The boss wasn’t delicate. Brand had to reload a second time. He spent actual minutes just unloading into the thing. Angelica had gotten to her feet and was standing near me. She had another pitch fork ready and waiting if the miniboss got free.

If that happened I planned to shriek like my hair was on fire and hide behind her. I am tactical like that.

Eventually the constant abuse did what we all hoped for. The fucking laser cat died.

You gain no experience for Snow Lion type enemies

Bullshit! Snow lions were white, and lions. This was a big evil house cat. The system is rigged. …I guess I already knew that.

“What the hell was that thing with the fangs and the claws?” I asked, still not prepared to approach the cat. The key appeared.

“That was a combination of the Crippling Strike and Fiery Weapon spells.” Angelica nonchalantly took the key and looted the boss. “Normally the duration is a single successful attack. The domain must have given the spells an effectively infinite duration.”

Domains suck. I dislike them.

Brand also looted the boss, “We need to push on, I am out of ammo for the rifle.”

“I thought you had unlimited ammo?” I asked. I stopped short after talking. Oops.

I could tell by the look in his eyes that Brand had caught me, “No, the perk is temperamental when I fight higher Scale opponents.”

Oh good, Angelica picked up on this too. “How do you know what his perks do, Doug?”

“I have the Analyze skill,” I admitted.

Both of them looked deeply uncomfortable. They did one of those meaningful side-eye no words communication things.

“That is really uncool, Doug,” Angelica said, she even had that ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’ tone.

“First off, I scanned him when I thought he was a mind raping creep. And I never used it on you,” I began doing damage control.

Angelica’s expression immediately softened. “Oh, no harm done then. Loot the boss, we have to get out of here.”

“For the love of the quiet gods, I have no interest in either of you!” Brand growled through his teeth.

“Then stop grabbing my dick,” I shot back and looted the boss

You have acquired

Velutinous Bootees

Cat Sith Corpse

Velutinous Bootees

Not only will these little socks make your feet look adorable, they are also extremely comfortable. It is the base material, I tell you. Snow lion fur is the softest, and most pettable fur in existence. Thread made from it is magically even softer. The pettability is affected by who wears the clothing in question.

Oh yeah it also increase Mobility by 15

Armor: 6

Why the hell was the description for these socks written differently than all the others? I pulled them out of my inventory. They were little socks that were supposed to reach someone's ankle. They were mostly black but white at the toes with little kitty faces stitched in. What’s more, there is no way ‘pettability’ is a word.

“What’s better, Attribute buffs or Scale?” I asked Angelica. Part of me was a bit self conscious since Wilson told me to keep asking her questions, but I needed the answers.

Her eyes had the telltale glaze of someone looking at a prompt. She shrugged, “It depends. Ideally you want both. It is pretty rare to get either though. So if you already have Scale getting gear that compounds that is better, but if you don’t have Scale advantage more attribute points is a more stable way to offset the problem. So if someone has enough time they will try to stack as many small bonuses as possible to try and overcome something with higher Scale.”

That made some sense, so I equipped the socks. They certainly were comfortable. It was like walking on a cloud made of silk. The next bit was odd. My mobility more than doubled. It was thousands of tiny little sensations. I became, well, not more aware of my body, but I understood the relative position of everything and how it related to my center of gravity. Also thousands of little micro-movements smoothed out and coordinated to better help me balance.

Even the world around me subtly adjusted in my reckoning. The feel of the ice changed from slick in all directions to covered in fine ridges. These let my boots catch when I needed, and slide when I wanted. If I stood on a rock I could tell if it was firmly anchored or if it was loose. What’s more, if it was loose I could sense how my weight was shifting the center of gravity and could compensate to keep things level.

That was neat.

“You good to go?” Angelica. She looked a little pale herself. The hits from the Cat Sith had dropped her health into the yellow.

“Sorta, if need be I can press on. Are you doing alright?” My nerves were at a dull roar from the phantom pain. I felt a slight tremor in my arms and fingers. This was minutes after the injuries had faded. That Extreme Agony condition was something else.

Angelica paused for a long moment. I could tell it cost her to admit it when she said, “I need a few minutes.”

“I have pain killers,” Brand offered, pulling a blue tablet out of his inventory. “Numerall.”

Again she thought carefully before speaking, “No, I don't want to be high on meds as we wrap this up. Just give me seven more minutes.”

“Should we divide the keys?” I asked, changing the subject.

Angelica tossed me one, “We make it together or not at all.” We waited a few more minutes and then she said, “Let’s get out of here.

The door out of the arena was controlled by a metal lever. Brand pulled it and gears turned. Two metal doors leading into a new hallway parted…to reveal a second Cat Sith! The evil fucking jedi cat instantly flared up and charged me!

I immediately emitted another ‘battle cry’. Angelica stalled momentarily. Hard as it is to believe she just missed a step. Brand tried to shoot it, but the evil bastard was sly. Then it flailed at me.

Attack from Cat Sith successful

You take 18 points of damage.

You are immune to the Shock Condition.

Mental resistance protects you from the Extreme Agony condition. You may act normally.

You dodged attack x 5

Titanic Regeneration plus 12 hit points.

HP: 234/240

I dodge, ducked, dipped, dived, and dodged, and then the fucking feline tore me a new asshole. That, again, undersells just how painful it was. I completely abandoned all offensive action and just tried to not get hit again. I had hoped that the miniboss would have not found us again, that we could have just made a run on the final boss, then fuck off out of this dungeon and spread the good word of the dog lover’s manifesto. But no. It had to be here.

Then I remember the arena was open, and the horrifying fire claws would fade outside the domain of Grond. I ran out the doors into the hall, and received no message telling me I had left the domain of Grond.

I screamed in frustration and pain as the Cat Sith clipped me again. This time it was in the thigh, dangerously close to something even more painful. The heat was unbelievable. The strangely cold feeling that initially followed as nerves died before being able to transfer the burning sensation was nightmarish.

I would like to say I came up with a clever plan and turned the tables. I want to tell you I managed to grit my teeth and power through the pain, but that isn’t what happened. I just barely avoided panicking. I understood that if I didn’t keep dodging to the best of my ability this thing would rip me apart in seconds. I also figured out running was the wrong option, that could lead to more snow lions and likely death. So I just kept dodging everything I could, and hoped that Brand and Angelica could help me.

Things got a bit hazy, but Angelica was the one that dealt the killing blow. She full on impaled it with her spear. It screeched a hellish noise, and even as it died it tried to maul me. Two thoughts cut through the blizzard of nerve pain clouding my mind. First, if this boss hadn’t been focused on me, the combination of abilities and its tendency to cripple, then pounce, absolutely would have killed one of us. The second was that with the blood frenzy the only reason I was alive was the piece of loot I had just picked up and equipped. That was too precisely the right item. Something that gave me power would have let me counter attack and turned the fight into a glorified mook stomp. This was perfectly balanced. It was just hard enough that it looked like it could have gone either way.

“Doug!” Angelica shouted in my face.

I reeled slightly from the surprise. Shit, I was losing focus. The phantom pain from the horrifying wounds left by the Cat Sith had well exceeded any resolve I had. I had spent whatever mental reserve I had to focus.

“Doug!” Angelica shouted again.

She looked worried. Apparently I wasn't focusing. Wait, I knew what to do. I pulled the awl out of my inventory and stabbed it into my leg.

You take 2 points of damage

Titanic Regeneration plus 12 hit points

HP: 240/240

Everything came into focus. The stabbing pain of the awl… well, stabbing into my leg forced my mind to ignore the more unpleasant sensations left over from the Extreme Agony condition. I forget the word for this phenomenon, but it is a thing. Don’t try it unless you have some form of regeneration. Actually no, just don’t do this. It is a bad idea.

“What?” I asked.

Angelica looked at the awl in my leg for a moment before meeting my eyes, “We need to get to the final boss. Are you good?”

As the burning crept back into my being I twisted the awl, “Yeah. Let’s do this.”

For some reason this didn’t seem to convince Brand and Angelica. They spent a few minutes talking. I am not sure what they were discussing, but several snow lions rounded the corner and we had to dispatch them. This led to us committing to the last stretch.

We congaed down the halls, and I turtled in the big rooms. The pain kept coming back. The Titanic Brew didn’t help, at least not the Energized version. Even through the haze though I knew I didn't want to go for the Buzzed condition. That meant using the awl. While temporary it did push back the static and cool the burn even if that did make my leg hurt.

I had to laugh. I was Energized, at full health and better equipped than ever before, but somehow I felt so much worse than I did at the start of the dungeon.

Oh, we had made it to the Final Boss’ door. It was a colossal stone gateway. The base of the door had three keyholes: each of these had the outlines of Angelica, Brand, or I. Looming over the outlines was an imposing mysterious figure. On the chest of the figure was that shitty ‘G-shaped’ rune of Grond’s.

I stabbed my leg again.

“... interference to clear the way for Doug to apply the Vitae to the boss.” Brand said. I must have missed the beginning.

They both looked at me.

That’s right, I needed to paint the boss red, with the Vitae. That should cause it to be swarmed by the no doubt tremendous amount of cats we would find in this room. I nodded, “I got it.”

They both looked worried. I was also concerned.

I took a deep breath and focused on the here and now. “I got this.” I said again.

Brand sighed. “Sod it! Howay, I suppose.”