Wayward Rose

10

"Are you sure this is the way out of the city?" Sara asked as he guided them through the streets.

"It is not," he told her. "We have a stop to make first."

"I thought we were in a hurry."

"We are," Dalibor assured her. "But if we are going to be up against luminaries from the Star Cult, I need to call in a favor."

They were fortunate that Captain Myrddin was in the harbor, waiting for sailors near the Serpent's moorage. "Mr. Dalibor," he said as Dalibor and Sara led their horses up to him. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need some advice," Dalibor said. "The Star Cult is after us, and we need to flee the city. What should we expect if they send luminaries after us?"

Myrddin blinked at them and took a moment to take in what Dalibor had told him. "I'll admit," he said. "This is somewhat concerning."

"Just somewhat?" Dalibor asked.

"Just somewhat," Myrddin agreed, massaging the scales between his eyes. "This is one of the worst places in the world to run afoul of the Star Cult. One of their largest temples is in Cibalae, you know, and it's been the source of any number of radiance-crazed luminaries over the years."

"I know," Sara said. "It's where they'd planned to take me to sacrifice me to the Star."

"You knew they were after you and you came here anyway?" Myrddin asked. He glared at Dalibor. "What in all the names of the Oceanlord were you thinking? Are you not a Verdant warlord?"

"I didn't think they'd look here since they'd assume we were avoiding it," Dalibor said. "And I definitely didn't expect some random cultist who's probably never seen Sara before to be able to recognize her. Besides, I never planned to stay here. We were only going to be here long enough to get our bearings again."

"Well it is definitely time for you to leave, then," Myrddin said. "But if the Star Cult is going to send its luminaries after you, you're not going to make it far without a luminary of your own."

"Are you offering to help us?" Dalibor asked.

"I am not," Myrddin said. "Well. Not directly. I may know somebody who can help you."

"Well?" Dalibor asked after several moments of the lizard rapping his forehead and flicking his tongue out.

"There is a pair of luminary hunters," Myrddin said. "They work together out of Meleko, the city that sprang up in Daras after our trek there. Which is all well and good. They provide a needed service, because when the wrong person gets a symbiote, entire cities can suffer."

"So why does it feel like there's a problem?" Sara asked.

"I have some less than savory history with their employer, the Sage of Meleko," Myrddin said. "We parted on poor terms. I swore I'd never talk to her again, and I know she feels the same." He stared at Sara, and to Dalibor's dismay, it looked very much like he was staring at the princess's breasts. "There's something about you, Sara. Something that feels familiar, but I can't place it. Whatever it is, whatever reason the Star Cult wants you, I strongly suspect it is something that is worth contacting the Sage over, because the Star Cult should never be allowed to have what it wants."

"Thank you," Sara said.

"How would you even get a message to her?" Dalibor asked. "You said she lives south of Sahara."

Myrddin flexed his metal-laced fingers. "I have a communication relic on the Serpent. I can talk to her directly from wherever I am. It was a gift from her, years ago. I never could get rid of it."

"What will you tell her, though?" Dalibor asked. "We can't stay here and wait for these hunters to show up. We have to leave today."

"Head to Byzantium," Myrddin said. "I'll have them meet you there at the Drowned Dog Inn. It's one of the better-known inns in the city. You should make it there in three weeks at most. If the hunters leave soon, they'll arrive a week or so after you."

Dalibor scowled. "That's a long time to be hiding in a major city," he said. "They found us here in two days."

"We'll have to sleep in the wilds then," Sara said. "You still have our tent, right?"

"You're the one that packed everything," Dalibor told her. "Did you put the tent in with everything else?"

"I didn't check every bag." She blushed furiously. "I was in a hurry."

Dalibor closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. He didn't want to be angry with her. She was not a trained warlord. She was barely a practiced traveler. A few months ago, she hadn't even been out and about in New Rome enough to know her way around her own hometown. It was unfair to blame her for not checking on something so obviously necessary as a tent. Even if she had spent nearly all of those intervening months on the road, which would suggest that she might know a thing or two about what they needed from day to day. "Did you pack any food?" he asked.

"I'm not stupid, Dalibor," she said. "Just rushed."

"What are you two doing here?" Dalibor heard Laenas call.

He opened his eyes and saw Laenas and Musca approaching them in the company of a lanky shark wearing the same sort of finery that Dalibor was accustomed to seeing on Myrddin. Musca had a large, poorly-wrapped parcel strapped to her back that was obviously her armor. "Plotting our escape," Dalibor told them. "A Star cultist recognized Sara."

"Are you two coming with us too then?" Laenas asked.

"That would be nice," Musca said.

"They are absolutely not," Myrddin said. "The last thing I need is to call more attention from the Star Cult to my voyages. They're already irritable enough that I'm swiping relics they wrongfully believe belong to them. Though if they're going to be poking around…" He turned to his officer. "Mr. MacAilein, if you could round up the crew, I'd like to leave by sunset if possible."

"Aye, Captain," the shark said and headed back towards town.

"Well shit," Laenas said. "Are we running, then? I was looking forward to this trip."

"We are running, but you are not," Dalibor said. "Myrddin arranged other help for us. You two have been amazing, but not even you are going to be able to help us if the Star Cult sends luminaries after us. Besides, it'll be easier to hide with fewer people."

"I do not like it," Musca said. "If you are not safe here, we should protect you, Princess."

"Princess?" Myrddin asked. His large eyes widened further, and his gaze snapped to Sara as if he had just figured out why she had seemed so familiar.

"A pet name," Dalibor lied smoothly. He knew Myrddin wouldn't believe him, but the cover was important regardless. He already suspected that Myrddin knew far more than he was letting on. "I'll still be with her, Musca. You don't have to worry."

"I will worry," Musca said. She pulled Sara into a hug.

"So will I," Laenas added. "I know you played us just fine, but they know you're a warlord now. They're not going to underestimate you again."

"They who?" Dalibor asked.

"The…" Laenas began then trailed off. "Wait, it's just the Star Cult this time, isn't it? Do you think they're talking to the emperor?"

"I don't think they can get word to him instantly," Dalibor said.

"Except that they probably can," Myrddin reminded him. "I am not the only one with a communication relic."

"Shit," Dalibor swore. "I don't like having to plan around magic. Especially magic that I don't know anything about."

"Hey," Laenas said, punching him gently in the shoulder. "If anybody can do this, it's you, Dalibor. You need to trust yourself. I know you'll be able to keep the three of you safe."

Dalibor's stomach dropped. He felt his ears and tail droop and was powerless to stop them. There was only going to be the two of them. He refused, however, to cry. "Thanks, Laenas," he said.

"Buck up," Laenas said. "You'll get through this."

"We should go," Sara said, touching him lightly on the elbow.

He nodded and tried to force his breathing to remain steady. "Right. I'm glad we got to see the two of you again before we left," he said.

"Give Rasha our best," Musca said.

Dalibor nodded and turned away. He wished yet again he knew how to force his tail to wag. But he couldn't.

"Goodbye, both," Sara said behind him. "You have done your Orders great honor."

"We will serve the Empire faithfully to the best of our ability," Musca said.

"And gods know the emperor doesn't deserve his title," said Laenas.

"Thank you again," Sara said. Dalibor lingered slightly to let her catch up to him. "Why didn't you tell them Rasha isn't coming?" she asked.

"I will mourn when we are out of the city," Dalibor snapped. "We can't sneak out if I'm sobbing through the streets. It will attract too much attention."

He managed to hold himself together all the way through the city. He sent his thoughts forward so that they did not have to exist with him in the present. He thought about what they would need—blankets, parkas, maybe even boots—and where they would go, not what they were leaving behind. Thought about the new people they would find—hunters, Myrddin had said, who hunted luminaries—instead of the familiar faces they were losing. He quizzed Sara about their route. "You should know the roads better than I do," she said. "Armenia is farther east than Byzantium."

"Humor me," Dalibor told her.

She shrugged. "Byzantium is coastal, so at the worst we just follow the coast for another three weeks. Hopefully, the Old Roads go there. I'd prefer to not get lost in the woods of Illyricum if we don't have to. Especially with radiant wolves about."

"I'd almost forgotten about the wolves," Dalibor said. He rubbed his eyes. "Son of the Sun, how do things keep getting worse? Now we have the Emperor, the Star Cult, and radiant beasts to contend with."

He made it through the city gates and past the farms immediately outside the city without falling to pieces and thought he'd be mostly in the clear. Leaving Rasha stung, certainly, but it wasn't unfamiliar. He'd left his father behind for weeks at a time when he was traveling for business. It was easier to contain his loss if he thought about it like that. Like the old bear had said, it wasn't as though Rasha were dying. He'd still be there, living his best life surrounded by people. Dalibor knew he'd missed that bustle while they were living in the wilds of Aquitania. Rasha would find a way to support himself. He would find new suitors. And when Dalibor finally returned after…

He tried to cast aside the thought before it could blossom, but his warlord's mind had already latched onto the problem. There was no end. There was no victory condition. What was he going to do? Unseat the emperor and tear down the Star Cult? They would not stop. There would be no peace for him.

That was when Sara led her horse off the road and into the trees. "What are you doing?" Dalibor asked, the surprise at her sudden change in direction distracting him from his musings.

"Come here," she said, riding deeper away from the road.

"I don't want to stop yet, Sara," Dalibor complained, but he followed all the same. "We still have plenty of time left before sunset."

"There's something we have to do first," she said. "Besides, you were all about traveling at night when we were fleeing across Italia."

"It wasn't literally freezing at night then," he muttered. Once they were out of sight of the road Sara dismounted and gestured for him to do the same. "Seriously, Sara. What are we doing out here?"

"Dalibor of Mtskheta, get off your horse," she commanded.

He bristled at her tone. It had been some time since she'd tried using her Princess voice on him. He wanted to spite her just out of principle, but something in her face stopped him. She stared up at him, arms outstretched as though to help him down, and she did not look angry or regal or commanding so much as she looked worried. So he dismounted for her. "I still don't know why," he grumbled as he got down.

She didn't answer. Instead, she walked right up to him, wrapped her outstretched arms around him, and buried her face in his shoulder. He did not return the embrace, instead holding up his hands beside her. "I'm so sorry, Dalya," she said, and he could hear the tears threatening her voice. "This is three times now you've run away with me. First in New Rome when you didn't even know me but wouldn't leave me to die. Then in Aquitania, where you abandoned your entire life for me. And now again here, where you left behind your only family to be with me. And I feel so guilty. There's nothing I can do to repay you, Dalya. Nothing! I've destroyed everything you love, and there's nothing I can do to make it better, and I'm terrified you're going to decide enough is enough and just leave me. I would leave me! And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Sara…" Dalibor said. He still didn't touch her.

She clung tighter to him. "I know you don't like touching me," she said. "I know it makes you uncomfortable, but I don't know why, because I know you like hugs. I've seen how safe and comfortable you look when Rasha hugs you, and thinking of that makes me so scared, Dalya. I've seen how much you love your father, and I don't think I can ever be that for you, and I'm terrified you're going to leave me to go back to Rasha because I know you don't love me as much as you do him. I'm scared, Dalya. I don't know what to do."

With a sigh, Dalibor relented. He could hear himself in her words, crying to Rasha about how scared he was. About how he didn't know what he was going to do. And he could, in turn, hear Rasha's answer. Dalibor put one arm around Sara's waist and used the other to stroke her flowing black hair. She was so small compared to Rasha. Even small compared to other Homin women. "Shh… Calm down," he murmured. "I'm not going to leave you. I'll be at your side until you send me away."

Sara sniffed. "You promise?" she hiccupped.

"I promise," he said. His tail wagged lazily behind him.

"Thank you," she whispered back. They stood like that for some time, with her sniffling into his shoulder. Soon, she took a shaky breath and spoke again. "I'm sorry for being all weepy like this. I know we need to keep moving, but…"

"But?" Dalibor asked, still stroking her hair.

"I never really got hugs when I was growing up," she said. "My father was the emperor, and my mother was… Well, mother's mind was never particularly reliable, and there were days when she didn't even recognize I was her daughter. All that to say that I didn't really even notice that I was missing something until I saw you and Rasha together, and this… This is nice. I can see why you like it." Dalibor didn't answer. She noticed the silence and kept talking. "I know you said you're not… comfortable being anything more than just friends right now. And I understand that, really I do. But I want to keep being able to hug you, Dalya. I only did this because I saw you and Rasha do it so much, and I thought you might need it right now since you're not going to see him again for a long time, but now… Now I think I need it too. I feel safe like this, and I haven't felt safe in a very long time."

Still Dalibor said nothing. He didn't know what to tell her. He didn't want to hug her because they might end up the way he and Timora or, gods forbid, he and Jadia had. He'd never forgive himself if he hurt Sara the way he had hurt either of them. But at the same time, he wanted to hug her because he ached to feel Rasha's strong arms around him, and while Sara wasn't nearly as big or as strong as his father, being this close to her still calmed his thoughts and warmed his heart the same as a hug from Rasha did. He did care about her. He wanted her to be safe and happy. He wanted to be able to hug her too. But that was all. Nothing more. What would happen when she decided she wanted to kiss him? Or more than that? Would this still be enough for her then? Would he still be enough? He could feel the spiders beginning to wake.

"Please say something, Dalya," she said. Her voice trembled.

"I…" he said. But what could he say? That he loved her, just not in the way she wanted him to love her? That he didn't want to hug her because he was terrified of not being able to hug her anymore?

She pulled back from him a bit without letting him free of her arms and frowned up at him. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He opened his mouth, a benign platitude already on his tongue, but the words stuck in his throat. He couldn't lie to Sara any more than he could lie to Rasha. He loved them both. But his papa was gone, and he wasn't likely to ever see the bear again. Never hear the bear's laughter, never see the bear's smile, feel the warmth of the bear's arms around him, smell the scent of wood smoke and fresh leaves that never really left the bear's fur. Now all he could feel and smell was Sara, and she still smelled of the roses of her home. With a final, fruitless struggle, he pulled Sara back to his chest, draped his neck over her shoulder and his muzzle down her back, and, finally, Dalibor began to cry.