Working Out Issues

Annoyingly, Ashanti was gone by the time I got to Jeremy's. Apparently her flakey co-worker had called in sick, which meant she had to bail on Jeremy to go cover. Luckily, Jeremy didn't seem disappointed that it was just the two of us.

"We could just watch the show without her," Jeremy offered.

"What show?" I asked.

"RuPaul's Drag Race," he said, "It's basically what we watch instead of football."

I shifted uncomfortably, hoping that the straps of my bra weren't visible through the old shirt I was wearing, "Maybe another time."

In the end, we just hung out. Jeremy and Ashanti's apartment was small, but really well decorated. Ashanti might have been more of a fashionista, but Jeremy was really into interior design. We ended up watching a movie together on his bed, then walked to a cafe and had brunch. I ordered eggs, and then felt a little guilty for leaving Adam alone.

At one point, Jeremy and I both reached for the salt at the same time and our hands touched. He smiled at me. I smiled back. It was nice to just hang out with a male friend with no weird pseudo-romantic undertones.

The rest of the week went quickly. I didn't dress up again, unless you count sports bras and leggings. Getting caught dressed up had been a little too intense, even though I really did believe that Adam liked seeing me like that. For now, anyway. I knew it would change once he had a girlfriend.

And for some reason, that made me a little upset. I knew the cuddly stuff had to stop, but part of me didn't want it to. I had grown accustomed to it, I guess. Every morning, Adam and I cooked together, and if he wanted to cuddle me from behind while I was cutting up veggies, I would let him. If he wanted a kiss goodbye before he went off to work, I would give it to him. And if that kiss goodbye ended up lasting a full minute...

That didn't mean anything, did it?

"You and Ashanti are really close, right?" I asked Jeremy on Thursday night, while we were at my place, playing some stupid indie game I downloaded on my PS4.

He thought about it for a moment, "Yeah. She's kind of the sister I never had."

"You told me you had three sisters."

"Those are the sisters I do have," he smirked, "We're out of dishes."

"Working on it," I said, hurrying my avatar over to the virtual sink, "So... It's pretty weird spending so much time with one person, right? Shit, the dishwasher just broke."

"I have iron, I'll craft one," he said. He opened the crafting menu on his half of the screen, and I scurried around frantically, chopping up carrots and dodging passing cars, "And I don't think it's weird. It's like college. But with less anxiety."

"So much less anxiety," I lied. One of the cars stopped and a swarm of zombies poured out, quickly overwhelming my character. Jeremy quickly closed the crafting menu and started giving covering fire with a shotgun while I scrambled to protect the capture point, "But like, to an outsider, roommate stuff probably seems so crazy."

"Definitely," Jeremy laughed, "I know stuff about her I would never want to know about my sisters."

He lined up three same-colored zombies and they exploded, taking out everyone them and giving us a x2 score multiplier. We got into the car they had abandoned and rejoined the race to the finish line.

"Right!" I said. Okay, this was good. Adam and I weren't the only two roommates who had trouble with boundaries, "And it's like, where's the line, right?"

"Uh... what do you mean, exactly?" Jeremy said. We clipped a police car, giving us an instant 3-star wanted rating. Jeremy swore and quickly swerved down a side street while I started firing dirty dishes at the cops.

"Like you said, it's way more intimate than normal friends, right?"

"....Sure."

"Like, you and Ashanti probably share a blanket or whatever, if you're watching a movie."

"...Yeah, sometimes."

"And like, you would give her a hug if she's feeling sad. I need heals."

"Healing. And, yeah, of course."

"And, I mean, you've probably shared a bed once or twice."

"Mel, can we pause for a bit?" Jeremy said.

"No, it's online multiplayer."

"What the hell is this game?" Jeremy said. On screen, our car hit a banana peel, flipped and landed upside down on a giant marshmallow. Blood and gore flew everywhere. Our characters reappeared in the Shadow Isles and I quickly started gathering up Soul Fragments so we could respawn. Jeremy put his controller aside and gave me a look.

"Is everything okay, Mel?" he asked. I glanced over. He looked concerned, in a very calm, Jeremy way. I blushed and turned back to the TV, where I was being chased around the Shadow Isles maze by Inky, Blinky, Clyde, and Pyramid Head.

"I just really hope Adam and Ashanti hit it off tomorrow night," I said casually.

"Mel," Jeremy said slowly, "Has Adam been making you feel uncomfortable?"

"Umm," I bit my lip. Actually, if were talking about physical comfort, it was pretty hard to think of anything that felt better than being wrapped up in Adam's arms. But that sounded really non-platonic out loud. "How do you mean?"

"Like, has he been hitting on you?"

"Oh my god!" I laughed, "No! Definitely not. Trust me, he is not that sort of guy at all."

I jumped down onto Blinky from atop the wall of the maze, spearing his ghostly body with my hidden blade, then quickly took out Clyde and Pyramid Head with a plasma cannon.

"Okay," said Jeremy, "Good. Cause I trust you, but I'm not setting up my almost-sister with some shithead."

"I promise, he is, like, the most amazing guy ever," I said, "I think we might just be, like... a little co-dependent."

"Are you sure that's it?" Jeremy asked, "He was pretty over-protective at the gym. I kind of thought you wanted to set him up so he wouldn't keep pining over you."

"Trust me, he doesn't think of me that way," I said, "He's completely straight. We both are. Just two straight guys sharing an apartment."

"...Oh," Jeremy said. For some reason he sounded a little disappointed, "Huh. Guess my gaydar's a little off."

He shrugged, picked up his controller, and collected the last few Soul Fragments. We respawned in the overworld just in time -- the storm had nearly closed in on us.

I was a little rattled. Even though I knew Adam was just craving physical intimacy, not actually attracted to me, Jeremy's questioning had hit a little close to home. I mean, if he knew that I had helped Adam get off the other night... but that was normal, wasn't it?

"So, does anything weird ever happen when you and Ashanti sleep together?" I asked, trying to sound normal.

"Sometimes she talks in her sleep, which is very on brand," he said, "But nothing weird. Might be weird if I was straight."

"Sure," I nodded.

I started building a base to protect us from the other survivors while Jeremy crafted some armor out of the remains of the dishwasher.

"Wait, what?" I said, "You're gay?"

Jeremy laughed incredulously, "Yeah? Of course."

"But you're so..." I bit my tongue.

"You can say "normal", if that's what you're thinking," Jeremy rolled his eyes, "I am very gay though. I don't try to hide it."

"I'm sorry," I said, cheeks flaming red, "I didn't mean to sound, like, homophobic at all. I think it's really, um, really cool that you're gay and everything."

"Yeah," Jeremy nodded, poorly suppressing a smirk, "It's actually incredibly cool."

I buried my face in my hands, "I'm sorry! I'm being such a dipshit right now. I'm just... surprised. I had this image of you as a straight guy..."

"Well," Jeremy said, and there was a hint of laughter in his voice but mostly gentle kindness, "Let it go. First impressions aren't always right. But I understand. Society tells you that certain types of people have to behave a certain way, and it's easy to just believe it. Questioning is hard."

Jeremy paused, like he was considering how far he wanted to continue this thought. I just stayed quiet. The crazy thing was, some of what he was saying kind of resonated with me. It was like how I assumed that Adam must get laid all the time because he was so hot. Or maybe even, in some tiny, tangential way, it could possibly be extended to apply, slightly, just a little, to the way I thought about myself. But not really. But a little.

"Anyway, you don't have to be what other people tell you that you are," Jeremy said.

I sniffled and nodded.

"Which is good," Jeremy said, "Because I really like being gay, even if certain people don't realize it. Now come on, everyone else is dead."

I shook the embarrassed tears from my eyes and looked up. Sure enough, every other player had been eaten by a chain chomp wearing a Master Chief helmet, which meant it was up to us to defuse the bomb at the center of the arena.

"Oh shit!" I gasped, "Where are the instructions?"

"I think they're under the couch," said Jeremy, snapping back into action. I quickly lifted up the futon with one hand and grabbed the printed-out manual with the other.

"Okay," I said, "What does the panel on the front of the bomb look like?"

Jeremy rotated the bomb on the screen, "Uh... I think it's a mix between a Guitar Hero controller and a Rubik's cube... wait, now it's prompting me to buy a lootbox."

I flung the manual aside, "Alright, fuck this game."

Jeremy laughed, "Yeah, fuck this game."

We leaned back against the couch in silence for a moment and waited for the bomb to go off.

"Sorry I was so weird just then," I mumbled.

"That's okay," said Jeremy, "I think you're figuring some stuff out."

I thought about the events of the past few months. Adam and I baring our souls to each other. Cuddling each other. Adam helping me work out and feel good about my body. Sleeping together. Kissing. Me dressing up for Adam, and the way he lit up, and the way it made me feel inside. Adam cumming on me.

Holy shit, I realised, as the timer on the bomb hit zero.

We were so starved for affection, even an actual gay guy thought that we seemed gay.

BOOM!