Ward of the White Worm

pg. 23

YOUNG HENRY TELLS-NO-TRUTHS

From ‘Peter the Frogmouth’, rewritten to retain its important moral without harming nor terrifying the innocent minds of the youth by Rev. George M. Blanchard, chairman of the Brotherhood for Proper Moral Instruction, Doctorate of Divinity from Roserwick, Second-Councilman of the Improvement Of Fallen Women And Fatherless Children Society, and proud Representative of the Chastity of Mind and Body Association

Within an older time, where the eyes above were brighter in the sky than today, in a town called Holy-And-Known, there lived Young Henry Tells-No-Truths.

Young Henry Tells-No-Truths was a boy who was much like any other child.

Henry Tells-No-Truths worked the fields in the morning with his siblings Sara Says-Only-Good and George Knows-Only-Honesty and his mother Jane Thinks-Only-Piously. In the noon-time he goes to the school within the church upon the hill to take his lessons from Wise Old Fred.

But every day was Henry Tells-No-Truths late. He oft stopped to take a drink from the creek, and to eat berries from the bushes of his neighbors. Henry Tells-No-Truths would, in the summer months, rest upon the road and nap.

Wise Old Fred taught the children their psalms and their letters. One day Henry Tells-No-Truths came within after prayer and sat down before the master.

“Henry, why are you late?” Asked Wise Old Fred. “Do not lie to me! The Distant Gods punish liars!”

“An old lady needed help after her cane broke. I helped her!” Lied Henry Tells-No-Truths.

“You are late every day!” Said Wise Old Fred. “What will your mother say when you tell her?”

“She would be very aghast!” Said Henry Tells-No-Truths.

“You must tell her right when you get home!” Ordered Wise Old Fred.

But Young Henry Tells-No-Truths did not tell his mother!

pg. 24

One day, Jane Thinks-Only-Piously gave her son Henry Tells-No-Truths a sixpence and told him to go to the baker and buy a loaf of bread. Henry Tells-No-Truths went to town with sixpence in his pocket, but he saw it was market day and a stall was selling honeyed sweets.

Henry Tells-No-Truths went to the stall and saw the baker at it and asked, “Mister Baker, how much is the honey cake?”

“A sixpence, my lad,” said the baker.

Henry Tells-No-Truths took out the six pence from his pocket and gave it to the baker. He ate his ill-gained honey cake and went home.

When his mother asked what became of the bread, Henry Tells-No-Truths said, “oh mother! I was robbed!”

“Oh no! My poor boy!” Said Jane Thinks-Only-Piously. “Is this true?”

“By the Distant Gods, do I swear it!” Henry Tells-No-Truths falsely spoke.

By the close of summer, as the weather began to nip and the trees started to sag, Henry Tells-No-Truths was supposed to help in the harvest. But instead, he went to go play in the forest all day long until the sun had started to set.

When he returned home, Jane Thinks-Only-Piously was in quite a fright. “Where have you been, oh son of mine?” She wept.

“I was harvesting until the sun set,” lied Henry Tells-No-Truths.

“Why, I saw you wander into the forest! Were you lying to me?” asked Jane Thinks-Only-Piously.

“No, I would never lie to you,” lied Henry Tells-No-Truths.

But then, suddenly! The roof was peeled open, and the Angel of Punishment reached her hand within. For Henry Tells-No-Truths had lied too many times, he was born aloft into the abyss above away from his mother.

The Angel pulled out his tongue, and poured the burning liquid of penitence down his throat.

Oh what pain! Young reader, you must understand the pain of Henry Tells-No Truth!

pg. 25

The Angel of Punishment then placed Henry Tells-No-Truths back into his mother’s arms, and Henry Tells-No-Truths never told another lie again.