Welcome to The Crucible

I don’t know how much time I spent there crying but it wasn’t just a few minutes.

And I wasn't only crying.

At times, I just laid on the ground without any energy, others I punced things in a rage fueled rampage, screaming like a madman (it's how I closed the screen); I was a mess.

I knew deep down that I couldn’t waste my time like that.

I always thought I was someone who could calm down and do what's needed if the situation called for it but it turns out sometimes it's not so easy to do the logical thing, and at that moment I was anything but a person thinking logically; too many things happened one after another and I just couldn't deal with everything.

After what felt like hours, I finally calmed down... or more like I was just too exhausted to do or think anything.

I was sitting with my back on a tree, just a few meters where I started – because even in my bouts of rage I was still scared to go too far out, the memory of that agony was still too fresh in my mind to risk repeating it – when I drifted off into sleep.

When I woke up it was still daytime and the sun seemed higher in the sky, if I came here in the morning then I suppose now was about midday.

“Hahaha..” a bitter laugh escaped my lips, at the thought that not even half a day passed.

It wasn't all bad though since I knew I still had time to do something before night came.

I was much calmer than before now, and, though I still wasn't fine, not by a long stretch, I could at least think about what to do.

“Let's see… I have to procure food somehow, I need water, I need a shelter or something for the night and most of all I need to find a way to protect myself." I thought.

All these things were necessary but were hard to accomplish with my actual means.

The first thing I did was to search for food, and since I had a limited area to search – I wasn't willing to even get close to the outside yet – it didn’t take too long.

Unsurprisingly there was nothing, it may be that I wasn’t knowledgeable enough to find edible food in a forest but I doubt it – it seemed more like that making this place safe for three days was the limit of their/his kindness.

I was still dejected after my conclusion since I still had a bit of hope, and my mood was getting worse, but I couldn’t waste any more time so I suppressed it as best as I could.

I had things to do and not much time to do them.

When I was searching for food I also looked to see if there were any rocks I could use to make some primitive tools, and, of course, I also found nothing useful; the only ones I saw were little more than pebbles and I couldn’t do a thing with them.

“If I had any ability with a sling they would've been useful as ammo at least… but of course, I don't, and I'm not really sure I could do a lot of damage to something as big as that snake unless I hit it in some weak spot like the head, and I suppose it'd take time to get at that level, and same for hunting birds…” I thought, gritting my teeth.

The more I thought the more apparent was the choice I had to make, and it was one I very much didn’t want to take into consideration, at least not so soon, but, as I said, I didn't have the time to take it easy, so I could only steel my resolve and make the decision I had to make.

“I only hope that one day those cock-sucking bastards will get fucked in the ass with a pole full of splinters and sand and a bit of glass too just to make it bloody enough, damn whore-sons…" I said out loud hoping they heard me, even though that may put me in an even shittier situation.

Anyway, after cursing for a while I tried to calm down again, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.

I needed a break but I also needed to eat and drink something, with precedence on drinking, the heat got worse and I was sweating buckets and so, with a heavy heart, I headed for the stream.

I paused at the edge of safety, with my heart beating like crazy, looking and listening for any sign of danger, well aware that I did the same the last time, and it didn’t change a thing.

I stood there immobilized for a time before deciding to step forward.

I hunched forward and moved even slower than last time, trying to cover my distance to the stream as silently as possible.

It took me some time to make it past those few meters, making sure of every step before putting my weight into it, keeping my eyes open and concentrating in my peripheral view for any sign of movement, looking back from time to time, and keeping ready to dive down if I heard any strange sound.

I choose the same spot as before because: 1, it was the closest, 2, maybe the snake was full of my previous body (who knows how this resurrection thing works), 3, even if he wasn't full I at least knew one of the things I should be wary of… and who knew what else could kill me out there.

When I arrived near the water I stood there then cupped my hands, filled them and bought them on my lips, all the while looking around.

All seemed normal, nothing different aside from the annoying mosquitoes that started circling around me; they were very distracting and the last thing I wanted to do now was getting distracted.

I drank a few times more before deciding it was time to head back.

I never lowered my sight up until now, and I would slowly but constantly look around; I didn't want to be surprised again, and the memory of the consequences I would have to bear if it happened again was still too fresh to not pay as much attention as possible to my surroundings.

I, fortunately, didn't encounter anything on the way back, the only discomfort being the heat and the insects, which didn't follow me inside the safe zone.

After I got inside I wanted to see if I could find food near the perimeter, so I started moving following what I felt like was the border, which, I realized, was something I should have done from the beginning.

I was safe here, but even though I was on a time limit I didn’t hurry and crash trough everything without a care in the world, but slowly trod forward trying to make the least noise possible – I wanted to get used to moving like this as fast as possible since I believed my chance to survive would be much higher if I did not announce my presence to every predator around me, though I'd need to think about doing something to mask my scent too.

“I have to say its quite tiring though.” I thought after some time, stopping for a moment to rest my legs “maybe it’s better if I concentrate finding some source of food before I start training myself, if I keep on going like this I will be tired and hungry, and with nothing to eat by the time night falls.”

I wasn’t very muscular but I also wasn’t a fat man; I did go to the gym from time to time, and I liked to go running a few times a week, but a combination of heat, unfamiliar movements/environments and a roller-coaster of emotions were sapping my strength quickly.

After resting a bit and thinking it through I decided to move a bit faster while standing straight, though still trying to not make too much noise.

After completing my round I found a few fruits that I recognized and many more that I didn’t.

Most of them were too high up for me to reach but I saw some bananas that looked to be around 5 to 6 meters high that I could reach with some effort.

After locating them again I took my time slowly moving forward, and then tried to climb the tree, and that took me a while – I’ve never been good at climbing trees.

I managed to get to the bananas after what I believe was a half-hour climb and quite a lot of mental cursing.

Well, after I managed to get down, I was happy and relieved and, obviously, I had lowered my guard again.

I wasn’t completely inattentive though, it’s just that trying to climb a tree, especially with my horrible climbing skills, and meanwhile trying to keep an eye around you, wasn’t easy, and I also wasn’t very quiet.

Add that to the fact that I wasn’t used to any of this and that it’s really full of underbrush and maybe I could reasonably say it was normal not to notice the horse-sized tiger that was preparing to pounce just a few meters away.

Well, after I got to the ground I saw it with the corner of my eyes just before it jumped, and since I wasn’t prepared I couldn’t react fast enough (not that I think it would have made any difference in this case), it practically flew over those few meters in the blink of an eye, and the next moment I was already staring down his throat.

At that moment I wasn't scared yet, adrenaline was just starting to kick in when I realized I was staring death in the face, or maws in this case.

Then I felt his front paws impacting me just an instant before his mouth shut over my head (it fit completely inside) and I felt my neck getting crushed; it was over even faster than last time.

The usual blackness enveloped me and then nothing… until I felt the usual burning, though just in from my neck up this time.

It wasn't any less painful than before even though the area of pain was reduced by a lot.

Then I somehow felt things being shifted inside my neck causing me even more pain over the burning, and I didn’t believe that was possible.

After some indefinite time, I felt the rest of my body again and things stopped moving and causing pain in my neck, which was replaced by my whole body burning.

I tried to scream the whole time again, but this time too I wasn’t in control.

When the world came in view again I didn’t move and just looked at the canopy above me.

I thought they had done something to me right after that torture to calm me down because logically I would still be screaming like a madman otherwise, even last time seemed the same.

After that thought passed, I started reliving those moments again, and started to shake; I grabbed my head and curled up, and I wanted to cry again.

But I knew that I couldn’t, or else all days would be the same until I became insane from the pain.

No, they would even get worse once the three days were up.

So, as soon as I could, I forced myself to sit up and think about the next steps.

I heaved a bit and then kept breathing deeply for a few minutes.

"It seems I am not hungry anymore... nor thirsty.. so I suppose there are some upsides to dying…. I feel sick just thinking about it." I thought, feeling my stomach tightening.

I looked around noticing that the light was noticeably lower.

“I will soon be unable to move around, so I should make myself a bed with leaves or something.. and maybe retrieve those bananas if they’re still here.” I thought.

I started by looking for the bananas but they weren’t there, I had even gone outside a bit to see if they were hidden somewhere nearby, but no luck.

So I came back and prepared my ‘bed’ so I could rest during the night.

It was harder than I thought tearing those giant leaves off without any knife or hatchet.

In the end, though, I made it and then just laid there thinking.

I was tired, physically not too much, but my mind was dead tired… to put it mildly.

While I waited for the night to descend I kept thinking about that day.

Since I was a kid I always hated to cry or show weakness, I only did it a few times, even if I was just by myself, and I had already done plenty of that during the day, but I couldn't hold myself back.

I shed my tears silently in the dark until sleep claimed me.